Welcome to world of One Piece Crack!AU and the insanity that is my brain. The inspiration from this came from Aoi24's fic sailing for misadventures chapter 9. Please enjoy.

The wind blew. The clouds rolled. Lightning flashed and thunder clapped. The heavens themselves seemed to be in revolt. A muted reflection as sharpened steel arced through the air. An uneasy feeling at the sight of a blinding grin. Last words - a promise for the future, an impossible dream - that coulnd't not be heard. Couldn't be dismissed, but couldn't be believed either. A grinned apology with no sincerity and no regard for consequences.

For Marine Captain Smoker, this was just like that day twenty two years ago. This was just like that time. He was older now, no longer a brat running between everyones' legs. It wasn't that mighty, feared man chained to a podium broadcast for all the world to see. It wasn't the bright and sunny mid morning that allowed for the world to see and hear.

(But it was that same strange, stupid grin. That same inability to not take heed, the same world-changing proclomations, and the same feeling of something big approaching. Most of all, it was that same stupid letter.)

For Smoker, this day wouldn't end the same. He would make sure of it.

A flash of light. The crash of thunder. A screech of tortured iron. The crackle of rising flames. An obnoxious laugh. And a surprised exclamation - the execution that shouldn't be happening failed by the intevention of the heavens themselves.

From his vantage point on the roof, the cloaked figure watched the proceedings. Watched as the 'flashy' clown pirate was grandstanding. Watched as foolhardy impossible declarations were made. Watched the marines sneak in to surround the plaza. Heard the captain decide to move in when heads roll.

(But he is the wind. And the wind sees, observes and knows. The wind does not care.)

Lightning flashes and strikes the platform. Rubber is impervious to lightning. The fool survives. The face under the cowl of the cloak lights up. A grim expression on a grisly face; made all the more unyeilding by the stark red tribal tattoos criss-crossing down the left side of his face. It is like a bad burn scar.

(Nobody sees - nobody knows to look. They are all distracted by the spectacle in the square. No-one knows he is there. That's okay with him. He is the win and the wind doesn't need to be seen. The wind is always there. Always known.)

Monkey D. Dragon Smiles.

(Before the wind, he was human. He was a father. His child will be great and he can't help but feel proud. (There is only himself to blame if they are on differing sides. He is only glad his son didn't become a marine; glad he didn't chase the corrupt justice of the world government.) He can't bring himself to leave.)

Human rubber slams hard on cobbled stone. Is squashed by the near 200 pounds of Smoker driving him there. A comment about the price on the boy's head. A disparaging remark about the change in luck. Reach over shoulder, grip jitte handle, draw-

Another hand gripping worn leather. Another force working the jitte, counterpoint to Smoker's own. Another derogatoriness, this time to Smoker's cofidence.

Confirm identity, check. Inform foe his wanted status, check. Receive intrepid reply, check.

Smoker stared at the interloper, cigars clenched firmly in mouth.

Straw Hat twitched. Asked questions that wouldn't matter when locked securely in a cell with plans to ship off to Impel Down.

The Wind Blew.

The rain stopped. The wind stopped. The lightning and thunder stopped. The heavens themselves stopped.

There was a lull in the fighting.

Marines were blown away. Sea stone nets were blown away. Civilians had already sought shelter from people and elements alike. Pirates were freed. Ships rocked where anchored. The Straw Hat crew found themselves together. There were no marines.

(Dragon controlled the wind. He didn't have to go anywhere. He did anyway.)

The small caravel was loved by its humans. They called it a her, and they called her Going Merry. Going Merry loved the name they called her, she loved the humans under her care. At this moment, Going Merry was being pushed out to sea. The boy-humans were being left behind. The girl-human was yelling at them to hurry aboard. Going Merry agreed. Going Merry had no thought to spare to the strange wind-human slinking in the shadows of the deck. Going Merry was more concerned about her humans still on land. Rubber-boy-human was running away from the sea, away from Going Merry. The other three, they were watching him. They were panicking and scared. Rubber-boy-human was stretching now. Going Merry realised what he was planning. So did all Going Merry's other humans...

Too late.

The four boy-humans landed safely on the jib and fell to the deck. Girl-human started yelling again. They were free, they were safe. Going Merry went back to sleep.

Dragon watched as Luffy and his crew picked themselves up. Watched as the redhead, the only girl of the group, gave orders; watched how everyone followed them. It was only when they started to relax that he let himself be known by them.

"A good crew you managed to get yourself, Luffy." He said, walking out of the shadows.

The crew jumped, assuming battle stances. The green-haired one, who had three swords like the rumors of that pirate hunter, 'Roronoa,' palmed the hilts of his blades, pointedly loosening one of them in its sheathe, clearly ready for a fight. The blonde one, dressed in a suit, slouched somewhat; but he had taken his hands out of his pockets, and Dragon had seen him fight, seen him kick anyone he deemed an enemy when they got too close. He would react only fractionally slower than the swordsman. The boy with the long nose, he was less impressive. He scrambled backwards away from Dragon. He fell over and he was trembling something terrible. But he still managed to pull out a slingshot and aim it somewhat at him. Not that a slingshot would do any good at any distance. Not that any of them could do any damage to Dragon. Even without his devil fruit they'd be lucky to get in a scratch. The girl was interesting. She had backed off with the slingshot boy but was considering him with something shrewed, something that seemed to understand. All this was taken in as background.

Because Luffy...

Luffy was the most interesting one of all. Luffy, who was his son. Luffy, who nearly died today. Luffy, who was ready to fight if Dragon so much as-

Luffy hadn't moved. He was just standing there as if unknown cloaked, shadowed people with frightening facial tattoos were an everyday occurance. As if having a stranger on his ship was normal.

"O-oi. L-luf-fy." Longnose stammered. "H-he's p-prob-bably d-dangerous. G-get away from him."

Luffy just turned side on, so he could see everyone. Everyone could see him.

"Nah." He said, balling his right hand into a fist and sticking his pinky into his nose. "I don't think he's a bad person."

Dragon sighed, "you are definitely his grandson."

Luffy showed more reaction than his previous indifference at this. He took a step away from Dragon, took his finger out of his nose and asked shakily, "you know Grandpa?"

Dragon chuckled, a low humorless sound. "He is my father. I am Monkey D Dragon."

Monkey D Dragon did not get the reaction from Luffy he was looking for. The rest of the crew did not dissapoint.

The swordsman looked to be straining himself thinking. The suit seemed to having a slightly easier time of it, echoing "Dragon" to himself slowly. Red turned suddenly wide eyes on him, mouthing the word "revolutionary" to herself breathlessly. Longnose looked contemplative, and seemed to have found enough courage to speak up.

"Monkey D? Does that mean you are Luffy's uncle or something?" Luffy's previously blank expression turned amazed in point five seconds.

"I have an Uncle?"

Dragon extracted the finger out of his nose - when did that get there? Ddn't he do away with that habit? - and stared at the boy for all of two seconds. He sighed.

"Figures he wouldn't talk about me." he murmured to himself. Then, louder and to the crew, "Luffy is my son." There were mixed reactions. Three of them seemed to come at the same time.

"I have a father?" Ah, Luffy...

"Makes sense. Can totally see it." That was Swordsman, who nodded conclusively and that was the end of that.

"Aren't you the revolutionary? That Dragon?" Red. She stared at him, not quite the same dumbstruck look of the last two boys, but close enough. Dragon nodded. She made flustered excuses and left. Suit followed her, squeeling something about tea and madamoiselle and idiots. Swordsman gave him a look then shrugged, getting comfortable and looking for all the world like he had gone to sleep.

Longnose tried to bluster out something that could have been impressive but all his bravado had left him and it fell flat.

Silence Descended. Until it was broken.

"If you are Luffy's father," Longnose seemed to have regained enough courage to bend to his curiosity, "then you would know his mother." He prompted.

"Yes." Dragon nodded, then turned to Luffy. "Your mother is the shichibukai, Crocodile."

"I have a mother? A shi-chu-ka?" Luffy had been lost. Dragon sighed. Again.

"Nevermind. Your mother is Crocodile. A pirate with a hook iinstead of a hand and a nasty scar on the bridge of the nose." Luffy nodded.

And suddenly they were riding the currents up reverse mountain. Dragon was gone when they were swallowed by a giant whale.

Smoker swore. This day wasn't going to end like that one. Not on his watch. That time, chaos left Logue Town and infected the world. He let Straw Hat get away from him once. It wasn't going to happen again. He was going to chase that runt down and stop the spread of the havoc inevitably left in the wake of that infernal D.

Thank you for reading Please send all orders for brain bleach somewhere else, I'm all out.

There will be a next installment coming soon.