Just a bit of fun ;-)

Takes place after Guardians of the Galaxy and just before Age of Ultron.

~~::::::...::::::~~

Darcy was given a month, they said. A vacation. A respite. First the whole "convergence" mess happened … then she didn't sleep for weeks during the rest of her stay in London, collecting and analyzing data with Jane … as well as trying to figure out what was going on with Ian, while Jane figured out what was going on with Thor.

It was a bit different for Darcy though. She liked Ian, and he was fun, in a goofy sort of way … but it was never going to last. For Jane, it was more like … how am I supposed to balance life as a famous scientist and a romance with a god? There wasn't exactly a whole lot of self-help books on the particular subject of dating alien royalty. There was no Sex and the City episode where Carrie Bradshaw muses … "Can you really date a guy ... when you're from two different worlds?" No, literally. Two different worlds. As in realms. Outer fucking space.

So after parting amicably with Ian, Darcy decided it was a good time to finally pick up her grad-degree and take some much-needed time off. Thor then went on to hunt HYDRA bases with the Avengers, and Jane attended various prestigious scientist summits in remote ski resort-type places. Her friend had asked Darcy to come with her, but she declined, saying that she needed a breather. Hanging around Foster had nearly gotten her killed … twice. Not that it all hadn't been fun, she just needed a little normalcy for a bit, whatever that meant. Then she'd return to Avengers Tower, and to Jane and her research, now funded by Tony Stark … and Darcy would be getting an actual paycheck. A very nice paycheck. Finally.

Unfortunately, the whole vacation thing was turning out to be a little boring. No, a lot boring. She'd gone home to visit her parents in upstate New York, and even though it was wonderful to see them, things were just not very exciting. She tried to hang out with friends from high school, but their conversations were totally inane, like they'd never left the small town they grew up in, which most hadn't. They were still gossiping about the same old shit. Still going to the same Applebee's for happy hour. And now, many of her former classmates were even starting to get married and have kids … and that was a whole new level of boring. She didn't care about the slight difference in color between "dusty" and "spring" rose for bridesmaid's dresses. She didn't care as she listened to her pregnant friend go on and on about how cloth diapers will save the planet. Darcy had actually literally helped to save the planet—scratch that—the Universe. Well … she stuck weird metal tiki-torches that Erik Selvig had made into the ground, and tried to not get killed by Dark Elves, but details!

So what Darcy had discovered during her little vacay, was that she was ruined. There was no more "normal" life for her, as she just couldn't bear the monotony. She needed to get back to work. She needed to get back to doing interesting science-y things … but she still had two weeks left out in the country. To alleviate the boredom, she started taking long evening walks from her parent's house to the school, thinking about things … like how close to death she'd actually come, twice. How she missed Ian pronouncing things like "basil" and "cornish pasty". How she missed his cooking … and that he'd actually gotten her and Jane to stop eating a diet of consisting of cereal and ice cream, and introduced vegetables and protein into their daily meals. He didn't look it, but Ian was actually very smart … though not exactly huge on common sense.

As she approached her old school, she shook her head, as she must have been truly desperate, to start thinking of Ian in such a way. Darcy sat down in a swing-set next to the baseball diamond, where she used to play when she was little. Everything just seemed so much smaller now, yet the grass seemed greener here. The air was easier to breath than it was in the big cities she was used to now, and it felt strangely foreign. She looked at her phone and realized how early it was … only 9 o'clock. Her and Jane would either still be pouring over charts in their makeshift office … or they'd be binge-watching something on Netflix, or teaching Thor about the nuances of football at the pub with Ian. She sighed as she realized that half of the people in this town were probably already asleep.

Darcy got up off the swing, wishing things were more interesting.

The last thing she remembered as a bright light blinded her … while giving her the strangest sensation of being weightless … was that wishing things were more interesting was a very very stupid thing to do … given what she knew about how things really were in the Universe.

~~*...*~~

Darcy woke up in a dirty cell that contained nothing but a bench. She immediately felt around for her purse … gone. Then she checked her pockets, the contents also gone. Her phone, wallet … everything had been confiscated. But by who? At least she still had her own clothes … her jeans, converse, and black Batman t-shirt were left intact. And she still had her glasses, thank God.

Still feeling a little woozy from her "trip", she tried standing up, to further inspect her surroundings, but a door suddenly slid open, and behind it was one of the strangest-looking men she'd ever seen. He looked as if he'd just walked off the set of "Mad Max".

Darcy stood there looking very confused. "Who are …" she started to ask.

But the man cut her off. "Captain wants to see you," he mumbled, before yanking her out of the cell by the arm, and leading her around what her mind could only register as a strange and filthy version of the Millennium Falcon.

Darcy tried to take back her arm. "You don't have to be so grabby … it's not like I have a lot of places to run," she growled, "what is this … some elaborate Firefly cosplay? Are you one of those browncoat weirdos?"

The man chuckled. "You act just like him," he said, only tightening his grip, before setting her down at a table, which looked to be in the main common-area of the ship.

Darcy was confused. Act just like who, exactly?

She then saw where all of her things had gone, as they were strewn about the table. Her iPhone with the earbuds still attached, her driver's license, her make-up, nail polish. Money. Debit Card. Her lucky ping-pong ball.

As her mind tried to make sense out of what was going on, a man stepped out of the shadows, or at least, he appeared to be a man. He had on men's clothing, leather pants, and a long leather trench coat … but he was also blue. Like, seriously blue. His skin. It was fucking blue. She tried not to stare … but he was fucking blue.

It's okay, Lewis … you've seen Norse gods, giant fire-breathing genocidal robots … and evil space-elves. You can handle a blue guy.

The blue guy looked down and grinned at her. "Now listen here, girly," he said. "I'm going to ask you a few questions, and you're gonna answer me, are we clear?"

Darcy looked up at him, wide-eyed … as all of the brief S.H.I.E.L.D. training she'd received before they "fell", went completely out the window.

Damn, it had been a tough year … convergence, Dark Elves, HYDRA, Republicans taking over the Senate, the Tories! … and Mad Men is ending! What's next? Daryl getting eaten by a walker on The Walking Dead?

Darcy shook her head out, trying to concentrate. Okay, what was she supposed to do in a hostage situation again? If she was being interrogated by an enemy … she was supposed to tell the truth, or as much as possible, without revealing anything too important. Less lies to remember later. Right.

She opened up her mouth to respond, but her voice cracked a little. "Alright," she said, before clearing her throat. "Mr. … what was your name again?"

His name might be important later … if you get out of this.

The blue man smiled with a set of uneven teeth. "Yondu … and you're Miss Darcy Lewis? Of Terra? New York to be exact, from the same town as an associate of mine, who I happen to be looking for."

"Yondu" then pointed to his left, and it was as if a computer screen, or a hologram, extended from his hand … like something Tony Stark would do. On the screen was a picture of a man … and a pretty good-looking one, if she was being honest. "You seen this man?" he asked, with a raspy voice.

Darcy frowned and shook her head. She would have definitely remembered him … though he did look strangely familiar, something around the eyes, perhaps.

Yondu then pressed on the hologram and the picture changed to someone who was younger, a boy. "Do you recognize him now?"

Darcy sat back and crossed her arms as the boy's story flooded her memory. He was definitely someone familiar, though he'd been a little older than her, a few grades ahead. It was the face of a boy on hundreds of flyers and milk cartons, talked about for weeks on the news, and remembered every year on the day he disappeared.

She nodded her head slowly. "That's Peter."

The photo of the boy then morphed back into the grown-up man. Yondu bent down and leaned right in Darcy's face. "Now, let me ask you again … is this man back on Terra? Have you seen him?"

Darcy was dumbstruck. "You've had Peter this whole time? Peter .. Quill?" She shook her head, as every implausible detail fell into place. "Peter was abducted by … aliens? I mean, there was that old janitor at the hospital who swore up and down that a spaceship got him, but no one believed the poor guy. Oh my god. I'm going to be sick …" She went to put her head between her knees.

The man didn't seem to care about Darcy's sudden case of nausea, because he reached down and took her by the chin. "So you have not seen this man back on his home planet? I can't seem to find him anywhere else. I figured he might hide on Terra."

She looked him in the eye and shook her head. It was the truth. There had been no sign of Peter Quill in years. "Everyone assumed he ran away after his mom died," she said. "Seriously, you kidnapped him? It nearly killed his grandpa."

Yondu let go of her chin and stood up straight, laughing at her. "We didn't kidnap him. We were sent to pick him up and deliver him to his daddy … never did though, and he should thank me! That man was a jackass! And what does he do to repay me? He steals from me, that's what. After all I did for that boy."

Darcy noticed that Yondu didn't seem particularly bothered by it, however … it was more like he was having fun. As if the chase was all part of an elaborate game.

She slowly reached for her iPhone and saw that there was no service in space. It wasn't surprising, but it was still disappointing, as her slight hope of texting Steve Rogers an S.O.S. fizzled. Fuck.

Smiling sweetly, she looked up at the blue guy. "So now that we've established that I don't know where Peter is, can I go home now?"

Yondu eyed her for a few long seconds before speaking. "Now why would I do something like that? I think we'll take you to Knowhere and try selling you to Tivan. He's still got a big mess to clean up and is in need of slaves, since one of them tried to blow everybody up. It's a win-win," he said, smiling at his brilliant plan.

Darcy did a double-take. "Wait … what?! I'm not like … a thing. I'm not a piece of furniture. You can't just sell me. I have shit to do! If it's money you want, if you take me back home, you can have all you want." She picked up her debit card. "You can have everything on this," she said, pleading with him.

It only has $300 on it, but he doesn't need to know that.

The man laughed and pointed to her iPhone. "Girly, Terran money means nothing to us. If that's all technology has amounted to in the years since we picked up Quill, then nothin' Earth has to offer ain't nearly what we'd get for you in Knowhere." He raised an eyebrow and seemed to come to a conclusion. "You do remind me of him though, and I like that … so I'll tell you what. Peter's little music device was very important to him … so I'll let you keep yours too … but other than that? Sorry, honey, but we're going on a little trip."

He snapped his fingers and she could feel someone come up behind her ... and then she was out like a light.

~~*...*~~

"Where the fuck am I?"

It was all she could say, as a band of space-pirates led her and several other strange-looking creatures to a platform in the middle of what she could only describe as a Star Wars set. It looked like an open-air market on Coruscant, people sizing her up and down … though she didn't know if she could call them people exactly, as none of them seemed to be human. If she wasn't so scared out of her mind, she might actually be paying attention to things like the ships flying around, or the weird looking humanoids standing around her … in all different colors, shapes, and sizes. Collect the whole set!

In order to make peace with what was going on, she'd decided to come to the conclusion that she'd accidentally consumed some very bad acid … and all of this was nothing but the drug trip from hell. It must have happened at Applebee's with their damn half-price appetizers during happy hour. Someone dosed her cheesy potato skins. Fuck a cheeky Applebee's!

She looked down at her hands … they were bound together by some kind of mini force-field or a sphere of light, and she couldn't move them, though she could sense her phone in her jeans pocket. At least Yondu had made good on that. Darcy looked to her right and to her left … no one appeared to be human. One girl was pink ... not like a peach caucasian color … but fucking pink. She also looked resigned, stoic, unfeeling … as if this was just what happened every day. You were caught ... and you were sold. Darcy hadn't quite wrapped her mind around that fact yet, still in shock.

She saw out of the corner of her eye that Yondu was having an argument with one of his men below. One of the dirty browncoats. "We still never got to try no Terran. Let's keep her," he whined.

Heat flashed over her skin as she wondered exactly what was meant by that.

Try me?

But Yondu was having none of it. "If we eat her for dinner, we don't get paid."

WHAT?! EAT ME?

"Then we won't have to pay for no dinner!" his right-hand man said, sure that he was being reasonable.

Yondu tilted his head, as he seemed to consider the proposition for a moment … the proposition of eating her.

What. The. Living. Fuck.

But then the show must have started, as people started firing off bids in languages Darcy couldn't even begin to understand. Yondu quickly lost interest in turning her into a well-balanced meal for his crew after this, as he heard how much money was being offered and thrown around. The figures around her were sold off first, but then they came to the "Terran". It was a word she'd definitely learned the meaning of by now. Human. Earthling. Other.

A strange man with white curly hair and attire that would make any Las Vegas magician jealous, began to bargain with Yondu over her fate … until another man wove—no, glided— his way through the crowd, and stood between them. Darcy strained to look over, but he, or she assumed it was a he, was shrouded by a hood … like a Jedi robe.

Am I being rescued by Obi-Wan? Please let me be rescued by Obi-Wan!

The man with the white hair and Obi-Wan seemed to argue for awhile, too quiet for her to hear … until Obi-Wan finally said something that made everyone standing within earshot gasp. Yondu started laughing. "One million units? For a Terran? She's all yours."

Yondu's space-pirates then escorted her off the platform and suddenly she was standing in front of Obi-Wan, but she still couldn't see his face. The only thing she could make out was that he was quite tall.

He reached out and touched her light-cuffs that bound her wrists together. His hand was large and human-looking, his nails looking perfectly manicured. "Remove these," he said, in a deep and quiet voice.

Yondu reached over and deactivated her cuffs. "I'll also be needing all of her belongings," Obi-Wan said, a bit louder, in a satiny baritone. Darcy squinted, trying to see his shrouded face … trying to see the man that belonged to that voice.

One of the space-pirates then shrugged and threw over Darcy's small purse. The hooded man easily caught it and handed it to her. She almost said thanks, but then remembered that whoever the man was, he had just bought her … so she kept her mouth shut, while trying to remember that she was only on an acid trip. These particular hallucinations were only manifesting because she'd just watched Return of the Jedi again, as the new trailer had come out for "The Force Awakens" and she was so fucking excited.

Yeah. That's all this is. A bad acid trip … pretty soon I'll start seeing wookiees. Where are the wookiees?

"Come," Obi-Wan said, breaking her from her train of thought. He put his hands on both of her shoulders, though she still couldn't see his face. "Steady," he said, before another bright light blinded her and she felt weightless yet again.

Darcy blinked and then realized he'd teleported them to somewhere else. Tele-fucking-ported.

Everything was now eerily quiet, and the absence of the noise made her realize just how loud and chaotic the crowd at the platform had been. She could still see the alien city, but it was now behind a pane of glass, and she was up higher. Much higher. There were stars and beautiful formations in the night sky, along with bright lights and flying objects buzzing by ... things she never thought she'd see in real life. It was something out of a space opera. She then looked around the space that she was in … and the only way she could describe it was as a luxurious intergalactic hotel room.

She started to get very nervous, the physical and mental shock of the past several hours was threatening to wear away. It was the only thing keeping her together up until this point.

What did this guy buy me for, exactly?

She turned around and realized the man still hadn't said anything. "So," Darcy began to say … "am I on Coruscant?"

The man took a small step forward. "I'm sorry?"

She took a step back. "Coruscant … I'm obviously on some kind of acid trip. Where's the Jedi Academy? I'll just hitch a ride back to Earth with Han Solo and be out of your hair," Darcy said, her voice shaky.

The man finally reached up and lifted off his hood to reveal his face. He wasn't like any of the other people she'd seen thus far. He didn't look like a dirty space-pirate. He looked … almost regal. Black hair, that she couldn't tell the length of, because it was pulled back … strangely bright blue-green eyes. Pale and perfect skin.

"I'm sorry," he said, raising an eyebrow. "But I know nothing of this Coruscant you speak of, or Han Solo … and I also must inform you, that unfortunately, you are not on any type of hallucinogenic substances. This is all very real."

"Bummer," she whispered.

Darcy frowned. As she kept looking, he became more and more familiar. She'd seen his picture … somewhere. It was after the whole Malekith-in-Greenwich incident, and when she and Jane had become acquainted with S.H.I.E.L.D.'s clean-up team. Thor and Coulson had had a meeting, and she'd seen files. This man's picture was in one of those files … a file marked "deceased."

Thor had been pretty broken up about it, after he was given a moment to breath.

Darcy couldn't help it, she began to laugh. Hysterically. Blame it on the shock.

The man frowned, not seeming to like being laughed at.

"I'm sorry," she said, shaking her head and holding up her hands in the universal "I surrender" sign. "Now I know I'm tripping …"

"I assure you, you are not," the man said, haughtily.

Her laughter began to wane and she took a deep breath. "Loki?"

His lips turned upwards into a small smile at being recognized.

"But you're dead," she said, her laughter having died down.

"I'm not," he said, solemnly.

At that, her emotions then turned around completely. The realization that she had been kidnapped from her home planet by aliens started to sink in. The fact that she had been sold, as if she were a thing and not a person. It all started to sink in very fast, and very hard.

Shock. It picked a hell of a time to fade away.

She began to cry all of a sudden, as she realized that the man who stood before her was the brother of a person she called a dear friend.

At that moment, she wasn't thinking about the circumstances surrounding Thor and Loki's relationship … she wasn't even thinking about the state of repair that New York was still in, years later. She didn't care.

Loki, at the moment, was her best friend in the universe. Her only ticket home, as far as she could see.

And she obviously wasn't seeing clearly through all the tears, as she walked up and threw her arms around him and hugged him. She could feel his muscles tense in surprise, but she didn't care.

"Help me, Obi-Wan Kenobi," she whispered between sobs. "You're my only hope."

It was all she could think to say.

~~::::::...::::::~~