Jay

Everything goes wonderful for the first two weeks of officially being a family. I am starting to settle into this life with Hank. We have been here for a while but now we are a real family. We started at a new school last week. I really like my new class. Here, I am a normal kid with clean clothes and a cool dad. I have already made several friends in my class. I still cant believe that I get to have my own room with real toys. Hank gave us a list of rules and I cant help but wonder what will happen when Erin breaks one of them. I know she will…eventually. She is behaving pretty good right now, but that can't last too long. What will Hank do? I will try to cover for her but Hank sure doesn't miss much. I am not sure that I can fool him into thinking that it was me. Will he lock us up in the basement? Will he send us away? I don't know what will happen and I have no intention of finding out. I have to make sure she listens and stays out of trouble.

I hear Hank holler at us from the kitchen. We have been helping him with dinner every night. I find Erin playing in her room with the dolls that Hank bought her. She has used shoe boxes and cardboard to make all sorts of furniture for them. I helped her make a bed and Hank even gave us some fabric that we cut up to make blankets for the baby dolls. I am glad that Hank is good to my sister.

"Hey, sis, what's up?" I ask, looking around at the mess she has made. "Come on, lets pick up your toys and then we will go down and help Hank get dinner ready."

"No. I don't want to. I want to play. We have to be in school all day and I just want to play here in my room. Go away, Jay." I sit in awe as my little sister tells me off. She never acts like this. What is she thinking?

"Erin!" I hiss at her, turning to make sure Hank isn't in the doorway and can't hear how crazy she is talking. "What are you thinking? Are you trying to get us in trouble? Hank specifically said how he likes that we help him set the table and get dinner ready. You know exactly what that means. That means we have to do it. Come on, Erin."

"NO!" She yells. I reach for her hand and she pushes me away. "Leave me alone, Jay. I want to play. Hank said I could play!"

"Erin, you know better. We can't just play all day. What if Hank finishes before we get down there to help him." I reach for her armpits and lift my sister up to her feet. "Come on, we are going downstairs."

"No, we are not. I am playing, now leave me alone!" She struggles as I pull her out of her bedroom and into the hallway. What I am not prepared for is her kicking me in the shin.

"Ow!" I yelp and I let her go to lean down and rub my leg. Boy can she kick hard! "Erin. This is silly, you are going to get us in trouble and I am not happy about that." I take one look at my sister and tackle her to the ground. This is the first good place I have ever been. I like my room and my new toys. I like my school and my new teacher. I like that for the first time no one makes fun of me for being the smelly kid or having old clothes. Hank bought us new clothes and I get to shower and brush my hair every day. I like it here and I am not going to mess that up. And I sure am not going to let Erin take this away. I am the big brother and I need to act like it.

Erin is stronger than most girls and is a worthy opponent. She manages to wrestle me onto my back and hits me in the stomach before she is being lifted off of me. After setting Erin on her feet, Hank reaches down and lifts me up to my feet. Standing beside Erin, I hold my breath and Hank kneels down to be on eye level with us.

"What is going on?" Hank asks, his voice as gruff as I have ever heard it. I wince out of instinct but the blow never comes. I hold my breath and slowly peel open my eyes. He doesnt look like he is going to hit us. I resist the urge to raise my arms up to protect my head.

"I um…I was trying to get Erin to pick up and come help with dinner, but she….she said…" I falter not able to say the words to get her in trouble. I wouldn't wish that on anyone. "It's my fault." I say quickly, shaking my head, deciding that I need to protect her. "I tackled her and messed up her toys, she didn't do anything." I glare at Erin, praying that the beating is quick.

"Erin, is that true" Hank asks, looking her in the eyes. She is standing there, arms crossed, and pouting. She looks from Hanks questioning face to the fear flashing across my own. I watch as she shrugs. "Words, Erin." He says, "Is that true, Jay's account of events?"

"If Jay says so we have to believe it right? I mean I am supposed to always do what Jay says. Isn't that what having an older brother is for, daddy?" Erin says and I want to reach across the small space and shove her again. What is she thinking? Is she trying to get us kicked out of here? I like it here. I don't want to have to leave. I don't like the look Hank keeps giving us. I can tell he is mad. What I don't know is what is going to happen to us.

"Not necessarily. All I care about is the truth. I don't really care who tells it." Hanks words make a knot of guilt rise up in my stomach. I try to stand still and hold up under his gaze but I can feel myself fidgeting. How does he know that isn't the truth? Hank places his hands on my upper arms and pulls me to him. "Jay, look at me, bud." His fingers are burning into my arms even though his touch is gentle and soft. The look on Hank's face isn't as angry as I thought, it's more….sad. And that is confusing.

"Hank, I…" I begin, not sure if I trust this man enough to tell on Erin. His eyes bore into my own. I can tell that he is going to wait for me to tell him. And some how, I know that he can see right through my lies. "I do not want to get Erin into trouble." I whisper. As soon as the words are out of my mouth I squeeze my eyes shut. I can't bear to watch Hank punish Erin. I wait and wait, but hear nothing. Slowly I peel one eye open. Hank is still kneeling in front of me. I look at him in confusion and surprise.

"Jay, look at me." He says gently in his gruff voice. "I am not going to hurt either of you. I would never, ever beat either of you. I won't promise that you will never get a sharp smack to your bottom if you ever put yourself in danger, but it wont be the beating you are expecting. But right now I want to know what happened to cause my two favorite kiddos to start a wrestling match in my hallway."

"I heard you call for us to come help with dinner and I went into Erin's room to get her. She was playing and refused to come help. I told her it wasn't an option, tried to drag her downstairs, and you walked into that." I say softly, resigned to the fact that someone was going to be in trouble. Boy, Hank sure doesn't back down.

"Ok, let me explain something right now. Jay, it is my job to take care of you two. I am the grown up. I know that you two have had to take care of each other a lot but now you have me. That means that you don't have to worry anymore. I wont let anything happen to you. All you have to do is follow the rules and do what you are told and you will be happy here. Can you do that, bud? Can you let me take care of you? It's your turn to relax and be a kid."

I listen to what he is saying and it all sounds too good to be true. I have always had to protect Erin. It was always my responsibility to keep her safe. I like the idea of not always having to do everything.

"Yes, Hank. I can try to do better." I say with a nod.

"Just enjoy being a kid, okay?" He says as he stands up and pulls me into a hug. "Now, Jay, can you go downstairs and set the table for me please? I need to talk to your sister."

I race down the steps, eager to escape the serious conversation with Hank.

Hank

I send Jay off down the stairs and turn to face a pouting five year old little girl. Her arms crossed and one leg propped up against the wall. She looks more like a sullen teenager than a small child. I reach out my hand for hers.

"Come on, kid, we need to talk." I say, leading her into her room. I lift her up on the bed and sit down next to her. I turn to face her and I smile as she slides her feet up under her and turns to face me. For a small kid she can be quite serious. "Erin, you cannot solve all your problems with fighting. Why didn't you want to come downstairs and help?"

"Because I was playing with my dolls. Daddy, you said I could play whenever I wanted to." I bite back a smirk at her comment. If she is this feisty at five what is she going to be like at fifteen? And I seriously think my heart melts every time she calls me daddy. I am going to ruin my tough reputation if she keeps this up.

"And I meant it." I say quickly. "But I do expect you to come when I call you. All you had to do was come down and see what I needed. Then, you could have asked if you could go play until dinner. I would have said that's fine and we wouldn't be having this conversation."

"Seriously?" She asks, looking at me with wide eyes. "I could have just told you I wanted to play? I can do that?"

"Yep. As long as you come when I call you."

"Yes, Sir." She says, "So, can I play now?" I can't help the laugh that escapes. She is definitely going to keep me on my toes.

"Yep. Dinner will be ready in about twenty minutes. Please come down when I call you." I say, watching her smile and hop off the bed. She plops down on the floor and goes right back to whatever doll story she had been in the middle of.

"Okay." She says, her sweet voice returning to it's normal five year old tone. I shake my head as I leave her in her room. This little girl is going to keep me on my toes for sure. What in the world am I going to do with her if she is as stubborn and hard headed as I am?

A few weeks later I am trying to get the kids loaded up to go to the store and Erin has a full blown meltdown. Her first, but I am sure that it won't be her last. This girl sure is stubborn. I go up to her room and remind her that we need to leave.

"Erin, you have five minutes to get your shoes on and come downstairs."

"I don't wanna go, Daddy." Erin says, crossing her arms across her chest and hopping up to sit on her bed. "I am not going." She adds with an air of finality and nods her little chin.

"We are going, kid. End of story. You can make this hard if you want to but we are still going to the store. Now, get your shoes on."

"No, Daddy!" Erin shouts as she spins around to face away from me.

"Erin." I say firmly, trying to reign in my patience. Why does she have to be so damn stubborn? "Why are you throwing a fit about going to the store?" I ask, trying not to sound as mad as I am. She better have a damn good reason for this fit.

"I don't want to. I want to play." She cries, and I almost want to laugh at how pitiful she sounds. I am not going to raise this little girl to be a selfish spoiled brat.

"Erin, you will put your shoes on and be in the car by the time I count to ten. If you are not, there will be consequences. Do you understand me?" I say, trying to give her one last chance to listen to me. I do not want to punish her over this. I don't understand why she has to be so defiant. We just have to run to the store. We would have been back by now and she could be playing already if she would have just listened to me!

"No." I hear her say as I walk out of her bedroom door and begin counting loud enough for the whole house to hear. I walk down the stairs as I get to eight and see Jay standing by the front door with a miserable look on his face.

"Erin's in trouble, isn't she?" He asks, his tone tearing at my heart.

"Yes, son. She is. She cant be so stubborn when I ask her to do something." I say, shaking my head.

"Please don't hurt her." Jay whispers and I feel my heart breaking. I would never harm that little girl! But if her attitude doesn't improve than I will be having a serious discussion with her backside. I look at Jay's small frame. He has grown since he has been here. His body is beginning to fill out to resume a healthy little boy. His eyes are a different matter entirely. They have a deepness to them that can only come from seeing too much in his few years. I have seen a spark to them lately though and I hope to see him become happier in the years to come. I love these two children and although I will punish them when warranted, I will never ever let any permanent harm come to them.

"Come here, Jay." I say, sitting on the edge of the coffee table and patting the couch in front of me. I wait until he sits down in front of me and I look him in the eyes. "You are going to be seven next month and I am going to have a serious discussion with you. You need to remember that I will never let anyone hurt you the way your biological parents did. I swore that I would protect you and I am going to do just that. But there are going to be times when I have to protect you from yourself. I am going to teach you how to be a responsible and respectable person. Erin is stubborn and sometimes that is going to get her into trouble with me. Kid, this is a normal part of childhood. I would be concerned if she didnt test me. But Erin knows the rules and so do you. She might not want to admit it but she knows her behavior right now is out of line. Do you agree?"

I watch as Jay lowers his head and nods. "But Hank, why can't she just listen to you?" He asks, shaking his head. "If she would have just put her shoes on and listened she wouldn't be in trouble."

"I know, kid, I asked myself the same question." I say, patting his knee. "Jay, I want you to go into my study and you can play a game on my computer. You know that star thing that you have been playing at school?" I ask, fumbling for the name of that educational website that his teacher sent home information about last week.

"Cool." He grins, jumping up. "Thanks Hank."

I nod at him and slowly head back up the stairs to deal with my stubborn little girl. I walk into her room to see her playing with her dolls. She doesn't look the least bit upset and that makes me even more upset with her.

"Come here, Erin." I say, sitting down on the edge of her bed. She eyes me warily and then slowly stands up and walks over to me. I kiss her forehead and pull her up to sit on my lap.

"Am I in trouble, Daddy?" She asks, looking up at me with a tentative glance.

"Yep." I say, nodding. "But you already knew that didn't you?" When she nods I continue. "Why didn't you listen to me when I asked you to put your shoes on and get in the car?"

"I don't know, Daddy, I just want to play." She says shrugging her shoulders.

"You have to listen to me, Erin. I am the grown up. I am the boss." I say gently. I bite back a smile as a look a defiance flashes across her eyes.

"Maybe I want to be the boss!" She says, a little too loudly. "I want to be in charge. Then I could play all day!" She says crossing her arms and looking me straight in the eyes. I have a mental image of her at 16 saying this to a teacher at school, or at 21 to her boss and I know that I have to stop this attitude.

"Erin, you listen to me. You are going to obey me and that is final. I am the boss and that is final. You will listen to me or your life will get a lot more difficult. I expect you and your brother to be respectful and obedient…" I say and I get nothing else out before she interrupts me.

"No!" She says hopping off my lap. "I don't want to listen to you."

I grab her arm and pull her face down across my lap. "You are going to listen and obey, Erin. Little girls are supposed to listen to their parents." I say, swatting her bottom just hard enough to get her attention. I pepper a few swats on the lower half of her bottom before she finally dissolves into sobs.

"Daddy, I'm sorry I didnt listen to you!" She cries and I immediately stop and pull her up into my arms. Her arms snake around my neck and I hold her close. I snuggle her into my neck and soothe her tears.

"Me too, kiddo. You have to listen, okay?" I say softly, rubbing her back.

She pulls away and looks up at me. "Yes, daddy." She says with a nod. I hold her for a few minutes and then set her down.

"Go get your shoes on and meet me and your brother in the car." I say again, hoping that she is going to listen this time around.

"Yes Sir!" She says, running over to her closet. It was only about 6 swats but it killed me to have to punish her. I just hope that I never have to do that again. I shake my head as I head down to check on Jay and get him into the car.