This is writingitself very slowly because I'm working and 8-6 job, but I'll get there.

In a way, the sheer intensity with which she wants to do this with him surprises her. That she wants it at all should perhaps surprise her. It's never been very good for her before- in fact, it's been horrible, sometimes- by rights she should have been put off the idea altogether. But she's definitely not, and she finds her brain full of possible ways that they could make this work. She wants this to be special for him, because she's fairly sure he's never done this before, without the need to rush or force themselves to be too quiet. She wants to be able to lie down with him, to lie beside him in a bed. It's only a question of timing-…

There's an afternoon when his Lordship is away for the night, visiting Atticus and Lady Rose with Lady Mary and Lady Edith. Her Ladyship is staying, most of the staff is not, either because they're accompanying the trip or taking the time to visit their families. She asks him if he minds not going to see his dad. He meets her eye, and sees why she's asking him, and says that he doesn't.

This will be their night.

And it makes her nervous and scared for all she is excited. She is distracted as she helps her Ladyship with her buttons, in a different place entirely. Her Ladyship looks like she maybe notices, but decides not to comment, and she gets away quickly, Her Ladyship saying that she can see to the rest herself. And she is too distracted by far to question.

She has to wait a little while before she slopes out into the corridor, because she wants to make sure that most people will be in bed. Her movements are swift and she doesn't allow her hand to tremble, because she's sure that Mrs Hughes hasn't come upstairs yet and she doesn't want to be caught in the act of unlocking the door between the men's and women's quarters. Thank God, she's not. She opens his door without knocking and slips inside.

Of course, he has been waiting for her, sitting on the edge of his bed. He stands up as she comes in, hesitating to move forward. She has shut the door tightly behind herself, and is standing with her hand still holding on to the handle, leaning back against the wood. Her lip has found its way between her teeth somehow, and she is biting it, looking up at him almost shyly. Her heart is thudding against her ribcage.

"Hello," he says almost shyly.

"Hello," she replies softly, smiling at this formality, when he knows why she's here.

"You came," he says softly.

"Of course I did," she replies, surprised, "Did you think I wouldn't?"

"I don't know," he admits, "I wondered."

"Of course I came," she tells him, stepping forwards a little, sidling slowly towards him, "There's nowhere else I'd rather be than here."

He smiles gently at her.

"I'm glad," he replied.

She is stretching her arms out and reaching for him, running her hands along his shoulders over his shirt.

"Darling," she murmurs, "Come here. Touch me."

She feels his hands on her waist. One of her hands has reached the back of his neck. She pulls him closer and kisses him.

"I love you," she hears him murmur into the kiss.

She is undoing his shirt buttons before she knows even it. The reflex of a lady's maid coming about much more quickly that it had with her Ladyship. Not that anyone is complaining, as her hand graces softly down his bare chest and his breathing trembles.

"I love you too," she tells him softly as his shirt hits the floor behind his feet with a minute thud.

She gives him a nod of permission, telling him it's alright for him to undo her buttons too. He is slower than her of course, he's had less practice. He's tender and so so nervous at first, but as he touches her bare skin, her breasts, his control slips and he wraps her in his arms, lifting her, surprising her, carrying her towards the bed at the side of the room. She laughs softly, clutching his shoulder, smiling against his skin.

"I've waited so long for this," he tells her quietly.

Her feet are back on the ground beside the bed.

"Have you?" she asks curiously, "For how long?"

He hesitates for a moment.

"Since not long after I met you," he admits, "I've wanted-…"

She brushes her lips against his again, slowly tenderly, rewarding his honesty.

"God, I love you," she hears him murmur, and she smiles again, slipping her hand into his and pulling him towards the bed.

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