Bilbo had a secret, and it was no easy secret to keep, no indeed. For this secret was not only part of who he was, but it was exactly who he was. For Bilbo was not Bilbo, but rather Bilba.

Disclaimer: The Hobbit does not belong to me, neither do any of the characters. This story is AU. I've no doubt that I am seriously screwing up the time line but as this is AU – I don't think its too much of an issue. (Unbetaed, though I am going back and trying to fix errors. If you see one, fill free to tell me!)

Light editing - 7/5/2016

Introduction.

In a place of peaceful, rolling green hills there stood a quaint little door set in the ground. The door was as green as the hills around it, and if you didn't know where to look it was easy to pass by. This door led to a hole, but it wasn't a dirty hole. It was clean and cozy, and in this hole there lived a hobbit.

Bilba Baggins of Bag End was a quiet hobbit, and her name and home came with a certain amount of respectability, simply because they were Baggins. This particular morning found Bilba sitting outside on her garden bench, wondering how long it would take before her cousin, Lobelia, came huffing and puffing up her walk to berate Bilba, yet again, for not doing the respectable thing, for sullying the good Baggins' name in her refusal to do what everyone expected.

Hobbits, for all their finer points, were also just a bit queer. Females never went past their coming of age without almost immediately choosing a partner and settling down. It wasn't too unusual for a male to stay single well into his midlife, until he found just the right female, then he would settle. It was different for the females of the species though. Female hobbits, once they were in their tweens, were driven by strong emotions and even stronger hormones pushing them to find pleasure in their mate.

Bilba had refused to do so. She may have thought about it in her tween years, even dreamed about which hobbit family to marry into to make her father proud, but all of that had changed in the Fel Winter.

Her thoughts were cut off by the sound of her own name, but it wasn't Lobelia's shrill soprano trying to gain her attention. She blinked, bringing herself from her thoughts to focus on the man standing before her dressed from head to toe in shabby grey. "Gandalf!" Not a man then, not by normal means, but a wizard – her wizard, she thought. For Gandalf had been the only constant in her life for many years aside from the gossip mongers of the Shire repeating almost daily how not normal she was.

She stood and hurried to unlock her garden gate and Gandalf stepped inside, stooping to pull her into a warm hug. Had it not been for the feeling of disrespect, Bilba would have called Gandalf her father for he stepped into the role when her own had been lost.

"Bilba," he murmured warmly into her hair. "I hope this morning finds you well."

"Oh, well indeed," she agreed eagerly. "I have my favorite wizard -"

"Oh? You know another?"

"A few," she answered seamlessly before continuing, "with me for company and even better that means no company from Lobelia!" She stepped back and grinned up at him. It was in these moments with Gandalf that she felt most like herself, perhaps even like she was a young faunt again the way that he always beamed down at her, warmth and pride in his eyes. She grabbed his hand and pulled him inside, quickly setting about making a breakfast. "What brings you back so early? The last I heard you expected your trip to last another month at least! Not that I'm complaining mind -"

"Bilba."

"I would never complain about your company. You know I love when you are here. I'm just merely surprised -"

"Bilba."

"But, it's just so grand for you to be back. Lobelia's been by almost every day to speak of -"

"Bilba!"

She paused, mouth open to look at him and flushed at the amusement in his gaze. She snapped her mouth shut and quickly moved his eggs and sausage to a plate for him before setting down next to him. "Sorry."

Gandalf merely gave a soft chuckle as he reached out and brushed a hand through her curls. "It's alright m'dear. Though, I suppose you might not like the reason for my early return, and you are of course free to say no but I hope you at least listen to all of my proposal."

Bilba froze slightly and frowned, nibbling on her bottom lip. "What is it?"

Gandalf took a breath. "I have in my acquaintance a certain company of dwarves. They are thirteen in number, a number that makes them uneasy -"

Bilba snorted. "Superstitious idiocies."

Gandalf gave her an amused look. "They are looking for a fourteenth member to round out their number." He held up a hand to forestall her questions. "You have not been happy here in the shire for many years Bilba. You sit in your garden with only Hamfast and Bell for company, and I cannot be here nearly as often as I would like. I know that you still have a couple of good cousins, but they aren't close by. I would ask you to think about joining this quest."

Bilba frowned at him. "Gandalf, I appreciate the offer, I do. But, a female in a group of so many males..."

"My dear child, whoever said you have to tell them you are female?" Bilba paused, drawing her lip between her teeth again. "I will be with you for a good portion of the journey. We can bind your, ah, more womanly attributes, and any questions that arise I can help you deal with. Your voice is of a low enough timber that if you resist the urge to shrill and shriek as your cousin Lobelia does, then no one should question it. They will merely assume you are soft spoken, as there is already a male in their group who has a similar voice."

She frowned into her tea cup. "What about... well... you know."

Gandalf's expression softened. "I can give you something for that as well. It won't take it away, and I don't recommend taking it all the time, but it will help for the journey." She shot him a look, mouth opened and he silenced her with narrowed eyes. "And you know I cannot offer it to you in daily life without consequences or I would if I thought for even an instant it would make your life a hair easier."

Bilba exhaled her frustrated breath slowly. "I'm not saying yes – but what quest exactly are we setting out for?"

Gandalf's face lit with a grin. "My dear Bilba – we're going to Erebor!"

If Bilba choked on her mouthful of raspberry tea Gandalf certainly was smart enough not to mention it.