Note: I am not a huge fan on how Naruto continued so consider this an extreme AU. Basically, Sasuke left, Naruto did go train with Jiraiya, Tsunade became Hokage, Naruto went to find Sasuke again and the two of them killed Orochimaru which meant Sasuke came back to the village. Naruto went so DBZ later on it was hilarious so the only things I'm using are Gaara becoming Kazekage (keeping the One-Tail), Akatsuki being destroyed (hello death of Itachi and most of those ridiculously super-powered missing-nins) and the Rookie 9 finally have made Chuunin. Neiji, Asuma and Jiraiya live. Hey, I said this was an AU and it is definitely not one to take seriously. In fact, most of the details don't MATTER because this is a 'slice of life' series and I have no interest in changing that. I just don't want to hear a thousand people tell me 'don't you know Asuma was killed?' and ' but Kurenai is dead too!' and of course, the 'you can't do that, Hiden was immortal and Deidara this and Black/White Zetsu blah blah blah'. I. Don't. Care. This is a silly little series that popped into my head and I wanted to write.

Tl;dr – slice of life series post-shippuden AU where most of Naruto hasn't happened yet and most likely won't. Want to hear long rants about Pein and Tobi and deaths and six paths and Sage modes etc? Look elsewhere. Want to see Naruto and the Rookie 9 changing the village for the better little by little? Read on.

Also 2 points to the first person who tells me which famous book I spoofed my title from. :)

Clan of the Uzumaki

Naruto fought to remain calm. Sakura, Sasuke and Iruka had all helped him put this together. As long as he remained calm, he could do this. He had the right and the heritage to do this. All he had to do was stay calm.

"One member does not make a clan," Homura stated with finality, glaring at Naruto with hate-filled eyes. He didn't even look at the paper that had been submitted by Naruto for his perusal. "You cannot simply pull one out of thin air."

Naruto growled, low in his throat. Next to him, Sasuke tapped his arm in silent warning. Naruto shot his partner a questioning look, asking permission; Sasuke closed his eyes, and then nodded. "What of the Uchiha clan?" Naruto snapped back. "As he is the last one, doesn't this mean Sasuke doesn't have a clan?"

"The Uchiha is a different case," Koharu said coldly. "The Uchiha is part of the founders of Konohagakure itself. That they were all killed does not remove the legality of their established name."

"The Uzumaki clan is just as old," Naruto fired back. "My mother, wife of the Yondaime, could trace her lineage – and therefore mine – back to the founding of Leaf as well." He smirked. "Your argument is invalid." Sasuke tapped his arm again, and Naruto huffed out a deep breath, trying to calm down. "And I am not the only member," he continued, trying to inject confidence into his voice. "Uzuki Yugao changed her name after losing her family. I talked to her – she is willing to switch back to Uzumaki, should I get permission to revive my clan."

Sitting between Homura and Koharu, Danzo glared at him, and swivelled his gaze to rest upon Sakura who stared back evenly. "Well done, child," he eventually said, somewhat scathingly. "You've taught the animal to speak properly."

A litany of protests from the gathered Jounin, Chuunin, assorted ANBU, and the clan heads that fell on Naruto's side exploded. Rather than respond to Danzo, Sakura instantly grabbed hold of Naruto's jacket. At the same time, Sasuke thrust an arm in front of Naruto, effectively barring his way. From behind, a hand slapped itself over Naruto's mouth – Naruto knew it was Shikamaru, his friend, which was the only thing that saved the pineapple-head from losing his fingers. Sakura jerked him closer. "Not a word, Naruto," she hissed directly into his ear. "He's trying to provoke you into losing your temper. Don't let him."

Naruto struggled for a moment and then went limp in her grasp. Sakura would never betray him or give him bad advice, he knew. Shikamaru, who had accompanied them as backup and was now a silent show of support, removed his hand. Sasuke, feeling Naruto's aura go down, nudged lightly with his shoulder before lowering his arm back to his side. "Breathe, idiot. Don't react."

"I know," Naruto gritted out between clenched teeth. He tried to swallow the ball of rage choking his throat. "I know."

Sakura gave him a final quelling look, and then turned back to Danzo. "As for needing more clan members..." Sakura shrugged, and pulled a file folder from the stack that had been given to her by Iruka before the meeting had been called to order. "Naruto, as clan head of the Uzumaki, has approved my petition for adoption into the clan as his sister."

Another noisy eruption of complaints rocked the large conference hall. Naruto ignored it all and looked across the room to Tsunade who was blank-faced – save for the moment she met his eyes and winked. It had been no bombshell for her, considering she had signed the papers for the village records.

Homura glared at Sakura. "Explain yourself."

Sakura shrugged. "My parents have never truly accepted me as a kunoichi. After nearly twelve years of Ninja Academy, official missions with Team Seven, and spending three years under the tutelage of Hokage-sama, they are now pressuring me to quit and begin life as a proper lady in the civilian sector. I refuse." Her gaze switched to Koharu. "I am within my rights as a recognized adult of the village and as a shinobi to decide which family I want to be in, if they will have me." Naruto grasped her hand and squeezed it once before letting go. She opened her chuunin vest and revealed an orange spiral that had been sewn onto the front of her blue, long-sleeved shirt. "I am Uzumaki Sakura now."

"That's three members," Tsunade said lazily, glancing at the purple-faced Homura. The smile on her face was growing. The voices grew louder.

"Four." Sasuke's voice cut through the din and smacked everyone into silence.

Danzo turned white. "What?"

Sasuke shrugged and pulled out a folder, similar to Sakura's. "Uzumaki Sasuke." He smirked Koharu who looked like she was only moments away from dropping dead, and then aimed it at Danzo who was so stunned, he fell back into his council seat with a loud thud. "Nice to meet you."

For the third time, the room exploded into shouts of protest and cursing so creative that Naruto was tempted to pull out a piece of paper to take down notes. Tsunade wasn't even trying to hide her glee anymore. "I thought you were going to wait, Sasuke," Naruto muttered as an aside to his team mate.

Sasuke shrugged. "Seems like a good time to me."

Homura was definitely choking on something. "Explain!" he wheezed, his fists clenched, one on the desk he sat behind, and one pounding his chest.

Sakura cocked her head to the side. "Tsunade-sama, should I help him?"

Tsunade waved her words away. "He's fine." The silent unfortunately was heard by everyone. "Tell the people, Sasuke."

The council members were shooting Tsunade shocked and angry looks but they were directed back to the last Uchiha as he began to speak.

"The Uchiha clan is dead," he said calmly. The bitterness that was so common to hear in his voice was gone, replaced by what the council might hear as coldness, but what Naruto and his friends recognized as deep weariness. "I have spent years as an avenger, losing my mind and nearly my body as a result. My brother was told to destroy the clan to prevent them from turning on Konoha." He took a deep shuddering breath, and Naruto reached a hand out just enough to touch Sasuke's arm, grounding him enough to allow him to continue. Sakura did the same thing from the other side. Sasuke raised his eyes again. Staring straight into Danzo's. "With my brother dead, I am truly the last Uchiha. I do not want nor do I need the pressure of reviving a clan by myself – a clan that disgraced itself. I am... tired of it. Naruto has offered me a fresh start, and I have accepted his offer to become a member of the Uzumaki clan." Sasuke copied Sakura's move and opened his Chuunin vest to reveal the same orange spiral on the front of his black t-shirt.

Tsunade stood up abruptly and everyone's mouths slammed closed. "I already knew about this, and it is their decision to make," she declared. "I've already made the changes in the village records so don't bother coming to me to protest." Three council members stood up, ready to protest and Tsunade pointed her finger at them. They sat back down. "That makes four Uzumaki clan members, which means any other argument is out the window. Naruto is eighteen which means he's of age to assume clan leadership. As far as I'm concerned, the brats can do what they like as long as they follow shinobi law to do it. Meeting adjourned."

Sasuke and Sakura handed their folders to Naruto who handed the final copy of the paperwork needed to restore his clan to Tsunade who accepted it and then told them to get lost. The last thing Naruto heard before they shunshinned out of the conference room was a long, loud, shriek of rage coming from Homura.

Then they were outside. Naruto blinked in the sunlight, a little dizzy at the prospect of having won an argument against the same council that had been against his very existence from the day he'd been born and wavered. Sakura gripped his arm. "Are you all right?"

He nodded, breathing heavily. "Gimme a sec?"

Shikamaru tapped him on the shoulder. "I'm under orders to go tell the rest of the 'rookies' what happened," he said lazily, stifling a yawn with his shirt sleeve. "I suggest going home and taking it easy."

"Where is home?" Naruto asked, furrowing his brow. "My apartment won't fit more than me for any length of time, and Sakura just cut her last ties to her family for good back there. We were supposed to figure something out but the council decided to convene quickly to prevent us from having time to get everything ready." He blinked, and then gave everyone a dopey grin. "Not that it worked."

Sasuke punched him – lightly – on the arm. When Naruto whipped his head around to yell, he was struck by the sheer... mischief, shining in Sasuke's eyes for just a moment. His tone, however, remained the same. "I have an idea about that..."

End