Author's Note: I said to myself, "Self, this was supposed to be a short fic. Short. Like three chapters, max. Now look what you've done? You're a 30,000 words in and you know you're not even halfway there. You're doing the whole first season, aren't you? So help me, you had better have this finished before Season Two starts or there will be consequences." And I did it! Which is a relief, because when I threaten myself, I am not playing around.

I've gone through and re-read the fic, doing a few minor edits, because I'm obsessive that way and because it gives me a reason to flog myself over the stupid, stupid things I missed the first time around. Seriously.

Summary: It's not really the end, even if it kind of is and loving someone means wanting what's best for them, even when it totally sucks.

The End of the Beginning

As much as Barry hated their makeshift meta-prison, he couldn't think of a better use for it. Knowing Eobard Thawne was there, stuck in his own private little cell, made Barry feel… good and also a little sick that he could feel such profound relief at another person's captivity, but mostly, he just wanted to walk out the door, go home and play video games while Thawne rotted down there.

"Barry, man, talk to me."

"Not yet."

It wasn't that he didn't understand, it was just… he wanted this over. He wanted it to be done. He was worn out and hungry and really, really tired of the emotional roller coaster that he'd been on since Thawne had let him go and he hated that. He hated that little part of him that sometimes thought at least things weren't this complicated in the room. It had been pretty simple, all things considered – eat, sleep, read – if his captor was feeling generous there was the occasional thousand piece puzzle – and get beaten whenever said captor wasn't having a good day. It was painful, mind-numbingly boring and he was pretty sure he'd been going insane, but it was simple.

Distantly, he was aware of Cisco shifting uncomfortably in his chair, watching Barry sit on the treadmill with a blank expression.

It wasn't like he wanted to go back, or anything, but at least there hadn't been people looking to him for something he wasn't sure he could give. They needed him to talk to Thawne, because Thawne insisted on talking to him and no one else. Well, that wasn't strictly true. He'd make small talk, but nothing on how to turn off the accelerator or how he intended to use Barry to get back to the future. He had to be there for a reason. Thawne hadn't just walk up to S.T.A.R. Labs and picked a fight for the hell of it. Or maybe he had, they wouldn't know until Barry went down there and asked.

"Dude, I love you, I really do, and I don't want to pressure you, but…"

"Almost there."

From the other side of the room, he heard a familiar, labored sigh. Hartley must have come down to see what was taking so long, which, screw him. This wasn't easy. As much as he'd wanted to catch Thawne and get all of his questions answered, he'd never actually stopped to consider how that was going to happen. He'd spent the entire run to Nanda Parbat and back coming to the realization that they'd finally done it. They'd caught him. He wasn't going anywhere and Barry almost didn't want or need anymore answers. Gideon said he was going to use Barry to travel back into the future and that wasn't happening. Game over.

Except there was still the accelerator and the mystery power source. Hartley and Cisco had fought for hours over how it might work and what it was, but they both agreed attempting to turn it off without knowing what they were doing was a bad idea. Like blow an actual hole in the city kind of bad idea. Barry might not have understood half of what they'd said, but he did know that when Hartley and Cisco agreed on something, that was it.

What all of that meant was they needed Thawne to talk and he'd agreed to do so only to Barry. It was control. The whole damn thing was about control and as much as Barry wanted to walk away and show Thawne exactly how much control he didn't have, the unfortunate truth was he did have leverage to get at least part of what he wanted. Barry wasn't helping him do anything, least of all get home, but he did have to talk to him.

Standing up, Barry nodded. "Okay, let's do this."

Cisco and Hartley trailing behind as he walked down the hall. They'd already had some discussion about this before Barry had run out of the cortex and taken a time out in Cisco's lab to get himself together.

He'd go in alone, but the cameras would be on. It was a matter of Barry's safety. Thawne had built the accelerator, he'd helped convert the pods into cells and there was a good chance that he'd put some kind of fail safe in there to allow himself to get out. While Hartley and Cisco had gone over the interior multiple times, neither of them felt comfortable saying there was no chance of escape.

Knowing his friends and family, the people he trusted, were on the other end of the feed made it easier. Not comfortable, per say, but manageable.

At the door, Cisco stopped him. "Maybe we should have a safeword, in case you need help?"

Behind him, he could almost hear Hartley roll his eyes. "This isn't a bondage porno, Cisco. If he needs help, he can just ask."

Cisco turned, but Barry grabbed his face and kissed him softly. Almost immediately, Hartley's footsteps sounded as he walked away from the scene and Barry held the kiss until they disappeared into the distance. When they parted, Cisco licked his lips. "Of all the ways to get him to shut up, I think I like that one the best."

Barry couldn't help smiling, despite what he was about to walk into. "I'll be fine and he's right. If anything goes wrong, I'll ask. You'll be watching."

"I'll be watching."

He took a second longer, rested his head against Cisco's, because until that door opened, no one was watching and he needed this. "After this is over, we'll go home and you can make tacos, which you'll burn, and we'll order pizza and apologize to Joe for making a mess of his kitchen."

"Again."

"Right."

"I'll be watching." It was the only time Barry had ever felt any kind of comfort from those words, but he did. And if Cisco was as hesitant walking off as Barry was letting him go, that was okay.

He gave it a few minutes, enough time for everyone to gather in the cortex. Caitlin, Ronnie, Dr. Stein, Joe, Hartley, and Cisco – all crammed around the same small monitor to hear whatever Thawne had to say.

As much as Barry thought he should be mad at Hartley for not divulging that their mutual enemy was rebuilding the Particle Accelerator, still in the same building as them, he wasn't. In part, because Hartley was right, if Barry had known Thawne was that close, he wouldn't have been able to stop himself from trying to confront him and he would have lost. That extra time had meant everything in terms of Barry getting himself together enough to not only face the Reverse-Flash, but to ask for help doing it.

Also, though, if Hartley had given Thawne away and he'd had to move his base of operations, they never would have known where to find Eddie. Not to mention, the look of Hartley's face when Iris full body hugged him for helping them get Eddie back had proven that the gratitude of an over enthusiastic Iris was punishment enough. For his own petty vengeance, Barry hadn't bothered to inform Hartley that the hug had only been the beginning of Iris's gratitude.

Barry pressed the button to open the door. No more putting it off. He was going to find out how to turn the accelerator off and he was going to refuse to help Thawne and then he was going home.

Thawne was pacing his cell, but stopped the moment the door opened and the smile that stretched over his face made Barry's skin crawl. "Hello, Barry."

"Thawne."

"Call me Eobard."

"I'd rather not."

Thawne stepped forward, leaning in with hands pressed against the glass, smile still spread too wide. "Come on, Barry, play along."

"I'm done playing along. I want to know how to turn off the accelerator, unplug whatever that thing is you have charging it, and let you rot in there."

With a push against the glass, Thawne stepped back, arms at his sides, then behind his back. "Fair enough, but if you want answers, you have to be willing to listen."

Barry held himself still against the urge to run.

Without the wheelchair, it was so much more obvious. Just the way he stood was enough, hands behind his back casually. He used to stand in the door like that, watching Barry on the bed while Barry pretended the man in yellow wasn't there with the hope that this was one of those really weird times when nothing would happen. When his captor would turn around and walk off without saying or doing anything.

"Are you willing to listen, Barry?"

Don't disappoint me, Barry.

Barry shuddered involuntarily and ducked his head to look at the floor. How had he ever been fooled? How had he managed to ignore it for as long as he had? Of course, as Dr. Wells, he'd never sounded that condescending. He'd always done his best to make Barry feel safe, to keep his tone neutral to the point of placating. There wasn't any of that now. Now he was just a bad guy stuck it a tiny cell where he couldn't hurt anyone.

With a deep breath, Barry looked up and nodded. "I'll listen."

"You always were good at following directions when you had the proper incentive." As much as he wanted to throw it back in Thawne's face, Barry kept his mouth shut and waited. "Very good. It's simple, really, I want to help you."

"Help me?"

"More or less. Quid pro quo. You help me, I help you. What's the one thing you want more then anything else? Think, Barry? If you could have one thing, what would it be?"

Thawne stopped and stared, actually waiting for an answer and Barry came up empty. What did he want? "To walk out of here and never have to look at you ever again?"

Thawne cocked his head. "Think, Barry."

For real? Barry grit his teeth and said the first thing that came to mind. "Okay, I want to forget you even exist."

"Close." Thawne raised his eyebrows and tilted his head. "What if it never happened?"

"It?" Because that sounded like… but it couldn't be.

"I need your help to get back to my time, but not for nothing. No, in return, I'm going to erase everything bad I ever did to you – from killing your mother to taking you when you were sixteen. I can make it all go away."

Everything.

He'd stood there listening to Thawne talk for several more minutes, because he hadn't been able to make his feet move and when he finally had left, he'd gone to the cortex, only to find everyone staring at him expectantly. Well, everyone except Dr. Stein, who had been rambling on about the implications of going back in time – how one small change could have drastic affects on the future, a chain reaction that would impact everything that followed.

What Thawne was offering to do wasn't small. If Barry went back to save his mom, Thawne would use the wormhole to travel into the future where he would recharge his connection to the Speedforce and use it to stop himself from taking Barry at sixteen. According to him, it wouldn't even be the first time he'd altered his own timeline.

Barry managed to stay for a few minutes, Caitlin watching him with clear concern, Hartley torn between eyeing Barry warily and following along with Dr. Stein. Joe was unreadable and Cisco… Cisco wouldn't take his eyes off his computer screen.

If he did this, what did that mean for them? Barry's crush on Iris as a teen had been all consuming. Before the abduction, he'd spent every waking minute following her around, pining over her and he wasn't entirely sure that would have gone away. That he wouldn't have still been so in love with Iris that he couldn't see past it.

Everything. Everything would be different.

He couldn't do this. He shouldn't do this. If Thawne wanted Barry to open a wormhole so he could get home, he'd promise anything, threaten whatever he had to in order to get Barry to do it. He'd lie if he had to. Even knowing that, Barry hadn't been able to say no outright.

He backed up a step and heard Joe say his name, but he was already off and running, tapping into the speed to get out of S.T.A.R. Labs and away from his family and friends. It was nice out, still cool, but no longer cold. He wasn't running anywhere in particular – through the streets, around the city, the world passing by him in a blur until his chest ached and he had to stop, only to find himself back in S.T.A.R. Labs, standing in the hallway where the hidden door was.

Barry leaned back against the wall, panting as slid down to a crouch, head hanging.

As a child, all he'd ever wanted was to prove his father's innocence. All of his plans for the future had been framed around that and then the Thawne took him and those dreams had faded and died. He'd realized that even if he'd been able to prove the man in yellow existed, he'd still have to catch and contain him and find evidence that he'd been the one to kill Barry's mom, or get a confession. Somewhere in there, the fight to just stay alive and sane had become the only thing he could think about. After, it was enough adjusting to the outside world and being the Flash.

He dropped his head to his knees, then back up against the wall again with a frustrated groan. It was meant to have been easy. Go in, listen to Thawne, say no, then ask him how to turn off the accelerator. Why weren't things ever as easy as they sounded?

At the end of the hall, the elevator doors slid open and foot steps walked toward him. He closed his eyes in frustration, because he was pretty sure he knew who it was and he wasn't ready to have that conversation. He wasn't ready to explain to Cisco how he could even be considering it, when he should have already said no. He wasn't ready for the disappointment, the hurt, the recrimination that Barry could, even for a moment, trust Thawne to keep his word, because the truth was, he didn't, but that didn't change the fact that he wanted to.

"There you are." Joe? That was… not who he'd expected. "You left in a hurry."

Barry nodded silently, eyes still closed as Joe sat down next to him.

"So, you want to tell me why you came down here?"

Why had he? Maybe it had been some kind of desperate bid from his subconscious to remind him that Thawne was a bad person that did really, really bad things, but all it was doing was reminding him of everything he wanted to forget.

"Joe, I don't know what to do. This should be easy, but I can't…"

"You should do it."

"What?" Barry looked over, eyes wide. He'd expected them to be trying to talk him out of it, but Joe looked entirely serious.

"Barry, of course I think you should do it. If there's even a chance that you can erase all this," Joe waved a hand at the blank wall and everything that lay behind it, "you have to take it."

He did? He did. He really did, but it wasn't that simple. It wasn't just his life he was changing. "What about everyone else? What about Iris? She spent ten years looking for whoever took me. Without her, I wouldn't have met Oliver or Felicity. God, I've helped Oliver so many times. What if I don't meet him? What if I can't help him? What if…"

"Barr, relax. Now, Oliver… I may not be the Arrow's biggest fan, but he's got a good team and Iris is gonna be just fine. She'll be who she's always been – strong willed, bull headed, and very, very opinionated." Joe wrapped an arm around Barry's shoulder, pulling him into a confining hug that Barry melted into it. "You don't worry about us. Iris and me, we'll still have each other. Besides, you were always Iris's best friend. I get the feeling we'll still see plenty of you."

"And Cisco? Because I care about him, Joe, a lot. I don't want to lose that."

Joe sighed heavily. "I know you do and I don't have any good answers for that, but Cisco's a bright kid. Whatever future he has over there, I'm sure he'll have plenty of people who care about him."

Barry breathed in, taking in the strong smell of Joe – of being loved and cared for and protected. "Could you sit here with me? Just for a while?"

"I'm not going anywhere until you do." Joe kissed the top of his head and Barry tried not to feel conflicted.

It was a good half an hour before Barry got up and left, saying he wanted to find Iris. Joe didn't argue with him, even if he didn't think Iris was the one Barry needed to talk to. Instead, he went in search of Cisco, who was just outside the entrance, staring up at the sky like he could actually see the stars past the bright lights of Central City.

Cisco glanced over when the door opened and Joe didn't miss the disappointment there. "Hey, Barry still inside?"

"No, he left to go talk to Iris."

The disappointment was replaced by hurt that smoothed over just as quickly. Cisco liked Iris, they got along, but if Joe had trouble forgetting the idea of Iris West-Allen, he could only imagine how Cisco felt about it.

"I must be like the worst boyfriend ever." Joe raised an eyebrow, but Cisco stared steadfastly at the ground. "I don't want him to do it. I mean, he should, there's… every reason he should, but I don't want him to. Thawne lies and he manipulates and he killed me. I don't trust him and I don't trust that whatever comes out of this will be any better then what Barry's leaving. He could still take him. Saving Barry's mother doesn't stop him from being stuck here and excuse me if I don't trust the Reverse-Flash to live up to his end of the deal to stop himself from extracting revenge on his nemesis. And also? It feels a lot like being broken up with and it sucks!"

Joe laughed and at Cisco's glare, he laughed harder. Cisco rolled his eyes as Joe took a second to get himself together. When he finally had it under control, he leveled with Cisco. "Truth is, I don't want him to do it either. Having him with us, he brought life and light into our home for the first time in a long, long time and I'm scared of what this new future will look like without him. I didn't tell him that, though, and I'm not going to. For the same reason I know you won't tell him how much this hurts you. I love him and I want what's best for him and if there's even a chance to take all that pain away from him, I will do everything in my power to make that happen."

"I know." Cisco tipped his head up to meet Joe's eyes. "I know all the reasons he has to do this. It just… sucks. Hard. Like, worse then when they killed Wash in Serenity."

"That the space cowboy thing?"

"Yeah."

Joe nodded to himself. This wasn't why he'd sought Cisco out, but it was good to hear. It was good to know where the kid stood and what he intended to do. Not that Joe would have held it against him if he'd wanted to try and talk Barry out of it, but he would have had to knock some sense into him.

"Look, Cisco, I know I've been a little hard on you since you moved in…"

"You took my X-Box."

His voice had gone up to a nearly petulant whine and Joe raised his eyebrows. "I woke up to what I thought were gun shots coming from Barry's room at three in the morning. You are damn lucky the only thing I did was take your X-Box."

Cisco hung his head dejectedly, but didn't argue.

"The point is, I like you, I really do, but I have a hard time accepting that Barry is ready for any kind of relationship. I can be a little over protective…"

"You took the door off the hinges because Barry wouldn't make me sleep in Iris's room." Joe narrowed his eyes and Cisco cringed. "Sorry."

He wasn't doing this right. "I look at Barry and I don't see an adult. I see a sixteen year old boy I failed to protect – I let him go out that night, I didn't look hard enough when he went missing, I didn't believe in him and when we finally got him back, I couldn't even keep him with me, because I wasn't what he needed. So, yes, I am over protective."

"But the other night when you two were playing Barry's old video games downstairs while I made dinner? He laughed. Cisco, you didn't know him before. He had a smile and a laugh that could light up a room and I see him trying, but that was the first time since he came back that he laughed and I heard the old Barry. It was just… him."

Joe blinked back the tears forming in his eyes, because even several days removed, it was still such a damn relief. He'd sat in the kitchen listening to them and outright cried for several minutes before he'd had to pull himself together or risk burning dinner.

"No matter what happens, I just wanted to say thank you. You've been there for Barry when I couldn't and you're welcome in my home."

Cisco looked up at him through a fall of dark hair. "Does that mean I can have my X-Box back?"

"Don't push your luck." He put an arm around Cisco's shoulders. "It does mean I'll put the door back up. No locks, though."

Cisco leaned into the one armed hug. "You know, I'm really diggin' the whole tough love thing. My parents gave up on me pretty early on – decided I was a lost cause like the second time I blew up the garage."

"Kid, you blow up any part of my house and you will find out what tough love really is."

"Word."

It was getting late by the time Barry made it back. He wanted to go straight to Thawne and get this over with, but he couldn't do that to Cisco. He deserved to hear it from Barry that he was going through with it. So, instead, he made his way into the cortex where Hartley and Dr. Stein were hunched over one of the computers. Honestly, Barry had never seen Hartley so relaxed with anyone. Not just relaxed, but interested in what the other person was saying, borderline excited about it. Of course, he still took the time to side eye Barry when he walked in.

A quick look around confirmed Ray and Caitlin were off somewhere else, leaving Joe and Cisco sitting together on the side of the room. Barry rubbed the back of his neck and walked over to them, one hand clutching the jacket he'd taken off while coming up the elevator.

"Hey, Cisco, can we talk?" He glanced back to where Hartley was still watching out of the corner of his eye. "Somewhere else."

"Yeah." The walk down the hall was awkward and they only bothered to go far enough not to be overheard.

"Look, I don't… I can't not…" Barry shuffled his feet, trying to come up with exactly what to say. Nothing felt good enough. "I'm sorry. I have to try."

Cisco sighed and rocked on his heels. "I know. Just… you know he's lying, right?"

Barry cringed, but he didn't have an answer for that.

"I don't know what he's lying about, but I know he's lying, because that's what he does and what if you do this and he doesn't go back to stop himself?"

"Then I'll still have my mom and dad back. Cisco, I don't expect you to be okay with this. I'm not entirely okay with it myself. This is what he wants. It's what he's wanted all along. I hate that I'm giving it to him, but I can't not; and the worst part is, he already knew that and it sucks, but I have to."

Cisco's shoulders slumped in defeat and he turned his back for a second before standing up straight and facing Barry again. He still looked entirely too miserable for Barry's liking. "Okay, yeah, I know and, you're right, I don't like it. I'm not okay with it, but I get it. You have to try."

Barry started to reach out, but stopped himself. As much as he wanted to grab onto Cisco and hold him, it felt too much like he'd be doing it for the last time. "Thank you."

"Don't thank me yet. We still don't know how he expects you to do this and I totally reserve the right to change my mind if it turns out he's gonna get you killed."

"I've changed my mind. You can't do this."

Barry closed his eyes and sighed, rubbing his hands over his face. "Cisco…"

"No, I said I reserved the right to change my mind if he was gonna get you killed. That is going to get you killed."

Dr. Stein stepped forward. "Not necessarily. If Barry can run fast enough, it's quite possible this will work."

"Eobard wouldn't have suggested it if he wasn't absolutely sure Barry could do it." Cisco turned sharply to Hartley, who was leaning against a desk, staring resolutely down at the tablet in his hand. "He hasn't spent this long infiltrating Dr. Wells' life, building S.T.A.R. Labs, securing funding, recruiting scientists, letting Barry go, helping him recuperate, teaching him to go faster, just so Barry can end up splattered all over the inside of the particle accelerator. He wants to go home. Barry is his only way there. Ergo, he wouldn't have suggested it if he wasn't absolutely sure Barry could do it."

Dr. Stein nodded. "I believe Dr. Rathaway is correct."

Cisco glared openly across the lab. "You don't get a say in this. You're not the one that'll be scraping your boyfriend off the inside of the accelerator if this goes wrong."

"No one is scraping me off the inside of the accelerator." Barry pinched the bridge of his nose tightly. "Hartley's right, Thawne wouldn't risk it."

"Barry…"

"Cisco."

The room fell into an uncomfortable silence, Cisco sitting with his arms petulantly folded over his chest, Barry trying to look more determined then he felt. Finally, Caitlin broke the tension by grabbing Ronnie's arm and saying, "Okay, well, there's a, um, thing I wanted to show you. Joe, why don't you come with us?"

Joe took a second to stare at Cisco accusingly, then followed after them, leaving Dr. Stein at the computer simulation and Hartley still leaning against the desk, his tablet on the table next to him as he'd dropped all pretense of not listening. From the hall, Barry heard Ronnie ask, "Did he say boyfriend?"

Right, because they hadn't had time to fill him in on that with everything else going on and Barry was intensely glad he wasn't going to have to. He had enough to worry about right now.

Clearing his throat, Barry turned to face the two remaining scientists. "Hey, could you guys give us a few minutes."

"Don't mind me." Hartley crossed his ankles and clasped his hands, getting comfortable.

"I'm sorry, were you…?" Dr. Stein turned and stopped mid-sentence, quickly assessing the situation. "Ah, I believe I'm feeling a bit peckish. Dr. Rathaway, would you show me to the kitchen?"

Hartley rolled his eyes and picked up the tablet again. "Fine."

As soon as they were gone, Barry rounded on Cisco. "Look, I know you don't want me to do this…"

"No, that's not it. Barry, man, I want you to save your mom. I want you to erase… all of it, I do. You know and maybe it sucks that we might never meet or be together, but if it meant you were happy? I could do that. If I knew this was going to work, then I'd be leading the bandwagon, man. Except I don't know that this'll work and I don't trust him. This plan? It could get you killed and I am not okay with that."

"It's going to work."

"How do you know that?"

"Thawne wouldn't let me if he wasn't absolutely sure…"

"I don't care what the Reverse-Flash thinks, Barry. How do you know this is going to work?"

"Because I have you. And Caitlin and Ronnie and Dr. Stein and even Hartley to make sure it does."

Cisco slumped in the chair. "I still don't like it."

"What if I said you get to build a time machine?"

"…go on."

"You're an idiot."

Barry had gone to get Ronnie and Cisco was making his way to the storage room Barry had said the parts were in. He was so busy being torn between silently fuming and wondering what the time machine was going to look like that he hadn't seen Hartley standing in the hall until the other man spoke.

"What?"

Hartley smirked. "I said, you're an idiot."

"What's your problem?"

"You, actually." He paused just long enough for Cisco to really consider punching him in his smug face. "I mean, I've never been boyfriend material, but next to you, I'm a catch."

Before Cisco could retaliate, Hartley cut him off. "I've spent more then a year with one goal – wreck Eobard's plan. Whatever it was, I didn't want him to have it. If anyone should be trying to talk Barry out this, it should be me, but I'm not. Do you want to know why?"

"Not really." Okay, maybe a little, but to hell if he was going to give Hartley the satisfaction.

"Because I've seen Barry's medical records."

"I helped write his medical records."

"Not the ones I downloaded from S.T.A.R. Labs, Cisco – Eobard's. His personal medical records detailing the mental and physical condition of one Barry Allen." Cisco's mind blanked at the thought that Thawne had kept any kind of record of what he'd done. It shouldn't have surprised him, but it did. "I didn't have access to all of his files, but he didn't seem to care how much I knew about Barry."

"I don't…" Cisco floundered, still trying to process the idea that there was something out there like that.

"It's very clinical, disturbingly so. I had trouble stomaching portions of it. There are things that happened in that room that Barry will never tell you. Things you don't want to know. Things I didn't want to know. The physical abuse that left scars, that's the easy part. The mental and emotional games, that's the real torture. It was bad enough that toward the end, Barry started to slip. He went into his own head to escape, going catatonic for days, then weeks at a time. Moving only as much as it took to go the bathroom or eat if Eobard physically put the food in his mouth. Eventually, he had a particularly bad episode that affected the timeline. It took Eobard days to drag Barry out of that one.

"He doesn't think Barry realizes it even happened, that he was having a psychotic break, but I doubt that. Barry functions remarkably well. Personally, I'm going with self-defense mechanism and I think it may have been going on for far longer then Eobard realizes. He has a tendency to get caught up in his work. It would have been very easy for short periods of catatonia to slip by unnoticed."

Hartley paused long enough for Cisco to pull his thoughts together. "What… why are you telling me this?"

"Hm? Sorry, I'm getting off track. The point is, that for ten years Barry wasn't allowed to make a decision for himself. When he ate, if he slept, what he read – all up to Eobard. He wasn't even allowed to simply give up and he did try to give up. Four time. Between the two of us, I'm impressed with his resourcefulness. I mean, I've been in that room. He did not have a lot to work with."

Cisco swallowed past a lump that had formed in his throat. Before the lightning charged power had finished healing the majority of the damage, there had been scars that could have been suicide attempts. With all of the other damage, it had been hard to be sure and they'd never been comfortable asking Barry. Having Hartley confirm it left a bad taste in Cisco's mouth.

"Barry does a good job of pretending, Cisco, but every time he makes a decision, even something as simple as what donut to eat, he looks for approval – not from Joe or Caitlin or Iris, but from you. I've been watching and he'll fight them, he'll argue with them, but he doesn't argue with you, not really. If you say it's okay, it's okay; if you say he can do it, he tries; if you think it's a bad idea, he reconsiders; and if you ask me, he's transferred his dependency on his captor to a dependency on you.

"I'm going to do something I don't normally do and give you a piece of advice. Let Barry do this. If you insist, if you keep pushing and pouting like a child, he will back down and walk away and he will regret that and, eventually, you will regret it, too. I'm telling you, as someone who spent months looking over those medical records, support him like the nauseatingly sentimental boyfriend you are."

That was… actually, that was really good advice. "Huh, Hartley Rathaway, unlikely voice of reason."

Hartley stared. "What did you say?"

"Oh, no, it's a show Barry watches on E, I just…"

"I know what it is." Hartley pointed a finger at him. "I understood that reference. Never do that again."

He stormed off, brushing past Barry who was coming around the corner with Ronnie at his heels. "Hey, Hartley, we're…"

Hartley waved him off, continuing his momentum down the hall and Barry looked back at Cisco, confused. "What was that?"

"Nothing." Cisco gave Ronnie an apologetic smile. "Hey, could you give us a minute?"

"Sure."

As soon as Ronnie had disappeared into the storage room, Cisco rubbed his hands together nervously. "Um, look, I'm… sorry about earlier. I've been acting like a dick. I don't like you risking your life and I hate the idea that if this does work, we might never even meet, let alone… but if you want to do this, I want you to do it."

Barry eyes searched over his face carefully, before saying, "I do. Want it, I mean."

"Okay." Cisco dropped his hands, his shoulders slumping in resignation. "Then we do this. Plus, time machine, right? That's cool."

"Yeah." He started to turn, but Barry touched his arm to stop him. "I don't like the idea of never having… well, us, either. I want us, but I want us in a world where we can just be normal, or, as normal as a lightning charged speedster and his super genius boyfriend can be. I can't see a world where we don't at least meet."

Cisco couldn't stop the smile from spreading. "Yeah?"

Barry nodded, his own smile weaker, but honest. "Definitely. Plus, you remembered the last time I reset the time line, right?"

"Oh, I'm there. Man, if I remember and you don't, I can totally use everything I know to mack on you."

Barry raised an eyebrow, amused. "I've seen your attempts to mack on someone. I'm not sure that's such a good idea."

Cisco's smile dropped a little. "You're probably right."

Barry held his hand out to the lab. "Time machine? Once we get started, I'll run and grab us some pizza."

"That, Barry Allen, is why I leave the flirting to you."

He might remember.

Cisco paced the narrow room, lost in thought. It hadn't occurred to him until Barry had said it. Then again, he might not. The last time that happened, he'd died a painful, traumatic death and been brought back to life, so that could have had something to do with it. Although, actually, did it even count as being brought back to life if he never died in the first place? Did the other him die and he was a completely different him or was he the same him?

"Something on your mind, Cisco?"

He stopped, startled by the interruption. "Hm? No." Actually… "Yes. You told Barry you'd go back and stop yourself from taking him?"

"I will."

"If you don't…" Cisco took a few more steps, beating his fist rhythmically against his open palm, before continuing. "If you don't, I'll make you regret it."

Thawne looked at him with skepticism. "Well, I think we both know that's not true. No offence, Cisco, but you're simply not capable of the kind of single minded ruthlessness it would take to make me regret anything, but even if you were, you won't remember this. None of you will."

"Not even Barry?"

"He'll remember what he changed, his mother's murder, his father's incarceration, up until I took him at sixteen. After that," Thawne made a swiping motion with his hand, "clean slate. You, however, will remember nothing."

"You're wrong. I remember the last time Barry went back and I'll remember this and if you…"

"What did you say?"

Cisco had kind of just assumed Hartley would have given that away, but Thawne was clearly taken aback. "What, Hartley didn't tell you? I never forgot and I won't forget this and I will make you regret it if you don't stop yourself."

For a moment, Thawne's expression went blank, then slowly spread into a smile. "Oh, Cisco, I wasn't sure until just now, but if you're able to retain traces of another timeline, if you're able to see through the vibrations of the universe, that means… the night the particle accelerator exploded, you were affected, too."

"What are you talking about?"

"Don't be afraid Cisco, a great and honorable destiny awaits you now. I only hope that as your living your great adventure that you remember who gave you that life and that it was given out of love."

Cisco bristled, "Don't say…"

"However, since it seems you may very well remember this, I'll give you a parting gift." Thawne clutched the drawings in one hand and held out the other, palm up. The holographic newspaper article materialized over his hand and Cisco took a step back, because how the hell had he gotten that in there?

"I've been planning this for months, Cisco. I altered the scanners so that if I ended up here, I'd be able to retain my link to Gideon and the future. If I wanted to get out, I would have done it already. Go on, take a look."

Cisco hesitated. On the one hand, if Thawne really had altered the scanners to get that by them, who knew what else he'd brought in there with him. On the other, Cisco's curiosity had always gotten the better of him. He stepped forward cautiously, half expecting the door separating them to open at any moment.

"I believe I said the future can be changed?"

It took him a second to see it. The headline was the same, the picture of the Flash hadn't changed. He scanned the text, but it didn't look any different, except… Iris West. Just Iris West.

"Congratulations, Cisco, Barry no longer marries Iris." The palm closed, taking the image with it, but the words were burned into his eyes. It was all he could see, even as Eobard held up the drawings. "Cement the tiles with a cobalt resin, that'll prevent degradation in conditions of extreme heat."

He didn't say anything in return as he walked out.

The particle accelerator had affected him, Barry didn't marry Iris, and Cisco wasn't thinking about it. Not even a little. Not while he built the time machine, not when Iris and Eddie came in together with breakfast after they'd spent most of the night toiling over the parts and Thawne's schematics, certainly not while they were at Caitlin and Ronnie's wedding and Iris kept glancing over at Eddie, not even when Barry slipped his hand into Cisco's while Caitlin was saying her vows. There was too much to do. He didn't have time to think about it.

Okay, maybe he thought about it, like a lot, but he didn't say anything, because the more he thought about it, the more he realized it wasn't just that he liked Barry or their relationship or their friendship. It was that he loved him. Cisco threw that word out a lot. Hartley was right in saying he'd made a family for himself there and he loved everyone in his own way, but with Barry, it had become something different. It was deeper then that, which meant wanting what was best for Barry and changing the past, their possible future, that was what was best for Barry.

So he didn't say anything. He smiled, built the time machine, got caught by Ronnie kissing Barry in the lab – totally karma coming back to bite Ronnie in the ass for all the times Cisco had walked in on him and Caitlin. It wasn't perfect, but when this was over and the timeline was reset, Cisco was going to find a way to win Barry back. It would be harder, but worth it. Barry was worth it.

Except… and Cisco wasn't sure exactly what happened at first. One minute Thawne was ready to leave, the next Barry came flying out of the worm hole in a flash of light and then everything was in a haze of white, his ear ringing. He was still trying to get his body to respond to the command to move and look around when the gun shot went off.

It startled him enough to clear his head and he looked around to find Eddie shot and Thawne backing off from a beaten Barry and… Barry hadn't done it. Everything was still the same. He could feel it.

Why hadn't Barry changed the past? As much as he wanted to run to Barry's side and ask what the hell had happened, he stood, transfixed, as Thawne changed and dissipated, making one final plea to Cisco for help that he sure as hell wasn't offering. As soon as Thawne was gone, though, Cisco practically dove forward.

He dropped down to where Barry had let himself slump and held hands over Barry's suit, trying to decide where it was safe to touch. Unable to come up with anything, he let them hover over Barry's chest. "You okay?"

Barry nodded, still staring at the spot Thawne had been kneeling.

"Dude, what happened?"

Barry shook his head, mouth open in a pant. "Eddie was Thawne's ancestor."

If Barry hadn't been in shock, Cisco would have hit him upside the head. "No, not that, you didn't change it. Why didn't you change it?"

Barry finally looked over to Cisco and reached a shaking hand up to touch his face, but before he could say anything a breeze kicked up into an actual wind and they both looked over to see it gathering into a…

"Guys, that's not good." Cisco helped Barry to his feet as the wormhole ate its way through the accelerator and by the time they got outside, it was huge, swallowing the sky and sucking everything in. A Blackhole. An honest to god Blackhole sucking up Central City. "So that's what we didn't want to happen.

Barry looked at him and Cisco barely heard what the others were saying, because he already knew what Barry was going to do, even before he looked at Dr. Stein and said, "I have to do it."

In a flash, Barry was standing in front of Cisco, hands on his face, holding their foreheads together. "I love you."

Cisco tried not laugh. It wasn't the first time Barry had said it, but it was the first time since they'd started dating, the first time it was meant as something more than just words and it made him ache with the realization that it might as well be goodbye. "Your timing sucks, dude."

"Yeah."

Cisco grabbed Barry's arms just above the wrists and squeezed. "I love you, too."

Barry closed his eyes and smiled. There a brief kiss, barely a peck, then another, more urgent before Barry stepped back, pulling his cowl over his face, lightning dancing in eyes.

As Cisco watched the red streak that was his boyfriend run up the side of a building and into a Blackhole, a strange thought popped into his head. If they survived this, he was going to ask Joe to teach him how to cook without setting the kitchen on fire.

If they survived this.

The End... for now

End Note: And yes, I will be carrying this into Season 2. As soon as I've watched Season 2. So, you know, it'll be a while.