Well let's get down to it. Let's begin the April adventures of our heroes. Today's special guest is no other than our favourite protagonist; Hachiman Hikigaya. Watch as he deals with the ever increasing tension as the sky becomes warmer, his relationships become warmer, his enemies remain as ambiguous as ever and as he steps closer to that 'genuine' thing one mistaken step at a time.

So enjoy the next instalment of 'One Year'. A story which if I had my way would be an alternate dimension.

Hachiman Hikigaya will not

Hachiman Hikigaya side – April.

Did I ever mention that when the sky starts becoming warmer I start becoming more uncomfortable?

Maybe it's because when it's warmer people tend to force me to go outside and do stuff. (Ahh crap why is it so hot outside?)

But even so I doubt it's because of that.

Maybe it's because all the new spring anime start now and I'm unhappy at the possible screw up to a long awaited series. (But wait, that was every season for the two years or so).

No it was definitely not something as cheesy as that.

No perhaps it had something to do with the innumerable amount of people in this park, in this one day.

Yes, that was it. It was the stifling crowd.

This was the season where people tended to do more brazen things.

It was the season of new growth or so they say. Where you truly beginning the year. The birds are singing and the flowers are opening. Nature itself wants you to enjoy life. The new school year has begun and new relationships can be formed, you'll meet a nice girl this season, your new boss will be good to you, you'll try harder this year, you'll live more this year, this year will be a year of the new you!

But hold up. I have to ask. These were all expectations right? So what happens when they fail on you? What happens when you can't start a new like Jesus? What happens when your new boss is just the same? What happens when almost immediately the new school year burdens you with new responsibilities? What happens when you fail to find love? Or worse still find that your 'love' is about as rotten as the dead guy floating down the river.

The answer isn't as easy as saying despair.

That was simply one of the many potential answers.

It isn't easy to supply an answer.

Nor will it ever be.

So why is it that in the situation that I was made privy to, it reeks of someone trying to find that answer?

"SENPAI! He, he, he. Hayama-senpai! He was so!"

This was the barely literate beginning to this tall tale.

A cruel end to the love of a young maiden.

A fairly typical opening to a cheesy romance.

Change it from 'young maiden' to 'cunningly street smart girl' and it'll be all correct.

Expect that this was truly an end.

Isshiki Iroha's heart has been spent.

But not only that, dashed by the young hero that she admired.

Tragic? Hardly. One could only call it a tragedy if it doesn't happen on a regular basis. This type of thing happens on a regular basis.

What was odd and at a stretch you could call 'tragic' was the method. A loud and screaming Hayama Hayato? That in itself raised questions.

It was obvious then that those two would come with a request.

"Please, what is he really like?"

That honest request, drawn from a stream of tears and rejection, nobody could deny them. It was to become the service club's last request. (We if we have Hiratsuka-sensei's opinion it's really just the last of this iteration).

And so here I was mulling over this big problem, in a park, in the afternoon, during my precious day during Golden Week!

Ah seriously what the hell!?

What the hell was I doing wasting my good time?!

College has been stressful lately! Damn mom and pops, telling to go do law!

I wanna go home!

EHKKK!

What the hell was that!?

"I found a corpse! Maybe I should phone the police?!" Cried out a familiar female voice.

Wearing a azure t-shirt and black jeans, was Yukinoshita

"Oh it's merely Hikigaya-kun. For a second there….."

"Yes, yes. Enough.. Do you want me to finish? 'I though you were a corpse because….you know…your eyes…'" I dismissed in my best intimation of her voice.

She mumbled something.

Wait was she spacing out!?

"Oi, oi. Yukinoshita! What the hell am I here for?!"

"Ugh. Wonderful your voice is enough to bring back miserable memories of reality."

"Leave me alone! You called me here! So what am I doing here?"

"You didn't get my text? Maybe your eyes are just all round bad." She remarked.

"I got your text. Just explain by what you meant by 'You're meeting Hayama-kun."

"Don't tell me you forgot the request?"

"I didn't forget. Just explain what you hope to achieve by me meeting up with Hayama."

"You do realise that, you are perhaps are the only person with a grip on Hayama's true self.."

"What about you?"

"I don't. I just don't…." She cut off forcefully.

Was that a pained look?

"In any case, you're the only one that can talk him into it." She dismissed with a stern look.

"Alright, I'll humour you. But don't expect any results." I accepted begrudgingly.

After all was one's 'true self' so easy to extract from a bit of talking? I doubt that. The philosophers of every age have tried to understand what a 'self' is comprised of. None have come with anything conclusive. If people themselves struggle to find out what they were really, how could I born of different circumstance possibly understand?

"Everyone as their own little internal world. A secret little garden only they can enter. Each world follows its own internal logic-individuality. And the logic of one world means nothing to another. Understanding people isn't hard. It's impossible." 1

It was a quote from a game that I once played. (The main character was a loner but that's beside the point). I will certainly be unable to understand the being known as Hayama Hayato. That quote agrees with me.

"Even so, I think that you can do it." She told me.

"So do your best okay." She encouraged with a bright smile.

Oi oi don't give me something like that! At this rate I won't be able to help it but to try my hardest!

As if reading my mind she responded.

"That's the whole point, idiot." She whispered barely registering to my ears.

"I'll be shopping with Yuigahama-san. If you need me text or something okay." Yukinoshita farewelled.

Before I could respond back her back was already turned.

"What the hell where you even here for?" I wondered as I chuckled.

30 minutes later.

Wasn't this too hot for a typical spring day?

Oh most certainly.

It wasn't helped by the person who currently faced me.

Perhaps 'glaring' is a better word.

Hayama Hayato was glaring at me.

He was glaring at me, who was casually sitting on the bench.

I hadn't felt so intimidated in a while.

"Where is she?" he asked with a piercing glare.

"You must have been pretty out of it if you thought that she'd actually meet you." I countered.

"Alright then if she doesn't have any business with me." He curtly told me in an attempt to leave.

"Hold it. She does have business with you, I'm just here as her proxy." I stopped him.

"Okay then. Out with it." He demanded.

Yes this was certainly not 'Hayama Hayato'. A person that took insults and mentions of hatred with a smile was the 'Hayama Hayato' I knew. This irritable, angry fellow was in many ways a layer underneath.

I took a deep breath as I challenged the dragon.

"Why'd you yell at them huh?" I asked.

"Oh, this is what this is about huh?" He pondered as his faced darkened

"You should of heard from them right? I didn't want to see them again." He forced his answer weakly.

"Cut the crap, I know that. Why'd you said such things? I'm asking that." I continued to demand.

"Do I need to explain everything to you? I'm not obligated to tell you everything about me!" He shouted.

"I don't want 'everything'. What kinda rat's ass, wants to know everything about you?" I questioned.

"Don't know. Perhaps it's those two." He admitted.

I nodded.

"As I suspected. If only they left me alone….." He began weakly.

"And as for your little game, Hikigaya. Leave it. Ignore their pleads. You can do it right mister 'heartless loner?'" Hayama questioned provokingly.

"You know that I can't do that."

His face contorted to pure anger.

"Oh you're so bloody nice Hikigaya. What did they give you? A good night's kiss?"

"You know that isn't the case!" I growled

"Well then if you don't have a bloody reason then leave it!" he exclaimed.

"All you people instinctively search for the truth. Their image of 'Hayama Hayato' is gone. So they search for the truth behind it!" He growled louder.

"They search for it even though they don't understand what it means to search for it! People search for the truth like it a god damned right! They'll never understand even with the bloody truth! Then oh, then they'll be all sad crying 'where did all our happiness go?" He mocked.

"Hey their wishes aren't the ones at fault here!" I defended.

"F #k it Hikigaya! Don't act like some saint! Of course such a wish isn't wrong from your stand point! A blind bat who can't see the fault in his own wishes can't make a proper judgement!" He countered.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"You know exactly what I mean! 'Something genuine?' it doesn't matter if it's sorrowful? That's stupid. Placing yourself in sorrow? Placing others in sorrow? That has to be the worse bloody wish in the history of mankind!" He shouted.

He looked like he was about to punch the hell out of me. But it wasn't as intimidating as before. What sort of anger was he showing at that moment? That twisted look on his face wasn't as simply read as 'being pissed off'. But even so I couldn't back down.

"….right."

"Huh! What the hell did you say?" He demanded

"You don't have a right to say such things!" I growled back.

"Yeah, I don't." He relayed dispassionately.

"So the same should apply to you as well right?" He questioned with a sad look of regret.

"If you don't want to be questioned, stop interfering with me okay." He cut off.

It seems that he regained his composure. But whatever mask he had once one was broken. All he had was a look of sadness.

"You know Hikigaya, I told you that I hated you once right?" He recalled.

"Well I wasn't lying. I do hate you."

"Not you yourself. The 'you' as a person, I wouldn't mind liking."

"But the situation you're in, the freedom that you live in, the choices that you can make, the goals that you can strive for. That's what I hate."

"After all its mere envy. No righteousness involved. Just plain stupid envy." He resigned.

He turned around.

"Good bye, Hikigaya. I don't really want to see you again. And for that matter I don't really want to see her again. But if their comes a time where a foolish wish like yours can be answered, for better or for worse, then maybe, I'll see something good. But until then." He said.

I waited for that bastard to leave.

"Che, that bastard making a bloody fuss then not telling me anything." I cursed quietly.

"And what the hell am I gonna do? I don't want to see her face after I failed to extract any viable information." I muttered.

"Well you could entertain me for a bit." Offered that sing-songy voice.

"I really don't want to entertain your idea of 'entertaining'. Yukinoshita-san" I responded to the heartless woman who snuck behind me.

"Oh, so formal. Your sister warmed up to me, so you're the only one." She remarked.

"My sister?" I asked confused.

"Yeah I met her a few times. We've got common goals so we've come to an understanding. By the way she tends to call me 'in law'-san."

"Leaving aside that faulty mistake that my sister made, why was she even with you? What common goals can you possibly have with my sister? As far as I'm concerned my sister isn't a scheming cunning woman." I questioned.

"It's a secret, Hikigaya-kun. Besides, it more fun to see you struggle to figure things out." She responded with a happy smile.

"So on that note. What to you make of his anger? Oh and by the way I was glad that you defended your wish so strongly." She urged.

"I don't really know. All I know is his anger isn't that obvious to understand."

"So you're stumped?" She asked?

I nodded.

"Well that is rare. What are you scared? About learning about him?" She continued.

"No, I'm not about to speculate over something I don't have a firm grip on." I denied.

"That's pretty boring ya know. If people didn't speculate beyond what they knew people like me wouldn't exist, and for that matter people who built this current world wouldn't exist either." She regarded.

"And besides. I've got this feeling that you don't really want to know at all. You've got a request so you're gonna keep up appearances, but unlike your normal self your brain simply isn't working well. So could it be that you're scared to know more?" She asked with increasing vigour.

"No it isn't like that." I furiously denied again.

It seems at that time she had already snuck behind me. Planting her entire body weight on me I began to sag. I'm afraid to say but something else but her body's weight distracted me.

*Squish* *Squish*

Oi get off me! Oh but at least something is nice…..

"Yah know Hikigaya, you absolutely suck at hiding your true feelings. If you're gonna convince someone that something isn't like that furiously denying it isn't gonna help. I'll give you some advice as senior in hiding one's emotions." She whispered to me.

"Oh and don't even bother denying that you didn't like the feeling of my breasts on your back… Your blush is all I need to know." She teased like a seductress.

I released myself from her grip. With a look of disgust on my face.

"Oh a disgusted face huh? While that makes me unhappy that you would reject my advances, the face that you rejected me raises questions. What you want to keep your purity for a certain someone?" She pondered.

"Is it for Yukino-chan?" She wondered.

"No, isn't." I rejected coldly.

"Scary….Ha ha ha ha ha. You know Hikigaya, you never bore me you know? What you don't like me mentioning Yukino-chan? Like to be her knight or something?" She teased.

"Are you that scared? Scared that you'll break things again? Scared that you'll break your preceptions of her again? Scared of breaking your relationships again? Scared of hurting? Scared of moving forward?"

"Well here a little warning. It'll definitely be a good warning for you."

"Do you want to know of a man who's taken those fears to its natural but extreme conclusion?"

"Hayama Hayato, that boy who hates you is such a man. Yes he isn't so much of your foil anymore Hikigaya. No, in some sense he is an alternate path for you. He is to you like Archer is to Shirou.*2 A man who was hurt once and began to reject everything in order to never be hurt."

"The natural conclusion is obvious. A bitter, confused boy with little direction. That is the boy known as Hayama Hayato." She concluded.

"I do wonder what kind of 'true self' those two wished for Hayama. Was it something straight out of a manga? 'Family problems'? 'Anger issues?' 'Depression? Did they really think they could help him? It's impossible. Helping people requires understanding. Understanding requires full emersion into another's internal world world. That last point is far too hard for people with a sense of 'self'. Did they think that they could help him with a few measly words?"

"A man with no self cannot be helped." She continued as she chuckled.

But then her laughter stopped and was replaced by a atmosphere rivalling the south pole.

"They're so bloody boring." She concluded coldly.

"I was thinking that something interesting was gonna happen if their hopes and dreams were crushed in front of my eyes."

"You bitch!" I cursed.

"Hikigaya-kun I didn't do anything. No influence, no nothing. It was merely the natural conclusion that Hayato made. Or what did you want him to keep up his fake life to please them? How contradictory, so contradictory…." She provoked.

It seems that she was on the verge of laughter.

"By the way. What about you guys?"

"Nothing is wrong, it doesn't need to change." I forcefully asserted.

But such an assertion was useless to her eternal smile.

"Oh but it has. That girl seems to have made her decision. But I wonder if such a decision will come to bite her in the back or whether it'll be useful in the end. And you should stop being so blind to it. No in fact you're not blind you're just intentionally ignoring it. Is your friendship so important that your wish and desires must be supressed? No it shouldn't but you seem to be in a world where that seems to take precedence."

What did she mean? Who did she mess with?

"In fact it's kinda like mama, papa, and his parents. They're quite idiotic I must say…." She thought as she giggled.

"And the irony of the matter, the truly lame yet funny matter of it is this; the way that you're going you'll attain nothing. "The past makes you want to die of regret and the future is makes you fearful from anxiety, so by the process of elimination the present is the best." Your words right?"

"I know that you we're fed some nice stuff from Hiratsuka sensei but here's the deal. You can't expect everything to be sorted out by the future. The most important time is now, because the future will be created now." She reminded.

"Now go on Hikigaya, break things as you must, restore things as you please, help as you must. Let me see the fulfilment of your world! Or at the very least let me see your world break in the most explosive manner possible!"

"Now that Hiratsuka sensei is no longer your teacher, I'll be your guide. And so your first piece of homework is thus. 'Find out more about her.' No date limits." She declared brazenly without a hint of hesitation.

I was shooed off by Haruno Yukinoshita. I had no intention of bending to her will.

Yet the point was that she bought to light a part of things that I had no longer wished to see.

Things will change, that is the natural conclusion.

Was it wrong to believe in idealism like I had wished for?

No I and even she didn't deny such things.

But my fulfilment up to now, has been a waste.

That warm feeling that I had felt was merely a warm disguise to things that I had closed my eyes to.

To say that she was bitter, to say she was malicious, and to say anything beyond the fact that she was Haruno Yukinoshita was as misunderstanding at best.

I say I like her was a stretch consider I dislike her. But she was right about on thing.

I shouldn't been concerned with the Hayama case.

A man with no sense of self was the answer. The only answer necessary.

But.

What was I to do?

What is the end goal?

I wouldn't know.

Was it after I had broken everything that I needed to break?

Nay or aye. Nobody could say.

The end

Hope you enjoyed this instalment. You'll find parallels between this and last weeks episode but it'll all goods. I'm sorta pissed that people dismiss Haruno's opinion on the matter of the trio, it's a very valid opinion even if it's dripping with malice.

REFRENCES

*1- Quote by Joshua from 'The World Ends With You'. (Amazing quote by the way.)

*2-Kinda spoilers for Fate/Stay Night; Unlimited Blade Works.

Next title; Yukino Yukinoshita is.

I don't own Oregairu at all.