A/N: This outtake is for Jessica314, whom I TECHNICALLY tied with for our little "Race To 1,000 Reviews". She wanted the story that Edward told Bella on their road trip to Washington, about the time his female family members staged a feminist coup. Love you, chica.

Edward's POV

September 7th, 1968

Ithaca, New York

Emmett and Jasper were addicted to The Miss America pageant. I'm not talking that they just watch it every year, I mean that it was an event for them. A calendar was actually marked off with Xs until the circled date.

Their wives weren't as fond of it.

They had been in attendance at the very first pageant, then entitled "The Fall Frolic" in 1920 in Atlantic City, and had endeavored to see it either in person, or since 1954, on the television ever since. Except for the very sad years between 1928 and 1932, when it was temporarily shut down due to financial problems associated with the Great Depression and suggestions that it promoted "loose morals."

Emmett and Jasper were inconsolable during those years.

Feminism had come to America, and Rosalie and Esme, and even Alice made no bones about the fact that women could do anything men could do. They also had an issue with the objectification of the women in the pageant.

Suffice it to say that the days leading up to the pageant this year were... volatile. Heated words were hurled, doors were slammed, and make-up sex was loud. And often destructive.

Esme ordered in extra building materials as a backup.

I almost took a vacation out of self defense, but to be completely honest, I took secret pleasure in seeing my brothers, and at times, even my very old-fashioned father, get the beratings they so richly deserved for being, "sexist pigs".

Good times.

The boys were comfortably settled in front of the twenty-two inch screen on the RCA color television set, nestled in it's completely hideous imitation wood cabinet. I wondered that Esme allowed it in her house. The set was warmed up and the rabbit ears were properly adjusted in sufficient time as to not miss a second of the program.

Unfortunately, it was immediately preceded by the news, and they were covering a protest.

In Atlantic City.

At the Miss America Pageant.

Hundreds of women were there, holding signs and shouting. They were passing out pamphlets entitled "No More Miss America!" and telling the reporter how degrading the pageant was. They said that the pageant contestants epitomize the "Degrading Mindless-Boob-Girlie Symbol."

Emmett, of course, said, "Boob" and proceeded to giggle like an eight year old.

Rosalie smacked him across the back of the head, which made Jasper laugh, and then Alice immediately retaliated with a smack of her own.

The women on the television were tossing items of femininity into burning oil barrels; false eyelashes, mops, pots and pans, and magazines. Mostly Cosmopolitan and Playboy.

Alice was aghast at the destruction of the Cosmopolitans, and Emmett was clearly upset at the Playboys' demise.

When the protesters started tossing in pieces of women's lingerie, Esme was shocked, "Why are they... burning... their underthings?"

Rosalie jumped to her feet, clearly beginning to feel the fire of the feminist revolt in her own breast, "It's as they say, Mother; items of female torture! Clearly designed by men as a means of enforced femininity. Look at us! We don't need these things, yet we crumble under the yoke of oppression, wearing them like good little 4-H livestock to please a bunch of chauvinists and win a blue ribbon!" She stabbed a finger at the screen, where a group of women had just placed a tiara on a sheep.

Emmett frowned, "But baby, I like you to wear them so I can take them off of you!"

It was completely the wrong thing to say to a clearly inflamed Rosalie.

"Ladies! Come with me!" She marched toward the staircase, Alice and Esme trailing behind her, looking both confused and apprehensive. Jasper, Emmett and dad return to watching the women on the television burn their girdles. I sat at my piano, picking out the melody of a song that had been swirling in my head. Yet another concerto for my unfound, and most likely non-existent mate.

The women returned quite shortly, all three laden with armloads of undergarments. They dumped their piles of frippery in front of the fireplace, and Rosalie proceeded to toss logs and kindling into the firebox.

I immediately spun around on my bench to watch the show. This would be hilarious.

The scratching of a match got the boys attention, and the look of consternation on Dad's face was priceless. "Esme, darling... what are you girls doing?" he said cautiously.

Rosalie shouted at him, "We are shrugging off the yoke of male oppression! We are taking back our bodies! We are-"

Emmett shot to his feet, "You're burning the fun-time clothes?" he shouted, horrified.

Jasper stood slowly beside Emmett and Dad, "Allie, honey. Do you really want to do this?"

Alice grinned and stage whispered to her husband, "None of this is mine. I get my lingerie in Paris, for god's sake! No way am I burning my stuff!"

Rosalie glared at her before tossing the match. She picked up some lighter fluid and squirted it liberally over the logs, causing a loud whoosh as the logs began burning merrily. She bent and picked up a lavender brassier, and staring defiantly into Emmett's terror-filled eyes, she tossed it into the firebox.

Emmett screamed like a girl.

She picked up a red bra next, and kept her eyes locked on her husband as she tossed it toward the fire.

The rest happened very quickly, taking us all by complete surprise; Emmett dove toward the fireplace, snatching up the poker to attempt to save what was obviously one of his favorites of his wife's undergarments. Rosalie squirted lighter fluid onto the waiting piles of silk, satin and lace, in preparation for their cremation. Emmett managed to drag the abused lingerie out of the fire and onto the floor in front of the hearth.

Unfortunately, the garment was on fire.

It touched the now accelerant soaked material, and a second whoosh filled the air as the piles began to burn with a vengeance.

Within seconds the carpet was also aflame.

Everyone jumped back, because, as vampires, we all have a healthy fear of fire.

Jasper leaped to Alice's side, pulling his wife away from the spreading flames.

Dad pulled Mom back as well.

I was contemplating breaking out the front wall to get my piano into the yard and away from the fire.

We all have our priorities.

I did rush forward to pull Rosalie away from the conflagration.

Emmett screamed again and went barreling toward the back door. He was back in seconds with the hose from the yard. He got nearly all the way through the kitchen before the slack ran out, and it was only providence that he didn't yank it completely from the faucet on the back of the house. Lacking any sort of spray nozzle, the stream of water was sadly deficient. He finally got the bright idea to use his thumb over the end to narrow the aperture and elongate the stream of water, getting it wrong the first time and causing two separate sprays to fly from either side of his thumb, soaking everyone in the room and missing the fire completely.

Several voices shouted, "Emmett!"

He readjusted his thumb, and finally managed to direct the spray to the burning piles of stench that were once ladies underclothes, and the fire was doused.

The crisis had been averted.

There we all stood, dripping wet and staring at the blackened heaps that still emitted a bit of smoke.

No one said a word.

Luckily, my piano was far enough away that it had not been wetted.

The only sound in the room was the music from the now-begun Miss America Pageant. Emmett's head whipped around so fast it was a blur, "It's on! Jasper! The swimsuit competition!" he dropped the hose, still spewing water and leapt over the sofa, landing hard and causing it to creak alarmingly.

Alice ran to take the hose outside and turn off the water.

Rosalie had the decency to look contrite over what she had started, although everyone was aware that Emmett was the main culprit.

Jasper looked apologetically at our parents, "We'll get this all fixed up right after the show. Hey, you get new carpet out of the deal!" He kissed a defeated Mom, patted a bewildered Dad on the back and retired to the sofa with his idiot brother.

I have to admit, it was the funnest Pageant Day ever.

E/N: And there you have it, The Day The House Nearly Burnt Down When The Women Became Feminists.

The dates and events are all historically accurate, including the protest.

The only other outtake I have planned is Emmett and Rosalie with their new baby. Coming soon!