Quietly as she could, Jane opened the lock on the door to their apartment and slipped in. The hall was dark and all was silent and she let out a sigh of relief. The last thing she needed was a confrontation with Maura.

'Thank god you're finally back!' A quiet exclamation made her jump a bit. Riley was peeking out of her room and when Jane turned back around to toe off her shoes, she walked across, lying a hand on the taller woman's shoulder.

'How are you doing? Where were you?' She whispered.

'I'm fine, I was just walking around.'

The truth was that Jane spent the first half an hour running, till her lungs were burning and her legs trembling. Only when she felt like she could not take another step did she stop to look around, mildly surprised that she managed to get all the way to the Boston Common. The street lights cast soft shadows, with the occasional runner passing her and a few couples occupying the benches. Finding an empty one, Jane collapsed onto it, trying to get her ragged breathing under control. Maura's face kept flashing in front of her eyes so she screwed them shut and pressed the heels of her hands hard into them, till stars danced behind her eyelids.

The run seemed to work a lot of the alcohol out of her system and her head was now pounding with a fierce headache. Her thoughts were chasing each other like wild rabbits and seemed unable to settle on anything, which meant that when Jane finally looked up another half an hour later, she was no closer to an answer then when she left her apartment building. The world was a bit blurry from the abuse she subjected her eyes to and she spent a few minutes trying to bring it back into focus.

Finally, with what felt like a herculean effort, she pulled herself upright and dragged herself to the nearest pharmacy. The change in her pocket was just enough to buy her a bottle of aspirin and a water. Downing three pills and half the liquid, Jane proceeded to aimlessly wonder the park. In the back of her mind she knew that walking alone at night was a bad idea but at that moment she couldn't think of anywhere else she could go. She didn't have the strength to handle her mother, however much she wanted to just collapse into her arms and sob all her sorrows out. She couldn't go back to the flat just yet, in fear of running into the blond. So instead she kept walking till her feet hurt and dawn started colouring the horizon. And then, slowly and reluctantly, she made her way back.

'Just walking? At this hour? You know better than that.' Riley scoffed at her, leading her into the living room.

'Yeah, yeah.' Jane sighed and dared a glance at the third closed door. 'Is...?'

'Is Maura in? Yeah, she's finally asleep. Cried herself rugged.'

'She cried?' The brunette's voice hitched.

'I couldn't calm her down. She came back and broke down. What the hell happened?'

Jane dropped her head between her knees and laced her fingers across her neck.

'I messed up.' The words were hushed and tight. The pain in her chest returned with vengeance.

'By the looks of it, both of you did. What happened when you left the flat?' Riley pressed.

'I told her I loved her.' Jane whispered, staring blankly at the carpet. Riley's sharp intake of breath made her want to look up even less.

'And what did she say?'

'Nothing.' Jane shrugged.

'Bullshit.' Riley hissed back, finally making the taller officer look at her.

'It's the truth. I told her, she balked and I left.'

'You left!?'

'Quiet down!' It was Jane's turn to hiss.

'God, you're a fucking pair, aren't you?' Riley looked absolutely furious.

'What are you so angry about?'

'Because my two best friends keep hurting each other and I am sick of it!' The shorter officer exclaimed.

'I would never hurt her.' Jane fumed but Riley was having none of it.

'And yet, you sent her into a bout of hysterics that lasted for hours!' When the brunette wouldn't respond, her friend sighed. 'You can't keep going on like this. The two of you are going to tear each other apart.'

'What am I to do then? Leave? I have nowhere to go.'

'Talk to her. Properly, without running away.'

'You didn't see her face!' Jane rubbed her eyes, trying to erase the memory. 'She was terrified.'

'Maybe she was shocked, did you think of that? How would you feel if I turned around and told you I loved you?'

'Do you?' Jane glanced at her smaller friend in surprise.

'Not like that, you idiot, but it proves my point. You were shocked, weren't you?'

'It's not the same.'

'Maybe but something needs to change. Get her or get over her, either way, stop moping and get your shit together!' Riley exploded, causing Jane to flinch away in hurt and surprise.

'What the fu…'

'Jane?' A small, sleepy voice called and the taller officer felt as though someone rammed a rod down her spine. All the muscles seized and suddenly she fully understood the meaning of the 'flight or fight' reflex. Every fibre of her being wanted out, out of this whole messed up situation, out of that flat, out.

'Maura.' It was Riley who spoke, her gaze darting between the two silent figures.

'You're back.' The relief rung clear as the blond gazed at the silent officer.

'I…' Riley hesitated and then got up. 'I'll leave you two alone.'

'Riley….' Jane growled out a warning but the brunette was already out of the room. In the deafening silence, she dared a glance at Maura. Her friend was still standing in the doorway, her hands nervously picking at the edge of the night gown she was wearing. The small hands and slender fingers plucked deftly at the fabric. The same fingers that were tangled in her hair just hours earlier. Anger and humiliation coiled hot in Jane's stomach.

'I should go.' She stood up quickly.

'We should talk.' Maura's voice was quiet but determined, her small frame blocking the only exit.

'There's nothing to talk about.' Jane looked away. 'Please let me through.'

For a moment it looked like the smaller woman would yield but in the end she stood firm.

'You told me you loved me.' The words felt like a lash against Jane's heart. She swallowed hard and kept silent.

'You told me you loved me, and then you ran away.' Maura continued and Jane couldn't stop the bitter laugh.

'Your face told me all I needed to know.' She mumbled, looking at the floor. When a small hand grabbed her forearm, she couldn't help but flinch.

'Did it tell you, that you're one of the most important people in my life?' At this the brunette's head lifted a bit, as she gazed at the small blond through a curtain of hair. Her friend continued. 'Did it tell you, that when I'm with you I feel safe, like the world can't hurt me? Did it…'

'Please don't.' Jane choked out, terrified to find tears filling her eyes. Angrily she wiped them away and took a big breath. 'Please don't tell me that when you don't feel the same.'

'I love you, Jane.' Maura said softly, her thumb stroking calming patterns on the brunette's arm. Despite her best efforts, tears slipped down her cheeks and Jane finally looked at her friend fully.

'But not the way I want you to.' The hand on her forearm stilled. Jane gazed at Maura, watching the battle within reflecting on the face she knew better than her own.

'I…' The blond started, stopped, shook her head and started again. 'I don't know.' When Jane started pulling away she held on. 'But I know it's you I want to see every day. It's you I want to hug hello and softly whisper goodnight. I want you by my side through the good and the bad.'

'But I want so much more Maura.' Jane breathed, finally moving in closer, bringing her hand up to coup the flushed cheek. Her thumb caressed the soft skin, brushing away the tears clinging to long lashes. 'I want to kiss you good morning and hold you at night. I want to whisper my love, as you lie in my arms. I want you, every, last part of you. The good, the bad, the slightly goofy and the dead serious. For now, and forever.' Jane watched Maura's breath hitch, more tears warming the brunette's hand. She brought her other one up, framing the face, so precious to her. 'But I can't do this anymore. If you can't give me that, I have to find someone who can.'

For a moment all was quiet and still. Under her fingers Jane felt Maura quiver. Her heart called for her to pull the smaller woman in, embrace her, beg her to choose her, to have all of her scared and scarred heart. But if she did that, she knew that she would never be able to let go. So she stood and waited and silence was only filled with the hum of the fridge.

'I can't do this to Ian.' The words fell heavy and Jane felt empty. But before she could pull away, small hands gripped her wrists and glistening green orbs stared into hers. 'But I can't be with him, knowing what I feel for you.'

Suddenly Jane felt like there was not enough air in the room. Her head spun and she blinked repeatedly, trying to clear away the haze that seemed to come over her.

'What are you saying?' Her own voice sounded distant and very high pitched in her own ears. But everything snapped back into full clarity when Maura stood up on her tiptoes and ever so softly pressed her lips to Jane's. Suddenly the air was clear and her head was no longer ringing. Before she could return the kiss, the blond pulled away.

'I need time to sort this out.' Her words were clear and calculated. 'I need to talk to Ian, I need time to understand this. All of this. But,' the blond looked her straight in the eye, 'I know, I don't want to do any of that without you by my side.'

'Please, don't ask me to wait for you.' Jane choked on the emotions swelling in her, her heart hammering against her chest. 'I don't think I could wait much longer.'

'Not for me.' Maura's hands slid down her arms and linked with her own. 'With me. Wait with me.'

A/N: I am so sorry this took so long! I had it all planned out and then I had to move and then I just couldn't seem to put the right words together and then life got crazy. But finally, here it is. I originally wanted to write something akin to an epilogue in this chapter but when I wrote those last words and re-read them, it just felt right to end it there. I am fully aware it might ruffle some feathers but I feel leaving it open like this allows you, the reader, to come to your own ending, if you want to.

Now for a final round of broad review answers. I completely understand if this fic doesn't do it for everyone. I am of a belief that if you write something absolutely everyone will like, you gotta make it pretty bland. So if you're disappointed in this fic, I'm sorry.

As to the point that everyone is acting like 15 year olds, I take full responsibility for not making it clearer that the whole gang is aged between 22 and 25. I'll amend this in one of the earlier chapters. And if this author knows anything right now, it's how people at that age act.

In regards to Maura leading Jane on, I'm sort of considering writing her side of all this at some point to show that she is just as affected and struggling. I write my characters as I see them, human. They're not perfect and they'll make mistakes and they'll want two things at a time and they will hurt other people, even if they don't mean to. That's just the way life is. Just as Jane is struggling with her feelings, Maura is struggling with hers.

I feel I've not made a point enough of Jane being a young cop in this fic. She's not quite the rough and tough detective we know. She's a young woman struggling with something she's never encountered before. So she'll get mopey and confused and will do some stupid things. Alas, the heart wants, what the heart wants.

Finally I wanted to thank you all for reading, for all the wonderful reviews and the warm reception this fic got. You made this happen, when I wanted to leave it at one chapter, so to all of you, very sincere thanks.

Till the next time,

Lunaris