A/N: there will be mentions of vomiting, (possibly?) depressing thoughts, and drowning; read with caution!

She's throwing up in the bathroom, her hair in a ponytail behind her. Alone and tired, and sick to her stomach. With a groan, she gets off the ground and moves to the sink, rinsing out her mouth and gargling some mouthwash. Her reflection stares back, eyes sunken in and bags under them.

It's been awhile since she slept decently, and her hand goes up to brush the back of her pony. Mouth curves up into a smile, but it falters quickly, and the girl sighs. Why does she feel so...lost?

His mother is calling him and he pushes himself off his bed, going to do the dishes. It's times like this he wishes he weren't an only child; all he wants is to be alone, and toss his baseball up into the air, like a stereotypical guy in the movies.

Instead, his hands are all soapy and his mind cloudy. "Mom, do you ever think about moving back to Texas?" He asks absently, staring out the window above the sink. "Don't you miss it?"

Head lifting from the bills she's doing, Mama Friar looks at her son. "I do, all the time, but New York isn't so bad. Taxis and bright lights, stores that never close..." She tries to keep the conversation light, and has a half smile.

"Why, do you? I thought you liked it here, with your new friends?" Eyebrows raise, and her expression turns worried. "Did you all have a spat?"

It was a smooch, not a spat, and not all of us. Lucas shakes his head, placing a wet plate on the right side of the sink to dry. "I just think of all the animals we had and how here we don't," he fibs, shrugging.

His mother doesn't look like she quite believes him, but doesn't question further. "Maybe we can get you a ferret like your friend, Maya? Find out where she got hers." She remembered her baby boy being so chipper when he came home from her home one day, going on and on about the pet; but she suspected it wasn't JUST Ginger he'd taken interest in.

"Okay, Ma."

The term has her eyes narrowed, and she points at the shed, as if a warning. He makes a noise before looking away, hurrying to finish the chore he's been assigned.

Heavy heart, tired eyes, and bubbles. Not a good combination, because she feels heavy and like she might fall asleep. She'd read stories about people who drowned in the bathtub, but never really saw how it could happen. People would wake up when the water hit their face, how could they drown?

Maybe because they panicked, and their body shut down. She knew what that felt like now.

The bathbomb smells like peaches, ironic as it may be, and has little specks of glitter in it. Her hands cup some of the water, and she just stares at the reflection of herself, mixed with the shimmer.

She's not bad looking. Sure, she doesn't look like her mother much, but her dad isn't exactly ugly. He's kind of dorky looking, and so is she, but she knows her looks couldn't be why Lucas was kissing Maya.

He was kissing her because...well, he liked her, she guessed. Why else would you kiss someone, other than having feelings for them? Her hands part, the water streaming back into the tub and on her belly. There are still words there, from when she used purple marker to write: 'lost'.

It was her favorite color, purple, with the runner up being yellow. Yellow didn't show on her skin color though (did it show on any?), so purple was the winner. Farkle hadn't seen, thanks to where it was written, but Riley couldn't stop staring at it.

Lost. She'd never been really lost. Not in New York, her home. She knew where most things and places were, and if she didn't, she stayed put and called someone like Maya to come get her. Better find someone else to call.

The thought of telling Lucas and Maya she'd seen them kiss was still rolling around in her head, and she scrubs at her neck with a loofah, uncertain. Maybe they'll tell me, just maybe. Faith, she has to hold onto it.

Why would they kiss and then tell me? Another part of her mind says. Her lip is quivering, and she dips lower under the water, hoping it stops once she feels the warmth. She feels sick to her stomach, replaying the moment over and over in her brain, and it's so frustrating that nothing else is on.

A movie was a good distraction, but every one seemed to remind her of one of the two lip smacking fiends. The books she read were mostly YA, which involved a lot of love and crushes.

It kind of felt like the world was conspiring against her, and it didn't feel like the world she wanted for herself and Maya. It felt like the world that was against her and had no place in it for Riley Matthews.