"Anyone who hates a brother or sister is a murderer, and you know that no murderer has eternal life residing in him," ~ 1 John 3:15

Eve

It was a secret that I kept well. Adam will never know what I did with that man. The beautiful man who I have not been able to part with. But, I know I must. If he gets into my head again, I won't be able to stop him. For his beauty is just as conniving as his words, it hides the content of his heart, the purity of it is rotten, just like the tree's fruit. The garden is starting to get further away from my mind, and I feel downcast because of it; like forgetting your childhood. Adam laid with me as we began to fulfill God's oath that we continue to multiply. The pregnancy had it's ails, ails that I wasn't sure of. God spoke to me in my times of hardship and comforted me. ME - the one who I turned my back on for a moment of pleasure. Cain was born first and after him, Abel. The birth wasn't easy as God had promised, and I felt embarrassed that Adam had to see me like that.

Twenty years after Cain was born, Cain and Abel started making sacrifices to our Lord in the hopes that one day we would return to the garden. I looked at my sons picking their different sacrifices, when I felt it. The same feeling I had in that place. I don't remember what happened there, but I this feeling is familiar to me. I touch my lips as a memory tickles my head. I heard God say to Cain, "Why are you angry? Why is your face downcast? If you do not do what is right, sin is crouching at your door; it desires to have you, but you must rule over it." I ran to Adam and told him what was going on before running to Cain.

I tried to tell him about the feeling, about how it was wrong and he must avoid it or he would be taken away from us forever. "That's what you want! That's what you all want, you want me gone so perfect Abel can come and take my place," he accused of me. Tears sprang into my eyes as I looked at my beloved first born. What was that beautiful, dark man doing to my son? I searched for that feeling, begged for it to come to me and away from my son to no avail. I could hear laughter in my head and wondered if I was going mad.

"Please, please. Take me, leave my son. Please!" I moaned all night at the thought of losing my son. My precious baby boy. I stared at him while he slept and looked upon him with love, trying to transfer all of my love to him. "My sweet boy," I whispered before kissing his cheek, feeling like the last time.

The next morning I got the news from Adam, Abel was dead and my next son was being exiled away from us. I cried in agony at the thought of losing two sons and Adam laid with me again. I didn't want a child so soon after losing both of my sons, but God planned for me to have my little boy Seth who had the sweetness of his brother Abel but was a physical brute just like his brother Cain. For a time, the hole eased, but in moments where I think I feel that feeling again, it comes back and I wonder about my baby boy lost to the East forever.

Time goes on as they say and eventually Adam and I had more daughters and sons and they married and created their own families until I couldn't make any more. Each child held a special place in my heart. I continue looking towards the east in the morning to see if Cain turned around and look to the west at night to see if he made a circle. I looked upon Abel's burial ground and wept for the son that barely lived. I wondered, what if? What if I didn't eat the fruit? Would Cain and Abel have loved each other as brothers; would there be no jealousy and deceitfulness? The feeling is back again, and it's stronger. I can feel it coming in; I tilt my head back and smell the night air before I faint. The last thing I see is his face.