Steve had taken his time up the steps, taking them one by one at what would be a stretch to even call a crawling pace. He had moved faster when he was asthmatic and had ran until his lungs and body were ready to collapse with fatigue. In this moment however, he was plenty able bodied but not so willing. God, what was he even supposed to say? His mind moved in between and back and forth through Natasha's suggestions. He could definitely tell Tony, but not today. Jesus, not today. Even telling Natasha the bare details had worn him down. Telling Tony…would be different. Why would that be different? He paused on the stairs considering his thoughts. He supposed it was just that Tony and he were friends in a stronger way than he and Natasha were. Not that she wasn't wonderful, but what they had together couldn't hold a candle to what was between him and Tony.

There were still a great many secrets, emotions, and thoughts that Natasha kept to herself, as Steve realized was necessary and, damn, he was plenty okay with that. But it was undeniable the connection and openness that was the relationship he held with Tony. Not that it meant he really revealed a great much more to Steve than he would have to Pepper or Rhodey, but it was something. Something that no one else had with either of the two men, so Steve could damn well cherish that if he wanted to; and he should. Seeing Tony light up with excitement and genuine relief when he probed his thoughts or inquired his opinion just felt so rewarding. It made him giddy to hear him launch into a full bodied demonstration or lecture on whatever he was building in his workshop. Not just the workshop though, movies, culture, politics, anything that Tony had thoughts on (and in that genius mind, there was a hell of a lot) Steve wanted to hear, Christ, needed to hear. But that was just what good friends did…wasn't it?

Steve realized after several minutes of contemplation that he was still standing in the stairwell, no closer to catching up with Tony and saying something, just anything, to explain himself. He forced himself to march heavily up the remainder of the stairs and exited on his floor, outside his quarter doors. His ears had been waiting to hear knocking, pounding, yelling, whatever might indicate that Tony was still there as Natasha had last seen him. But it was empty and still. If Tony had been there, he was long gone now, which naturally couldn't have been a good sign. He sighed of both relief and guilt.

"JARVIS?"

"It is good see you are feeling well, Captain Rogers." The AI spoke too with relief at the edges of his voice.

"Yeah, sorry about that, JARVIS…Is he pissed?" There was a pause of hesitation.

"Sir is…frustrated. I don't believe shutting him out was the most appropriate response to the situation." JARVIS didn't speak in anger at his creator being treated poorly, but his curt attitude made Steve draw into himself a bit.

"Yeah…I agree, J. That was pretty poor of me, but I didn't really have another option."

"I understand and sympathize, Captain. Though, I do think it best if you find Sir immediately and explain-"

"I hear you, buddy. That's what I'm working on." Steve cut him off of essentially the same words Natasha had given him. "Is he in the shop?" Great, more time to mull and worry in his own mind. However, the program did not respond. "JARVIS?" Nothing. Steve ran his fingers through his hair, worrying. If the AI was ignoring him, it was likely on Tony's orders, and overall not a good sign. Steve opened his door, deciding at the very least he needed to shower before approaching the other man. He slide through the doorway and the hair on the back of his neck stood up, telling him there were eyes on him. A movement of fabric confirmed this and Steve whipped around at the intruder. His breath caught in his throat when dark eyes met his. Tony was absently fiddling with Steve's phone and tablet, pieces scattered on the bed as he had undoubtedly pulled them apart for the umpteenth time. He didn't speak but Steve ventured to move closer to him, carefully. When he seemed to finally notice the distance between them shrinking, he spoke softly.

"You know, if you wanted to get away from me so badly, you didn't need to get JARVIS to lie for you. All you have to do is ask politely." Not that that would have kept him away, Steve thought with amusement.

"Tony, no, I didn't-"

"I fixed your stuff." They spoke over each other but Steve let his mouth snap shut. Best to just let Tony's mouth run, hoping eventually his thoughts would tumble out afterwards as they usually did. "I put some old armor on the casing so they won't be nearly as breakable. You'll have a harder time dropping or crushing these to their inevitable deaths, because, Rogers, I know you'll find a way." He tossed one of the slim devices to Steve, who snatched it gently in the air. He turned in over in his hand while the silence sat back into the room, and lightly traced the red and gold armor on the back. Even when he was convinced he hated Tony Stark, he could never deny the Iron Man armor was a work of art in its own right. Feat of engineering aside, Tony had designed the armor to be visually appealing as well, not missing one detail on the suit, no matter how small. So being able to hold it in his hand, and look at its outer shell up close was like a dream for Steve. He had just wished it had been with the armor still wrapped around its creator.

"It's beautiful…" The blond let the words escape from him in an airy whisper. He couldn't hold back an embarrassed blush, as he certainly hadn't meant to say that out loud. He shot a glance at Tony whose face wrinkled into a doubtful look, seeming to ignore the tone at which the words had been spoken, and rather focusing on the words themselves.

"It's nothing spectacular. It's only the Mark IV armor. Doesn't even begin to match the Mark 43 but I thought it would work alright…So…" Steve couldn't stand the devaluing trail off of his words.

"No! It's fantastic Tony. Thank you." Tony shot him a smile that didn't really reach his eyes as he looked up earnestly, hands white knuckling in a grasp as he had nothing to tinker with. You could read a lot about Tony by what his hands were doing. The smile slid off his face quickly and his eyes moved back to the carpet as he spoke.

"Steve, I'm sorry if I pissed you off, or offended you, or- honestly I don't know and I wish I knew what I did wrong, but it won't happen again so please, please don't shut me out, don't- please, Steve, I'm racking my brain and I just-don't know what I did but tell me and I won't do it, just say the word." Tony's words came out as quick as he could get them, looking pained as his shoulders drew inwards making him to appear much smaller than he was. His eyes, when they weren't avoiding Steve's gaze, looked panicked and pleaded with him, to understand what he was trying to say. Steve's heart ached at the sight and the hurried frenzy of words that shook from him. God, what had happened to this man, to make him so fearful of rejection, of abandonment? No, Steve knew the answer to that question and it was best not to dwell on the person responsible.

But it was the fear of being abandoned once more that hung over Tony. Steve knew that much, at least. Regardless of how he felt towards Steve, or anyone else, Tony had an undying need to be loved. He had professed as much one drunken night, when Thor had drank them both underneath the table. He had pulled in Steve tight against his body, both smiling as the Asgardian mead had turned them giddy, and told him he had stopped sleeping around now that he had people he could call family. The sex had all been a despairing search for someone to love him, if just for a night. He had even confessed,

"I don't even really like the sex that much. Not usually. I might with the right person, though." He had looked with fervor into Steve's eyes, so much so that Steve was sure he was going to kiss him. But he didn't, and the next day they seemed to resume their normal interaction, never a hint of anything that could have happened that night.

After a beat of silence, Steve spoke, just as quick to reassure the brunette.

"You didn't piss me off, offend me, scare me away, or whatever you're thinking in that genius brain of yours. I promise, Tony." He added the last sentence when uncertainty crossed the other's face. Then confusion.

"You're sure? You acted like-" His words cut off as he seemed to realize something. Steve could only give the older man a defeated look as Tony's face shifted in even more confusion. He had put two and two together, but didn't have near enough information to complete the puzzle. Tony had had PTSD, and he had both anxiety and panic attacks. He knew enough to understand that he had triggered Steve. He just didn't know why, and it was eating him up. "I don't understand." He said quietly, now observing the soldier carefully. He waited for an answer from Steve, but none came. Instead, the blonde moved an exhausted hand over his face and he closed his eyes, letting go of the breath he had been holding since Tony started to piece an understanding together.

"I want to tell you, I do. I need to tell you, Tony. Just…Jesus, not today. Not today." He shook his head morosely, feeling Tony's eyes all over him. Any other time, a complete and total turn on, but today it only drained the energy out from him faster. He didn't have the mental stamina for this kind of thing. Both were still as Tony processed everything and finally bobbed his head slowly.

"I gotcha." He rose from his position on the bed and swiftly exited the room. Steve caught him by the arm before he got through the door, and the two made solid eye contact for the first time that evening, rather than brief glances at one another.

"I will tell you, Tony. I just need time." Steve attempted to be as blatantly genuine as he possibly could, but Tony still looked like he hadn't heard half of it.

"I told you, I got it." The smaller man snapped and pulled away from Steve's grip out the door, letting it close with a hint of a slam. The super soldier shuffled to his bed and fell face first onto it with a groan. Christ, what a mess this was turning out to be. As he drifted off to sleep (it was already 4:30 in the morning, after all) he prayed Tony had actually listened to him. Despite the man's thick skin, he had a difficult time not taking things to heart where his friends were concerned.

"God, Tony, just don't get in your own head."

It turned out to be weeks until Steve finally caught him to talk. He supposed that was both of their faults for the delay that had been clawing at them the entire time. In all honesty, Steve had fully intended to tell him within a day or so. Then he began to notice it. There was no more flirting; no more banter, no more teasing, and no more jokes from Tony. Even with prodding and teasing on Steve's side (he sure as hell knew how to flirt and quip right back) Tony had halted all playful interactions between the two.

"I need to drop by S.H.I.E.L.D today. You'll take me there, right?"

"If you need me to. Otherwise Happy can give you a ride."

"You gave me a good enough pounding, I think I'll be sore for a week."

"It was a pretty decent sparring, but I think Thor's probably a better match for you."

"If you're going down, I'm coming." That one had earned him a nasty glare. He didn't really blame Tony, but he was running out of double entendres. And to be honest, he was missing the teasing.

Beyond basic conversation on the field and within the tower, Tony had put quite a distance between them figuratively and literally. Anytime Steve went down to the workshop to sit and watch the genius work, JARVIS informed him that he wasn't even in the tower, but generally out of town. Not that it would have mattered. Apparently, he wasn't even allowed in the shop anymore, as JARVIS informed him he no longer had access one evening. Ten weeks later, that had been the final straw.

JARVIS informed him when Tony came back into the tower at nearly five in the morning. That was usually a time Steve could almost certainly be guaranteed to be asleep, but he had waited all night for the word from JARVIS. Steve ambushed the brunette just as the door to the lab was swinging shut.

"Tony?" He caught the door handle and tried to pull it open, but while it forced itself shut, the handle simultaneously burned his hand to force him to jerk his hand away. The glass darkened before Tony had even taken five steps in the workshop. Steve fumed. "Fucker! JARVIS, open up."

"I'm sorry Captain, Sir does not wish to be interrupted at this time." JARVIS spoke, just as frustrated as Steve was. Clearly, he didn't approved of Tony's avoidance either.

"Then make him open the God damned door." A pause.

"I'm sorry Captain, he has refused and I am unable to speak to him at this time." Steve turned to walk back up the stairs, away from the lab.

"Ok, good idea, Tony! Just ignore everyone you can, that always seems to work out perfectly for you." He spat angrily as he stalked upstairs. Tony, at this point, had believed himself to be safe and left alone to his own for the night. That idea proved to be wrong not five minutes later when a rather large, circular piece of vibranium came crashing through one of the glass panels, revealing a quite livid Steve Rogers. The shield flew back into his outstretched hand as he stomped over to Tony, who seemed to have forgotten the schematics and data before him. Above, Steve could've swore he heard JARVIS sigh,

"I told you so, Sir."

"You wanna tell me what the hell is going on with you lately?" Tony seemed speechless for a moment, eyes wide, taking him in.

"Sure, if you tell me what the hell you're doing breaking my shit!" He snapped out of his reverie to quick anger.

"If I have to break my way into your damn lab to talk to you, then so be it, but this is getting ridiculous Tony."

"Excuse me, what's getting ridiculous? That I'm spending time in the lab?"

"Holy shit, don't act dumb, like you don't have any idea what I'm talking about. You're avoiding me, and I'm really damn sick of it." Tony flinched backwards.

"I don't know what you're talking about, I see you nearly all day. I can't have time to myself?" Steve scoffed.

"I could care less if you just wanted time to yourself. Yeah, you see me all day, but you sure as hell don't talk to me unless you have to. God forbid we happen to make eye contact these days. You look sick every time I try to have a damn conversation with you or even sit next to you, so I want an explanation, Tony!" Tony stood up and moved over to fuss over a machine, or at least pretended to, the blonde noticed. His hands fumbled awkwardly over the pieces and tools, and he didn't end up actually doing anything. He really just didn't want to answer Steve. "Alright," Steve spoke a little softer, "sit down, asshole. We're doing what should have been done a long time ago and talking this out." Tony turned around and pulled a defiant look, crossing his arms.

"It's my shop, I don't have to do shi-AH!" He let out a loud gasp as Steve picked him up and pulled him into a fireman's lift. He protested until Steve threw him down into a sprawl on the sofa, and then was eerily still, holding his breath as the larger man stood above him. A light blush donned his face and Steve could hear his heartbeat pick up loudly. Had Steve had been a weaker man, he likely would have forgotten his original intent as Tony's pants grew tight around his groin. He took in a steadying breath.

"When I bolted a few weeks ago, you triggered me, as I'm sure you figured out." Tony's eyes rested on his face. At least he finally had his attention. "Back before the serum, it was tough getting a job, much less a good paying job. No one would hire me, even when the war rolled around, because I wasn't strong enough for most of the work. Surprisingly, people had the decency to worry that I would die on the job. Not that they had the decency to worry whether or not I starved to death or lost my home." He took a pause. "You can do it. Tell him." He thought to himself.

"I don't know if you know this, most people don't, but I grew up in one of the largest gay areas in New York, at the time. My ma, bless her, wasn't really bothered by homosexuals and the property was cheap, so I grew up around a lot of different things than most kids at the time. It was against the law, but around there no one seemed to care who was what and what they were doing so there was some…red light stuff around." He hoped he wasn't blushing as much as he felt he was. "Anyways, it wasn't really a big deal to see some fellas getting jerked off, fucked, or blown around there. So when I was hard on cash, I did the next reasonable step and took up some of that work myself." Tony's brows had been moving higher up his forehead, and now, at their peak his mouth fell open.

"I made the decision not to get in the business of being fucked but I didn't see the harm in giving guys a good time if it just meant sucking 'em off or jerking 'em. I got a pretty good reputation built up in the short time I went cruising for fellas. Few days, they were coming to me. Only bad part of that was I was stupid, and I couldn't really defend myself like most of the other guys could. Bucky…He saved my ass once from getting beat up when a guy wouldn't pay me. But he wasn't there when the worst happened." Steve closed his eyes and tried to keep his throat from swelling shut. He swallowed back his distress and cleared his throat, no longer bothering to see if Tony was still listening.

"There was this guy and he…he wanted to fuck me and I told him no. Well, he didn't want to take no for an answer and I couldn't so no back, seeing as he was easily twice my size. He fucked my mouth pretty brutally but I got damn lucky and got away before he could get his hands on the rest of me. And that was the end of that adventure." He coughed again to clear his throat and blinked back a few tears to force a smile. "So, you can understand why I'm a little…averse to talking about blowing guys."

"I didn't…" Tony throat bobbed with his shock as he searched for words. "I didn't know." His large brown eyes were soft on Steve's face. "How could I not know?" He muttered, mostly to himself.

"Tony, no one knew. I made sure of that. Bucky was the only one who knew for about 70 years, and I don't think he exactly got around to telling anyone that Captain America used to blow guys in an alley for some quick cash." Tony shook his head.

"No, I know that. I figured that. It's just-you act so…"

"Innocent?" Steve grimaced at the word. "I never was. You know, part of being a hero, particularly a dead hero, is that people like to elevate you to heavenly status. You can do no wrong. Captain America wouldn't have sex. He wouldn't know a thing about sex. Being 'pure' is largely an assumption people place upon me when it's widely know that I'm still, all things considered, a virgin. I might be ignorant and bashful at times to new things and the way they work in this age, but I'm sure as hell not innocent, Tony. I'm sorry if that bothers you." He added the last part in, unsure of what to make of Tony's reaction. Thus far, he only seemed stunned, to say the least, that Steve had done anything with anyone beyond simply kissing. And as far as he had known, Steve had only ever been interested in women.

"I'm not really sure why you're apologizing or why in hell you would believe that could possibly bother me, considering I am a well-known slut." Steve frowned at the word.

"You're not a slut, Tony. And besides, you've stopped sleeping with strangers. If people are really so concerned as to who Iron Man is sleeping with rather than the good he's doing then their opinions aren't really worth shit." Tony smiled, eyes sparking slightly.

"I suppose so." He sat up from his reclined position and the shadow of the smile lingered sadly on his lips. "I used to party a lot, you know? Especially before Iron man, wow, there were some serious parties. Things got craziest in my twenties, I think at least, there are some videos still floating around out there, you can google them, but it got pretty bad when I was seventeen, too." His fingers picked at the corner of the sofa, slow and careful. "You know, that was right after Mom, Dad and Jarvis, the original Jarvis, all died. Suddenly I was on my own, save for Rhodey and- yeah. Soon to be head of a multibillion dollar weapons company that I had been repeatedly told I wasn't ready or good enough to run, just about to graduate MIT, and I was seventeen and even more of a narcissistic moron than I am now. So, the budding alcoholic in me went looking for some comfort at parties, and for the most part everything went fairly smooth. I'd get blackout drunk, wake up next to some beautiful person whose name I couldn't remember and Rhodey would drag my ass home.

Well, surprising as it is, since I was spreading my legs to anyone that asked, a girl got a hold of my drink and drugged the hell out of it. I guess she thought that I wasn't legal, I wouldn't consent, so drugging me was the next best option in her mind. She got me into a room at this house party…Rhodey came looking for me not ten minutes later and found me half out of my mind I was drugged up so bad, getting rode by this chick and trying to call for help. I say trying, but it's apparently very hard to get someone's attention when you're too out of it and you have a washcloth jammed down your throat. I don't remember much of it, but that's Rhodey's account so…" His hands were clamped down on the cushions of the sofa, hands splotched in red and white from gripping the fabric.

"Tony," Steve knelt down and put a hand over his, "do you remember it?" He knew him well enough to read when he was struggling with a lie. The smaller man let out a sharp breath. In relief or frustration, Steve didn't know.

"Yeah…more than I should, actually. More than I've let people know. She beat the hell out of me when I wouldn't take me clothes off for her." His voice shook and Steve rubbed his thumb over Tony's hand in comfort. Though, it took a lot of effort for him to hold himself together, hearing the tale of someone actually beating him in what, under normal circumstances, should have been a tender moment. "She choked me pretty badly to get the washcloth stuffed in my mouth, and also to hold me down. Handcuffed me to the bed and hit me more when I tried to fight back. Got a vibrator stuck in my ass, sans lube, as kinky as that sounds I really don't recommend any of that under those conditions. On the bright side, I have a very vivid memory of the shit being kicked out of her when Rhodey came in. Punched her right off of me in one hit. Beyond that, I just remember waking up in my bed with Rhodey and Aunt Peggy in my room."

"Peggy? What…"

"She made sure that crazy bitch went straight to prison. Got S.H.I.E.L.D on the case even, not that there wasn't enough evidence against her to get the conviction but Aunt Peggy wanted to be damn sure. Honestly, I don't even know if she made it to prison. That's just what Aunt Peggy told me. Her skeleton is probably in a well hidden location, now that I think about it." He chuckled weakly, but when Steve looked up his face was tear streaked.

"How long did you hold that in?" Steve raised a hand to wipe away the tears softly.

"Hmm, I need to think about that one. Since… I was seventeen?" Tony smiled, tears still falling.

"Jesus, Tony." Steve breathed out and pulled him into a tight embrace, both letting their tears fall and sobs rake over their bodies. While they held one another, Steve's hand moved comfortingly through thick brown hair at Tony's hairline while Tony's hands ghosted over his back, coaxing tension from the muscles. In what felt like an instinctual move, Steve removed his head from Tony's neck and tilted down to catch their lips together. Tony's mouth opened in an eager gasp and they sucked on each other's tongues, pulling away when they both needed air. Tony's body shook against Steve's and he immediately worried he had pushed too far too soon, until he realized it was laugher.

"I'm making out with Captain America and I'm crying. Wow, this is just not at all how I pictured it." Steve heart fluttered and he blushed.

"You pictured it?" Tony barked out a laugh now.

"Pictured it? Steve, this has been my reoccurring, nonstop fantasy for months now. That's the only reason I've been moping like an idiot. I thought you were telling me you didn't go out with guys because of a bad experience and you were trying to let me down easy. I'm sorry, I feel like a real jackass, considering what you told me." His voice lost its amusement and picked up concern again, but Steve swept a hand over his cheek to reassure him.

"You didn't know. I mean, yeah you acted like a total jerk, but I don't really have it in me to be mad at the moment." Steve teased him with a smile. Tony smiled back and shifted nervously under him.

"I know this isn't exactly the best moment to ask, but Steve, are you…sex repulsed since?" Steve thought about it for a moment.

"No…" He said slowly, "I'm just a little more frugal with my affection, though I've always been pretty certain I didn't want to have sex with just anyone. It should matter. Why, are you worried about it? Are you…?" Tony shook his head, eyes wide.

"No, no, but I understand your 'it should matter' view. It doesn't have any zeal if it's not someone you really care for…For me, at least. And Steve, I really, really care for you." He smirked, affection and lust mixing in his voice. Steve laughed loudly and then spoke seriously once more. Tony needed to hear what he had to say.

"Tony, for what it's worth, I trust you, so much. I'd let you do anything with me, sex repulsed or not, because I know I don't have to worry with you." God he loved him, he surely, definitely loved him. "You deserve all the love in the world Tony, and I want you to have that. I trust you enough to give you everything I have."

"Steve…You need to know also, because I know what you meant earlier I didn't miss that, just because you're not innocent, because of what happened, it doesn't mean you're stained. You're not broken, you're not messed up, you're not tainted, and you don't have any extra baggage. I just want you for you, because I know you're amazing, regardless of what happened. I hope you feel the same way." Steve kissed him again, unable to stand putting it off any longer. Their lips upturned against each other and both were blissed out when they pulled away.

"Tony, I'm going to be really blunt. Regardless of what happened to either of us, I really love you and I want to fuck you senseless right now." Tony kissed his skin where it was flushed and hummed into him.

"I've loved you for quite a while now, and holy shit we should get right to work on that, considering you've got quite the virgin title under your belt. Ouch, don't be mean, it was a joke!"