The world is rotten, without any doubt. The way we organize ourselves by groups, the way we idolize certain people based on looks and appearances alone. I despise it. I despise lies and I despise those that aren't true to themselves… in other words, I hate myself the most.

"Hey, hey, what are doing for launch?"

"Yes, yes. You haven't eaten with us in a while."

"S-Sorry… go without me… I have something to do..." I said to them with a fake smile plastered on my face. One that seemed so genuine that they believed me without second thought.

"It's all right." Ami smiled at me, patting me on the shoulder. "It's ok." She turned to the other girls. "All right then, let's go." She waved her hands as if shooing the rest of them away from me.

As she did that I stood there in silence and waited for them to leave, then took my school bag and jammed inside every manual I had and headed outside. I sighed as soon as I made it on the stairs leading to the gymnasium. There I took out my launch box and headed to the outside faucets. With a trace of hesitation I opened it and almost threw up. Inside, replacing the food my mom made was a dead lab rat, his insides slightly staining with red the leftover rice that wasn't fully thrown out.

I closed the box immediately and threw it as far away from me as I could.

With unsteady feet I clinged to one of the faucets that spilled out cold water… I had no doubt who did it and why… but there wasn't anything that I could do… Without evidence, the teachers wouldn't even bat an eye at me and if I were to confront them head on, this would get even worse… it was still possible to get worse… I had no doubt about that.

I always had to be a good girl… a good girl…

"A good girl wouldn't ever do something like this!" I shouted in anguish as I pulled up the sleeves of my shirt, revealing bandages on my wrists that were still stained with blood marks. I let my hands soak in the cold water and at the same time, tears started flowing from my eyes.

This world is rotten. I know it, but… it's beauty violates me… I can't stop living.

"Then why not destroy it all… the world… and myself?" is what I thought, but it didn't work, after all.

All I could do right now to alleviate this loneliness was to shed all of my sorrows… in this place where no one would disturb me. That was all… all I could do.

I inspired deeply, and washed my face. To fill my empty stomach, I had to result again to drinking tap water… "It's been so long since I've eaten something at school..." I mumbled to myself, a weak smile crawling on my face. "I'll have to tell mother I lost another lunch box… she's gonna be so pissed."

With water still dripping from my face and hair I looked around, just in case… and one of my deepest fears became reality. Someone… a boy… saw me.

He didn't say a single word to me, just passed by me, briefly making eye contact.

"Um..." I tried to call out to him, but he just entered the school building without even glancing my direction again. I was at a loss of words… my lips quivered as I bit onto them… Was the facade that I worked so hard to build, to sustain, going to break as easy as that?

I grabbed my bag and darted after him. He went up the stairs at a leisure pace as I got my sights on him, but as I was about to reach him, he entered his class… my class.

And there I was, in front of my own classroom, my shirt slightly wet, my hair still dripping with water and out of breath, my bag opened, several notebooks missing from inside of it... a ridiculous state… but at that moment, as my world was about to break… I couldn't care less how I looked. I entered the classroom, but my eyes weren't searching for the boy anymore, but rather were focused on a peculiar spot.

"You've got to be kidding me..." I said to myself, letting the bag that was barely standing on my shoulder drop to the ground with a ~tud~. I slowly made my way to my desk and touched the phrases of chalk that were scribbled on it.

"Die!" "Slut." "Men hoarder." "Drop out." and many others were addressed to a single person, me. I just stood there dumbstruck for a while then while lowering my eyes, I smiled. Without even saying a word I started scrubbing at the desk in the sight of all of my classmates.

This world is rotten. This world can just break in a thousand pieces for all I care. But... even so… I can't help it… to keep living… that isn't a goal in itself, but I made it mine… because at this rate…

A tear fell on the desk filled with chalk.

… I'm not going to resist.

My 'friends' didn't talk to me again that day. That front of joy that they pulled off so well was something that I always hated… because I was doing it too. Because I didn't want to be left alone.

In the end I had to use a spare desk provided by the faculty. Holding my new manuals safely in my bag, the rest of the day went on with no other difficulties. I made an excuse to stay a bit after school to avoid unnecessary chatter and read in the library until the sun was about to set.

I made my way to the entrance, and to my surprise, in front of my locker stood the boy from earlier. It seems he'd waited for some time as he now stood squatting. How lame. At my sight he straightened up, but he couldn't help but stand a bit hunched over with his hand in his pockets.

"Those girls..." He began saying looking nowhere in particular. "... they seemed to want something from this locker." He finished, closing his eyes. "Have any ideea, why?"

I couldn't help but fumble at his question. I couldn't answer.

"Is that so?" Saying that he started to walk away, but then stopped. "What would you do if you had a weapon?"

"A… w-weapon?" I answered in surprise. What's the deal with him? Chuunibyou? Even though the question was kind of stupid and out of context, I decided to give a proper answer… the single one that came to mind at the moment.

"Make this world disappear." I said with a straight face at which he chuckled a bit.

"Then, you have the same goals as me." He turned giving me a tumbs up.

"Yeah, it's deffeneatly chuunibyou." I thought, but…

"Then I'll give you one." He said with a weird smile. "A weapon." With that, he put his bag on his shoulder and started walking towards the exit. "Humans are prone to fear. They would lie, betray and condemn their own if it means their salvation."

"Hey..." I tried to stop him, but he just ignored me… or so I thought.

"Don't you think that Oshiro-san is cute?" He said all of a sudden, smiling as he looked at me for the last time before leaving the school building.

For a moment I stood there with a mixed feeling of amazement and amusement.

It wasn't much of a hint, but… I guess this was as much as I was going to get from him.

"Way to call this a weapon… I'll punch you." I said to his retreating back as I took out my phone and quickly dialed a number. "Ah, Ami? Hello. I have something to talk to you about, would you hear me out?" I smiled. "Sure. I'm at the school right now… The park nearby? Got it. Then I'll meet you there." With that I flipped the phone closed.

"He would've sounded way cooler if he knew how to control his facial expressions though…" I said to myself as I chuckled. Making my way to my locker, I couldn't help but feel blessed to have my shoes inside for once. With a weak smile I turned to the entrance and said "Thank you." to no one in particular.

I don't know if I can do this right, but I'll try.

It didn't take more than 10 minutes for Ami to get here. It was obvious that she was just lazing around from her getup.

"What is it? I was watching an interesting show..." She said yawning.

I sighed and then inhaled deeply. My heart was racing and it was obvious that I was nervous from my trembling fingers, but I had to act indifferently for this to work, so I clenched my fists so hard that my nails sank into my palms. I felt warm liquid flooding my hands, but, surprisingly, that made me calm down a little.

"Hey, Ami… you're cute, right?" I said to her, making the swing I was sitting in move. She didn't answer. "Then why are you doing all of those things?" I looked her dead in the eyes. She faltered.

"I-It's not that I..." she started speaking but I cut her off.

"What if someone finds about it? Wouldn't if be terrible?" I continued to swing.

"Are you threatening me?" She regained her tone, and even seemed a bit angry.

"No. " I said smiling. "I have no evidence, after all."

"Then…?"

I sighed. "Haruna and Sae are really cute too." This caught her attention. "No boy would come after me after what happened today. So… why not tell the truth... that you happened to see them do all those horrible things?"

She seemed to have caught the idea.

"I know you don't like me, but this can help the both of us, right?" I finally said to her, getting down from the swing. Isn't that right, Oshiro Asami-san?

With that in mind, I left her be.

The next morning, the whole class was in a great ruckus, the main cause being me… or rather the identity of my bullies and their exposed actions, that mostly remained hidden until now. It seems that Asami-san was smart enough to put herself in a good light as the one unmasking the perpetrators and I was left alone. It seems that she had enough fun with me and decided to move on to playing around with boys instead.

As for me, I found a new interest… and a mechanism to destroy this mask I've built for myself. I wanted to change… I didn't want to lie to myself and to others… So, for the rest of my time in elementary school I've acquired enough psychological skills to get around on my own… from books of course.

I've also decided to keep my long hair, even though I've got a lot of scorn from the girls for it's beauty in the past, but I've learnt from mistakes… From now on I've decided to stop having artificial friends and to seek real ones instead… for that…

"Hey, Hikigaya-kun." I said to the lone boy climbing his way to our new high school.

For that, I've decided to start with the boy that saved me back then, and the one that made me realize my potential as a truthful human being.

"Y-Yo… Hiratsuka-san." He said with a forced smile. I smiled back to him, the only difference being that mine was genuine.

The mask I made for myself was crumbling, slowly, as if self-destructing.

Now… let the story of The Self-Destructing Machine and The Experienced Loner begin. A story set ten years before the original Oregairu, and based on what Hachiman once said: "If only I've been born 10 years earlier..." in response to Hiratsuka-sensei's teachings.