Warning: This chapter was written in a rush. Expect awkward phrasing, and forgetting minor details.

Chapter 14

The first few weeks after my grandmother died were the hardest. The three of us, my mother, Kouichi, and I, all dealt with her passing in different ways. Mom for instance buried herself in working at her job in order to get over it quickly. I had to be particularly harsh with her to make sure she didn't overwork herself.

Kouichi also tried to bury his grief, not because he was trying to get over it, but in order to help Mom. That was what he said, anyway. I think that a part of him was regressing to the way he was before I met him in some kind of sub-conscious belief that things would somehow go back to the way before. He became withdrawn and quieter than usual those first few days, especially when I was there, and could usually be found in his hiding spot when he wasn't in school. I had to push him a lot, like with Mom, to express his emotions, and even though it resulted in the occasional argument he admitted that he was grateful for it afterwards.

Yet, the facade of living a normal life always vanished at night, when the distractions of the day faded out. I know it took Mom and Kouichi a long time to be able to sleep without crying.

"I wish I could just get over Grandma," Kouichi told me one afternoon two weeks later, as we sat in his hiding place. "I mean she said not to waste away from grieving, but all I can think of is what she would have thought about something, or how she would have liked something. Then I realize that she can't be, and it hurts me."

"You don't just 'get over her,'" I scowled across the space at him. "Satomi says that grief isn't like a storm passing, it's like breathing."

"I know," he snapped somewhat irritably, before recovering. "Who did she lose?"

"Her grandfather."

His eyes widened, before looking down.

"Satomi says you can talk to her about it any time," I continued.

"Thanks. I mean, tell her I said thanks."

"I will. Look at it this way, big brother. At least you knew her before she got sick. I would have liked to see what she was like before."

"She liked hiking, and birds. She was one of the most energetic people I ever knew." Kouichi took a deep shuddering breath. "When I was little, she would always take me to the duck pond to feed the birds, and then to the park where she would push me on the swing. When I got bigger, she would get on the swing next to mine, and..."

He couldn't get any further as he choked on a sob. I moved to the other side of the stairs to wrap my arm around him and pull him to me. He stiffened for a moment, then relaxed.

"I don't know how you do it, Kouji. You loved her like I did, but it's not hurting you the same way it does me."

"Probably because I never got a chance to really know her like you did." That part at least was true, my grief over Grandma's death was mostly spent on regrets. If our parents hadn't divorced, if Dad hadn't lied to me about Mom being dead, if I had stumbled arcoss those pictures earlier. I openly blamed Dad for everything, even if he wasn't entirely at fault. We had gotten into many fights since Grandma had died, and I had stormed off to Mom's place several times after them, asking if I could sleep over. Satomi had tried to tell me that I couldn't give Dad the cold shoulder forever, and that excessive anger over a death was as unhealthy as excessive grief, but I had politely told her to leave me alone.

"You're still blaming Dad?"

I looked down at the concerned blue eye that was peering out from my shoulder.

"So what if I am? He's the one who lied to me after all."

Kouichi pulled away from me. "Yes, and he's the one who brought you to the hospital at...at the end. Kouji, you can't just go blaming Dad for things that weren't his fault."

"But, they were."

"Did he make Grandma sick?"

"No..."

"Was it his fault Mom didn't get a better job?"

"No."

"Was it his fault Grandma," he stifled a sob. "That she was too old to recover from the treatment?"

"Kouichi!" I put my arm around him again, only for him to look me right in the eyes.

"Was it his fault?"

I couldn't hold my eyes to that intense glare for more than a few seconds.

"No," I admitted.

"Then stop acting like it is!" He slumped back against the stair wall, still staring at me.

"I know you're searching for someone to blame in all this Kouji, and that he's the easiest target for it, but he's not a bad guy. He told me...back when we were at the zoo that he regretted every day that he lied to you, but he was too scared to deal with the fallout if he told you about us. He also said that he missed me every day, just like Mom missed you, and that he wants to spend more time with you. He misses you, Kouji."

"How could he miss me? I'm there all the time!"

"You're the one who's been avoiding him, you tell me."

I hesitated. I had been avoiding him, not only after Grandma had died, not only after I had found out about my mother and brother, but even before that. When he had married Satomi. When he had pulled me away from my friends and moved away because he had been promoted.

"Kouji?"

The eyes were no longer so intense, but the same warm and gentle concern that was normal for Kouichi. Would I have been like that if I had lived with Mom, instead of the frosty scowl and glares that were my normal?

"Kouji?" A hand waved in front of my eyes. "I...are you all right?"

"Yeah," I sighed. "Just thinking. You're right, big brother. I have been avoiding Dad a lot, and not everything is his fault."

His eyes widened, and he looked down with a sweet smile.

"In fact," I continued with a smirk. "You should come over to our place more often. Dad would be happy to see you again, and I bet Satomi would love to teach you more about cooking."

The stunned expression on his face was so funny that I actually laughed for the first time since Grandma had died.

As the next few weeks passed, I found that Satomi was right when she said that the grieving process was more like breathing than something that passed easily. I was the least affected by Grandma's death, yet I found myself missing her presence just as much as Mom or Kouichi. Yet as the conversation Kouichi and I had that day proved, I wasn't the only one who wanted to help him or Mom. Satomi, in addition to offering advice, also gave me deserts she had made for them. My fellow Aikido students, mostly Nakamura and Uehara, but some of the others, offered to help both of us with our homework and while we were there invited us to Uehara's birthday party. If Kouichi weren't there, I would have refused, but I knew my brother needed more friends. Maybe I did, too.

Time passed, and two days before Dad and Satomi's anniversary, Mom finally got the phone call we had been hoping for: A new job. It was a bit farther away from her apartment than her old one, which meant more travel time, but it was fewer hours and had better pay than the old one. Kouichi and I both felt Mom deserved something special to celebrate, and since I was already heading to a local florist to get Satomi flowers for their anniversary, I suggested Mom might like some flowers.

"Is this it?" Kouichi looked at the flower shop in front of us.

"Yeah." I stuffed my hands in my pockets to make sure the money needed was still there. "What kind of flowers do you think I should get?"

He shrugged. "Maybe something to match your kitchen. I don't know Satomi as well as you do."

"True. What are you getting?"

"Iris. Mom likes 'em, and Grandma used to have a painting of them when I was very young."

"What happened to it?"

"I accidentally knocked it down when I was trying to get something off of the fridge next to it, and broke the frame. The frame was attached to the painting so well that it ripped." His voice took a tone of regret. "Grandma was furious."

"I bet she was."

My phone went off just as I said that. For a moment, I wondered who would be sending me a message before remembering that I had given Nakamura from my Aikido class my number before that birthday party. I pulled out my phone to check it.

"Who's it from?" Kouichi tilted his head curiously.

"Nakamura." I folded up my phone. "He wants us to go see a movie with him and Uehara."

"Again?"

"Well, that new One Piece movie is coming out soon." I shrugged. "You interested?"

"I never read One Piece."

"It's not too hard to get the gist of it. Besides, Nakamura and Uehara can explain it to you."

He smiled shyly. "Tell him I'm in."

"Okay." I grabbed my phone again, then looked up at Kouichi as he started laughing.

"What's so funny?"

The laughter faded, but the smile did not. "You. I was just thinking of what you were like when we first met. You've come a long way from the anti-social kid who became my brother."

"So have you, when I first met you you could barely say more than one full sentence at a time to me."

Kouichi blushed, then turned back to the shop again.

"We've both changed, haven't we? We're rubbing off on each other."

"Yeah," I smirked at him. "That's what brothers are supposed to do."

FIN

Author's note: Sorry this was done in such a rush. Between having more homework for class than the last two semesters and my natural talent for procrastinating, I just didn't have the motivation to finish this until last night when the Internet went out for a few hours, so I used those hours to whip up the chapter.

I'm finally done, though. I think this is the first time in years where I only have one fic going, although I've got a few that were in the starting process that haven't gone anywhere. I think that I'm probably going to concentrate on Reversal for the immediate future, unless a major plot bunny bites me.