Goodbye

I've always found it hard. I've always struggled to tell her. Because...I was afraid. And I still am. The way she trains her honey orbs onto the target, aiming her arrow at the center in complete concentration with steady slim fingers. Whenever the arrow had struck the red dot, it felt like falling in love all over again. It felt like that arrow had struck through my soul from cupid. The way she tucks a strand of hair behind her ear, the way she doesn't let anything trouble her mind. I didn't know whether this was admiration, or a deeper meaning. At first, I assumed that it was admiration, declining the impossible suggestion that was named 'love'. Her dark hair was like the canvas at night without a hint of dazzling stars. Her long eyelashes made her look so graceful and beautiful. Every now and then I would watch her from behind, admiring her slender figure. Sometimes I wonder whether I actually pay attention to her session, since I've always been focused on her only. Furthermore, I've been occupied most of the time as I kept thinking about her, at home, at school, at practice. She tries her best, she always listens and understands whenever there's an issue. It irked me though. Because, her kindness gave me pain. I didn't deserve her. She was too kind, too caring, too understanding. She was way out of my league.

When I was little, I never went over to her house. The image of her parents told me that they were very traditional and strict. However, I wasn't scared. In the future, she was destined to take over her family's dojo, hopefully teaching younger children and training them to become the best they could be. She was very shy. I remember Honoka-chan dragging her across the playground cheerfully while she was stuttering in a flustered tone. She was very cute. I wish her hair would remain the same length as before, but that's just a selfish desire. We played hide-and-seek in the afternoon, and I remembered that she was counting. After she had finished, she would find everyone in just a few minutes. I was hiding behind the bush one time, and when she found me, my heart began pounding. But, I was just a young child back then, I didn't understand the meaning of 'love'. I thought that it would be rid of when I got older. That it was just an experiment. Though, it didn't, and it wasn't. Now here I am, knowing that being in a relationship with her would be impossible. It was forbidden after all. The day we met, I've contained the memory inside me. I would never forget it. Ever.

"Kotori-chan!" I heard a voice cry as soon as the door burst open. I flinched, my eyes surveying the panting ginger in front of me. Honoka-chan. My thoughts led to her appearance, her attire was moist and wet for some reason. Looking at the window, I realised that it was pouring outside, the sky was completely dull and grey. Tears of water streamed down the window from outside, the blobs enlarging and growing more chubbier as it stormed. What was Honoka-chan doing in my house? She didn't even send me a text to inform me that she was coming over. But, the forced breathing gave me the hint that something urgent came up, as well as her eyes. Before I could ask what was going on, I stopped sewing Kayo-chan's costume, opened my mouth in preparation, and let Honoka-chan interrupt.

"Umi-chan...! S-she's in the hospital...!"

Shell-shocked. Horrified. Worried. There weren't enough words to describe the train of emotions that kept running down my mind. My jaw could only hang wide open, my eyes extending to the point where it's touching the edge of my brow. I dropped the needle, a piercing pain sparking my finger. But, I didn't care. What was important was the fact that she was in hospital. Umi-chan.

"W-what...?" I said as silent as I could in a cracked tone.

"K-Kotori-chan, please, come with me...!"

Nodding, I immediately stood up from bed, following Honoka-chan downstairs. What happened? Why was she in hospital? A volcano of questions erupted inside my head, though, they couldn't be answered. When we arrived at the ground floor, I glanced at mother, who had an emotionless expression equipped on her face with dry tears. I didn't know why; I was desperate to know. Muttering her name, I could only be dragged by Honoka-chan outside the house. In the distance, a recognisable car's engine was roaring like a lion, and after a few seconds of registering the appearance of it, I realised that it was Eli-chan's. She was in college now, along with Nozomi-chan and Nico-chan. We were third years now. But, why was she here? Sprinting in the rain, we hurriedly rushed up to the car, opening the doors and leaping inside quickly. Eventually, I found out that Nozomi-chan and Maki-chan were inside along with Eli. They told me that the others were already there, and that it was too sudden. I didn't understand. What did they mean by 'it'? It only made me curious. More terrified of the result.

"Let's go." Eli-chan said. I couldn't make out the facial expression on her face. Her lips were a line, it wasn't curled into a smile, or a frown. Furrowing my eyebrows, I could only remain silent as mice. Maki-chan was twirling her vermillion hair once again, while Nozomi-chan was shuffling her tarot cards. I didn't want to know what the future was, I didn't want to know her prediction. Capturing a glimpse, Nozomi-chan began trembling, staring down at the cards. Eli-chan took a glance, averting her gaze once she had finished and fixated her eyes on the scene in front of her. Her bones crackled as she grasped onto the steering wheel tightly,

"Tsk..." And she sniffed. I was too afraid. I was tempted to take a look. But, I was desperate to be reluctant and avoid the temptation. What, what was wrong with me? Then Honoka-chan cried, cupping her face with her hands as she did. Maki-chan's lips twitched. She shuddered while narrowing her amethyst eyes.

"Stop it...stop it...!" Maki-chan yelled, only making Honoka-chan sob even harder. It wasn't until she joined Honoka-chan, crying silently with her. Tears were rolling down her cheeks, teardrops were dripping on the seat.

"Kotori-chan, we need to tell you something," Nozomi stated; it wasn't in her usual cheerful and playful manner. I cocked an eyebrow, knitting it tightly together afterwards. "Umi-chan..."

"Umi-chan...?"

Nozomi-chan took a deep breath, and I gulped. Her breathing hitched,

"Umi-chan...died,"

I pursed my lips in order to stop the constant trembling. No...No. That... It couldn't be. I never even had the chance to tell her...! How I feel, about her, about everything. I was too late. She was gone. Why, why did she have to vanish too fast? Unable to resist the uncontrollable despair, I began to sob loudly. "No...! No! Please tell me, that it's just a dream...!"

Nozomi-chan shook her head. "No. I'm sorry,"

Honoka-chan wrapped her arms around me, but it only made it worse. I let it out. My tears. My feelings. And I couldn't help it.

"Kotori, please stop," Eli-chan begged, her voice broke. However, I couldn't. It was like a nightmare.

Then, the car stopped. We had arrived. Eventually, we stepped inside the hospital, and Eli-chan led us to Umi-chan's room. It was silent, yet it was busy. And when we finally found her room, I could see Kayo-chan, Nico-chan and Rin-chan sat beside the bed while shedding tears. There she was. The one I loved for such a long time. Honoka-chan rushed to the motionless body, taking Umi-chan's hands. She drooped her head, whimpering in sorrow. Nozomi-chan began to snivel, and Eli-chan embraced her with comfort, whispering 'I know...I know...But, it's life...' This only made me bawl louder, and I let my knees drop to the floor. Eyes wide, I stared.

"Umi-chan...!" Honoka-chan cried, "I'm so sorry, really. I..."

"Honoka, don't," Nico-chan said, "Don't you dare-"

"You were an amazing person. You will always be my best friend! It doesn't matter where you are, as long as you continue to watch us from above...we will always be connected...!"

Nico-chan's face crumpled; she began to wail. Honoka-chan looked at me, beckoning to come over. She smiled at Umi-chan, swiping off her tears. And so I walked over, but it was difficult. It was difficult to understand that she had died. Without a last say...! "Kotori-chan..."

Slowly, I took Umi-chan's hands. Even though she couldn't hear me, it was time to say 'farewell'. I could see her face, but, I couldn't hear her voice. Her comforting smile was gone. I couldn't see it for one last time.

"I've loved you ever since we were children. And it was more than friendship,"—I snuffled—"I've always admired you. I've always wanted to be brave like you, Umi-chan. When I found out that you...you died...! I...I couldn't believe it. I didn't want to...! But, I had to accept it. I...I love you, Umi-chan! So much that it hurts. It's going to be different without you; I know that you can't hear me, but I just had to get my feelings across...!"

Tears streamed down once again, an irritating pain whenever I blinked. It stung. Then I stood up, staring at her pale skin, her beautiful hair. Looks like I drowned in the picturesque ocean. At least I got to tell her though.

"So, that's why...Goodbye, Umi-chan..."

And I kissed her forehead, with all my passion, with all my might. "Sayonara..."