Orange Monster of Kabuki

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or Gintama

Chapter 9

Naruto was currently lying on his side reading manga, what else would he read? A book about a group of kids that are actually demigods, don't be crazy.

"Holy shit so Utsuro is actually…" Naruto stopped as he heard someone entered the building. He quickly pocketed the manga away as the sliding door was quickly opened by Gintoki.

"Oh it's just you" Naruto said lazily.

"Oi, what do you mean by 'it's just you' you sound like you were waiting for someone else!" Gintoki shouted at him. "Why are you lying down like that?"

"Who knows when a hot attractive young naked woman would walk in" Naruto said as he yawned. "But I just get you, what a drag"

"Wait a minute" Gintoki said as he noticed something. "I know that pose!"

"What do you mean Gin-nii?"

"Whenever you read manga, you lay like that!"

"Reading manga? Nope not me"

"Don't lie to me!"

"Anyways what crawled up your ass and started a colony"

"Oi, nothing crawled up my ass!" Gintoki shouted as he pointed directly at him. "And who the hell says that?"

Naruto then picked his ear with his pinky finger. "Why are you yelling?"

"Because…" Gintoki stared at him for what seemed like ages before telling Naruto what had disturbed and horrified him so greatly. "We need to make a chapter before my ***** gets cut"

"I'm sorry, what gets cut?"

"My *****" Gin said in horror.

"Gin-nii, I can't understand what you're saying" Naruto told him.

"What do you mean you can't understand what I'm trying to say?"

"Exactly what it sounds like nii-san" Naruto said as he sat up properly. "Whenever you are trying to say what gets cut it turns into five asterisks"

"Like this, *****?"

"Yes, exactly like that"

"Hmm how can I tell you so you can understand?"

"Maybe add a letter?" Naruto suggested. "Like change the first asterisk into the letter of the word?"

"Good idea" Gintoki said. "P****"

"I understand now"

"You do!"

"Your paper is going to get cut" After Naruto said that Gin's face made contact with the ground.

"Why would you come to that conclusion?" Gin asked. "Why would I be worried about paper being cut?"

"Maybe you had something important on it?"

"It's not paper!"

"Then what is it?"

It's my p****!" Gin shouted loudly.

Naruto just looked at him lazily as his face turned serious. "I see" He said seriously. "We cannot allow your palms to get cut"

"No!" Gin shouted. "It's not my palms! It's something more important to me as a man!"

Naruto gasped "Your panda?"

"No!"

"It would be pretty serious if your pants get cut"

"It's not that either!" Gintoki said. "But I can understand that one"

"So you're worried over your pasta being cut?"

"No, I'm worried over my p****!" Gintoki said as his last word was bleeped out.

"I see" Naruto said. "It would be a pain if your p**** was cut off"

"NO! Wait, you understood that time?"

"Of course I did"

"Oi, were you messing with me this whole time? Oi don't ignore me!"

"If you're wondering why it was changed to ***** then that's because that was a naughty no, no word" Naruto said waving his finger back and forth. "And that's no good"

"Wait a word I cannot use?" Gin asked as he finally sat down.

Naruto crossed his arms as he nodded. "That is right" He said. "We are rated T and you said something that falls under the M rated category"

"So they use replace my words with asterisks?"

"That's right"

"I thought we discussed this last chapter!" Gin said. "Saying one word is a lot better than a whole lemon! Besides even though the poll for a lemon was over for ages there is still no lemon!"

"Actually Gintoki-nii, the author has actually written a lemon" Naruto informed the lazy samurai.

"Wait really?"

Naruto nodded. "Yep but the chapter with the lemon won't come out until the rest of the chapter is done" Naruto said as he was in front of a TV holding a controller for a QS3 as he started playing a game. "It was or is the authors first lemon, so it might not be good"

Gintoki grabbed Naruto and started to shake him. "You, it's you isn't it!" Gin shook Naruto furiously as Naruto stilled played the game. "You're in the author's first lemon!"

"I might be" Naruto said. "But me and that me are still two very different people"

Gin stopped shaking Naruto before asking a very important question. "Hey is it fine to tell them that there is a lemon coming?"

"It's fine" Naruto waved him off. "They don't know what story it is so it's fine"

"So that will make them look through the other stories for the lemon that would come out next?"

"Of course not" The blonde said confidently. "Okay maybe"

"Do you know which story it is?"

"Yep" Naruto said.

"What is it?"

"Not telling"

"WHY?" Gintoki shouted.

"Because I feel like it" Naruto shouted back. "Now 'moving on' with the chapter, why is your ***** getting cut off?"

"Well the author was got slapped and if he didn't upload another chapter than his ***** will get cut off and because of that, he threatened if his goes then mines goes!"

"And this involves me how?" Naruto asked.

"I needed a chapter to save my manhood!"

"So does that mean the author is also a male?" Naruto asked. "I mean it doesn't say what gender the author is"

"For the name it says the author has many names so I assume the author can assume multiple different forms as well"

"I see like how the author was a mystical voice, a non-existent invisible figure and text?"

"Most likely" Gin said. "Did you just drop a hint earlier?"

"What hint?"

"A hint to the story that has the lemon that will come out or is out depending on when they read this chapter?"

"You're thinking too hard" Naruto said. "Moving On"

Gin's eyes twitched. Gin was about to say something until he was hit with a Rasengan and sent flying across the room.

"What the hell!" Gin yelled. "Why did you hit me? I thought you didn't unlock your chakra!"

"It's just a game Gin" Naruto said as he pressed buttons on the QS3 controller. Naruto was playing as himself against Gin with Kagura and Sadaharu as his support while Gin had some guy called Ryotsu, whoever that was, and of course the voice of glasses.

"Why are you playing that game?" Gin asked as he watched his game counterpart get tossed around by a virtual Kagura and Sadaharu, well it was all Sadaharu as Kagura was just riding the dog like a horse.

"Want to fight?" Naruto asked as he handed Gintoki a second QS3 controller. Gintoki took the controller and they chose their characters. Naruto was playing as Gintoki and Gintoki was playing as Naruto.

It was weird, as they were playing against each other a few times they decided to talk about the rest of this chapter. "Can't we just upload it from this point back?"

"No, we need to reach the normal limit like the other chapters or go pass the limit" Naruto told the older samurai. "The limit is whatever the author feels like"

"I see" Gin said. "So how are we going to feel the rest of the chapter out? I presume we just can't keep playing a fighting game for the rest of the chapter"

"Your right" Naruto said before they stopped playing. "We need something to fill out the rest of the chapter!"

"I JUST SAID THAT!" Gin shouted.

"I DON'T GIVE A SHIT!" Naruto replied.

"There's got to be something we can do… or you can do"

"WHY ARE YOU TRYING TO SAY?" Naruto shouted at the samurai. "ARE YOU TRYING TO GET OUT OF THIS?"

"….No…."

"Liar, liar pants on fire!"

"My pants aren't on fire"

"Do you want them to be?"

"OF COURSE NOT"

"THEN DON'T DITCH ME WITH SOMETHING THAT YOU HAVE TO DO!"

"The story is more focused on you though" Gintoki said as Naruto just sighed.

"So we are stuck together huh"

"Seems like it"

Suddenly the plot arrived. "Well that's convenient" Naruto said as Kagura and Sadaharu walked in.

"Gin-chan" Kagura said as she entered the room.

Gin turned to see the Yato girl and the Inugami. "What's wrong Kagura?"

"The Bentendo OwEe is out!" Both the Sakata's head turned to her so quickly you might have thought they broke their necks.

Good thing they're main characters huh.

"Are you being serious?" Gin asked as she nodded before snapping his head over to Naruto. "Do you have the money?"

Naruto nodded holding up a bunch of dollar bills. "Then let's go" Gin said.

A lot of people were lining up for the Bentendo OwEe and it was now night, thankfully Shinpachi was there saving them a spot. What a nice guy.

Smoking was in the air as the Yorozuya started a fire. "Um, we prefer that you not build fires" One of the Bentendo employees said. "It is distracting the other customers"

Gintoki then started to give Kagura food until Naruto noticed something in the distance. "Is that…Nobume-chan?" He looked to see Nobume behind a street light peeking out. "Is…is she stalking me?"

He then saw her wave, and he slowly waved back. "Hey Naruto, do you want some?" Gin asked as Naruto saw the 'food' Gin prepared and saw Kagura eating it.

"Uh, no I'm good for now" Naruto said.

"Ah well your lose" Gin said as he started to eat it.

Naruto looked back to them and noticed that she was gone. "Where the hell did she disappear to?" He thought as she disappeared into thin air. "How can someone disappear so quickly?"

As he stared at Nobume was at an emotionless face was staring over his shoulder. She looked down at him before poking him causing him to jump slightly.

He turned around to face her as both their faces were inches apart. "N-Nobume, what are you doing here?"

"I'm hungry"

"If you're hungry then go get something to eat!"

"Make me donuts" She ordered, it was a real wonder that no one seemed to notice the two talking, not even Gintoki and the rest of the Yorozuya.

"I can't make you donuts right now" He whispered to her. "Go to a donut shop or something"

"The shops are closed" Damn she was not going to leave him was she?

"I'll make your donuts later" He told her. "I'm waiting for something right now"

Nobume then looked over to the building. "You're waiting for that?" She asked as she saw the Orange Monster slowly nodded.

Nobume then stood up and his eyes widened comically as he heard explosions and people screaming in pain. She walked back over to Naruto holding an OwEe. "I got it, now donuts"

Naruto sweat dropped at her, she really wanted those donuts. "Okay fine" Naruto said. "I'll make donuts" He sighed as he stood up and left with Nobume as she held the box.

"Here I thought that I will be able to join in with Gin on this arc but in the end the rest of the chapter is left to me" He thought. "On the bright side though, I didn't spend any money"

Naruto and Nobume ended up at Otose Snack. "Donuts"

"I get it Nobume-chan, just stop it!"

"…"

"…"

"…Donuts"

"STOP IT!" Naruto shouted. "Stop saying donuts or no donuts" That got her to stay quiet as Naruto placed the OwEe down next to the QS3 and the ZBox.

Naruto then started to make donuts for Nobume who just watched over his shoulder. She continued to watch with an expressionless face before she rested her chin on her shoulder.

Nobume stay like that as he made donuts for her with Naruto thinking of finally being able to do some serious arcs for a change.

Yet Nobume didn't move, not even when her donuts were done. She just stayed there, on his shoulder. "Hey Nobume, can you move? Please?" Naruto asked as she moved her eyes over to him.

"No"

"What do you mean no!"

"Simple, no" Nobume said not moving an inch. "It's comfortable"

"So I'm just a replacement for a chin rest?" He asked.

"Not really"

"WHAT IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN!" He shouted not liking that answer, it was like he was but wasn't at the same time.

"Feed me" She suddenly said.

"Huh?"

"Feed me" She ordered.

Naruto just picked up the donut and let her eat it. "Why are you making me feed you?"

"Because I felt like it" She told the blonde. "Remember when I visited you?"

Naruto sweat dropped as he remembered. "You mean when you were at the window?"

"Well you said that was something friends do but I did it in a way that was more like two people dating" Nobume eyes looked towards Naruto before taking a bite from a donut Naruto was going to eat. "Does this also count as two people dating?"

Naruto blushed and stuttered. "W-Where did t-this come f-from?" He asked as she only shrugged. "Well… I guess this counts as that"

Nobume had a tiny small before she ate the rest of his donut causing Naruto silently weep. He had yet to eat a single donut.

"Does that mean since we have done those, we are a couple?"

"I don't think it works like that Nobume" Naruto said.

"Then how does it work?"

"I'm not exactly the best person to ask" Naruto said as she just looked at him.

"Are you sure?"

"I'm pretty sure"

Nobume stayed quiet for a while as she looked down at the ground before looking back at him. "Then this makes us a couple"

"WHAT GOT YOU TO THAT CONCLUSION?"

"You said you don't know and I don't know, so I made it" She said.

"You just can't say that you made it and how did you come to that?"

"I went by what I thought"

Naruto looked over to see her having a small smile, great he was about to tell her otherwise but seeing that smile, which was very rare to see on her, he didn't know what to say to her.

When he did decide what he was going to say Nobume surprised him by wrapping her arms around his neck. "Bye" She said emotionlessly but Naruto could hear that she was happy.

She then left as Naruto just looked where she left as Sadaharu walked in. "What the hell happened?"

Sadaharu tilted his head as Naruto patted the Inugami. Naruto looked down at the Inugami. "Want some chow?" Sadaharu barked as Naruto went to give the inugami some food and the large dog followed him.

Parody List

Chapter 8

Danzo – Calling Shinpachi Danzo as they share the same last name

Lemons and T and M Ratings – Talking about T

Other Stories – A story that was uploaded at the same time as the chapter

71 Days – Yes I counted

Reading Parody – From what a few reading stories but going a little further

Space Balls – The TV scene where Gintoki and Naruto watch the TV and see themselves