TRIGGER WARNING: THE STORY YOU ARE ABOUT TO READ CONTAINS LARGE AMOUNTS OF PATRIOTISM.

The year is 2004, fifteen generations after the beginning of the Ameripocalypse. The Communist race has invaded and conquered the Americaverse and all other patriotic star systems in the galaxy. The American people are all but extinct, massacred by the billions by Communist soldiers for refusing to bow before the rule of the dark sorcerer, Karl Marx.

However, not all patriotic lifeforms have been wiped out. Some Americans eke out an existence in exile, dreaming of the day when the Communist scourge will be eliminated and the divine children of Washington can yet again thrive as in the days of old.

But until that day arrives, courageous Americans congregate together in secret societies, orchestrating the downfall of the Marxist empire and fighting Communists whenever they can. This is their story…

Sonic the Hedgehog soared through the red sky on his Harley Davidson™ motorcycle, slaying the fuck out of every Communist soldier in his path. He relished every tumultuous moment, letting the endless spray of Marxist blood wash over his impossibly statuesque chest and loins as he carved their gnarled heads asunder with his axe-guitar.

Black metal roared from the speakers on Sonic's bike as he unsheathed his serrated katana and used it to deflect the onslaught of bullets fired at him by the unwashed masses foolish enough to stand in his way. A small chuckle escaped from Sonic's gritted teeth as he threw a cavalcade of knives at his adversaries. He nodded his head in approval as each blade found its mark between the eyes of a Communist sword-thain, splitting their heads in two.

Sonic leapt majestically from his motorcycle and cast away his arms to fight the Communist host with his own cartilage-soaked fists. The hedgehog swaggered forth with utter surety, his wispy chest hairs fluttering wildly in the wind. He parted the waves of Communist blackguards before him, casting these depraved hordes into the netherworld with several well-timed roundhouse kicks.

Bloodthirsty Communist marchwardens snarled and sputtered incoherently from this undeniably patriotic sight. They burgeoned forth, binding Sonic's arms with fetters of wrought iron and naquadah.

"Fuck you, I'm Sonic the Hedgehog! It's time to rock the fuck out!" Sonic bellowed with blind patriotic fury, tearing his stylish jerkin asunder and shattering the darbies and chains that bound him with little effort. Sonic furiously played a puissant riff on his axe-guitar, severing the barriers of space and time with this heavy metal melody and summoning divine astral fuckflames from the heavens above to slay the fuck out of his baseborn adversaries.

However, Sonic's fervent onslaught and furious pelvic thrusting did little to stay these endless armies of Communist subhumans. Heavily armed reinforcements poured into the desolate streets of Neo-Detroit, scrambling to confront this warrior of divine, patriotic might.

The Communist lieutenant leading this wretched host haughtily swaggered forth and revealed himself. A sickening laughter erupted from his knurled lips as he flung back his hood, revealing himself to be none other than Vladimir Lenin. Lenin was an unwashed negromancer entombed in an obsidian corslet that once belonged to the baleful archdaemon known as Adolf Hitler. He stepped into the light to reveal his half decomposed face, a ghastly visage covered in ceremonial tattoos and ritual scarification that spelt out ancient curses in languages long forgotten by man.

"Dotard! Dost thou not knowest death when you see it? The time of the Americaverse has passed, its antiquated religion and beliefs extinct. Bow before the heavenly might of Communism or die now and curse in vain!" Vladimir Lenin rasped in a cumbrous manner.

Seeing that Sonic refused to yield, he drew his flaming sword and lunged at the patriotic warrior before him. The mighty roar of an eagle echoed through the night sky, paralyzing Lenin in his tracks before the fag end of his blade could meet Sonic's throat. The Communist hordes stood aghast, their eyes fixated on a giant bald eagle circling this ill-bred host as if they were fresh carrion.

This feathered beast of patriotic might swooped down, devouring Vladimir Lenin in one bite and skewering many of his niggardly followers with its knife-like talons. Atop this majestic creature rode a man swaddled in a black cloak that toted dual machine guns, mercilessly unloading the full force of these weapons upon the foul Marxist soldiers scrambling to flee.

Sonic was thoroughly impressed by this fearless, patriotic show of force and decided to join in the man's courageous onslaught. He dropped his blue jeans to reveal his throbbing cyborg member that doubled as a shotgun. The hedgehog stood unflinchingly alongside his enigmatic ally, strangling his metallic loins tightly and passionately.

Sonic cocked his cock and mercilessly bombarded his foes with a faceful of buckshot from his artificial gun dick. The hooded figure pulled upon the reins of his faithful eagle steed, commanding this majestic avian hellbeast to spew fire from its beak which wholly incinerated hundreds of noisome Communist fucklings and wraith-kin. Lastly, Sonic lifted up the charred skull of Vladimir Lenin and took a bite out of it as to frighten off the pittance of Communist soldiers that had survived this fiercely American massacre.

"Star-spangled energy courses through you, star-child! You truly bleed the red, white, and blue blood of an American warrior!" The hooded figure praised. He then roared with thunderous laughter, slapped Sonic on the back, and threw back the veil covering his face to properly greet him.

Sonic's knees trembled as he stared into the fiery eyes and immaculately chiseled facial features of the legendary American warrior unveiled from under the cloak. Overcome with a profound sense of adoration and terror, Sonic fell upon his face before the mighty patriotic demigod of old standing before him. He was Abraham Lincoln, son of Tupac Amaru Shakur Lincoln, grandson of the deity Thomas Jefferson.