Everyone seemed to have someone else to turn to when times were tough. To talk to through their troubles. The Iron Bull had Dorian, Varric had Bianca, even Solas had the spirits of the Fade. They kept special places in their hearts for them, saving, soothing, helping their sore souls. Varric called them friends, though his heart sings much differently when referring to Bianca. I'm 'friends' with Varric. It's not the same song. There must be more.
I can't hear Naomi Trevelyan's heart. Like trying to listen to a song from behind a locked door, a muffled melody amidst the quiet but unable to make out the meaning. It frustrated, fascinated, and I found myself more and more around her, trying to find, figure out just what she felt. She didn't mind. She'd just tuck a long, gold lock behind her ear and smile.
She always smiled, and humans would smile when they were happy, but not ALL the time. She smiled without ceasing. The only way to tell her true thoughts were to look to her aquamarine eyes. They couldn't sing, but somehow their shine could show the soul behind. Stormy when angered, soft when calm, I studied them all. There was a strange sense of satisfaction from them, and I would often get lost at sea sifting through, until Naomi would pull me out.
"Wake up, Cole." She would laugh. "You're daydreaming again."
"I don't daydream, I'm listening to your eyes." I would correct, though already pulled out of the iris and into reality. Her reaction from there started out as a smirk of confusion, followed by her ruffling my hair with delicate fingers. Later on she'd just shake her head and laugh. Every night she'd visit the tavern's third floor, taking up tea to drink, letting me stare as she sipped. Sometimes she'd stare into my eyes, and we would spend hours like that. Sitting and staring, her smile still on her lips, ignoring The Iron Bull's requests to join him in drinking more potent beverages. It was strange…but I liked then.
One night, I asked her. "Why are you always smiling?"
It took her a moment to answer, the blue of her eyes fighting over a choice, a chance, but after it was over she resumed her grin.
"I like smiling, It makes me happy. You should try it sometime." The ocean of her eyes dulled and shifted their focus to the dregs in her tea cup. Something wasn't right, but I didn't know what. I wish I had known what at the time. Instead I held onto her words and eyes, curling up the ends of my lips to display a shy, sloppy smile. It sent Naomi into a minute's worth of laughter.
"You should show that to Varric! You need practice, but you're close." She pat my shoulder and rose to leave.
I thought about her eyes all night.
Evangeline and Cullen are the only Templars I've ever liked, the rest are far too dangerous. Now the Templars were red inside, evil bubbling up in their throats and chest, filling every nook and cranny with unrest. Naomi didn't know there were Templars in the Emerald Graves. She once looked so peaceful there, eyes shifting from detail to detail in awe of the green before us. We would have picnics there with Varric and Cassandra before we found them. I can still remember her eyes when she caught sight of red Templars-it was the first time I didn't see a smile on her face.
Fury, fear, fight-or-flight, she ripped the staff off her back and shot like a madman. I could barely swing at one before they fell. The rest of that memory is a blur, but she led us back to Skyhold shortly after, and from there, she slipped out of sight.
I don't know why I looked for her. I still couldn't hear her thoughts, but perhaps that's what human friends would do. She was in an empty bedroom tucked away beside the courtyard, curled up on her side on the bed. Her face held a frown, aquamarine dull and dark. They stared off into the cobblestone wall as if it weren't there, and I realized what it meant.
"Pain." My words made her jump. "No…fear. Pain, fear…more pain from the one before, but here is fear, or both..I'd go with both."
"Cole! H-how long were you here?!" Blonde hair shifted as she sat up. She tried to smile, but now she couldn't.
"You're hurt. I don't know how," It was strange not knowing, "but I want to help."
The look on her face was caution. Concern wrinkled the bridge between the inquisitor's eyebrows. "It's not that easy, Cole. I'm fine." Her eyes dulled once more, and then it hit me. She was lying.
"Lies. I can help. You smile endlessly, but you can't get help if you don't tell anyone. Please tell me. I already hear the thoughts of everyone else, I help them all. I want to help you too."
Any attempt to smile faded from her fast. It took another 'please' interrupting her train of thought to convince her to speak next. I don't know why she shared. Maybe because she was lonely.
"The Templars…" Naomi whispered finally, her voice breaking the small silence and cracked like chipped paint. She looked at down at her palms. I took a seat next to her on the bed. "I have a bad history with them. When my parents figured out I had…magic…they sent me to the circle of magi. I-I wasn't exactly treated well there. Nobility didn't seem to phase them. At that time I was too young to be an apprentice, so…"
I spoke up when her voice died down. "Black halls cracked, endless darkness save the orbs that'd open the doors. Shifts of squeaks of rotten rats gnawing at my feet. Can't breath in the dark, can't relax, can't release, I want my mother."
"That's….yes. I hated it there, it was a prison. They thought I was dangerous for freezing my father's fountain in the middle of a party. I was just as scared as they were, but tortured for it. They had no sympathy, I was only twelve, and they still tried to scare me shitless. As if it were their sick little idea of fun…I hated it…hated it….I-I don't want to say what they did….I…." Tears had been streaming from her eyes, now dark with raw sorrow. I did what I thought humans did when another was in such distress.
I hugged her.
It took her a second to react. Trembling arms wrapped around me. Even in sadness she was so warm. Her sniffles broke out as she sobbed on my scarlet-sewn shoulder. All her sorrows were let out, storm gates open.
"It's alright." My words creeped from my lips before I could think. I paused to fix or fuel the message I foolishly went face-first into. "…I'll protect you from the Templars. They can't hurt you like that anymore, you're too strong."
We sat in sniffles and silence for what seemed like hours. She withdrew, finally, and spoke.
"Thank you, Cole. I'm sorry, I've never shared this with anyone. Don't tell anyone about what I said, or I will…I'll…" Too tired to think, she flopped on her back. The woman's frame sank underneath the hay in the mattress. "Just don't tell anyone."
I shook my head "I won't."
I wanted that to be my last words, but I couldn't stop. I don't know why. The sentence towed another that slipped through, a spider in the crack between the door and floor. "Your eyes show fear, but not like before. This time is quiet, lingering, a chilled breeze sweeping through a window. I want to help you, but I can't when I don't know you hurt. Please, tell me when you're hurting. Tell me what's wrong. I'll help." I gave her one long, hard stare into her eyes, which softened slightly with the thought.
"Alright. I'll try." She nodded, curling up slightly. Her eyes were dull, but not with pain. It was a tired dull, like the heaviness on the lids before a well-needed sleep. Seeing my work was done, I rose to leave. I was very wrong about that, apparently, for at that moment she murmured sleepily, "could you stay..? At least until I'm asleep…"
If it helped, I would do it. So I shed my hat and lay next to her, she suddenly wrapping her arms around me like a teddy bear. I heard her heart's faint song shift ever so slightly into another measure, and before I knew it, the inquisitor was asleep.
Before I knew I even could, I was asleep, too.