AN: Hello friends! So... I am still working on my other stories, but I've been planning this one for the hiatus. I will update every Sunday (unless something crazy and out-of-my-control happens) and I would love it if you would take this journey with me.

Just remember what kind of stories I write... and leave a review! That always helps ensure an update!

Blessings,

bookdiva

Her vision swam in and out. For a moment, he was there in the building with her, tied up right beside her. Then the scene faded, only to be replaced with a different scene. This time, she was on a beach. He was there too, and he was looking at her with a serious expression that didn't fit the relaxed atmosphere of the beach.

"I have to go surf," he said, his eyes still a serious, icy blue. His tone conveyed a much more ominous meaning than his words revealed, but she still attempted a smile.

"I'll come with you," she said, but as she shifted to get up and follow him, searing pain shot through her entire body.

"No," he said, shaking his head at her sadly. "You have to stay. I have to go."

And with that, her vision of the ocean waves faded away.

This time, it was replaced with a beeping noise. Her surroundings smelled like bleach and sickness; her body was completely numb—the kind of numbness only extreme painkillers can achieve—and when she forced her eyes open, she was staring at a sterile, white ceiling. She blinked once, then twice. Finally, the room came into focus.

Callen was sitting to her left, staring straight ahead—asleep, but not asleep. He was not the man she expected to see, and he certainly wasn't the man she wanted to see.

"Where's Deeks?" Kensi demanded, her voice sounding scratchy even to her own ears. Callen's sharp gaze widened and connected with hers.

"Kens!" he exclaimed, a smile lighting up his face. He reached over and pushed the call button. "You're awake!"

She just snorted, annoyed that he hadn't answered her question.

"Yeah," she forced out, even as her throat protested. "Deeks?" she repeated. She thought she saw a flash of fear and pain in Callen's eyes for a brief moment, but as soon as she'd seen it, it was gone.

"I'm so glad you're awake, Ms. Blye," a nurse said, entering the room. Kensi glared at her, but she just smiled. She was young, blonde, and bouncy. Kensi had no doubt that they'd end up clashing over her partner at some point throughout her stay, but for the moment, Kensi decided to give the girl the benefit of the doubt.

"Mr. Callen, if you could just step out briefly, I need to examine Ms. Blye," the nurse said, shooting a cheerful smile at Callen.

"No!" Kensi exclaimed, her heart monitor beeping erratically. "Where's Deeks? He has to be here! Why isn't he here?"

Callen looked frantically at the nurse, but she was already trying to calm Kensi.

"Ms. Blye, please calm down. I'm sure this Deeks will be here soon," she said. Kensi looked to Callen for confirmation, but his icy blue eyes were—as usual—unreadable.

"Calm down and let the nurse examine you," Callen hedged. "Then we'll talk."

Kensi shook her head stubbornly, wincing at the pain the motion caused. "Deeks," she repeated.

"Okay," Callen agreed, his voice still emotionless. "Calm down, let the nurse examine you, and then we'll talk about Deeks."

Kensi thought about it for a moment, but she realized it was probably the best offer she was going to get. She nodded and Callen slipped out of the room.

Maybe LAPD called him back unexpectedly, she reasoned as the nurse examined her. She ignored the pain caused by the poking and prodding. Maybe he's hurt, too, and I need to go to him. Maybe the others know about us, and they ordered him away. Maybe he's working on another part of the case, so he has to finish before he can come see me. Maybe he went to shower. Maybe—

"Okay, Ms. Blye," the nurse said kindly, pulling Kensi from her thoughts. "Your superficial abrasions are healing nicely. You have a few bruised ribs, and those will be painful for a few weeks, but again, they will heal. You were dehydrated when you came in, so we have you on an IV to replenish your fluids. When you feel up to it, start drinking on your own."

Kensi nodded, staring past the nurse who just smiled in understanding.

"If you need anything, press this button," she said, holding up the call button. Kensi nodded firmly, dismissing the nurse.

"So where is he?" Kensi demanded before Callen had even reached her bedside. "Why would you send him away?"

It was the only explanation that made any sense in her mind. He had to have been forced away, because there was no way Marty Deeks would voluntarily abandon her, injured or otherwise.

"Kens," Callen whispered as he walked to her side, his voice finally hinting at some emotion. "When we got the word that you were missing, we immediately formed a rescue plan. We all flew over."

Kensi nodded, ignoring the feeling of her heart sinking in her chest.

"I—I know. You guys saved me," she said gratefully. "But where is Deeks?"

"We were under heavy fire, and we had two buildings to check. We knew you were in one of them, but we didn't know which one. So we split up. Sam and I took one—and we found you—and Granger and Deeks took the other one."

"Wait," Kensi rasped, holding up her hand to stop Callen. Confused. "You're telling me he's still clearing that building? How long have we been here?"

Callen shook his head sadly, and Sam, who'd slipped into the room at some point, laid a reassuring hand on his shoulder.

"He was desperate to find you, Kensi," he whispered. "But he was still being smart. It wasn't his fault. Or yours, for that matter."

"What wasn't our fault?" Kensi demanded, fed up with this little story. She could tell he was stalling, but she couldn't figure out why.

"The building Granger and Deeks were searching was rigged to explode," Callen said softly. "Deeks was behind Granger when exiting. Granger is in surgery now, but Deeks didn't make it. He was still inside when it exploded."

Deeks didn't make it. Deeks didn't make it. Deeks didn't make it. Deeks didn't make it. Deeks didn't make it.

The words echoed like a mantra in Kensi's head.

First she was hit with denial. It couldn't possibly be true. He'd come sauntering through her door with that cocky grin and say gotcha, and she'd punch him and tell him he wasn't funny—because this wasn't funny at all.

But he didn't.

Then came the guilt. It was crushing. She could barely breathe, and her heart started doing crazy things on the monitor. If she hadn't gone and gotten herself captured—all for a man who'd abandoned her a decade ago—then her Deeks would still be alive.

She felt a lone tear slip down her cheek. It trailed down her left cheek, onto her chest right above her heart.

And then her gaze hardened. She straightened up as much as she could in her hospital bed and with her injuries, and she clenched her jaw against any further emotion. Agent Blye would not die in this hospital room, but Kensi—his Fern—was gone, lost forever with the man who didn't know she loved him.

And oh, how she loved him.

"Kensi?" a tentative knock came from the door. Agent Blye—no longer Kensi—looked up to find Jack standing in her doorway.

She remembered seeing him through her scope, recognizing him, knowing that he could never do what he was accused of, purposefully missing the shot, and then—

And that was when the anger hit her.

"Kensi, I just wanted to say thank you," Jack said, stepping into her room. "Without you—"

"I wish I had just shot you," Agent Blye stated, her mismatched eyes flashing in hatred. "If I'd just shot you, he'd still be alive. That's on me. So leave." Silence hung in the air as everyone just stared at her. "All of you!" she said, raising her voice slightly. "Leave now!"