Less than a month. Less than a month was all it took for Rose and I to fall back into the awkward, pseudo-professional relationship filled with sexual tension and unsaid words. Granted, it was a slow decent and I had allowed more than a few close moments in private between us. A stolen kiss here, a personal conversation there. Perhaps it wasn't anything incredibly romantic, but there was a certain intimacy in opening up to someone in a way that I hadn't really done before.

No matter how hard I tried to block them out though, Alberta's words kept running through my mind over and over again until I couldn't ignore them any longer. Rose and I had changed one another, just like she had said, and people were starting to take notice. Rose understood when I brought up my concern of other's catching on to our relationship, but I thought it best to hide that at least one person had already figured us out. Rose had enough on her plate, I couldn't add to it. That being said, she wasn't happy about it – neither of us were – but we knew that our options were limited and it would have happened eventually. Perhaps it was better to build that wall before it became any more difficult.

It wasn't the Academy. Not really. That was a temporary issue that would be fixed within a few months. Nor was it her age which would be taken care of even sooner. No, the real issue was what we were, who we are. Guardians. Try as I might, I couldn't figure out a way for us to have a relationship while effectively guarding Lissa together. It put our charge at too much of a risk and neither of us would allow her to be put in harm's way.

Guardians simply didn't have the luxury of falling in love and having a normal life with each other, especially guardian partners. I tried to push down the resentment I felt towards the issue, but it was getting harder and harder every day. The closest we could ever hope to come to our happily ever after was a romance that was liable to be broken apart by transfer at any moment. We followed our Moroi. They came first.

It also didn't help that Rose was pulling away from me for once. I almost didn't know what to do with that fact. She had always been the constant in this relationship, waiting for me to get my act together and come around or more often than not, pushing me past my self imposed limits until I gave into the madness between us. Having her be the one to be reasonable...well it left me feeling more despondent than ever. I missed her. Part of me wanted to allow her the space to heal on her own, but the other part of me felt the need to try and be strong for her.

Perhaps it would have been one thing if she was only pulling away from me. I could justify it with the idea that she was trying to create a healthy and necessary distance between us. I could find a way to be alright with her sudden distance. It wasn't just me though; she was pulling away from everyone. It even seemed like she was spending less time with Lissa. The few moments I did see her with her group of friends, she was always fairly quiet and reserved. It was so unlike her. She was putting on a show of smiles and laughter but neither would quite meet her eyes.

I knew a whole lot of had to do with losing Mason. It was natural. Nobody blamed her for feeling upset, but I wish she would talk to someone. It didn't matter if it was me, her mother, Alberta, Lissa, or someone else entirely, but she needed to talk to someone. Every time I tried to get her to open up, she would shut me out. I had done the same thing after Ivan, and seeing my own coping mechanisms portrayed in someone else made it clear just how unhealthy they were. It might be incredibly hypocritical of me, I wanted better for her.

I empathized with her, I really did. After Ivan there had been this odd sensation of wanting to forget the pain and feeling the need to remember because no one else would. At least, they wouldn't remember the way you remember. Without a good way to settle the conflict, you end up feeling horrible no matter what you choose. There was no winning, only surviving.

For Rose, even surviving seemed to be a struggle at the moment. There was no way of escaping Mason's death. No relief or a chance for her to forget, even just for a moment. Not with those tattoos. At least among guardians, they weren't considered a novelty. Since she was a novice, the other students constantly asked to see them which inevitably led to questions about that night. She always gave the same stoic and clinical answers, never elaborating or giving more information than necessary. One would think that the others would eventually pick up on her mood, but if they did they didn't care. I tried to offer her respite as often as I could, which included breaking up the occasional conversation whenever I had the chance to, but I wasn't able to be by her side every moment of the day.

It was getting worse. Her temper seemed to flare more and more, even with just a slight provocation. She had snapped at a fellow student last week for pulling her hair aside without her permission so he could see the the marks. Apparently Emil had to break up the shouting match that had ensued afterward, but at least it hadn't come to blows. It was only a matter of time before that changed, however. I had noticed early on that Rose had gotten into the habit of hiding her molnija marks on a day to day basis. She would pull her hair up for training, but if it wasn't absolutely necessary she would choose to leave it down to hide the back of her neck. I even allowed her to wear it down during our sessions as long as it didn't post any harm to her. I had grown my hair out for a similar reason so I couldn't really fault her for it.

Another similarity between us was that she had thrown herself into her training as a means to get by. In the gym, she seemed to lose herself completely. It was rare for her to be late now, and she even beat me to the gym some mornings. I kept her mostly on the heavy bag, cardio, or weight equipment. I thought it was too soon to push her to any more sparring than necessary and her classes provided most of it anyways. That was exactly what led to this morning.

I was monitoring the senior novice class at Alberta's request. Apparently there had been some issues since Mason's death and several of the students were refusing to spar with Rose now. The only one still willing to fight her was Eddie Castile. Not just willing, he seemed almost eager to fight her. He had been suffering Mason's loss in his own way and it was only natural that they would seek support from one another. It wouldn't have been too much of a concern, except he had ended up in the clinic with a slight concussion in their last class together. One of the instructors who had witnessed the match was worried that it hadn't been an accident and with a report like that, we needed to make sure that she was of a sound mind. I hadn't noticed anything unusual about her behavior – at least...nothing that would be unusual considering the circumstances – but I had been avoiding physical combat as much as possible since the accident.

The students were asked to pair up as normal, and this time Eddie walked straight towards Rose. His face was blank, like a resigned man walking towards his fate on death row. As the sea of students separated to make way for him, Rose didn't even hesitate getting into her offensive position. It was as if she expected him. She was the executioner. She didn't seem malicious in any way, just focused. As far as I could tell, she didn't look at Eddie any differently than she would any other sparring partner.

Other students paired up around them, giving Rose and Eddie a little extra space and more than a few hesitant glances.

As soon as the call was given to start, Rose became someone else entirely. She lunged towards Eddie, attacking viciously and giving no room for weakness. She wasn't fighting to practice technique or strategy, she fought as if her very life was threatened.

Unfortunately, Eddie wasn't doing the same. I could see how some of the other guardians were concerned, because he was taking a severe beating at Rose's hands. It wasn't because she was out to harm him though. No, Eddie was allowing Rose to attack him. He didn't even attempt to block or strike back, despite having the rare opening to do so.

I only allowed the match to go on about 30 seconds or so, just long enough for both me and Alberta on the other side of the gym to see that there was much more going on beneath the surface here. I stepped in between Rose and her target – because that was all Eddie was at this point – and caught her arm in my grasp. Alberta was moving in towards Castile.

The moment I had Rose in my hold, she struggled to break free of me, abruptly shouting as if I was her next attacker. When I looked at her in surprise, I was met with a feral spark in her eye. She didn't see me, she didn't see Eddie, all she saw was an enemy and threat. I had only seen that look once before: in a small house, far away, while she protected the lifeless body of one of her oldest friends.

For her own safety, I decided to remove her. In one swift motion, I picked her up and threw her over my shoulder, carrying her out of the main gym and into one of the private practice rooms. When I dropped her thrashing body, she fell backwards onto the mats, hitting the ground hard and looking up at me in stunned confusion.

"What the hell, Dimitri!"

"Fight me."

She didn't respond.

"Fight me, Rose. You apparently need to work through something, so use me. Eddie won't be able to take much more. Hit me instead."

"I don't want to hurt Eddie." Rose shuffled to her feet.

"I know you don't, but you are and he is letting you. I don't know what's going on with you, but if this is what you need to do, then fight me."

"No." She looked warily at me, as if expecting me to lash out at her. If that was what she was hoping for, I'd give her exact opposite: calm and composed silence.

"You know what? Fine!" She was suddenly furious, for reasons I didn't quite understand. Whatever the cause, a moment later, she was rushing at me.

I blocked a majority of her strikes, though she had gotten much better through our trainings and a fair share still made it through my guard. There was power behind them. She wasn't holding back. She was practically growling as she fought me. I never stuck back, but I wondered if it would have even mattered to her. She was relentless in her advance, even taking me by surprise.

While some people might praise her for putting everything that she had into her attack, she was trained and should know better. Rose was wearing herself out and she was doing so quickly. Steadily, her strikes became less controlled and her breathing started to break. It didn't take long before I realized that she wasn't out of breath because of the fight, but because she was sobbing.

I rose out of my stance, catching her weak attempt at a jab and pulling her close as her fists continued to halfheartedly strike against my chest. Eventually, those same fists were gripping at my shirt as she buried her face against me. She wasn't struggling anymore. In fact, as her legs gave out in exhaustion, I was the only thing keeping her upright.

I sank to my knees, clutching her to me as she cried. I fell short of what she needed and deserved on many counts, but right now I would do everything in my power to ease her pain and support her.

"I see them every time I close my eyes. I see their eyes. I see Mason staring up at me. I failed. I couldn't save him." She repeated the sorrows like a penance, as if it would be enough to free her from their grasp.

I embraced her tighter, hoping that I could be a shield against the demons in her mind. Rose and I had talked about the sense of guilt before, and how Mason had made his choice and she couldn't hold herself responsible for it. However, I knew it didn't stop the whispers in the hallways, or the stares in the classroom. It didn't stop the thoughts of "what if?" that came day in and day out. I knew she was still carrying the weight of his death. She always would in some way. Even if he hadn't been a romantic interest to her as I had once thought, he was still one of her closest friends.

"Breath Roza, in and out." I whispered the command in her ear, stroking her hair until I could feel her breath becoming a bit more steady. "I know you hurt. I'm so sorry. I'd take your pain if I could. I'm right here. Just breath."

When I was finally able to calm her down enough to send her to her dorm for the rest of the day, canceling her classes and evening training in one swoop, I made my way to see Alberta.

Guardian Petrov almost seemed to be waiting for me and my update. "How is she?"

"I think she's stressed. She's hard enough on herself as it is, but I know that others have been suggesting things behind her back."

Alberta sighed, looking as if this wasn't news to her but she regretted hearing the confirmation either way. "Short of having someone follow her around every day, I don't know what we can do about the rumors. Typically, she doesn't care what people have to say about her."

"It's different." Thankfully, I didn't have to explain any further. Guardian Petrov just nodded in agreement.

A short silence dragged on, and an idea struck me. "Perhaps a short outing would help her center herself again. I'm leaving to the Voda residence in a few days to discuss those possible security upgrades to the wards and I'd be happy to take her along with me. It wouldn't be much, just a day trip, but that might be enough set her on the right path again. Maybe all she needs is to get away for a little bit."

I could see Alberta's eyes narrow just slightly. It would have been imperceptible without my training, but I could tell that she was checking me for any deception. I couldn't exactly blame her. She knew there was more between Rose and I, and allowing her to leave campus with me sounded like a plan with an ulterior motive. I had none though. As much as I would like to spend some more personal time with her, I had no intention of taking advantage of the opportunity for Rose to get away from the Academy and breath freely for a few hours. Honestly, as much as I wanted to be the one to take care of her, I'd gladly let another guardian take my place if it meant that Roza would get to go and clear her mind of all the issues facing her.

Even though I said none of this, Alberta seemed to sense it. "Alright, Dimitri."

I could feel relief spread through me at her permission. I was just about to leave when I saw Alberta hesitate before adding one last comment. "I'm trusting you."

Alberta may not have been a mother herself, but she was quite maternal, especially when it came to Rose. The tone of her voice was so similar to the one my own mother would use to inspire a sense of personal responsibility. Just as a mother's "disappointment" was a much more damning blow than a mother's anger, Alberta was securing my best behavior with her trust more than any threat could have.

Author's Note

First and foremost, everyone please give a big round of applause to my Beta, Raissa20. She has been so incredibly patient as I tried to get this chapter together. I think she has read it about a dozen times as I worked to get everything just right for you wonderful readers. It's a bit surprising she actually didn't tire of it! I'm so grateful for her and her amazing input and I really hope having her on board will make me a better writer and your reading experience more enjoyable. Thank you my dear, you are truly amazing and I'm so happy to have you as a friend :)

Second...WELCOME BACK EVERYONE! I missed you guys and I hope Meet Me in the Memory has been keeping you well occupied in the mean time. I'm really excited to start this story and I hope you are excited to read it. If you haven't read them already, I do have Vampire Academy and Frostbite from Dimitri's point of view completed and they can be found on my profile. Otherwise, this story will update once a week on Saturday night.

I always thought it was a little strange that not much was mentioned about the weeks immediately following Mason's death, but it does make some sense. They would have been brutal for Rose and it would have been all that she could do simply to make it from day to day. She probably would have done most basic activities on auto pilot. However, Dimitri would be more perceptive and constantly worrying about her. I could see him struggling between giving her space, being a distraction, and trying to help her work through things. What do you think?

This weeks question of the week: Which Shadow Kiss scene are you most excited to see from Dimitri's POV?

I know there are a few obviously popular ones (ahem...cabin) but I'm interested to see if there are any unusual ones that you're eager to read. I have some personal favorites that I've been working one, but I'll refrain from mentioning them so that I can surprise you later on in the story.

Thank you for reading and I'd love to hear your thoughts. Please feel free to review, favorite, and follow!