A Most Ingenious Paradox

Just for the fun of it ... :) Title ingeniously stolen from a Gilbert & Sullivan song from "Pirates of Penzance".

Francine was pouring herself a mug of coffee when Amanda walked into the bullpen. She stopped halfway to Billy's office, cast a puzzled look at the closed door, then the room at large, closed her eyes and gave an exasperated groan. Francine gave her a curious look which obviously was all the invitation she needed to come over to her.

"Today's Tuesday, right?" she asked.

Francine frowned.
"Yes?"

Amanda took a deep breath.
"Do you ever have one of those days where it's one day of the week but you're convinced all day long that it's actually another day of the week?"

Francine considered this for a moment and shook her head.
"Uh – no?"

"Oh."
Amanda smiled at her.
"Well, I'm having one of those days. I don't know why but I've been feeling like it's Thursday today ever since I got up. I wonder why …"

"Oh, that's easy."

Francine had seen Beaman coming but Amanda hadn't and jumped when he suddenly spoke to them. She turned round on him, one hand on her chest.

"Didn't your mother teach you that it's impolite to sneak up on people?" Francine asked and raised her eyebrows at him.
"And shouldn't you be teaching or something?"

"I wasn't sneaking and I'm here for a meeting."
Beaman smiled at her and turned back to Amanda.
"Anyways – have you ever heard of space-time-distortions?"

Amanda shook her head.

Francine turned back to the coffee station but found herself listening despite her latest resolution to just walk away whenever Beaman was approaching her. He was quite okay when he wasn't drunk, actually, and pretty interesting to talk to. Maybe a little too interesting, so she had decided to stay out of his way. Oddly enough, they seemed to be crossing paths more often than ever since she had come to that decision.

"Well, in this case, let me explain."

Beaman put his hands on his back. Francine glanced at him from the corner of her eye while busying herself with her mug and the coffee pot. He was looking straight at Amanda. Good.

"It's a fact that you're existing now and that you also existed – let's say last week", he said.

"I did", Amanda agreed. "I remember the PTA meeting last Wednesday."
She sounded slightly amused.

"Great. I think we also can safely assume you'll still exist on Thursday", Beaman went on.

"Oh, I would hope so!"
Amanda gave him a wide-eyed look.

Francine suppressed a grin.
"Oh, I don't know. With your track record of finding trouble –"

It was out before she could stop herself.

Dammit. Weren't you trying to pretend you weren't listening?

Well, she could stop pretending that now. She took her mug and turned to the other two. Amanda frowned at her. Beaman looked like he was trying not to smile so she tried not to smile back at him.

"What we're dealing with here," he went on as if he hadn't been interrupted, "is a space-time-distortion, probably caused by a miniature black hole."

Francine knew this was the right moment to excuse herself and get back to work. She had plenty of files on her desk that needed to be dealt with. However, she was curious where this was going and so she stayed.

"Meaning – what?" she asked when Beaman didn't continue right away.

"Meaning that Amanda here isn't actually the Amanda from today but her future self from Thursday who fell through the space-time-distortion."

"I see."

It even made sense. A kind of weird, nerdy sense but then, this was Effrom Beaman they were talking to.

"What happens if she meets her present self?" she asked. "Wasn't there something about that not being possible? Like, they would both disappear?"

"Ah, yes, meeting herself would definitely cause an even greater distortion. Maybe even a tear in the space-time-continuum."

"Oh dear."
Amanda exchanged a look with Francine.
"I better not run into myself then."

The corners of her mouth were twitching. Francine took a sip from her coffee to hide her grin. Definitely another of those interesting talks she had been determined to avoid.

"Don't worry, that won't happen", Beaman said. "The moment future Amanda –" He pointed at Amanda. "That would be you. – fell through the distortion she swapped places with present Amanda. So don't be too surprised if, on Thursday, you'll be absolutely convinced it's actually Tuesday."

"Space-time-distortion."
Amanda nodded.
"Thanks for the explanation."

"You're welcome."
Beaman checked his watch, then the clock on the wall.
"Well, it looks like I'm a bit distorted myself", he said. "Either my watch is wrong or the clock here."

"Or you're not actually you but your future self and this is the wrong day to be here at this time", Francine said and smiled.

Beaman laughed.
"Possible. Oh well, at least I was in the right place at the right time last Saturday when we had dinner together."

Francine stared at him.
"We – what?"

Amanda's eyes grew wide.
"You were out for dinner with Beaman?" she asked.

Francine recognized that look. It was her patented "I'm not going to ask – but I'll keep looking at you like this until you tell me everything about it" look. And the people within earshot suddenly seemed very busy.

"No!" Francine protested.

"No?"
Beaman frowned.
"But – oh, I see! Silly me. That would be next Saturday, not last."

Francine glared at him.
"Let me guess: space-time-distortion. You're actually next week's Effrom Beaman."

"So it would seem", he said with a grin and put his hands in his pockets.

He didn't quite manage to appear as if it didn't matter how Francine reacted. And she didn't quite know how to react.

Is he asking me out for dinner?

Obviously that was just what was happening here. Her first reaction was to tell him no.

"Well, you remember wrongly, then. We certainly didn't go out for dinner next Saturday."

"No?" Beaman asked.

He kept his expression neutral. His stance didn't change and yet Francine thought she discovered just the slightest hint of disappointment. Knowing him, probably paired with a general feeling of "Oh well – what did you expect?".

"No. I told you I'd be tied up at that security conference all weekend, remember?" she went on. "It was next Monday."

For a moment, Beaman looked at her as if he couldn't believe what he just had heard. Then, a smile slowly spread over his face.

"Right, now that you mention it … We –"
He stopped and obviously was waiting for her to say something.
"- went straight from here since Monday was a very busy day and after that -"

Francine frowned.
"I don't remember, it's all a little hazy from there."

Beaman's smile grew even wider.
"Well, we'll just have to wait till Monday, then, because I can't remember either."
He checked his watch again and straightened.
"Oh. Sorry, I have to go. Meeting."

He nodded at Francine, then Amanda, turned and left. He almost bumped into the door.

Amanda looked after him and shook her head.
"Poor guy. He'll be walking into things all day long."

The thought made Francine laugh.
"Yes, probably. But he'll recover eventually."
She grew serious again.
"Well, this was certainly the most original way anyone ever has asked me out on a dinner date."

That warranted some kind of reward, didn't it? So he'd get his dinner date with her. No matter how it turned out, Francine was pretty sure it would at least be - interesting.