Disclaimer: Yes, I own it and Simon Baker is my husband. Sorry, I lied I don't own anything.

Chapter 1: Captive

It had been so long. She couldn't picture Jane's face in her mind anymore. He disappeared as if he had never existed. The sound of his voice, his beautiful curls, even his smile that had kept her warm for so long had vanished. Only darkness remained. Lisbon opened her eyes and sobbed loudly. Not a hint of light anywhere. She hadn't seen daylight in weeks, or maybe months. She couldn't tell anymore as her mind was getting cloudier and cloudier. She used to take refuge in the memories of her family, her team and especially of Jane. He had been the light in her mind, the glimpse of hope that brightened her spirit. But after all this time in captivity, her mind was now betraying her. She couldn't see him anymore, he was gone like a mirage that had disappeared in front of her eyes. She cried as if he was dead. She grieved the loss of her friend and of herself. There was nothing left Red john could take from her. He destroyed everything she was: her body was now a pile of bones and her mind a dark and lonely place. Emptiness and obscurity was swallowing her whole.

When she had first been abducted by Red John, she had expected a quick and painful death. She even imagined Jane's horror struck face as he discovered her mutilated corpse under a bloody smiley face. She almost wished it had happened this way, at least she would be at peace now. Instead, she was held captive and left to die in a cold and dark cell, starving to death. Occasionally, Red john would give her some food and a little water to drink after one of his visit but this was just enough to keep her alive a little longer. She laid on the dirty floor in her underwear and t-shirt, oblivious to the cold and the stench in the room. Her body was numb, and the moments of clarity were fewer and fewer. She couldn't move much anymore, her body so frail she could barely crawl to the corner to pee. Every move was excruciating as her protruding bones made contact with the concrete floor but she forced herself to move as much as she could, turning on her side frequently, moving her legs. She reveled in the pain as it was the only reminder that she wasn't dead yet. She even picked at the cuts he left on her body, just to feel something other than numbness. She was fighting with everything she had to keep her mind and body from shutting down. Just another day and her team would find her and everything would be alright. But they never came.

She heard a noise behind the door and she was instantly filled with dread. Red john was back. The metal door creaked opened but no light entered the room. In total darkness she could feel him approaching her, her heart pounding in her chest. Indescribable fear invaded her as she laid helpless on the floor. She jumped when she felt his warm breath on her neck, goosebumps spreading instantly. She suppressed a sob from escaping her throat. She wouldn't give him the satisfaction.

" I missed you, Teresa … I hope you're up for some fun today." Red John whispered in her ear in a high pitch creepy voice.

She shuddered in answer and he laughed loudly as if she had made the funniest joke. He took her face roughly in both his hands and licked her chick slowly, inch by inch from bottom to top. She remained impassive even as she was thoroughly repulsed. She had learned during his numerous visits that the more she reacted to his actions, the more fun he was having, the more pain he would inflict on her. The monster reveled in any show of emotions, so she vowed to never show any.

"You taste like crap, Teresa… " Red john said as he spat on the floor.

"You should take better care of yourself… Ever heard of a shower ?" He laughed cruelly as he grabbed under her legs and took her roughly in his arms.

He smelled of tobacco and of licorice. His scent and his physical proximity made her sick to her stomach. She knew what was coming next and her eyes started to water as panic filled her. He carried her to the next room and lowered her on a rusty metal chair. The cop inside of her screamed to fight back and kill the bastard before he started to hurt her again but she couldn't. She was too weak. He would probably kill her this time but it didn't matter anymore. She would welcome death with open arms if it meant the end of this nightmare. She readied herself mentally as he tied her hands behind her back. He blindfolded her and only then he turned on the light. That was always part of the ritual. They would talk for a while, then would come his favorite part: cutting her.

"Well, Teresa, our little party is coming to a end…and I have to say I'm gonna miss our time together…you see, our dear friend Patrick is not so much fun anymore. I thought your departure would give him more drive for our little game but it's quite the opposite actually. He's just the shadow of himself and kind of a bore now. So I think I need to get you out of the equation and see if I can get my old adversary back." Red john said as he circled the chair she was sitting on.

She smiled as she knew the end was near.

"He will kill you, you know…." She chucked.

"He will win that little game of yours…you son of a bitch." She laughed hysterically now as all her emotions came crashing down. She stopped suddenly and froze as she felt his cold hand creep up under her shirt.

" Hey now, no need to get so mouthy Teresa" Red john replied lightly as his hand made slowly its way up her stomach toward her chest. He reached her naked breast, and covered it with the palm of his hand. When he squeezed gently, It made her skin crawl. She was beyond revulsed, bile rising in he throat. It was the first time, Red John touched her like this.

" I thought you would have learnt by now…". His hand tightened around her breast. He squeezed with all the force he could master making her hiss in pain. He crushed her small breast so hard that she almost blacked out.

"Are you enjoying this as much as I do ?" He whispered in her ear. Lisbon couldn't answer as she bit her tongue to avoid crying in pain.

She could taste blood in her mouth. She resisted and contained the heavy sobs that threatened to escape but she couldn't stop the tears that fell down her face.

"Guess not…" He said as he looked at her.

"Just imagine it's Patrick, then… I know how much you wanted him… Too bad he wasn't into you, can't blame him though." She gritted her teeth through the pain as his words hurt as much as his hand, knowing full well that this was true, Jane had never wanted her. He finally released her and took his hand out as she showed no other reaction. He was disappointed but Red john never backed out of a challenge. As she sighed in relief, he smiled cruelly and went to retrieve his leather bag on top of of a metal table beside them. Lisbon's heart was pounding loudly in her chest as she knew what was coming but this time it would be the last time. He would kill her. How would he do it ? Slid her throat, eviscerate her ? Dread filled her as she heard the familiar noise of him sharpening his knife. At each visit, she had had to endure his little game where he would count the number of cuts it took to make her pass out. He took great pride in making precise cuts, mainly to her arms and legs, never deep enough to kill her but just enough to hurt like hell.

"Ok then, since it's our last time…I want to make it special…" He chuckled and Lisbon swallowed hard. She wondered if it was time for a prayer, or a last thought.

"I was thinking to make a little present for Patrick to make him think of me when he sees you." Red john said.

" I think my corpse under a smiley face will do the trick". She replied calmly. He burst into laughter at her comment.

"Well then, shall we ?" Red john said as he lifted her t-shirt revealing her bare stomach. Her whole body shook, anticipating the fatal blow that would take her life. She thought of her mother that she was going to meet again soon and of Jane, the only man she ever loved. A single tear fell from her eyes as she felt the cold blade of his knife slicing the skin of her stomach. Unbearable pain spread through her body like a wildfire, she couldn't contain her cries anymore. As he pushed the blade deeper, she screamed loudly and Red John smiled in triumph.

A/N - Next chapter: Jane and Lisbon's reunion