Six – Subconscious

"Do you ever wonder what your life would be if you hadn't made some choices in the past?" Jane bit her lower lip – frowned – and remained focused on the ceiling. Arms crossed on her chest, she was enjoying the quietness of the evening. "I mean, you know. Obviously you wouldn't be here now."

Lying in the same position next to her on the bed, Maura smiled. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Perhaps she had had too much wine. Unless she was simply tired. They had had a very long and stressful week at work and had decided to spend a quiet evening at Jane's instead of going out to the movies as they used to every Friday night when their schedule allowed them to have a few hours off. But now that she felt a bit numb, Maura regretted to have indulged into this nonetheless delicious bottle of Brouilly.

"Do you?"

Jane cleared her voice in disapproval and rolled on her side to properly look at her friend.

She had no idea why she suddenly felt the urge to have such a serious conversation but she didn't want to let go of it either. Her curiosity pushed her to not renounce to it and her legendary stubbornness would make sure that this would never happen.

"Don't answer my question by a question, Maura."

"Fine..." Maura turned her head and locked her eyes with Jane's dark ones. She was lying a few inches from her and looked just as tired as her. "Sometimes. Yes, I guess that I think about it from time to time. Who doesn't? I don't mean from a career point of view because I always knew that I would become a medical doctor but it could have happened in another city; in another country."

The answer wasn't as exciting as Jane had hoped it to be but Maura had nonetheless be sincere and she appreciated it. A lot.

"Do you regret the choices you made? The choices that led you here?"

Why did she feel the urge to insist so much on this? She wasn't feeling particularly melancholic. Not a single ghost from the past had showed up recently in her life, forcing her to put everything back in question. So why? Why this existential speech?

"Absolutely not. Do you?"

Maura's confidence troubled Jane. She hadn't hesitated a single second. She had answered her question right away as if it couldn't be more evident.

If knowing that Maura considered her current life as the one she liked was comforting, the spontaneity of her reply troubled Jane. She had a lot more hesitation than her friend.

"All in all... No... But... There're some things I wouldn't mind erasing. Mistakes and stuff, you know. Yeah, maybe I'd change a couple of things."

"But we learn from our mistakes, we grow thanks to them. They are actually a very important part of our lives. There is no real failure as long as we learn something. You lead a very good life, Jane. You are doing great."

Jane laughed lightly. The compliment was really touching but she wasn't certain that she entirely deserved it. The last two cases she had worked on hadn't been solved and the complex trial of an old one started in three days. She wasn't going through a bad patch but a realistic one. Working as a homicide detective didn't always mean facing happy and fair endings.

"Yeah, I know. Don't be worried." She approached Maura and gently settled against her. Such gesture of affection rarely came from her. She usually didn't dare, for whatever reason. Yet tonight she felt vulnerable, too tired to think about it twice. "The one thing I'm really glad about is that I met you at some point. You're a weirdo but I wouldn't trade you for anything in the world."

Jane rolled her eyes. Seriously? What was going on that she was now being all sentimental? It had to be hormonal. There was not any other explanation to her weird state of mind.

Thankfully Maura didn't seem to notice anything or she was just too polite to make a remark about it. She settled in a more comfortable position against Jane and yawned before closing her eyes. Something told her that she wouldn't go back home tonight.

They fell asleep. It wasn't the first time this happened. As a matter of fact, it ocurred quite often. They just didn't say it to anyone. What for? Way too many people already thought that their friendship was slightly borderline.

They didn't want to add fuel to the gossip, to the quiet remarks.

Yet a noise woke up Maura in the middle of the night. Or at least she thought so. Because by the time the fog of her dreams vanished and she let reality set in back, she realized that a feather touch was the reason why she was now awake in the middle of the night.

She didn't move an inch – shamefully not eager to break the whole thing – but opened her eyes as if to make sure that it wasn't just a dream.

Jane was peacefully sleeping, so close to her that Maura could barely see anything but the way a lock of dark hair had fallen on her face to come to die against their locked lips.

They had fallen asleep in each other's arms and subconsciously kissed. Or so. Maura didn't really know. Who had closed the distance? When? Why? Their lips were now touching in a warm and comforting way.

She didn't panic. The position was a bit strange but delicate and beautiful in a way she couldn't really explain. She closed back her eyes and focused on the touch – almost imperceptible – of Jane's lips against hers.

It wouldn't last. One of them would probably shift their position in their sleep and they would wake up the next morning unaware of what had happened. As a matter of fact and now that she thought about it, perhaps it had already happened in the past.

She just hadn't woken up to realize it.

Unlike now.

How could I regret my choices, Jane? How could I regret the life I have now? You are the best thing that ever happened to me and I know that you will always be. If I had to do it all over again, I wouldn't change anything. I owe you my laughs, my smiles. My happiness. You mean the world to me, Jane. There can't be any regret, any what-if. You are an evidence. I love you more than you will ever imagine. You were never a choice but a logic. A pure logic. Thank you for everything.

The End

Author's note: Thank you very much for all the reviews and messages. This series of one shots could have been an endless one, actually I still have plenty of ideas for it, but my schedule is such (I start working for the French Open tomorrow) that I have to stop it for now although maybe one day I will write a The Kiss Vol. 2 lol

As planned and previously announced, I will be back on June 10th with the story that had disappeared with the hacking of my account, To Life. In the meantime, I wish you all a good time full of Rizzles and fanfics.