Sometimes when someone hurts you so bad it stop hurting at all. Until something make you feel again, and then it all comes back. Every word. Every hurt. Every moment. How could you ever understand were I come from? Even if you ask, even if you listen you do not really hear, or see, or feel. You don't remember my story. You haven't walked my path. You haven't seen what I've seen. My past defines me. This is who I am. I am unseen, unheard , unwanted. That is what I am. If even I am anything. It seemed like the same thing that held me up forced me down.

In a world turned upside down, and order disappeared. Nothing was how it was suppose to be. And a heavy sadness filled my soul. Deeper and deeper I fell within myself, and nothing could show me out. Trapped in the misery of my life. Lost in the sorrow of my soul. Unable to see the light,Unable to see the dawn,to fee ,to hope,to dream. I found the darkest days of my life kept coming. The blackest night for my soul never stopped. It seemed like it was always nighttime, and nightmares, and never morning. And maybe you wonder why,but mostly you try not to think about it, and try to get by,and try to survive. And all the other stuff seems so much like nothing compared to just wanting the most important things back again. Like wishing you could see your mom smile again and hear her sing that one favorite song that always calmed you down when things were all messed up.

Or if you couldn't have her back, or at lease get to take care of your baby brother because you know he needs, and he's going to be so scared all alone. And who's going to hold his hand and whisper 'it'll be alright ' to him? And who will whisper it to me? I know that I'm helpless,dependent,desperate, but what happens when those you need the most threaten your very existence? I've heard plenty of promises and they all sound the same. But push hard enough and sooner or later they all prove to be empty. The sun comes up every morning, but do you know where? Each place it's somewhere different. It's hard to find east when you keep moving around,but at lease it comes. It always comes. I've come to depend on that.

And slowly,slowly season changed around me, and it seemed this time that maybe the world would not be pulled out from under me again. Feet safe,roots starting to grow. Little buds of hope for me. Slowly attempted to trust this new life. I wish someone would tell me it would be O.K. That one day, maybe I'll feel normal. That I won't always be alone. That I'll have a mommy that will tell me that love me, but that won't happen it never dose. My name is Bella Swan and this is my story.