Guess who's back? Pietro! And me! Woot woot! Exclamation points! Anyway, I started secondary, and it's really eating away at my time. As is Hetalia. In fact, in the last few weeks I've just sorta disintegrated into a mess of homework and OTP wars. Hell, I've got OTP civil wars going on right now. (FrUK or USUK? Or AmeriBela? Etc.) And I got DeviantArt. It's awesome. If ya'll are interested, my name's IcyDragonfly, I'm gonna change it to TatianaTheLemon though. And yes, I post Avengers fanarts. I also agreed to draw a Hetalia chibi for every country in the world cup (both canon characters and not) for our family betting thing we do whenever there's an international sports tournament. I'm looking forward to it.

And that's literally a summary of my life recently. Boring, no?

Credit to all who reviewed. And, thanks to popular demand, Stony's staying out of the picture.

And finally, GIGANTIC thank you to SofiaSapphire, who came up with a good half of these ideas. I'll publish that crossover soon, K? ;P

Rule 21: Steve ≠ Alfred F. Jones and therefore cannot be bribed with burgers.

"What are you doing?"

"Uhhhh... I had this thing..."

"At three a.m.?"

"Yeah."

"What?"

"Erm, well, the thing is, Steve, I can't tell you."

"Tony."

"Yes?"

"Is that a water balloon? Filled with whipped cream?"

"HEY LOOK A HAMBURGER!"

~~~~~~~A FEW HOURS LATER~~~~~~~

"Dammit. I thought someone this... American couldn't resist hamburgers."

"You watch too much anime."

"You're just mad they didn't include Sokovia."

"I'm mad that we're on cleaning duty for the next three weeks."

"It was worth it."

"No it wasn't."

22: The following events should never happen again. Just... Never.

Steve sighed, sitting back. He enjoyed watching the news; it gave him better understanding of how life was in the 21st century. He did not expect to see the face of Tony Stark fill the screen.

"So, I am here to make a very important announcement: The world is ending. The infinity stone is proving to be too much for the puny ball of magma we call home, and as I would like to feel happy in my last few hours, I am open to any gifts you might want to send. I accept food and other awesome things. Bye."

Steve stared at the screen in outrage. When Stark came back from Malibu, he would have a lot of explaining to do.

Steve sighed in content. He was out for a jog to try and relieve the stress of (gullible) people sending gifts for Tony, as well as the other Avengers. So far there was:

Food (pasta, pickles, cakes, sweets, sandwiches and a rather creepy cake with Natasha's face iced onto it)

A set of ladies' underwear (addressed to Rhodey)

A rigged parcel filled with plastic explosive (they'd only just detected that one in time)

A live guinea pig.

Steve was constantly dreading what would be in the next parcel. At least it would bring Tony down a notch when he stored them all in his room...

23: Goats are officially banned from the facility.

Tony grinned as he twisted the camera to face him. "So today, we're continuing the '150 ways to annoy the eff outta Cap series. Our prank this evening is that we're putting a goat in his shower. And if it works well, every room in the facility. No goats were harmed in the making of this video. We hope."

And with that, he placed the camera in the shower, where Steve hopefully wouldn't see it, before leading the goat (he'd named it 'Denny') into the room and shutting the door.

Steve walked into the shower, rubbing the sweat off his face with a towel. he turned on the water, and was just adjusting the temperature when he realised he wasn't alone. his first thought was, of course: Tony... What has he done now?

Then he noticed the goat. It was smallish, with stubby little horns and brown-and-white patched fur. Under any other circumstances, it would have been cute. (Or not. Steve probably wouldn't have been happy to see it in his bed. Or in the helicarrier during the apocalypse. The list goes on, but we don't have time to complete it.) Right now, it was eating his flannel. Steve got out of the shower sharpish, vowing to kill Tony as he did so. (No, really. He'd done that 22 times before, but he would do it this time! It was his favourite flannel, too.)

The video got over 950,000 hits, so even though Tony had lost dessert privileges and gained cleaning duty (on top of the hours of it he already had), he was satisfied.

24: Hawkeye is not a bird. No, really. The 'Hawkeye Is A Bird' thing is overused. Not that Tony didn't do it anyway.

Clint was unsurprised when he woke up in a man-sized birdcage in the facility's basement. It sounded odd, but really everyone had, at some point, joked on Twitter (And yes, only Twitter; the internet is fond of puns.) about locking him in a birdcage and feeding him seeds for a day. And, knowing the internet, he had expected somebody to do it sooner or later, although he'd been pretty convinced he could have fought them off. Which meant that one of the Avengers had done it. He mentally listed them, to try and find out who he should shoot when he busted out of here.

Steve: Not on social media. Or likely to do that anyway.

Natasha: Doubtful. Not really her style.

Thor: Not on Twitter either.

Rhodey: Suspicious...

Sam: Seeing as he was the victim of just as many bad puns, (In fact, the two had bonded over their frustration at people sending them packs of seed/frozen dead baby mice in the mail.) it was unlikely.

Wanda: Highly OOC and unlikely.

Vision: Ditto.

Pietro: Very likely.

Tony: Goddammit, he would kill that &!¶€#.

But first he needed to get out of this cage. Yes, this may take a while.

25: Pietro cannot use his speed to fly.

"Piiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeeetrrrrroooooooooooooo?"

There was a longish pause as Pietro continued what he was doing on his computer.

"P-"

"Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeesssssssssssssss?" Pietro interrupted what was probably just going to be his name again, drawing out the word for as long as possible, which was 'until he ran out of air and had to take a huge gasp at the end of his sentence'.

"So I did some calculations and figured that, at your speed, you might be able to fly."

He got a very suspicious look as a reply.

"No, seriously." Tony started a ramble about G-Force and Terminal Velocity, as Pietro zoned out.

He sighed. "I can't run on air. No."

"Can you just try? Just off the first-floor balcony?"

"Get out of my room."

"I really think this'll work."

"Go away."

"Come on, I'm a genius."

"I don't trust you."

"Pleeeaaassseee?"

"No."

"First floor balcony. Come on. It's six feet up. And you're indestructible anyway."

"Am I?"

"Yeah. If anyone else went that fast their bones would shatter, their blood would boil, their organs would screw up and they'd explode. I doubt a fall from a few feet would even hurt."

"Oh, alright."

Which is how Pietro Maximoff ended up in hospital with a broken nose, refusing to talk to Tony for another month, and only forgave him after Tony gave him six month's worth of free candy. Which was convenient, as Pietro also happened to be the victim of Tony's next annoying miniventure.

26: Pietro isn't an errand boy.

"P?"

"Yes?"

"Could you do me a favour?"

"Depends what it is."

"So I left my phone in LA when I was there on a business trip, could you run over and get it?"

"Uuuuuuuuugghhhhhhhhhhhh."

"Come on."

"You can't run for that long without collapsing."

"Please? You could make some stop offs, and I got a really high-energy energy drink for you."

"It would be shorter to just fly over."

"C'mon. I bet you 500 dollars you can't do it."

"I don't have 500 dollars. But okay."

And it only went downhill from there.

"Can you go to my house and grab a pack of beer? I don't like this one."

"Can you grab the pencil sharpener I left in Texas?"

"Hey, I left my favourite Biro in Murmansk*, couldja go get it?"

All in all, Pietro had a rather bad weekend.

27: I will not fill Sam's underwear drawer with ants.

Something Tony had noticed over the past few weeks was that Sam had developed a strange and irrational hatred of ants. Why? He had no idea. He'd asked, and he'd looked sort of angry with a fair bit of embarrassment and walked off. Tony figured he'd been stung or watched a horror movie or something.

And being the excellent friend he was, he decided to fill his underwear drawer with a nest of black ants. They couldn't sting, but would probably be very annoying.

Actually, who was he kidding? There was no probably about this. It would be annoying.

As it turned out, Sam actually noticed the ants before he put on the underwear, which meant he did better than 99.9% of sitcom characters who got this prank pulled on them.

Tony woke up the next day to find his bed full of cream cheese.

28: Marines and fish are completely unrelated.

"It's my turn to cook."

Everyone looked at Tony in surprise. He almost never offered to cook, and when he did it was microwave pizza. He continued to calmly eat his cereal until everyone decided they wouldn't mind microwave pizza and continued to go about their business.

As expected, everyone got microwave pizza. Everyone, that is, except for Rhodey. Tony slid a plate over to him. On top of the plate was a raw fish. Rhodey frowned, before sliding the plate back. "You're hilarious." He grabbed a plate of pizza, avoiding Tony as he attempted to grab the plate back and give back the fish. And that was just the beginning.

Rhodey woke up to find something dangling a few inches off his face. When he turned on the light, he discovered that it was a fish mobile. He took it down, tossed it into the bin, and went to tie up Tony before he could take it further.

However, he still managed to find a stuffed Nemo toy in his bed, tuna chinks in his cereal, and a squid in his bath. When asked about it, Tony had responded: "Yeah, but I thought you were a Marine. I just wanted to make you feel more at home."

Rhodey mentally logged that onto his 'worst puns in the history of the universe ever' list.

29: Do not draw a 'Tony-Style' goatee on Thor while he's asleep.

Thor yawned. It was much too early to be waking up, but according to Steve, he should be dressed and downstairs in five minutes. He glanced into the mirror, looked away, realized that what he'd seen wasn't normal, did a double-take and immediately looked back. His beard was gone. And drawn on his face, in permanent marker, was a goatee. A goatee that looked exactly like Tony's. Mjolnir was in his hand faster than Pietro could run a lap of the facility. Stark was going to pay.

30: Do not show Steve Coraline.

Steve couldn't sleep. He knew it was irrational. But he'd always wondered where that door down the corridor went. He squeezed his eyes shut. That was just a floorboard. There's nobody outside my door. Of course, this would be the one time there was. The door banged open, to reveal Tony. With large, black buttons stuck to his eyes.

"Hello, Steven. I'm your other Tony. I've come to take you away and keep you in my home forever... You'll stay with me, just the two of us. Every day will be an adventure... No? Oh well. I'll be waiting for you, on the other side, until you come... Buh-bye."

Steve didn't get any sleep at all that night. Modern kids' movies were terrifying.

I think I'll do a Halloween-themed chapter next. (Come on, you know I probably won't update for another month.) I'm looking forward to it already. *Evil laugh*

*Murmansk: City in Northern Russia. As any Artemis Fowl fan will tell you.