Disclaimer: I really wish…I need more Merlin

Note: Sorry it's taken so long, been dealing with a very stressful week. Thank you everyone who is supporting me in my writing its been extremely helpful and wonderful. This chapter will be fairly small (meaning extremely small)

Chapter 3: How did I get here?

Returning to the Druid camp after such a disaster was almost a struggle. To see everyo—well to not see everyone was painful. There was barely a dozen people sitting down in their Druid cloaks. Each holding a somber face some still had blood stained on them. No amount of sigils representing strength painted on their skin could hide the despair in their aura. Merlin kept his hood up just like the others, he was right Gili wasn't there, he had been taken by the purge. Another one taken.

Merlin felt sick all over again, to confirm all the deaths was harder than believing them. How could he have let this happen? He was powerful, why couldn't he had stopped this?

"What a pitiful sight." Merlin snapped around to the sound of a woman's sharp tone. What he saw was a tall woman with beautiful blond hair and sharp brown eyes. She held herself elegantly and she seemed to radiate power and control from within her black cloak. Merlin couldn't help but take a step back away from her.

"Excuse me?" Merlin whispered softly, the people here needed to mourn not be barraged with rude comments.

The woman turned her eyes onto Merlin, and Merlin could already feel himself being pulled in, although the color of her eyes were warm, the eyes themselves were cold and ruthless. Merlin felt as if he was staring down a beast.

"Oh, are you one of the last Druids?" She smirked, Her skin was pure, no sigils painted and that only seemed to attract to moon light on her skin. Merlin didn't answer, merely opted to stare at her, he felt uneasy by her.

"Not speaking huh? Just like the rest of the pathetic Druids." She spoke with indifference as she surveyed the camp.

"Stop that! We are mourning; can't you respect the dead?" Merlin hissed at the woman.

"Oh now you want to talk?" She asked, her voice like a deadly silk, running through Merlin's ears like a spell.

"I think we should respect the dead's memories." Merlin whispered, already feeling the fight in him shatter. Everyone was dead.

"How can we respect the dead when their murderers are still out there!" She shouted with fury, Merlin almost fell backwards from shock of the yell. The dozen or so other Druids looked up to see the commotion that had disturbed their mourning.

"Listen to me Druids! You are weak! But You don't have to be!" she spun as shouted, there was fire in her eyes, "How can you respect your dead's memories? How can you sit here knowing that THEIR MURDERERS! ARE! RIGHT! OUT THERE!" She shouted out pointing towards Camelot. Her hair flying around her like a flurry of flames.

"You want FREEDOM!?" She exploded out, "You want equality!? Then Fight!" She yelled bringing her arms out as if she was welcoming all of them. "Join Me! You might not have the strength right now but I DO! I WILL give you strength!" She then smiled softly, like a mother smiled at their child when they were hurt. Most of the dozen Druids got up, slowly surrounding her to listen. Merlin couldn't deny the fact that she indeed was drawing him in.

"Help me in gaining your freedom, help me in gaining equality for magic." She lowered her tone to a simple pitch, now talking as if she was with a friend.

"So? Who will join me?" She whispered softly, her arms will open, her smile still on.

Nothing happened at first, the Druids were probably still in shock from this woman's appearance and speech. But then slowly one by one they all began to raise their hands. Merlin didn't know what was happening, he wanted to warn them of his uneasy feeling, the feeling screaming at him to leave and to never look back. But…this woman was offering them an opportunity. An opportunity to get freedom and equality, and that was all Merlin ever wanted.

He wanted to be able to use his magic.

He wanted to be able to not fear.

He wanted to be able to be himself.

He wanted to be able to not have to lie.

He wanted to be able to call his magic a gift.

He didn't want to be a monster anymore.

And so Merlin raised his hand, ever so slowly just like the rest of them. Merlin could see the woman's smile widen and her eyes gleam.

"Thank you comrades, my name is Morgause." She placed a hand over her heart as if swearing allegiance to them.

"and you?" she asked looking at Merlin. Merlin looked up his eyes still hidden behind his hood, he'd tell her his Druid name, he couldn't risk his identity, he didn't know Morgause yet, and his instincts told him to not trust her.

"Emrys." He stated softly watching as her eyes widened and then she smiled brightly. She then turned to the other Druids, and one by one they twelve that was left began to introduce themselves to her.

She nodded with enthusiasm each time she learned of a new name. Merlin couldn't help but feel the excitement and dread within himself. He couldn't help the fact that he felt the feeling of hope welling up inside, as well as the fact that as he was frightened. He wanted to trust Morgause but his instincts said not to. He also didn't have much fight left in him, he'd already lost so many comrades, whose to say Morgause was going to save them?

She looked capable but was she really?

"My army is stationed right on the outskirts of your camp," she smiled sweetly, turning towards, Merlin assumed, her camp was. And like lost sheep they followed her easily, hoping she would be become their shepherd to make everything better; to make their dreams of freedom come true, no matter what it took.

When Merlin woke up the next morning, he couldn't help but hold a smile on his face, although it wasn't bright, it was till present. And a smile had been absent from Merlin's features for several months now. Merlin had lost the ability to fully feel happiness. It was just gone after what he had seen, what he held within himself.

All Merlin heard was 'Magic is evil!' and it weighed on Merlin. But now he wouldn't have to worry about that, now he had Morgause to help. She would take care of everything, she was strong! She was Brave! She could lead them to victory. But…Merlin couldn't help the doubt that crawled through his mind. His entire being buzzed with the sense that Morgause could not be trusted. And he wanted to, God knew he did, but he couldn't, not with his magic reacting in such a way. Merlin couldn't help but sigh with the explosion of emotions wrecking his mental stability. Merlin quickly pulled on his clothes, deciding that the best way to deal with Morgause and his current emotion was to not. Ignorance could help in a situation such as this.

"Merlin! Are you up?" Gaius called.

"Yeah!" Merlin yelled back, he could hear Gaius shuffling around in the kitchen. Merlin quickly gathered his books, stuffing them inside his bag, quickly kicking his druid cape underneath his bed, he didn't have time to hide it in his loose floorboard.

Although Merlin couldn't care about that right now, he was going to have to deal with an even bigger problem: school.

I'm so sorry! My laptop crashed! I had to completely rewrite this whole chapter.