I thought I'll be turning in early, after all tomorrow's a school day. I had to get this tale out of my system, though. I don't think I'd stay sane with it knocking on my skull any longer, what with it ending like it does.
It's not exactly a Despair story, although I'm sure She was lurking in the background, ripping her flesh with that sharp little hook. I didn't mean for it to be fan fiction, even, but it took a life of its own. I hope you don't like it; it's not a nice tale, nor is it easy reading - not for me at least. I hope you'll tell me what DID you think after you read it. [Remember, my e-mail's changed. Leave me a note and I'll mail you.]
--
Once upon a time there was a little girl named Aesshelea. She didn't pick her name; her mother thought it fitting for such a unique little girl, and her father didn't care much back then. Her childhood began fairly happily in a friendly hospital, where she was delivered on time, then continued in a friendly green nursery filled with pictures of animals. She was /such/ a happy, bright child, her mother boasted, now in this day and age when children are surly and talk back. Aesshelea's mother pressured Aesshelea's father into sending Aesshelea to the best kindergartens and schools, so Aesshelea was away from home most of the year, until she turned nine. Then her father decided a child shouldn't be growing up away from its family and that /his/ daughter will attend the best schools available in /this/ town, unless her mother has a better idea. As her mother didn't have any, Aesshelea packed up the Dolls and returned home.
The Dolls, although nameless, were her preferred company, always lifelike without being unpredictable. Even though Mama Doll didn't look at all like Aesshelea's own mother, that regal blonde, she had a general air of motherness about her stout Raggedy Ann self. Daughter Doll was very pretty, after all she /was/ a Barbie, but she never talked back at Mama Doll or she'd get hers. The assorted pets and siblings would be, Aesshelea was sure, eerily similar to her own if she had any. And then there was Father Doll.
Father overheard her playing once and decided the Dolls needed a man in the family. He sought out a beautiful, handcarved wooden puppet with real hair and painted five o'clock shadow; anatomically correct, Aesshelea suspected, but never tried to slice away his wooden threepiece. Father Doll fit right in with the family. He was much bigger and heavier than Daughter Doll, so he had no trouble changing her. Daughter Doll's beautiful painted lips became chapped with rubbing against wood and she no longer wore trousers, because they were unladylike. Aesshelea collected scraps of fabric and pieces of colorful toilet paper; she didn't regret having those torn away from Daughter Doll's slim body. She had Father Doll fold them meticulously and throw away when he was finished, because she couldn't gauge Mother Doll's reaction if she found out. That was the only unpredictable factor in the Dolls' life.
Early next year Aesshelea started having dreams. Daughter Doll, throwing her golden mane over one shoulder, grabbed Father Doll by his real hair and kicked up, bending her leg far more than she could during waking time. Surprisingly, Father Doll's sharp wooden nose didn't ruin her soft plastic knee; it gushed little whitish shavings instead. So that's his color underneath all that paint, Aesshelea remembered thinking. She didn't dare play out those dreams at first, not till summer holidays when she was alone from morning to early afternoon. She closed her bedroom door then - that was a friendly bedroom, painted white with golden trim and pale pink flowers stencilled hither and yon - and set the Dolls down on the carpet. Mama Doll as usual retired herself to her own bedroom and grabbed a Valium to help her sleep while Father Doll washed his hands and put on his robe. Then, when Mama Doll's eyes remained closed and she didn't yell at Father Doll for over five minutes, he walked slowly down the corridor to the kitchen. There always was chocolate in the cupboards. Aesshelea hated sweets and suspected Daughter Doll did too. Hiding a candy bar in his pocket, Father Doll opened the door to Daughter Doll's nice bedroom and proceeded to show her his affection, when a well-placed elbow forced the breath out of his wooden lungs. Daughter Doll's perpetually bent arms proved perfect to this purpose. Her knee connected with his crotch, and her feet found the way to his ribs when he fell. Aesshelea watched in awe as the little doll moved of its own accord, hitting the puppet in spots she didn't think existed. When Father Doll stopped squirming, the Barbie stood with hands on hips and glared up at Aesshelea.
"I thought you'd NEVER do it!", she exclaimed. "What TOOK you so long?"
"If you're asking about why I never played with you this way... well, I didn't want my parents to find out. I don't know what would Mother do."
"Girl, you gotta stop thinking about others that much, take care of yourself for once! I'll tell you how. You're way too weak to do the stuff I could, so we gotta swap places. This night I'll arrange for one person to visit you, and you gotta wish really hard-like to become me. I'll beat the crap of daddy dearest as soon as he tries something, then run to your ma. When you're all set, we'll change places again."
"But I don't want to become a doll!"
"C'mon, it's only for a while. You don't really think your father could keep away from you for long, do you?" The doll sneered. "And think about it, no formal dinners for a coupla days..."
"Won't they realise something's happened to me?"
"It's not like I'll be in this body, it's more like a soulexchange... y'know, the gal gonna visit you can explain it really easy to understand. Just wait for the night, kay?"
For the first time in months Aesshelea waited for the night with hope, not bleak resignation. She kissed her parents goodnight as they were leaving for a party and ran upstairs to plant herself in bed. After an hour of tossing and turning she just fell asleep mid-roll.
A creature appeared on the inside of her lids, tall and slim with a cigarette in its hand. Beautiful, with hair slicked back, genderless... no, all-gendered, at once male, female and other. It sat on thin air and stared Aesshelea in the mind.
"A doll begged me to visit you. Apparently you're to swap bodies with it, little child. Is that true?"
Its voice was sweet and enticing. Aesshelea nodded vigorously, not once taking her eyes off the creature's long fingers toying with a heart-shaped lighter.
"It's true, I agree. Please let me become Daughter Doll."
"Daughter Doll? How cuuuuute..." The creature's laughter faded as Aesshelea felt an unfamiliar stiffness in her limbs and unfamiliar shapes around. She was sitting on a ledge in her... Aesshelea's... toy closet. Her mind drifted away.
Strange sounds came to Daughter Doll as she sat on her ledge. The toy closet was equally dark in day and night, but sounds had a certain nighttime quality to them. She could hear Aesshelea's father sighing and grunting, but the sounds included another voice counterpointing his with little cries of obvious pleasure. For a moment she thought it was Aesshelea's mother doing something very out of character on her own daughter's bed, but dismissed this thought as utter nonsense. Her doll mind was sharper than the one she was using before, almost old in its emotionless speed of thought. The sounds continued time-period after time-period, at least six times before Aesshelea opened the toy closet at last. Daylight poured in. Daughter Doll looked at her mournfully as the girl took out the Dolls and set them down on the carpet.
Mama Doll was out shopping, and Daughter joined Father Doll in a restaurant. They were eating eggs with bacon and drinking tea. Daughter Doll felt a wooden hand on her thigh, then a hand on the back of her head making her nod and reach up to Father Doll's face for a kiss. It was not supposed to go like this, she thought.
"Oh but sweetie, you never gave me affection. It was either being rubbed raw by this puppet - and let me tell you, your father has the most amazing skin, nothing like Mr Woody here - or sitting in the toy closet. I'm getting you some variety."
I don't want variety.
"What DO you want, then? I gave you freedom from the touch you didn't want, and your father's happy too. He can't believe how his little girl has changed. See? He got me some new clothes."
That person never said I'll have to stay here forever. You said we'll swap back once it's all sorted out.
"Well it IS sorted out, but not the way you'd like it. Really, girl, I thought you'd understand... you never appreciated what your father's got for you. I, on the other hand, do.
"And Desire... they're not ordinary people. They see the fall of every... paedophiliac businessman!" Aesshelea laughed. "They like making people happy. We're both very happy now, your father and I."
You don't feel like I feel. Please let me go.
"You know, you never treated me well enough. You left me nameless till I developed sentience... one little naming ceremony and you wouldn't have this problem. Here, let me show you: you are a pretty doll, I think I'll call you Cordelia."
Daughter Doll's personality detached. Her second sight noticed another spirit being sucked into the doll body, a small, dull one. For a brief moment she was falling, dissolving, then --
It's not exactly a Despair story, although I'm sure She was lurking in the background, ripping her flesh with that sharp little hook. I didn't mean for it to be fan fiction, even, but it took a life of its own. I hope you don't like it; it's not a nice tale, nor is it easy reading - not for me at least. I hope you'll tell me what DID you think after you read it. [Remember, my e-mail's changed. Leave me a note and I'll mail you.]
--
Once upon a time there was a little girl named Aesshelea. She didn't pick her name; her mother thought it fitting for such a unique little girl, and her father didn't care much back then. Her childhood began fairly happily in a friendly hospital, where she was delivered on time, then continued in a friendly green nursery filled with pictures of animals. She was /such/ a happy, bright child, her mother boasted, now in this day and age when children are surly and talk back. Aesshelea's mother pressured Aesshelea's father into sending Aesshelea to the best kindergartens and schools, so Aesshelea was away from home most of the year, until she turned nine. Then her father decided a child shouldn't be growing up away from its family and that /his/ daughter will attend the best schools available in /this/ town, unless her mother has a better idea. As her mother didn't have any, Aesshelea packed up the Dolls and returned home.
The Dolls, although nameless, were her preferred company, always lifelike without being unpredictable. Even though Mama Doll didn't look at all like Aesshelea's own mother, that regal blonde, she had a general air of motherness about her stout Raggedy Ann self. Daughter Doll was very pretty, after all she /was/ a Barbie, but she never talked back at Mama Doll or she'd get hers. The assorted pets and siblings would be, Aesshelea was sure, eerily similar to her own if she had any. And then there was Father Doll.
Father overheard her playing once and decided the Dolls needed a man in the family. He sought out a beautiful, handcarved wooden puppet with real hair and painted five o'clock shadow; anatomically correct, Aesshelea suspected, but never tried to slice away his wooden threepiece. Father Doll fit right in with the family. He was much bigger and heavier than Daughter Doll, so he had no trouble changing her. Daughter Doll's beautiful painted lips became chapped with rubbing against wood and she no longer wore trousers, because they were unladylike. Aesshelea collected scraps of fabric and pieces of colorful toilet paper; she didn't regret having those torn away from Daughter Doll's slim body. She had Father Doll fold them meticulously and throw away when he was finished, because she couldn't gauge Mother Doll's reaction if she found out. That was the only unpredictable factor in the Dolls' life.
Early next year Aesshelea started having dreams. Daughter Doll, throwing her golden mane over one shoulder, grabbed Father Doll by his real hair and kicked up, bending her leg far more than she could during waking time. Surprisingly, Father Doll's sharp wooden nose didn't ruin her soft plastic knee; it gushed little whitish shavings instead. So that's his color underneath all that paint, Aesshelea remembered thinking. She didn't dare play out those dreams at first, not till summer holidays when she was alone from morning to early afternoon. She closed her bedroom door then - that was a friendly bedroom, painted white with golden trim and pale pink flowers stencilled hither and yon - and set the Dolls down on the carpet. Mama Doll as usual retired herself to her own bedroom and grabbed a Valium to help her sleep while Father Doll washed his hands and put on his robe. Then, when Mama Doll's eyes remained closed and she didn't yell at Father Doll for over five minutes, he walked slowly down the corridor to the kitchen. There always was chocolate in the cupboards. Aesshelea hated sweets and suspected Daughter Doll did too. Hiding a candy bar in his pocket, Father Doll opened the door to Daughter Doll's nice bedroom and proceeded to show her his affection, when a well-placed elbow forced the breath out of his wooden lungs. Daughter Doll's perpetually bent arms proved perfect to this purpose. Her knee connected with his crotch, and her feet found the way to his ribs when he fell. Aesshelea watched in awe as the little doll moved of its own accord, hitting the puppet in spots she didn't think existed. When Father Doll stopped squirming, the Barbie stood with hands on hips and glared up at Aesshelea.
"I thought you'd NEVER do it!", she exclaimed. "What TOOK you so long?"
"If you're asking about why I never played with you this way... well, I didn't want my parents to find out. I don't know what would Mother do."
"Girl, you gotta stop thinking about others that much, take care of yourself for once! I'll tell you how. You're way too weak to do the stuff I could, so we gotta swap places. This night I'll arrange for one person to visit you, and you gotta wish really hard-like to become me. I'll beat the crap of daddy dearest as soon as he tries something, then run to your ma. When you're all set, we'll change places again."
"But I don't want to become a doll!"
"C'mon, it's only for a while. You don't really think your father could keep away from you for long, do you?" The doll sneered. "And think about it, no formal dinners for a coupla days..."
"Won't they realise something's happened to me?"
"It's not like I'll be in this body, it's more like a soulexchange... y'know, the gal gonna visit you can explain it really easy to understand. Just wait for the night, kay?"
For the first time in months Aesshelea waited for the night with hope, not bleak resignation. She kissed her parents goodnight as they were leaving for a party and ran upstairs to plant herself in bed. After an hour of tossing and turning she just fell asleep mid-roll.
A creature appeared on the inside of her lids, tall and slim with a cigarette in its hand. Beautiful, with hair slicked back, genderless... no, all-gendered, at once male, female and other. It sat on thin air and stared Aesshelea in the mind.
"A doll begged me to visit you. Apparently you're to swap bodies with it, little child. Is that true?"
Its voice was sweet and enticing. Aesshelea nodded vigorously, not once taking her eyes off the creature's long fingers toying with a heart-shaped lighter.
"It's true, I agree. Please let me become Daughter Doll."
"Daughter Doll? How cuuuuute..." The creature's laughter faded as Aesshelea felt an unfamiliar stiffness in her limbs and unfamiliar shapes around. She was sitting on a ledge in her... Aesshelea's... toy closet. Her mind drifted away.
Strange sounds came to Daughter Doll as she sat on her ledge. The toy closet was equally dark in day and night, but sounds had a certain nighttime quality to them. She could hear Aesshelea's father sighing and grunting, but the sounds included another voice counterpointing his with little cries of obvious pleasure. For a moment she thought it was Aesshelea's mother doing something very out of character on her own daughter's bed, but dismissed this thought as utter nonsense. Her doll mind was sharper than the one she was using before, almost old in its emotionless speed of thought. The sounds continued time-period after time-period, at least six times before Aesshelea opened the toy closet at last. Daylight poured in. Daughter Doll looked at her mournfully as the girl took out the Dolls and set them down on the carpet.
Mama Doll was out shopping, and Daughter joined Father Doll in a restaurant. They were eating eggs with bacon and drinking tea. Daughter Doll felt a wooden hand on her thigh, then a hand on the back of her head making her nod and reach up to Father Doll's face for a kiss. It was not supposed to go like this, she thought.
"Oh but sweetie, you never gave me affection. It was either being rubbed raw by this puppet - and let me tell you, your father has the most amazing skin, nothing like Mr Woody here - or sitting in the toy closet. I'm getting you some variety."
I don't want variety.
"What DO you want, then? I gave you freedom from the touch you didn't want, and your father's happy too. He can't believe how his little girl has changed. See? He got me some new clothes."
That person never said I'll have to stay here forever. You said we'll swap back once it's all sorted out.
"Well it IS sorted out, but not the way you'd like it. Really, girl, I thought you'd understand... you never appreciated what your father's got for you. I, on the other hand, do.
"And Desire... they're not ordinary people. They see the fall of every... paedophiliac businessman!" Aesshelea laughed. "They like making people happy. We're both very happy now, your father and I."
You don't feel like I feel. Please let me go.
"You know, you never treated me well enough. You left me nameless till I developed sentience... one little naming ceremony and you wouldn't have this problem. Here, let me show you: you are a pretty doll, I think I'll call you Cordelia."
Daughter Doll's personality detached. Her second sight noticed another spirit being sucked into the doll body, a small, dull one. For a brief moment she was falling, dissolving, then --