To be a good girl. That was my objective, a goal I wanted to achieve no matter the cost. A goal that changed shape over time, becoming more twisted and grim in nature... and ultimately, a means to keep lying to myself… a lie meant to cover my cowardice.

"Are you having fun at school?" I would just rather drop out. "I see… then you must have lots friends, right?" Girls that stay with me just for appearances and boys that don't have any real interest in what I have to say. "You're just like your father when he was young. He was really popular back then." A drunkard that abused his wife and daughter until the moment he died of pulmonary cancer. "You're such a good girl, Shizuka." I…I am no such thing… I keep lying and lying without end to make you happy… nothing more… I... "I love you, Shizuka." I don't deserve this…

"Me too… I love you too… mother..." My mother's kind words always hurt me, but most of all, the thing that hurt the most was that the only truth I said to her was so hypocritical in nature that even I found it funny.

They say that in order to attain happiness one must rob someone else of theirs.

The fact that I was making mother happy by stabbing myself… and that for my own self satisfaction nonetheless, seemed to confirm that which was stated earlier. Nothing more, and nothing less. I was afraid to tell her the truth, so I hid…

I hid behind my mask... the twisted and hideous mask of the good girl… the one that gets everything right… the perfect being that I was never going to become.

But…

Lately… I've been able to hold a half truthful conversation with her… and even though my path, filled with thorns as it was, just started… I believed that I could walk it until the very end.

Because I wasn't alone anymore.

"Hey, Hiki~gaya~kun." I said to the boy that was listening on his headphones, ignoring me, and everything else, apparently. Seeing things as such I sat on his desk in order to get his attention.

"Hiratsuka-san..." He responded while avoiding eye contact. He weakly pulled out the chord from his phone and stood up. Without a word, we both headed towards the exit, our destination being the same as always, the shop downstairs and then to the unused storage room at the end of the second floor corridor. Even though we didn't share what others may call a 'special' relationship, I couldn't deny the fact that our circumstances were similar… at least similar enough for us to engage in conversation with one another. We were, at this point, loners… both of us being forced to acknowledge our personalities for what they were, and deciding to remain alone to protect ourselves from harm and useless relationships.

We had little in common except for our refusal at coming to terms with the current social norms, but one thing was surely similar. Both of us were kind enough to accept the other. Our classmates would surely call it something in the likes of "Losers licking each other's wounds.", but that didn't bother me.

"I decided to live my life without lying to myself." I said all of a sudden making a pose. "I'll follow the way of a true shonen manga protagonist!" Hikigaya choked on his sandwich.

"*hack* *wheeze* Don't take me by surprise with your nonsense *cough* this early in the day. It's bad for my health… both physical and mental at that..." even though I didn't hear the last part I couldn't let his comment slide.

"What are you saying, Hikigaya? Shonen-manga protagonists are the best of the best, without exception. It would be immoral to pass them off as simple nonsense." It was preposterous to even think something like that… after all… "Shonen-mangas aren't simple scraps of the otaku culture." Yes, truly. "Shonen-mangas are life itself." I said while pointing at the seemingly uninterested and somewhat taken aback Hikigaya.

"Yes, yes… I was wrong." He responded to my heartfelt speech whilst resuming to eat at his sandwich. I could only hope that he's learnt his lesson.

With that, I sighed and pulled another cigarette from my pocket only to be met with a scornful gaze from him as I flicked open my lighter.

"I thought this didn't bother you." I said as I continued to light up my cigarette regardless, at which he sighed.

"It's just that I would much rather appreciate it if this room wasn't turned into a smokery." With that he moved his chair as far away from me as possible, but close enough to continue our aimless banter. He surely didn't want his clothes to smell, or perhaps this disturbed his eating… I couldn't tell.

Yet, at that moment, making me lose my train of thoughts, a knock came from the door, and just as I was about to throw out my cigarette out of the window the door opened. To our collective surprise, inside the room entered a stunning looking girl that I've never seen before, most probably a senpai. Finding us there must've come as a shock to her as she met us with an awkward smile.

"Am I disturbing something?" She said, making it apparent that there must've been a good reason for a girl and a boy to be alone together in an unused storage room. I felt a little embarrassed, yet Hikigaya denied it completely.

"No. We were just eating our lunch. There's no need to be considerate of us." He maintained his bleak expression as he answered her, or at least so it seemed until I noticed that his cheeks too, were slightly red.

"Ah, that's good to know." She said as she stepped boldly into the room… or he? I couldn't tell before as she stood in the doorway, but she wore pants. It wasn't really a rule at Sobu High at the time regarding the use of male uniforms for girls, but it seemed weird nonetheless. The fact that she had short hair didn't really help much either. "I didn't know that this room was used by one of the clubs." She said as she looked inside one of the boxes in the back of the room.

"No… actually, we aren't in a club." I couldn't help but answer while shifting my position on the window sill to better see her. "We just pass time here from time to time."

"I see..." Her voice lost all of it's previous vigor as she continued to search. "Then… you're just wasting your time, I take it?" Her words were cold as ice. "Your time is valuable. It's a limited, finite resource that, once used, can never be reclaimed. If you are incapable of doing something worthwhile, at least do what that you like. In due time it might prove useful. That's why clubs exist, after all."

"No. You're wrong." Without any warning Hikigaya spoke. "There is no guarantee that doing something you like would yield any results, after all, only about 20% of the people currently employed are content with their job."

"And what you're saying is…?" The girl said as she pulled out a pile of documents from the fifth box she'd searched by now.

"Hardwork betrays none, but dreams betray many. Working hard alone doesn't assure you that you'll achieve your dreams. Actually, there are more cases where you don't. Even so, working hard at something is some consolation at least." He folded his arms in his chair, a meek smile spreading across his face as he continued. "At least then you wouldn't be as naive to believe that all of your worries would simply disappear over time."

His words were truthful, but they contained something I didn't realize for myself until just now. "Your worries wouldn't simply disappear over time." There was something I've overlooked. I've been delving so much in this half baked friendship we've been sharing that I forgot my goal. To destroy myself. To break this mask that I was still wearing in the presence of others… I didn't even realize that I was starting to accept this girl's beliefs as my own if not for Hikigaya.

All of a sudden the door busted open and another intruder popped his head inside. He didn't even seem to acknowledge our presence.

"Hey, Yukimura, you done here?" He shouted, then as if dumbstruck he gave a bow to the both of us once he realized that the person he was searching for wasn't alone.

"Yes. Quite." She said as she glared for one last time at us before storming out of the door with a bunch of documents in hand.

"I'm sorry for our president, he can be quite a nuisance sometimes." He bowed once more and left the room chasing after her/him? I was still confused, but that exchange earlier had proven to me that I still had a ways to go before I could shatter this mask… after all, if you wanted to break something you'd need a hammer… and I knew how I was about to obtain it.

"Hey… Hikigaya-kun..." I said to him still looking at the closed door. "Do you want to form a club?"

"Huh?" His mouth hanged half open as if waiting for someone to feed him. Sorry, but I don't have any more food to give to you. "Haven't you heard what I said earlier?"

"I know that… but… I don't want to remain the same." I said looking at him in the eyes. "I'm done running away." He sighed and didn't move his eyes from the floor for a couple of seconds. I couldn't tell what he was thinking at a glance, but what I could tell was that his answer will come in due time.

I was right.

"I… I have no reason to stop you from doing what you want and if you require my name for establishing this club, I don't have anything against being a ghost member." He stood up, making his way towards the exit. "Just, don't expect too much from me. Class is about to start."

"Ah… Right." I was shocked that he would accept my proposal from the get go as I imagined that I had to force him to do so one way or another. A smile of realization spread across my face as I got down from the window sill and chased after him. He wasn't nice or anything of the sorts… he just didn't want to have me on his consciousness if I did something stupid after he would've refused me. It was a no brainer that after he would do so, the distance between us would increase with each passing day, leading us to become strangers once again. Then I'd have lost the support of our daily conversations, the only thing that kept me afloat at the moment, the only thing that I've come to enjoy about school. If I would've lost those precious moments, I don't know what I would do. I was just that insecure about myself and such a coward that the thought of making friends with someone else didn't even register… and he realized it… that Hikigaya. That's why he forced himself to accept my proposal, or at least that's what I think. There's no way for me to read someone else's thoughts in order to confirm my theory. "Hey, Hikigaya." I said as I almost caught up with him, making him stop and turn towards me. "I… I don't know… your number… or your mail… so..." As I was panting, without a word, he took out his phone and gave it to me. So you want me to put it in, huh? I gave it back to him after I finished introducing my data and taking his.

"Let's get going then." He finally spoke, making me hurry after him.

"Sorry." I said to no one in particular as we continued walking towards our classroom.