III.

Jack has been gone for four months. And for four months, Ianto has slept alone. He hasn't been celibate the entire time, but on the rare occasions when he's pulled, he's never stayed the night. He feels a bit cheap and dirty leaving each time, but four months isn't long enough for him to give up the hope that Jack might return, and for whatever reason, Jack is the only one he really wants to spend the night with.

When Jack does return, Ianto is confused and nervous and utterly embarrassed by his reaction: the stuttering, hand waving, and complete lack of his usual cool composure. Jack seems nervous as well, as if he is unsure of his place now that he's returned, both on the team and in Ianto's life. Somehow, that makes it both easier and harder.

Jack's first night back is actually spent at a posh hotel with the entire team as they try to avoid their past selves after being thrown through a time loop. They book a large suite and let the girls have one bedroom while Jack, Owen, and Ianto take the other. There is no opportunity for any private time, and Ianto is certainly not going to share a bed with Jack with Owen in the room, so he takes the sofa. Besides, he doesn't even know if Jack would want to share a bed. Asking him on a date is such a far cry from what they had before that Ianto has almost no idea what is going on anymore. He sleeps, eats, and gets a massage at the spa.

When the time loop ends, they return to the Hub, where they clean up, file their reports, and Jack tells them to go home early. Owen leaves first, pissed off and limping from his latest gunshot wound. Gwen looks torn between staying and going, but Jack shoos her away to Rhys before she can even offer to stay. Tosh packs up and asks Ianto if he wants to get dinner. He hesitates, thrown off by the team's casual dismissal of Jack's return. Where they had initially been upset at him, and then reluctantly glad to see him, they have quickly gone back to the way things were in spite of the fact that Jack had left them for four months and come back to them a changed man. Glancing at Jack's office, he frowns.

"Oh!" Tosh exclaims, hand flying to her mouth. "I'm sorry, you probably have other plans, don't you?"

Ianto bites back the impulse to roll his eyes because he doesn't like doing that to Tosh; instead, he shakes his head and smiles.

"No, I don't, but I don't think anyone has really talked to Jack," he points out. "He's just come back and we're leaving him here alone, no questions asked." Ianto isn't referring to the questions they'd already asked him and received some piss-poor answers for—where did you go? Why did you leave? Are you going back?—but to the questions that now seem so much more important: are you all right? What happened to you?

Did you mean what you said?

Tosh is frowning. "You're right," she says. "Maybe we should stay…or ask him to join us…" She trails off when Jack appears at the doorway to his office.

"I thought I said everyone could go," he says, hands tucked into his pockets.

"We could stay if you need us," Tosh offers, and Ianto loves her for it. Jack looks taken aback, his eyes widening slightly, and Ianto senses that Jack wants to say yes, even though he shakes his head.

"Go home, Tosh," he says, walking over to them. He pulls her into an embrace and kisses her forehead. "I'll be fine."

"Are you sure?" she asks, and Jack nods.

"We've all had a long day—twice—and you deserve the night off."

"You already pampered us!" she laughs, and he shrugs.

"It was the least I could do," he murmurs. "And now that I'm cleaned and rested and all massaged out, I'm going to have a look at what you lot have been up to while I was gone."

Tosh and Ianto exchange a look, a grin, and finally, a laugh. Jack is clearly confused. "What did I miss?"

"Just saving the world in our own unique way, sir," Ianto offers.

"You mean by the seat of your pants?" Jack teases, and Ianto inclines his head, looking thoughtful.

"Sometimes even less," he deadpans, and Jack laughs. To Ianto's surprise, he pulls them both into an embrace, one of them in each arm.

"I missed you," he murmurs. "I missed this place, this planet—everything. It was a long year."

Ianto stiffens, Tosh's eyes go wide, and Jack steps back immediately, wary now that he's unexpectedly revealed something he clearly didn't want to share.

"Time travel?" asks Ianto, and Jack nods.

"Time travel. Not always a good thing," he replies. Ianto can see the grief in his eyes, along with lingering pain and sadness. Jack's year away—only a few months for them—must have been difficult. Ianto decides to stay, or rather, to come back. His own feelings are a jumbled mess, but he suspects that Jack is in even worse shape. The only way through it all might be to muddle along together.

"Go on," Jack says, motioning them toward the door. "I'll see you both tomorrow."

"You'll call if you need anything?" Ianto asks. Jack looks as if he wants to call already, but instead, he nods and smiles, neither gesture filled with genuine meaning, and Ianto is even more determined to come back, perhaps with food and drink as a buffer.

"Bye, Jack," says Tosh, hurrying toward the door. She turns toward Jack at the last moment, sees the forlorn look on his face as he gazes around the Hub. "I'm glad you're back," she says.

"Me too," Jack replies, and he now sounds genuine. Ianto catches his eye and nods, then follows Tosh up to the Tourist Office. As soon as they step onto the Quay, she turns toward him.

"You're going back in, aren't you?" she asks, and he nods somewhat sheepishly. She places a hand on his arm in reassurance.

"No, I'm glad. You were right, he needs someone to talk to. I think something happened to him while he was gone that wasn't good."

"I think so too," Ianto says as they start walking together along the Quay. "And his return has certainly been eventful."

"Only Jack would have an ex-lover from the future show up and try to kill us!" Tosh laughs, though there's a nervous edge to it. Ianto is aware Jack's secrets can be dangerous; now the rest of the team have experienced it, as well.

"Will you take care of him?" she asks when he is silent. He nods, and she links arms with him. "Good. He needs you. Only …" She hesitates, perhaps unsure what she should say or how she should say it. "Don't jump right back into bed with him, Ianto," she says quickly, as if trying to get it all out before she regrets saying anything at all. "You've changed, he's changed…take things slowly, if things go in that direction."

Ianto pulls her closer. "He asked me on a date," he tells her, and hears a small intake of breath. "A real date, I think—dinner and a movie." Ianto shakes his head. "He seemed so nervous, and I was so shocked I barely knew what to say."

"Yes?" she suggests, and Ianto glances down at her, eyebrow raised.

"Weren't you just telling me to take it slow?"

"I was telling you not to jump into bed with him again," she replies very seriously. "You deserve more than that."

"So do you," Ianto says, thinking of her continued crush on Owen.

"Jack didn't ask me on a date," she points out. "He asked you. I think that means something, don't you?"

Ianto sighs. "I don't know. I'd like to think so, but it could be so many things. Maybe it's something that happened to him while he was gone, maybe he knows Gwen is engaged now…"

He trails off as Tosh huffs, but they ignore the elephant in the room, and Ianto continues.

"I will tell you this: I don't want to be the part-time shag Owen thinks I am. I can't do that anymore. But I also don't want to leave Jack alone right now to deal with something he obviously needs help dealing with." Ianto takes a deep breath. "So if you don't mind a rain check on dinner, I think I'll pick up some Thai and head back, make sure he's all right."

"And you'll call me later?" asks Tosh. "So I know you're all right?"

Ianto kisses her forehead much like Jack. "Absolutely. Enjoy your evening off, and I'll call you later."

"Thank you," she says. She seems reluctant to leave. "Be careful, Ianto. I don't want you to get hurt again."

"I won't," he says, although he's not entirely sure of the truth of that statement. He turns toward the Thai place Jack had liked so much before he left. A part of him is reluctant to do anything for the man who left them so unexpectedly four months ago; another part of him remembers how Jack supported him through his suspension, his difficult time returning to the Hub, the nightmare in the Beacons, and more. Because of his own traumatic experiences, Ianto recognizes that Jack has gone through something difficult, something that has hurt and changed Jack, and Ianto wants to be there for Jack as Jack was there for him. He tells himself it is simply who he is, what he does, and that he would do the same for any team member, any friend. He has.

Yet Jack hurt them, hurt him, by leaving the way he did, and Ianto does not want to let go of his resentment yet. He wants to understand before he forgives, but he knows that in order to understand, he will have to talk to Jack, and that Jack will need to be stronger before he can talk. Deep down, though, Ianto wants to forgive Jack and go on that date, so he orders Jack's favorite dish, then stops for a six pack of beer he suspects Jack won't go near but might help Ianto get through this.

When he walks through the cog door and the alarms go off, there is no response, and Ianto is immediately worried that Jack has left already, though he's not sure where Jack would go. A roof? A bar? He irrationally hopes it's not the latter, not after Jack asked him out on a date the day before, nervous and uncertain. Ianto would like to think Jack meant it and isn't already on the pull, but then they had never promised exclusivity before, and they aren't bound to one another now.

He makes his way to Jack's office to find Jack curled up on his sofa, fast asleep. Normally Ianto had enjoyed watching Jack sleep, finding the unexpected peace a fascinating contrast to the man's larger than life personality. Yet it is clear that this is not a restful sleep for Jack, but a troubled one: he is tense, his breath quick, his eyes fluttering beneath the lids. When Ianto lays a gentle hand on Jack's shoulder, hoping to arouse him from whatever dark dreams he's trapped in, Jack jerks awake, eyes wide and arms flailing.

"It's all right," Ianto says, hands moving to calm Jack in whatever way he can. Jack is still staring at him as if he doesn't understand. "You're safe. You're at the Hub, Jack. Everything is all right."

Jack takes a deep breath and nods. He rubs his hands over his face, then offers a rueful smile. "Thanks. But I thought you left?"

"I came back," Ianto says, immediately regretting the double meaning when Jack glances down, a rare look of shame in his eyes. Ianto does not acknowledge it, sensing it will only hurt Jack more and that now is not the moment for accusations. "I brought something to eat, if you're hungry."

"I thought I was taking you out to dinner," Jack replies with half his normal flirtatiousness.

"And I thought you could use a quiet night in," says Ianto with a small shrug. He stands and begins unpacking the bag he'd set on Jack's desk. When he offers Jack a beer, he is surprised to see it accepted. Yet another change from before, when Jack rarely drank.

They eat in silence at first, Jack gazing blankly at the wall as he eats. It is clear he is exhausted. Ianto sees the circles under his eyes and notices that Jack is thinner. Certainly he is sadder, more broken and resigned than before. Ianto wants more than anything to ask Jack what happened while he was gone, even more than asking Jack where he went or why he left. He knows that something has happened, and whatever it is, it's far more important than where or why because it has brought Jack back a changed man.

Ianto takes a chance, and speaks into the silence.

"How are you, Jack?" he asks quietly. He sees Jack's lips quirk, but Jack does not look at him when he answers.

"All the better for being back," he says quietly.

"Bit of a rough return," Ianto points out, and Jack lets his head fall back against the sofa with a slightly hysterical laugh.

"I'm sorry. It wasn't the homecoming I was hoping for."

"Were you expecting a party, perhaps? A parade?" Ianto asks, and hopes that Jack hears the teasing in his voice. Jack swivels his head with a rueful grin.

"A date," he says. "Maybe a hug, a kiss. Not four months gone and my psychotic ex partner trying to kill my team."

Ianto shrugs and sips at his beer. "It's Torchwood."

"I meant what I said," says Jack. "About the date. I missed you. I came back for you."

"You don't have to say that, you know," Ianto tells him. Part of him likes hearing it, even though a larger part of him doesn't believe it. He holds back the anger he feels more than anything, that if Jack came back for him, why did he leave in the first place?

"I want to say it," Jack replies. "Yes, I left to see the Doctor, but I came back for you. I needed to find answers, and I found them, but they weren't the answers I was looking for. What I wanted was here all along."

Ianto is slightly surprised at that response, both at Jack's honesty and what it hints at. So he turns, resting his elbow on the back of the sofa and propping his head up as he gazes at Jack, once more taking in the changes he can see, if only on the surface. He's fairly sure there are more beneath.

"You know I won't ask, Jack," he begins quietly. "Why you left when you did, where you went, why you really came back." Jack opens his mouth to interrupt, but Ianto holds up a hand to silence him. "I know you. Neither of us likes to be poked and prodded like that. I'll listen to whatever you want to tell me, but I won't ask."

"Ianto…"

"Wait, please. Let me finish." Ianto takes a deep breath to continue. "It hurt us, though. I want to understand, and forgive, because that's what we do, isn't it?" He offers Jack a quirk of his lips, and Jack smiles in return, acknowledging that yes, this is what both they, and Torchwood, do so well: they screw up and they move on.

"More than anything, Jack, I want to know, to really know…" Ianto hesitates, because in spite of what he'd said, he knows he is pushing, yet he senses that he needs to push, just a bit. If Jack closes up, Ianto will step back. He might even wait, though he knows he cannot wait forever. Four months was hard enough, and Jack was nowhere in sight; waiting any longer with Jack back in Cardiff would be next to impossible.

"I want to know how you are. You said you were gone for a year," he says quickly, before Jack can brush him off again. "And it's fairly obvious that something bad happened in that year. Whether that was what brought you back, I don't need to know. I don't even need to know what happened. I only need to know if you're all right. If we…if I…can help."

Jack turns his head toward Ianto with such a heartbreaking look in his eyes that Ianto feels his own well up with tears, even though he still has no idea what happened to Jack while he was gone. Jack wipes at his face, his voice cracking as he speaks.

"I'm sorry," he whispers. "I didn't want it to be like this. I wanted to come back and live again, not fall apart."

Ianto reaches for Jack's hand and is surprised at how tightly Jack clings to it. Making a decision, he pulls Jack toward him, letting the other man fall into his lap, where he curls up with his head on Ianto's leg, his breathing ragged as if he is trying not to break down. Ianto runs a gentle hand along Jack's back.

"I'm sorry," he says softly. "I'm sorry for whatever happened to you. For whatever answers you found. For whatever brought you back. For—"

Jack turns over to glance fiercely into Ianto's face. "You brought me back. Don't apologize for that!"

"Jack—" Ianto says wearily, tired of hearing it, but Jack shakes his head.

"No, I mean it. You brought me back." He pushes himself up, his body suddenly tense, his eyes begging Ianto to believe him. "I was gone for a whole year, and during that year I was held prisoner. It's why I couldn't come back sooner." Jack shakes his head when Ianto tries to speak, tries to stop Jack from speaking. "No, let me talk. I have lived so long, seen and done so many terrible things, yet it was one of the most difficult years of my life. I experienced horrors no one should have to experience, but through it all, I thought about you. About Earth, about Torchwood, Tosh and Gwen and even Owen, and about all the memories I've made here over almost one hundred and fifty years of waiting for the Doctor to come back."

Ianto is struck speechless, unable to say anything as Jack takes a breath to continue. Everything Jack has confessed is overwhelming, from his imprisonment to his age. He is struck once more by how little he truly knows about Jack. "I needed to know why I was like this, but I didn't get the answers I wanted," he says. "But I did realize a few things. When it was all over, I wanted to come back, and I wanted to be with you. Not like before, denying everything even though I couldn't wait to see you each morning, couldn't wait to spend the night with you again. I wanted to really live."

Ianto wraps his arms around Jack and pulls him toward his chest this time, and Jack leans into it with a sigh. "Thank you," Ianto says, though it seems completely inadequate for what he is feeling: shocked at Jack's misadventure, sickened by his torture, stunned by his confession. "Thank you for telling me, for trusting me. I…I…" What else could he say?

"I'm going to live forever," says Jack. His voice is muffled, for he does not turn to gaze up at Ianto this time, but speaks into his shirt. "There's nothing the Doctor can do, and after a year in chains, I realized that even if I have forever, sometimes I still need to make the most of what I have now."

"Makes sense," Ianto offers. It does, in a complicated yet simple way, and even though Ianto still doesn't understand all of Jack's motivations for leaving them, he is already forgiving Jack, just as Jack forgave him so many months ago after finding Lisa. It really is what they do. It will take longer for Ianto to put aside the hurt, and perhaps longer to truly believe that Jack is staying, but for now, Ianto accepts the man before him, broken as he is. He places a kiss to the top of Jack's head.

"I mean what I said, too," Ianto says. Jack shifts in his arms and looks up at him curiously. "About the date. I'd like to try it. I suppose I could do with living a bit more, myself."

"With me?" asks Jack.

"Depends on the date," Ianto deadpans, and is gratified when Jack laughs against him.

"Anything for you," he says, then sighs. "Thank you."

"Thank you," says Ianto. "For coming back to us."

"Not just you?" teases Jack, though Ianto hears a note of seriousness in his voice as well.

"To me, to the team. We really missed you, Jack. We needed you." Jack tenses once more, and Ianto shakes his head with a smile. "We need you as a friend and a leader. I need you. I missed you." He squeezes Jack tight, then tilts his face up for a chaste kiss. "There's your hug and kiss."

"That's all?" asks Jack, though he looks extraordinarily happy. "No party or parade?"

"I'm good but not that good," Ianto replies in his best dry secretary voice. "Even I need a bit of time to plan a parade."

"I don't want a parade," says Jack, brushing his lips again Ianto's once more. "I only want you."

"I'll try my best, sir."

Jack's eyes close with a smile, and Ianto is once again surprised at the man's unexpected and unpredictable reactions. Once Jack would have practically pounced on him when given such a response; now he clings to Ianto as if unwilling to let go. It is startling, humbling, a bit frightening, and completely endearing. It's as if Jack had left them as an unbreakable immortal and returned to them a far more fragile human. And though Ianto has often looked to Jack for strength, he realizes he is as capable of providing it as receiving it; that he has, in fact, done so any number of times already, and that more than anything, he wants to do so for Jack right now.

Shifting gently beneath Jack, he pulls away and stands. Jack sits up and sighs as he runs his hands through his hair. His elbows rest on his knees as his head falls to his chest.

"Thank you for coming back," he says. "For dinner. For listening."

Ianto holds out his hand, and Jack looks at it, then him, in confusion.

"Let's go home, Jack." Jack glances around his office, a fond smile on his face.

"I am home," he replies, but Ianto shakes his head.

"An office is not a home," he says. "Come back to mine tonight."

Jack shakes his head as he stands, tucking his hands into his pockets. "I appreciate it, Ianto, I really do, but it's not necessary."

"I know it's not necessary," says Ianto. "But it's better than you staying here on your own all night."

"I'll be fine," Jack laughs half-heartedly. "I'm a big boy now."

"Who went through something traumatic," Ianto points out. "You don't have to be alone. Not tonight."

Jack sighs, looks like he wants to join Ianto so badly but won't let himself. Yet another change from the Jack Harkness who had left them: honorable restraint. Ianto is reluctantly impressed. "Ianto, I don't want to rush things. I know what I did … or how I did it was wrong, and I want to earn my good graces. I want to do right by you, by us."

"You've already started," Ianto says. "And I don't want to rush things either."

"Then why are you doing this?"

"I still care," Ianto replies honestly. "Just because I was hurt and angry doesn't mean I stopped caring. I want to forgive you, and part of me already has, but right now I want to help you. Come home with me, Jack." He smirks. "I'll make you coffee with Carolan's. And maybe even breakfast."

Jack's eyes light up. "Well, that settles it then. I have some very nice memories of sharing breakfast with you."

Ianto laughs, feeling lighter than he has for almost forty-eight hours. "Go get some clothes. You need to be prepared so no one will take the piss tomorrow if you walk in wearing the same thing."

"Do you still keep clothes at the Hub?" Jack asks as he goes down to his room. Ianto can hear him moving around. He goes to Jack's desk and starts to shut down the Hub for the night.

"Of course," Ianto replies. "I still need a change after being covered in blood, guts, and slime."

Jack's head pops out of the hole in the floor, frowning. "Blood?" he asks. "Not your own, I hope?"

Ianto sighs as he turns toward Jack, taking his small bag (how did he pack that fast?) so Jack can climb out. "At some point, everyone's. I told you it was hard, Jack. We survived, but we all have a few more scars to show for it."

Jack stares at him before pulling him into a tight embrace and burying his face in Ianto's neck. "I'm sorry," he murmurs. "Please believe me. I didn't mean for anyone to get hurt."

"I know," Ianto whispers back, his voice catching. "I know."

He returns the embrace until Jack stands straight, gazes into his eyes, and kisses him—really kisses him, for the first time since he's returned, and Ianto leans into it, wrapping his hands around Jack's face and returning it, relishing it. Whatever they'd had before Jack had vanished with his Doctor, Ianto had missed it—missed Jack. Jack had realized what he wanted while he was gone, and now Ianto has as well. He's realized that in missing Jack, he's missed more than his leader, his boss, his friend, and part-time lover. He's missed this—the quiet simple moments of genuine affection and connection. An embrace, a kiss. A touch, a look, a laugh. Rare nights free of work, sharing food, watching telly, shagging, talking, and shagging some more.

And he'd missed going to sleep at night with Jack, waking up with Jack's warm body pressed against his, making coffee for two, having breakfast in bed to start the new year.

Jack wants to take him on a date. He wants more from their relationship, and Ianto thinks that he could do that. More nights with Jack, more mornings. More than a part-time shag. Yes, he can do that. There will always be issues, and Torchwood, and Weevils, but maybe facing it together is a good thing. Maybe he can help Jack, and Jack can help him, and together they can be stronger.

Ianto breaks the kiss first. He smiles at Jack, inclining his head toward the exit, silently repeating his invitation. They leave the Hub hand in hand, toward a future filled with more nights falling asleep together, more mornings waking up together, and more days saving both the world, and one another, together.

Author's Note:

Thank you once again to Taamar for reading this over, untangling my tenses, and pointing out my new overused word. And to everyone here for reading and following. This was not how I anticipated it ending when I wrote the first two parts, months and months ago, but it's how it wanted to go, and I do hope you enjoyed it. Let a girl know? Thanks again!