I know that I posted this up before and then took it down because of some criticism. To be honest though, when I started this fic, it was meant to be somewhat of a crack relaxation fic, meant to be a bit of fun mixed with some seriousness. So yeah, after months of deliberation (and my beta pestering me to go back to writing it), here is the chapter again, unaltered and no fucks given lol.

Now back to my other crack fic….

Chapter 1

An Offer That Can't Be Refused

A few hours had passed since he had been picked up by this SHIELD organization, during that time very few words were exchanged between himself or anyone else. In fact, it seemed, outside of the need of making sure he was aware of what would happen if he decided to act out of line, not that they realized the futility of it.

But now, he found himself in what could only be described as an interrogation room, the same Agent Coulson across from him, the very same expression on his face as when they first met, only this time he had a case in front of him. Then, as if some unseen signal was given, Coulson opened up the case and took out a folder, looking through it.

"I have to admit, your handiwork is impressive," Coulson began, placing down several photos of his work and splaying them out for him to see, "if it wasn't for your last job, it's doubtful we would have been able to identify you."

If he was expecting some sort of reaction, Sasuke couldn't help but disappoint him, instead remaining silent after glancing at the photos, instead meeting the eyes the gaze of the agent.

"Well then, Mister Uchiha," he paused, keeping his gaze upon him, watching him for any reaction only getting none, "you know, for all the effort you put into creating yourself an identity, maybe you should have refrained from using that name."

It was then that he reached into the case and pulled out a book, placing it down in front of him and causing his expression to flicker downward into a frown at the sight before him. If he was his younger teen self he would have likely ground his teeth, but now he only glared at the offending material placed before him: a Naruto manga book.

Sufficiently glared at, his eyes then came back to Coulson whose expression still remained the same.

"So I guess the question now is, who are you really?"

To Coulson, this was an open and shut case, the man before him may be a capable asset, but he was lying about who he was, and by that extension, who trained him a large threat to SHIELD itself. So he was somewhat surprised when the subject simply smirked.

"Tell me Agent Coulson, what would happen if I told you I am who I say I am?"

There was a surety to the subjects tone that for a moment, Coulson's smile faltered.

"I think my colleagues and I would find that highly unlikely."

There it was, the gauntlet thrown, only problem being that Coulson now suddenly wasn't exactly sure where they were standing.

"Then I suggest you get in contact with Kishimoto-san," he spat the honorific, "and ask him if the next few chapters he writes consist of me meeting my reincarnated brother, fighting Kabuto alongside him, trapping Kabuto in Izanami, then proceeding to revive Orochimaru."

It galled him that he even had to talk about that stupid violation of his life, where millions of people knew everything about his past and what he done, all because some two-bit artist somehow knew about his world. If he didn't believe it might come back to haunt him he would have killed the man.

"That is an interesting story," Coulson finally said, "but just because you may have gleaned likely events in a story does not corroborate your story."

So that's how it was, he thought with a mental sigh, closing his eyes and channeling chakra to them before opening his eyes to reveal his mangekyo sharingan.

"Then maybe this will help my cause, Agent Coulson," he stated simply, letting his eyes do the talking.

After a few moments of silence, Coulson got to his feet.

"I guess we can look into it. Agent Ward will be with you in a few minutes to chaperone you to the cafeteria if you wish."

And with that, Coulson left him, allowing him to deactivate his sharingan.

TTA

"What do you think," Fury's voice came through Coulson's phone.

"As unbelievable as it seems, I don't think he's lying," he begrudgingly admitted, as crazy as it sounded, not once had he seen any hint of dishonesty from the man.

"So we somehow have a cartoon character in our possession."

"I think the correct term is anime, sir."

"I don't care," Fury snapped, "It's bad enough that we find out that Norse gods are real, but now we have cartoon characters! What's next, Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck make an appearance."

"I sincerely doubt that, sir. What do you want me to do?"

"What do we know about the abilities attributed to this Sasuke Uchiha?"

"Elemental manipulation, expert martial artist sword practitioner, ocular powers including illusions and creating fire, among others ," came the automatic reply.

"And this Kishimoto checked out?"

"Cabinet Security approached him and confirmed it, his story checks out."

There was a long sigh on the other end of the line, followed by indefinable grumbling.

"Offer him a job," was the response before Fury hung up.

TTA

Onyx eyes glanced to the agent tasked to guard him again, taking in the agent's best attempt at being a statue. Taking him in again, they then returned back to the bacon, lettuce, and tomato sandwich that had been heaped with his favorite fruit. It wasn't like he could enjoy his favorite meal in the west sadly. Still, it was good enough in its simplicity for him.

Finishing off the sandwich, he took the time to take stock of everything and hope that maybe whatever amounted here would help him in his endeavor. He had heard enough about SHIELD in his travels to know that they had a nearly limitless budget and if he could turn that budget to his advantage he might be able to get back home. That was why he had made the decision to come peacefully and that the agents hadn't approached him like his younger portrayed self, that would have likely been rough if they had.

He was brought out of his thoughts when Agent Coulson sat himself down across from him.

"So..."

"Your story checks out, Mr. Uchiha. I have talked with my superiors and they wish to offer you a job."

"Assassination?"

"And protection. You're rather unique in your skillset that it would be unwise to limit your role. Maybe a bit of interrogation on the side considering your abilities."

"Hn."

"It pays to be informed, don't you agree Mr. Uchiha."

"What I want in return for my services is for SHIELD to work on researching a way for me to return home."

"That can be arranged."

"I also refuse to harm or orphan children, regardless of reason."

Coulson frowned, "SHIELD is not in the business of harming children."

"No, you are in the practice of defending its member nations from all threats, present or future, Agent Coulson, if it requires to kill a few children I have no doubt in my mind that it will be done. I want no part of that."

"Of course."

"Very well then. I accept."

"Good. Tell me, how is your Russian?"

"Prokhodimyy."

"Good. Because your first job is in Russia backing up one of our agents."