Yesterday, I finally decided to watch the last two Grey's Anatomy episodes. Honestly, the only thing I could think about was, 'who told Addison, and how did she react'. Therefore, I came up with this.

Addison grabs her ringing cellphone off the kitchen counter. Her face beams with excitement when she sees the name on the screen: Amelia. She greets her cheerfully, but the only response she receives is the sound of Amelia's ragged breathing. Her heart begins to palpitate; something is wrong. All feelings of excitement quickly flee. Fear begins to consume her.

"Amelia?" She says cautiously.

"Addie..." Amelia croaks. The pain laced in her voice sends a shiver down Addison's spine.

"Amelia what happened?" Addison asks gently while pressing her back against the wall, seemingly bracing herself for the impact of Amelia's words.

"What..." She gasps as her eyes begin to brim with tears. She doesn't want to believe what she heard. For a second she wishes Amelia told her she relapsed, that problem has a solution—there's no way to fix death.

Derek is dead.

When the call ends the phone escapes her grasp and tumbles to the ground. Addison makes her way upstairs to Henry's room. She lingers in the doorway for a moment before picking up the smiling toddler and pressing him tightly against her body.

"You're okay." She whispers into his ear repeatedly.

The words aren't meant to comfort him, they're meant to reassure her. She's squeezing him so tightly that he whimpers faintly. It's only then that she releases him from her embrace and places him back into his crib.

Derek is dead.

She doesn't remember how she got there, but she's in her room, sitting on the bed with her legs tucked beneath her. She hears a distant voice saying a name over and over. It takes her a moment to realize the name belongs to her, and someone is trying to get her attention. She looks up and sees Jake standing in the doorway. 'Jake is okay', she thinks. She lets out a laugh that holds no mirth. Her husband is alive and someone else's isn't – how wonderful is this thing called life?

Derek is dead.

Jake looks at her in puzzlement. He's probably wondering why she's laughing when there are tears streaming down her face. He sits beside her and repeatedly asks 'what's wrong' in several variations. She doesn't answer, although her mind is screaming 'Derek is dead'. She can't allow the words to escape her mouth. Saying it makes everything too real. She needs Amelia to be okay. She needs Derek to be okay. So she doesn't say it; it can't be real.

Derek is dead.

Jake wraps his arms around her and slowly runs his fingers through her hair.

She wipes the tears off her moist cheeks, looks at him and whispers, "I'm glad you're okay."

His eyes beg her for an explanation; he's not sure what that's supposed to mean. Addison doesn't say anything else. Maybe she'll say more tomorrow, maybe she won't. It's all still too fresh, and she doesn't want to think about it. She places her head on her husband's chest and closes her eyes tightly, willing sleep to embrace her because maybe, when she wakes up tomorrow, it would all have been a dream.