Though there were times when I became burdened by such crippling sadness, my own thoughts consuming me. Times when it felt as if the world was swallowing me whole. Times when I would lock myself away in my room for hours, wanting to be by myself in my solitude, wanting to be wrapped in comforting arms but not allowing myself the emotional relief. Wondering if I made the right choice. I missed my father, I missed Yori, I even missed school, the academy, and Zero. God, I missed Zero so much. But beneath those moments of sever weakness I knew I wouldn't trade it away for anything. As the days went by the sadness receded farther and farther into the dark recesses of my tortured mind, all but forgotten.

I felt almost at peace.

When we slept together he locked me tightly in his arms, almost as if he were afraid that if he didn't hold me so tightly to him, I would surly disappear from his sight. He would smooth my hair back from my face pressing his lips gently to my forehead before lowering them to steal a kiss from my lips, then another, and more still. Kaname kissed me as if the air from my body sustained him. Perhaps maybe, in a way, it did. Maybe he needed me just as badly as I needed him, as I wanted him, though he never went further then stealing kisses and whispering sweet things into my ear. And never in my life did I feel safer then in those moments, when he pressed me into his chest at night, against his heart, lulling me to sleep, swearing to whatever gods were out there that he would never leave my side.

Never have I felt so loved.

I didn't know what day it was. I never knew what time it was. I was so lost in his eyes, his presents, the very thought of him made my knees weak.

If Heaven was real it existed in him.

Today though, when I opened my eyes after such a peaceful slumber, a night in his warm embrace-I found the bed beside me empty and cold. Kaname had been up for awhile. I shivered from his absence, so used to having him keep me warm when I slept. I sighed, stretching my arms up over my head. Maybe I had overslept and he didn't want to wake me. Kaname usually stayed by my side until I opened my eyes. Usually I was the first to wake, giving me a chance to stare into his perfect face, to touch him, to steal soft kisses.

I thought back to our first night together. Me, a twitching ball of nerves, and him, so perfect and confident. After lying me down and tucking the sheets around me we talked about everything and nothing, his hands never leaving my skin, my hair. And then when my eyes grew heavy, Kaname rested his head gently on my chest, right over my heart, and softly whispered his love to me. Murmuring to me his most intimate feelings, fears, insecurities, thanking the stars that we were finally together.

I thought then about how if he wanted me so badly now, needed me the way he was always saying that he did-whispering it to me over and over again at night, so low in my ear, how come he never came to me as a human, came and took what had always been his, what will always be his. He must have know for years how my human self felt about him. How I longed for him to simply look at me, see me.

Of course, my logical more reasonable side came to the conclusion that he was probably just trying to protect me in the only way that he could, back then. By keeping his distance from me, by keeping lingering eyes away from us. Mostly because of Rido, I assumed. Not that any of that mattered now. Now we were together and nothing was going to keep us apart any longer.

Rido was finally dead.

I still dreamed of him, even when he was tight by my side. My head swam with thoughts of him. He was my first thought when I woke up in the morning and my very last thought before I fell asleep at night. He was my whole world, my everything, my whole heart. And I knew, deep down in my heart, when I stared down at his sleeping face, that I would never be able to live without him. And that thought didn't even shame me.

I threw the covers from my body, stretching my limbs again. I got out of the largest-most comfortable bed I have ever slept in-and made my way to the attached bathroom, wanting a shower before I began my search of the house for the man I loved more than anything and everything.

I turned the hot water on in the shower, letting it get good and warm before I climbed in. I rid my body of my clothes and stood before the full length mirror. Human insecurities be damned. For the first time in my entire life, I actually felt, and looked, beautiful.

I climbed into the shower, letting the hot water soak my hair and run down my nude body. I shivered, running my hands down my neck, across my breasts. When would Kaname finally take my blood again? He had only ever done it that one time, when he changed me back to myself. Oh, when would he want me? I closed my eyes and pictured Kaname taking me into his arms, sliding my clothing from my shoulders, gently, so slowly kissing my skin there, his teeth finally, sinking into my throat so slowly. Heat flooded my cheeks and I knew it wasn't from the hot shower. I reached my hand between my thighs, touching my most intimate area, the rush of pleasure causing my thighs to jerk. I still drank his blood. Every single night I would burry my face in his neck and shyly ask for his permission to proceed. His blood tasted like the sweetest bit of Heaven I knew I'd ever taste. When it slid down my throat and melded with my very being I felt as if we were one single entity. I groaned, pulling my hands away, lying down in the shower. I let the water glide over my thighs, down my legs, across my stomach, my skin suddenly so sensitive. I opened my knees, leting the water touch me where no one had ever touched before, beside my own curious figures. The pressure from the water making my eyes roll back and close. I bit back a moan. Digging my teeth into my lower lip in attempt to keep myself quiet, careful not to draw any of my own blood. It wasn't enough. My fingers returned to their previous position, prodding at my intimacy. When I rolled my finger across the tiny bud of nerves my body grew even hotter. I touched their again, in fast small circles, feeling so close to something I have never been able to feel before now. My new body was hypersensitive. Need filled me to the core, coursing through my veins. I pictured my hands were Kaname's hands, that he was the one touching me, instead of my own desperate fingers, till finally I felt it. I covered my mouth with a tight hand, crying out into it, trying to muffle the sounds as best I could. My lower regions throbbing with such pleasure, now so sensitive, too sensitive to try it again.

I sighed, catching my breath before standing and resuming my shower. My knees trembled slightly.

I blushed when I thought about what I had just done, gently rubbing soap on my limbs. What was I thinking, touching myself like that. What if Kaname heard me come.

I shut the water off. It's not like I could undo it, what I had just done. And even if he did hear, he probably wasn't going to go out of his way to bring it right out with me.

After drying off I went back into my room to dress, completely nude, letting my still soaked hair drench me again.

I threw on a simple black shift dress and nothing else, throwing the door open and heading barefoot down the stairs. I entered the parlor, knowing someone was in there that wasn't my brother.

Hanabusa sat in a white cushioned arm chair, one leg thrown over the other, eyes closed, sipping tea elegantly. When I entered the room his icy blue eyes opened, his normally harsh expression softening instantly.

He looked like a porcelain doll.

"Yuuki- ah I mean, Kuran-sama-"

"What are you doing here, Hana-chan?" I asked, interrupting him. I didn't like the thought of an intrusion on my paradise.

He cleared his throat, cheeks reddening at my casual nickname for him. "Kaname-sama has asked me to look after you." He stated simply, as if it were completely obvious. It seemed Auido was still his usual self, after our last encounter with each other, when he had tried to protect me from my uncle, I was worried he would be mad at me, for leaving him on his own.

"He isn't here?" My heart began to pound and my hands shook at the thought that Kaname had left me. Even if he went through all the trouble of finding a babysitter for me. I still couldn't help the overwhelmingly crushing fear that he had abandoned me.

Auido picked up on the sudden increase in my heartbeat and his expression softened once more. He set his teacup down on the glass table before him, giving me his full attention. "He will be back before you fall asleep tonight." Hanabusa tried to reassure me. "He had some business to take care of is all, Yuu- I mean Kuran-sama."

"It's still Yuuki." I corrected him. I went over to sit on the couch beside his chair, feeling depressed. "What kind of business?" My heart settled a bit.

"He did not clarify and I did not ask. As is not my place."

"Oh...I see..." I looked down at my hands, twisting them together in my lap.

"He did not wish to wake you."

I didn't like that Kaname left without telling me, that he didn't even say goodbye. It made me feel unimportant, it made me feel abandoned. "Hey, Hana-chan?"

"Yeah?"

"I never thanked you for before, you know...for saving my life that time."

He blushed again, picking his cup back up from the table. "It's nothing." He muttered. "And dry yourself properly."