A/N This could be fun... Very fun... Welcome! Yet another brain-child of mine. Which probably says a HELL of a lot about my brain :) Anyways... enjoy :) As ususal nothing is sacred and lore and any other details i want to ignore, have been... well, ignored :) This fic will be a mix of seriousness when necessary... like a lot of this chapter :) and then humour when not XD

oh and i like making up words occasionally.

Chapter 1

Saruman was hoping to find something interesting in the bottom of the Anduin. He really wasn't expecting the interesting he got. He didn't find it in the Anduin either... but it was a whole lot more exciting than what he did find there.

He had been digging around the Anduin in the hope of finding the Ring, which obviously, he didn't. He did however find a nice skeleton to hang on his wall, and a mithril fillet with a priceless gem in it. Among a couple of other things which he would keep, but they weren't exactly as important as the other two.

Then he journeyed to the Misty Mountains, intending to cross and visit... well, he didn't really know who or where, he just liked wandering around and spying on people.

He was having a fairly normal journey. There was snow, snow, more snow, some ice. And an avalanche. That could have been problematic but Saruman was a wizard. So it wasn't. Not really.

Once the snow had settled, all rocks had been sent spiralling into space and he had dusted the icing sugar-like substance off his snow-coloured robes, Saruman noticed something odd.

A rock poking up out of the snow. Only it wasn't made of rock.

Being a curious (nosy) wizard he began to dig. It didn't take long with magic and soon, he had an unearthed a plane.

Not that he knew it was a plane. To him it was a freaking huge, mysterious black thing. And he could get inside it. All the glass at the front was shattered so he just climbed in. He found all sorts of awesome, futuristic objects int here, but they hadn't exactly survived the impact.

Once Saruman had ripped his eyes away from the cool stuff he found a man dressed like a flag, and much, much more interestingly, a glowing, blue cube.

Steve Rogers woke up in a dark tower. With a creepy old dude in white robes staring at him. He closed his eyes and hoped he would wake up in a nice hospital next time.

He didn't. He still woke up with a creepy old dude staring at him.

"You have awoken. You slept for a very long time." The voice gave him the chills. It was dripping with ominous-ness.

"Where am I?" Steve sat up and stared around his cold, dark room, which looked more like a cell.

"The Tower of Orthanc."

"What country is that in?"

"Enedwaith."

Enedwaith was not a country on Earth. At least, not the Earth he knew. The man was obviously (hopefully) deranged. Steve dismissed it for now, mainly because he was getting worried and he really needed some protection.

"Where are my clothes? And my shield?" Steve looked around his cell for them, fruitlessly. He was already thinking that this was a cell, as opposed to a nice homey room.

"They are... safe." The old man began to pace."They are made of the most unusual materials."

"Can I have them back. Sir?" A few manners never hurt. Even if this whole thing did feel slightly like an interrogation.

"Of course. With the condition that I can study them further."

Steve did not like the calculating look in the old man's eyes. However he nodded. He would feel a hell of a lot safer with his shield.

"Follow." It was an order. Steve could do orders. Orders were familiar. He stood up on shaky legs and followed the old man out of the room.

Turns out the entire tower looked a lot like a dark prison.

He was lead to what was obviously the main room. In the centre was a pedestal, on which was a dark rock, with untold depths. But what really drew his attention was the newly constructed pedestal next to it. Upon it sat an all too familiar blue cube.

"The Tesseract." Steve breathed. Then he raised his voice, "Where did you get that?"

"The same place I found you. In a black machine, on a mountain. Far from here." The voice darkened at the last sentence, the threat barely veiled. Steve really wanted his shield now. "I wondered if you could... shed a little light on it. It is a very curious object."

"It is powerful. And you should have left it where you found it."

Steve had very little do. He wandered around the fairly expansive tower, threw his shield at things and was a little bit creeped out by a slimy guy wearing black who kept turning up every now and then. And he made fairly extensive use of the library. Turns out he wasn't actually on Earth anymore.

One day, they had a visitor. He was another old man, dressed in robes like Saruman. This one however wore grey. Steve watched from the window as they greeted each other warily and walked off into the gardens. He made his way to the pedestal room. Saruman would always return there and then he could ask him some questions. Like, when could he leave.

As he waited the Tesseract pulsed unnervingly. It wasn't normally so active, and it was making him nervous.

The two passed him some time later, seemingly oblivious to his presence, although the grey one cast the Tesseract a worried glance as they passed. They entered Saruman's study and began to talk. The voices were muffled by the thick door and Steve couldn't make out many words. He mainly heard 'Sauron' uttered in a dark tone.

Minutes later the grey one marched out. "A Palantir is a dangerous tool Saruman."

"Why? Why should we fear to use it." Saruman pulled the black covering off the orb.

Steve was having a feeling that this wasn't going to end well.

The grey one protested, looking worried as Saruman stalked around him. "They are not all accounted for, the lost seeing stones. We do not know who else may be watching!" He threw the black cloth back over the stone, jolting as his hand contacted it.

The Tesseract began to crackle with energy, sparks rising. Neither man seemed to notice it.

"The hour is later than you think. Sauron's forces are already moving. The nine have left Minas Morgul." This was like a different language, although Steve had a pretty good feeling that Sauron was not a good guy.

Fear crossed the grey one's face as he echoed. "The nine..."

"They crossed the River Isen on midsummer's eve, disguised as riders in black." There was a tiny note of triumph in Saruman's tone. Steve's eyes flickered between him and the Tesseract which was beginning to spin ominously. He didn't know which to watch. He was getting another bad feeling, probably because of the signs pointing to Saruman probably being evil.

"They've reached the Shire!?"

"They will find the Ring. And kill the one who carries it."

The grey man muttered a name in worry and turned to run.

The doors slammed in front of him slammed closed, causing Steve to jump out of his skin. The grey man turned to use the other exits, and one by one they all closed.

"You did not seriously think that a hobbit could contend with the will of Sauron."

Steve hefted his shield. Things were about to turn ugly. The only thing that stopped him from acting was a huge lack of knowledge of everything that was going on. He would have had more chance of understanding if they had been speaking in German. At least he knew some words in German... even if they did mainly consist of 'No' and 'Run' and 'agghhhh;

"There are none who can. Against the power of Mordor there can be no victory." As Saruman spoke, the grey one turned to him in disbelief and horror. "We must join with him, Gandalf." Steve could suddenly assign a name to a face. That was good, grey man was a little vague for a permanent name. "We must join with Sauron. It would be wise my friend." Saruman was getting crepeier by the second.

Gandalf steeled himself and almost spat in anger " Tell me, friend. When did Saruman the Wise abandon reason for madness!"

Saruman glared then pointed his staff at Gandalf who was thrown violently at the nearest wall, crumpling to a heap at the bottom of it. Gandalf then returned the favour, flipping Saruman over so his skull cracked against the floor hideously.

Wizards. They were both wizards. That was the only logical solution Steve could come up with. It was not one he particularly liked.

As the wizards traded increasingly violent air flips and random tosses across the room, and Steve looked for an opportune moment to help Gandalf, a portal began to open in the corner of the room.

They only noticed it when a huge, stream of blue fire erupted from the Tesseract and coalesced in a large blob.

The wizards stopped their violence to stare at it from positions of great discomfort on the floor. The flames turned into blue smoke, which in turn dissipated to reveal a smirking man, dressed in green and black leather, grasping a glowing sceptre.

Now he could NOT be good news. So Steve lobbed his shield at him and received a shot of blue energy to the chest for his effort.

Before anyone could react the man leapt forwards, placing one hand on the Tesseract and the other on the Palantir. And he disappeared.

Loki's eyes immediately lit on the Tesseract. And the epic looking orb next to it. He ducked a flying shield which came his way and sent a shot of blue energy in the general direction of its source, whilst leaping forwards to grab the Tesseract. And that orb. Might as well take them both. This was going to be a walk in the park.

As his hand contacted the orb and Tesseract a burning eye filled his mind as he was wrenched through space.

He was thrown onto a cold floor, sprawled unceremoniously across it, groaning. Mental note. Do not grab the Tesseract and random unknown orbs at the same time.

"Who the actual hell are you."

Loki looked up to see a man with burning eyes staring down at him.

A/N: Hope you liked and please leave a review to tell me what you think! Concrit appreciated :) P.S lots more humour next chap... I mean loki and Sauron are in the same ROOM! *excited squeals*