"Hey," Jude mumbled, lifting my chin up slowly with his smooth fingers. He was the first person I had ever told. His eyes were gentle, they didn't judge and they didn't bore into me like they often did. He waited for me to reply, but my mouth couldn't form the words I wanted to say; I had already said it, what more did he need?

"Connor, come on. Don't block me out-"

"You don't understand!" I screamed at him, immediately regretting it.

"What! What the hell don't I understand Connor! For fuck's sake! I know what it's like to be gay you narcissistic ass!" His words stung. Gay. Choked me. Narcissistic. He was right though. Ass. I stumbled to my feet, grabbed my keys off the coffee table and fled out the front door, racing to get to my car.

"Wait! Connor, wait!" Jude shouted from behind me. I turned around to see the cute boy, standing nearly 10 feet in front of me. Edgy appeal. Barefoot. Tight sweat pants. Loose tee. On his small frame. Messy, oh so messy hair. And a very disappointed look plastered across his face. Fuck, just fucking kiss him. I buried those thoughts in the back of mind so that I wasn't tempted to act on them.

I clambered into my car, started the engine, and drove off steadily. Not daring to glance back.

...

When I pulled into the driveway, I noticed something missing. My father's car. He was gone. Thank God.

I threw my keys onto the dining room table, heading straight for the bottle of whiskey perched on a shelf in the corner of the room. I didn't bother looking for a glass, didn't need one.

The alcohol burned at the back of my throat, taunting me with the fire that it produced in my stomach. Three sips. Five. Six sips. Nine. Ten. My body craved more and more. I sauntered to the couch, feeling light headed and nauseous.

There was this obnoxious buzzing coming from my pocket. My phone. The screen read 11:53 pm. Damn, it was late. Message: Jude. What the fuck did he want?

Hey..I know ur mad at me.

But don't do anything stupid.

Can we talk tomorrow?

Don't do anything stupid. What, was he my Goddamn mother now?

My heart pounded after reading his text. I hated him. But he kept pulling me in. Extinguishing my dislike for him.

I couldn't help but reply. I took my time, fingers slowly typing out the message I wanted to send:

Not mad.

Meet me after 2nd period.

Locker room.

...

The halls were forsaken with laughter and gossip. I didn't give any attention to the ridiculousness.

The bell rang as I took my seat in Biology. I noticed something - no someone - was missing. I scanned the room, not once, but twice. Where was Jude? He was always here. Always on time. But this morning, his seat was empty. Empty. I'm empty.

My hands trembled while I sent him a quick text:

Where r u?

We're supposed to talk.

"Mr. Stevens?" the teacher glared at me, "Class has begun, please put your cell phone away."

I slid my phone into my pocket. Embarrassed. I was an embarrassment.

First period dragged on. Class lulled. Listened to the lecture. Stared at the clock. 9:03 am. Two more minutes. Seconds ticked by like hours. 9:04. I closed my eyes. Tilted my head back.

At last. 9:05. I bolted from my desk when the bell sounded off, jerking my phone out of my pocket with record speed. One new message. My face lit up when I read his name.

Don't worry.

See ya in the locker room.

...

By the time I reached the locker room, my thoughts had already consumed me.

He's not coming.

You know he'll be a no show.

You're an ass, Connor.

A narcissistic one at that.

He won't come.

You're wasting your time.

Go to class.

I blinked back tears when the door slammed behind me. No one was here. Just as I expected. My mind said leave. My heart said stay. Five minutes. That's it. No more. I leaned against the lockers. Waiting. Waiting. I seemed to always be waiting these days.

Three minutes. Fuck! Where was he!? I paced back and forth. Calm down, idiot. I sat on the rickety bench. Relax.

"Hey.." a voice muttered. I gazed up at the figure above me. Jude. I hadn't even heard him come in.

I took a rigid breath before answering in a hushed tone, "Hey. Jude."

There he was. Staring; staring at me, staring at him. He was wearing the same clothes as last night. This time with shoes. A bracelet around his wrist. And a beanie. Tumblr boy much?

He looked tired. Exhausted. He looked sick. No, hurt.

I stood up.

"Connor.."

My eyes met his. Adverted to the floor.

"We can't be just friends.." he whispered. That was it. I lunged forward and grabbed his arms. Yanking him towards my body. My lips crashed into his. Mmm, warm. I had never done this. Kissed another guy.

His scent was intoxicating, overwhelming my entire body. Thin hands found my hips, tightened around them, pushing me backwards. He forced me up against the lockers. Dominant, huh? He kept me pressed there. Unable to shift under his grasp. Our lips moved in sync, desperate.

After what seemed like an eternity, the kisses steadied. They were no longer ferocious, or pleading, but sweet and passionate. He removed his lips from mine, kissing down my jaw, to my neck.

"Jude-"

His hand slipped under my shirt.

My body froze.

"Stop!" I shoved him off, livid that he thought he could just fool around with me. That's what he was doing, right?

"What the fuck Connor! You little bitch!" he barked.

"You're right Jude! We can't be just friends!" My breathing hitched, "We can't be fucking anything! You're a freak!"

I headed for the door, but before I could open it, his hands landed on my shoulder blades, thrusting me into cold metal. I pivoted swiftly and threw a punch with all my might, fist settling just above his right eye. He staggered back, stunned, but infuriated.

"Fuck you!" he hollered.