Here is one of two gift fics for Eien! I hope you enjoy it!

Disclaimer: I do not own Fairy Tail.

Cobra had no idea that when he joined up with Crime Sorciere that it would bring him far closer to the edge of insanity than being in a dark guild ever had. Forget the demons of Tartaros, worshipers of Zeref and utterly convinced that a book was their Guild Master. Forget Zeref himself, the crybaby dark mage that had a rather unfortunate habit of accidentally obliterating his followers on a regular basis (which he would then, predictably, openly and with great force weep profusely over). Grimoire Heart was nothing, even with Ultear Milkovich's obsession with rewriting history and Rustyrose's... very, very vivid, nigh unintelligible imagination. Even the minor dark guilds underneath Oracion Seis were small potatoes in comparison (though nothing in Earthland could give Cobra a headache like hearing the minds of Naked Mummy's leaders while they attempted to give a report).

However, his new family (and he used that term loosely under great duress) was on a whole other level altogether.

Despite the fact that he'd been around the other former members of Oracion Seis for pretty much his entire life, somehow the group had delved even further into madness upon gaining their freedom. Madness that Cobra had no choice but to be intimately privy to.

Richard's head was full of birdsong, sunshine, puppy dogs, everlasting friendship, kitty cats, love, and thoughts on finding his beloved little brother. Cobra was surprised that the man had yet to start emitting rainbows, though Richard would periodically and rather alarmingly begin to sparkle for no apparent reason.

As for Sawyer, his thoughts would often speed around his skull like Pomeranians hyped up on amphetamines. Sometimes Cobra just wanted to shout at him to calm the fuck down.

Obsession had completely consumed Sorano's mind - if she wasn't thinking about her little sister, she was fretting over the same little sister, or remembering their time together as children, or plotting the violent, obscene murders of any male foolish enough to approach Yukino to say hello. There should be a limit as to how much one person could obsessively think about another but if there was Sorano had apparently not yet reached it or had applied some sort of limit break to the situation. However, Cobra tended to keep his opinions on this unhealthy compulsion of Sorano's to himself, lest she beat him into the ground for his audacity again.

The narcoleptic was another problem entirely. Since Macbeth spent the majority of his time in Snoozeland, even whilst awake Macbeth engaged in what could only be called dream logic. That wasn't even taking into account the man's actual dreams, which were, quite frankly, bizarre.

Meredy should not be allowed to have sugar in any shape or form. EVER. Enough said.

Their fearless leader was not above the craziness that infected his ragtag team of former monsters. But if the Poison Dragon Slayer heard one more internal, long-winded soliloquy from the bluenette about the psychotic hammer-wielding redhead and about how he didn't deserve her affection until his redemption had been reached, then Cobra was going to try to murder him again.

Things became exponentially more awful whenever Crime Sorciere took occasion to visit Fairy Tail.

If Cobra thought his comrades had issues, they could not even begin to compare to Fairy Tail's.

Mirajane had several demon souls inside of her that talked to each other. Cobra was personally rather fond of Halphas in particular, snarky little shit that she was, but that didn't change the fact that, while the bar mistress smiled cheerfully at people and poured them their drinks, several S-Class monsters were squabbling inside her head.

Often found consuming cake that contained enough sugar to kill a small child, Erza Scarlet was a bundle of high strung nerves that was not to be trifled with.

Speaking of small children, not even Wendy and Asuka were entirely within their right minds. Wendy, as far as Cobra was concerned, was a miniature dragon and she was not to be underestimated under any circumstances. Asuka, on the other hand, Cobra was downright terrified of. For many, many reasons. The child had been born and raised within Fairy Tail's walls. There was no cure for that.

Vijeeter was an interesting creature as well, Cobra thought. He appeared to see the world in terms of dance choreography which was simultaneously very interesting and very disturbing.

Cobra avoided Cana like the plague whenever he was at Fairy Tail. Forget about her liver strength (which was fairly impressive), how the fuck was she able to hold all that liquid she drank inside of her without needing to urinate every couple of minutes? It defied all laws of physics.

Natsu's mind Cobra stayed away from if he possibly could. Listening in to the pink-haired man's thoughts and trying to make sense of them was akin to going spelunking with none of the necessary equipment - crawling around in pitch darkness, unable to see his hand in front of his face and something occasionally trying to eat him.

Was it any wonder that Cobra, strung-out and overwhelmed by all the sensory input, often sought refuge with the only serene mind within the guild?

Lucy Heartfilia's soul and mind exuded a calm that Cobra craved. Not that she wasn't just as insane as the rest, though. She had just descended so far into madness that she was approaching sanity from the other side. Still, it was keeping Cobra himself sane. For now.

It was the orderly chaos within her head that helped Cobra calm down when he was especially stressed out.

There was one day when she noticed how over-wrought the Dragon Slayer was, and being the kind of person she was had the situation figured out within minutes. She then promptly dragged him away from the guild to a quiet area in the forest some distance away.

Cobra had almost collapsed in relief at the silence.

The Celestial mage had merely smiled knowingly at the former dark mage.

Peaceful walks then became something they did together whenever he found himself at Fairy Tail, and it was good for both of them to get a break from the noisy members of their respective guilds.

It was, rather ironically, during one of those meditative strolls that Cobra finally tipped over the brink of the abyss.

He asked Lucy out.

To his immense pleasure, she agreed happily.

Now he, too, could be considered well and truly insane.

Somehow, he didn't mind.