Summary: Umi comes to terms with her feelings towards Kotori. (Warning: angst.)

Pairing: Kotoumi

"Kotori, are you really going to study abroad?" I stepped forward, looking at Kotori with desperation in my eyes.

"What?" Kotori looked a bit taken back at my question.

"I..." I didn't want her to leave, if only if what I said made a difference in her decision, then maybe it wouldn't come to this.

"Umi-chan..."

"Never mind. It's nothing." I turned my back towards her, hoping that she would understand my unsaid words meant.

"I can't change my mind now."

"I know." Only Honoka can change your mind.

That memory seemed to haunt me every once in a while, making me feel even more self conscious and insecure of our friendship.

Was I that unreliable?

I placed a hand on top of my forehead, brooding over how things have been for the last few weeks, or I guess you can say how it's been for the last 10 years. The way she looked at Honoka. The way she would rely on Honoka over me, even though Honoka was the least reliable out of the three of us. Even when she was about to almost leave to study abroad, only Honoka's opinion seemed to matter to me, and that killed me.

It hurts but of course, whatever decision Kotori makes, I would support her as long as it makes her happy. Because I don't want her to be unhappy, ever.

As I walked towards Kotori's house just in time for school, I was greeted by Kotori with a welcoming smile on her face.

"Good morning Umi-chan! Honoka-chan told us not to wait up for her." Kotori smiled cautiously, knowing that I wouldn't be too happy about this.

"... She's still in bed…?" I grumbled, displeased once again. Of course, it wasn't the first time this has happened.

She simply said nothing and pulled me along. You spoil her too much Kotori. I thought to myself.

"It's been a while since the two of us have walked to school together alone." Kotori broke the silence after a minute.

"Do you dislike it?" I glanced over at her.

"Of course not! It's just refreshing once in a while." Kotori chuckled.

"I see." It must be different from the usual then. I wasn't sure what kind of meaning she meant with her words but I tried not to think too much of it. "Honoka seriously needs to stop sleeping in, she's the student council president, she always does this!" I rambled on.

"Umi-chan, you're too harsh on her!"

"No Kotori, it's the truth. She can't rely on us to do her homework and student council work all the time and-" I sighed and looked over at Kotori who just chuckled at the sight of me ranting on. "W-what is it?"

"Nothing, I just thought it's always cute to see you rant about Honoka." Kotori hooked her arm around mine.

"E-eeeeh? Ah... I guess..." I turned away from Kotori, hoping that she wouldn't see me in this embarrassed state, although I could feel her glance at me. "You always do this Kotori..." I faintly mumbled.

"Whaaaat was that?" Kotori teased.

"N-nothing!" I stumbled upon my words, hoping she wouldn't catch my stutter.

Suddenly, I could feel something loud echoing behind Kotori and I. As I turned around, a motorcycle came dangerously closer each second that passed by. It was as if she were running away from something or speed racing. I instinctively tensed up.

"Get behind me!" I yelled, recognizing the faint noise as a motorcyclist. Pulling Kotori behind me, I let my arms stretch out to prevent any damages done onto her a woman on a motorcycle quickly zipped by us without any warning.

I staggered a bit, before turning over to Kotori. "How irresponsible... someone could have been hurt. And in the early morning too. Are you okay? You're not hurt are you? S-should we call your mother?!" I panicked a bit and grasped Kotori's shoulders tightly examining for any cuts or bruises.

"I'm fine, but Umi-chan… your hand is bleeding." Kotori brought a hand over to mine, raising a sharp cut on the side of my hand.

"Oh… It is…? That's- I'll just get a bandaid and it'll be fine." I winced a bit from the sudden sting on my hand. It wasn't anything serious, it could probably heal within a week, a few days even.

"Umi-chan…" Kotori clutched my arm and looked down at the ground, avoiding my eyes. "Let's go back to my house, I'll treat you since our school is quite a while from here."

"It's fine, we're going to be late anyways. And your mother wouldn't enjoy you skipping school because of me either."

"If it were me that was hurt, wouldn't you do the same?" Kotori looked away, her face looking a bit guilty.

"… That's diff-" I tried to reason out, hoping that she would buy along with it. After all, it wasn't fair for her to stay back for my sake.

"It really isn't, so let me take care of you for once, okay?" Kotori's grip tightened, her hands full of warmth, causing me to blush a bit.

"I'm grateful to you and Honoka-chan for taking care of me all the time, but I don't want to be useless when it comes to times like this." Kotori continued on after the sudden silence.

I looked into her eyes, and all I could read was worry and hurt. Hurt. Why did she have to look so hurt?

"Yeah... let's go back." I agreed upon seeing Kotori's worried look, feeling so useless.

Once we reached Kotori's house, she instructed me to go to her room while she prepared all the supplies.

"You really don't have to." I sat down on her bed, watching her pull out some medical cream and bandaids. "It really isn't that deep…" I continued, hoping that she would reply and say something to ease this tension.

"I told you it's fine right, I've been learning from Maki-chan and Eli-chan." Kotori reassured me as she looked at the size of my cut.

Kotori dampened my cut with some rubbing alcohol on a gauze, letting it rest on me for about 5 seconds to soak up all the excess blood on my hand. As I hissed, she lightly lifted up the gauze, while still letting a part of it to rest on me. Once the blood ceased, she carefully placed a bandaid with a bird-like picture on it, making sure that it was positioned carefully so no fluid would flow out of me.

"Th-thanks Kotori." I mumbled incoherently.

"What was that?" She innocently smiled, challenging me.

"... I said thaanKS" I could feel my face redden as my voice cracked, looking anywhere but her eyes.

I felt a hand on the top of my head, tensing up suddenly from the sudden physical contact. Even though I knew it couldn't be anyone but her touching me right now, the fact that it was her still made me nervous, and somewhat, anxious. She began to run her fingers through my hair, caressing and massaging my scalp delicately. I began to loosen up from her touch, yet I still couldn't afford to look her in the eye, knowing that I would becoming a babbling mess once her eyes gaze into mine.

Somehow my head landed up resting on her legs while she continually played with my hair gently. It was a peaceful sensation, to be taken care of by someone you love, knowing that your care is in theirs for now.

"Umi-chan, this position seems a bit familiar, don't you think?" Kotori began to talk.

"It… does?" My cheeks started to burn up.

"When we were kids, whenever you would lose a game of hide and seek to Honoka, you'd start becoming sulky and avoid talking to anyone, and only talk to yourself. I would always sit by you and comfort you, and it made you feel better. Even though I'm younger than you, it does feel a bit surprising when you would cry on my lap and talk about how unfair it was that Honoka-chan cheated or how she would steal your food when you weren't looking. It really was a pleasant experience." Kotori recalled the story with an angelic look on her face.

"That's… that's…" A blush spread across my face as I remember the graceful moments from our childhood.

"Disgraceful? Unacceptable? Embarrassing? I know it all." She teased as she placed the back of her hand on my cheek, absorbing the warmth of my face. She knew it all.

"I will never do such a thing again." I blurted out, flustered at the embarrassment of the memory.

"It really isn't such a bad thing. I find that a memory that I'll look back at and cherish it. Because it was fun."

I looked up at her and gazed into her eyes that were full of warmth and care. Her eyes shone like the moon, it was luminous and beautiful to look at.

A part of me was grateful that I got to spend all this time with her, but another part of me felt uncertain of what would my future look like without her. Once we graduate, there's a chance that she'll find someone new and leave my side with someone just as beautiful as her. Jealousy rotted in my heart yet I didn't dare voice my feelings about it. I couldn't do that to her. All I could do is wish the best for her. It didn't matter who she would love as long as that person gave her the happiness she deserved. After all, I could only be selfish for a limited time.

But I still wanted her. I wanted all of her, to indulge in her wellbeing and comfort. But all the weight of my feelings became hard to carry for the past few years. We've watched each other grow up, make new friends, and become who we are today. I knew everything about her, including her feelings. Yet I still had that little ounce of hope that maybe she had the tiniest bit of feeling for me. If so, then maybe things could work out.

"Hey... Kotori..." I sat up, sitting beside her. I reached over and brought my hand over to her side in hopes of grabbing hers, but she suddenly stood up, letting me grasp a handful full of air and emptiness. Oh. It's empty. I thought to myself. She put her hand on her arm and looked out the window. I began tensing up. "What if... to you, someone told you that they loved you?"

"I would be flattered." Kotori replied quietly, her back facing towards me. That's it? I wondered.

"Is there someone... that you love?" I cautiously asked, pushing the isssue further.

Kotori simply looked at me with a hesitant look. "What about you Umi-chan? I believe that the reason why you're asking me this, is because there's someone special in your heart."

There was another pause. I was speechless, I wanted to agree with her but it seemed like I was already found out. My hands grasped her bed sheets tightly, as I looked down at the floor, wishing that I never brought this topic up when I already knew the answer.

"I'm sorry Umi-chan. I know." Kotori looked out the window in silence.

My face slowly lifted up to look her in the eye. Hoping this wasn't a bad dream, I challenged her, hoping that she was talking about something else, "Know what?"

"That you're in love with me." She said quietly.

My throat became dry. I balled my fists, pushing them into Kotori's bed. Was it that obvious? I wanted to get out of here as soon as possible, I wanted to run out of here and to anywhere, anywhere as long as she wasn't there.

"The truth is, I don't understand where my feelings lie." Kotori continued on.

"Right. I understand." I choked out. A silence ensued.

It wasn't as if I didn't know. I always knew but I never said anything. The thoughts imploded on me, letting them ruin my mind.

"You like Honoka, and not me." My words trailed off, as I rubbed the back of my neck, hoping to cool myself down. I knew this was going to hurt, but it hurt more than I expected. "And I like you, while Honoka probably doesn't understand the concept of love yet." I laughed faintly.

"Wait, Umi-chan... I..."

"No, you know what, it's better if you don't say it. I, too, have known that you care for Honoka on a deeper level than how you care for me. I've been watching you as well, and I've seen how differently you act around her than when you're around me." Tears began to emerge out of my eyes, and every part of me started to to break down. I had to keep myself sane but everything kept flowing out of me. "But I can't be too upset. As a matter of fact, if it weren't for Honoka telling you to stay in Japan, you wouldn't still be here. I really have to thank Honoka." I added on bitterly.

"No.. it's not like I don't-"

"It really is fine. I don't mind waiting for you, if your feelings are still uncertain. I'll give you as long as you need. If you end up not returning my feelings, I wouldn't be upset, so don't worry about hurting me. I don't want our friendship to crumble because of petty things like this. It'd be a waste, you know? Ten years of friendship down the drain because of a love triangle." I chuckled, as I saw a picture on Kotori's desk of the three of us as kids, smiling as if nothing could ever separate our bond.

Kotori looked at me with an apologetic look and pity in her eyes. It really did hurt. To experience unrequited love first hand.

"Don't look at me like that, it's not like it's your fault." I patted her on the shoulder, hoping to give her some reassurance.

"I can't help it... after all you're my childhood friend." Kotori suddenly burst out, tears forming in her eyes as she rested her head on my shoulders. "Childhood friends" she says. Ah.. I guess that's what we are. "Umi-chan... I really am sorry. I never meant for things to become this way... it just happened over time..."

"It's not like we can help our feelings. I know you're feeling conflicted, and I'll wait for a proper response from you whenever you're ready, okay?"

Kotori sniffled and nodded her head. We stayed like this for a couple of minutes until the two of us calmed down.

Suddenly a loud noise came from Kotori's house, it sounded as if the front door had opened and a second later, the door was kicked open by Honoka.

"You guysssss! I can't believe you two ditched school... Why didn't you invite me?!" Honoka's face fumed in anger as she looked at her two best friends.

"I'll see you two later." I grabbed my belongings and looked anywhere but Kotori and Honoka's eyes. "Thanks, Kotori."

"Umi-chan..." An apologetic look flashed before Kotori's eyes.

I simply smiled and waved to them before heading off.

As I made my way downstairs, I rushed out the door without turning back. Stepping outside, I felt a drop of water on my head. Looking up at the sky, it began to darken, the clouds formed and were becoming gray.

"... How unfortunate. I must be unlucky today." I let the rain pour onto me, not even reaching for an umbrella in my bag. It was fine, I had to be strong anyways. After all, I couldn't be weak.