EPILOGUE

Sometime in May...

Hardy was hiding in Geena's study which seemed the only place in Duncan's house where the kids didn't roam freely. He was huddled over Geena's laptop, staring at the empty Google search bar. Then he typed in 'divorce', reluctantly and one letter after the other. His finger hovered over the enter key, and when he hit it, he closed his eyes.

The first listing was a government website titled "Get a divorce - ". Trembling, he moved the cursor onto the link. There was a brief moment of hesitation, then he clicked it. He had taken his pills before retreating into the study, knowing that this wouldn't fall into the category of tranquil behaviors that his cardiac rehab program had suggested. Large black bold letters greeted him, throwing the words that he thought he'd never needed to think about in his face. There was an overview, stating the facts in clear and easy language. Three simply steps - file a divorce petition, apply for decree nisi, apply for decree absolute.

He had read through them several times, but it didn't stick. It was hard to focus when one's heart was aching, in more than one way. He fished through his pockets and added two more chalky tablets to the ones that he'd already ingested a while ago.

Then he clicked on the link for grounds for divorce. Adultery was at top of the list. The letters swam in front of him and before he knew it, there were tear drops on the touch pad. He vigorously wiped at them with his thumb. The page had scrolled down with his desperate attempt at erasing the traces of his misery. He stared at the list of unreasonable behaviors and briefly wondered if keeping a deadly heart condition secret could be counted as such. In Tess' eyes, the answer was probably yes.

He jumped when a gentle touch brushed down his back. His hands flew up to his cheeks, clumsily scrubbing away his tears, and he sniffed deeply.

"It's all right, Alec. You don't have to hide from me," Geena said softly, perching on the edge of her desk. She glanced at the screen and tilted her head.

"You know I'm a barrister, right? You don't have to deal with this. I can take care of it for you, if that's what you want." She paused and bent over the computer, clicking a few times until she found what she was looking for. 'Get a legal separation' was plastered on top of the page, looking just as menacing as the divorce website had. "You also have this option, if you think you need some time apart to work things out." Her voice was neutral, not letting on to what her opinion was.

"Tess has no interest in working anything out. She made that very clear to me," Hardy stated sharply. He pinched the bridge of his nose and tossed his glasses on the desk, already exasperated with the process before it had even begun. "She also said, she doubts that I'm the right person to take care of Daisy at the moment."

Geena's eyes narrowed ever so slightly. "It's not hers to decide, Alec. I will make sure that she won't use your health issues against you, if that's what you're worried about."

Hardy leaned back in the chair, panting, his pounding heart reminding him that it might all be a moot point in the end. "And how are you going to do that? I can't work, I can't drive and I could drop dead at any moment while I'm supposed to be taking care of my daughter," he spat, voicing his frustration.

"Alec, children don't get removed from their parents because they are ill. They get removed from their parents because they didn't care or are potentially harmful. Neither one of these reasons apply to you. Tess can try, but I'm good at what I do and she doesn't stand a chance," Geena reassured him confidently.

"Besides, if you can't agree, then it will go to court and Daisy is old enough that they will include her in the hearing," she added.

Hardy's eyes widened. "I don't want that. I don't want her to get dragged into this. How could you expect her to take sides?" he asked in horror.

"That's not what they do. They simply want to make sure that whatever arrangements are made are in the best interest of the child, and that includes listening to what the child has to say," Geena explained gently.

Hardy shook his head and buried his face in his palms. All of this was too much to bear. He had done everything to protect Daisy, but to no avail. Whatever moves he made, life had other intentions and didn't let him catch a break.

"I can't lose her, Geena. She's all that I've got left," he whimpered. He was ashamed at his display of weakness, but the thought of being apart from his daughter broke down his last defenses that he'd been trying so hard to uphold.

"Oh, Alec," she sighed and pulled him up and over to the sofa. He slumped into the cushions, crumpling in on himself. He lacked the strength to support himself. She sat next to him, cradling him to her chest and holding him tight. When he had calmed down, she let go of him and found his eyes.

"I actually came in here for a different reason than looking for you." She stood and fetched a large envelope. She peered into it and then rummaged about until she found what she was searching for. She handed him a photograph.

"It's one of my favorites from the wedding. I meant to give it to you ever since you came to stay with us."

Hardy's eyes flicked back and forth between the photo and Geena. It was a stunning picture of an infectiously happy Daisy, caught at the very moment he had twirled her around while they were dancing. Her long hair was flowing around her elated face and her smile warmed his heart more than anything had in recent weeks.

"This girl will always love you, Alec. Regardless of what custody arrangements you'll have. Tess can try to turn her against you, but in the end that always backfires. I've seen it many times. Daisy might be angry right now because she doesn't understand everything that's going on. You'll need to address it with her once you're better, but she's still your little girl and that will never change. You were willing to give up everything to protect her and one day she will understand the truth behind your actions. That day might not be tomorrow or any time soon, but she will come around," Geena argued passionately.

Hardy made a choking noise, unable to articulate his feelings of love and sorrow. "I miss her so much," he whispered, his words swallowed by his tears and anguish.

Geena curled her arm around his shaking shoulders and tugged him close again. "I know," she breathed in his ear. "I know."

They sat together until Hardy had no more tears left. He was still clutching the photo to his chest. He uncurled his fingers and his eyes came to rest on his daughter's lovely face. It helped him to pull himself together yet another time, stubbornly refusing to give up. He fished out his wallet and opened it to the smiling face of another girl whose fate had changed his life forever. He folded Daisy's picture carefully and slid it into a hidden spot in his wallet, protecting it from the wear and tear that life brought with it. Then he took in a shuddering breath and stood to face whatever was coming his way, holding on tightly to the memories that were hidden away deep inside his ailing heart.

For all of the loved ones gone
Forever's not so long
And in your soul
They poked a million holes
But you never let them show
Come on its time to go

And you already know
Yet you already know
How this will end

Devotchka – "How It Ends"

Closing Note for "A Million Holes Poked In The Soul – Part Two"

It is hard to believe that I am writing these few paragraphs. When I wrote "A Better Way To Fall" I never thought what this would grow into. The fact that Hardy carried around the picture of a dead girl made me incredibly sad. I wanted him to have something else to hold onto. And there it was, that moment of bliss with his daughter at his best friend's wedding. Then someone said to me, that they wanted to see the story behind the photo and I thought, hey that might be fun to write. Almost a year, roughly 300 000 words, and a million holes poked into Alec Hardy's soul later, here we are. It's been an incredible journey for so, so many reasons. I've cried, I've laughed, and I've been discouraged and encouraged. I've cursed the English language which isn't my mother's tongue and I've cursed punctuation even more. I've made friends which was the most surprising and rewarding part of it. And I've had a companion in this story in a time where I needed one.

I could elaborate on the pain that Chibnall's inconsistencies and various other issues caused, but I don't want to. I embraced the challenge, and it was fun and exhilarating and I would do it again in a stuttering heartbeat (see what I did there – LOL – I'm feeling a bit giddy). It's not a perfect story, it's not the most eloquent prose, but it comes from my heart and soul, and I am proud of it. And now I can move on and go PLAY – with Alec and Daisy and Ellie and everyone else. The excitement that I feel about delving into "The Ocean Breathes Salty" and "Down By The River" is enormous. There is one more thing to point out – I was floored by how much I grew fond of my OCs. Ed Baxter is almost as close to my heart by now than Alec Hardy is and the others follow suit. The fact that the readers liked them so much as well makes me incredibly happy. So thanks for that!

And that brings me to the Thank You's...

First, I would like to THANK YOU, THE READERS of this story. If you're reading these words, it means you've travelled with Alec on this horrid journey of a man's life falling apart. Along this long way, you've suffered through endless crying, collapsing and calamities that I unleashed upon him. You might have emptied out the stock of tissue paper at your local drugstore. You might have moved on from a decent cuppa to stronger beverages. You might have chucked things at your screen. You might have laughed now and then. You might be heartbroken for Daisy and Alec. And you might have grown fond of Craig, Louise, Geena, Baxter, Emily, Duncan, Swenson and Liz. I have no way of knowing. But what I do know is that without your support and commitment to this story, I would have never been able to write it. So, with all my heart, THANK YOU!

There are a few people who I would like to send a shout out to specifically as they faithfully left comments on almost every chapter or messaged me otherwise: LizAnn_5869, Sgt_Pepperony94, franzi86, ktrosesworld, ninewood, and also norvegianwood, alectheta, Lily-Dragon, Casey Storm, pgilmour, curiositykilledthecatfish, and creamcoloredconverse. And thank you also to all those who left kudos. All this love make me very happy!

Secondly, I would like to thank Chris Chibnall for creating such a wonderful character and David Tennant for bringing him to life. You have given us endless hours of entertainment. And I hope you would take it as compliment that I wrote this crazy story and not as infringement on your work if your lawyers ever get funny ideas. I don't own anything ;-)

Last but not least, I would like to THANK HAZELMIST for everything that she has done. My words are not elaborate enough to express my gratitude to her. She has been with me from the day I wrote "A Better Way To Fall". She has been encouraging, enthusiastic, funny, constructive, supportive, and just PLAIN WONDERFUL. I would be nothing without her and this story would be nothing without her. Soppy as I am, I'm tearing up writing this, just as much as when I watched her leave the last comment on the epilogue on the google file. And to quote er about the end: "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" But as we both know, things must come to a close and you've been with me along to get there. So, my dearest friend – with the utmost appreciation and from the deepest pocket of my heart: THANK YOU. I owe you.

Before I end this note, I want to share what's next... there are still certain moments in Hardy's life before he comes to Broadchurch that I need to tell to round out my universe. They will deal with the fallout of the "shit plan", his relationship with Daisy and what happens at the trial. It's sort of an unofficial Part 3 to the saga. So stay tuned for the never-ending story... Thank you and it was a blast!