Disclaimer: All television shows, movies, books, and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings, and events thereof, are the properties of their respective owners. As this work in an interpretation of the origianl material and not for-profit, it constitutes fair use. Reference to real persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context and are not intended to be libelous, defamtory or in any way factual

Written in honor of my best bitch for life, in celebration of the anniversry of her birth

For Allison

"Armed I am with love. Disarmed I am."
~Manuel Alegre

Plush carpet cushions her feet as she rocks back and forth, heel to toe and back again, heartbeat thudding in her ears. Kate stands outside the front door of Castle's loft, one hand clutching the bottle of red she picked up on the way over and the other fisted tightly against her thigh. She knows what this is. Tonight. Knows that when she crosses over the threshold, she's not just going to be stepping into his home.

She'll be stepping into them.

She's so ready for this. For him. For happiness and love and movie dates. They both avoided the word after that moment in the alley, not willing to jinx it with a label. But spoken or not, it applies. This is a date. Kate Beckett's first date with Richard Castle.

Excitement buzzes in her veins, fizzy little bubbles of joy that make her feel drunk. She's been like this all day, her uncharacteristic behavior earning her strange looks from the boys and moony-eyed stares from her partner when he thought she wasn't paying attention. She thought it'd get better once he left for Alexis' graduation, once she was able to inhale without filling her lungs with the woodsy scent of his cologne, but it hadn't. The giddiness only increased, her head full of dreams and heart overflowing with hope.

Hope. It's a strange word to her. An even stranger feeling. It took her a long time to recognize it, to give name to the swirling dip of her stomach and the hard thump of her heart whenever she thought of him. Kate lost her hope on a cold January night when she was nineteen, everything she'd ever dreamed about her future blowing away with her mother's last breath. She spent years walking through her life without expectations, simply surviving. Living without experiencing.

Then she arrested Richard Castle and everything changed.

It took them a long time to get here. A long time and a lot of heartache. But Kate can't bring herself to regret it. Not if it means that she can stand here, bubbling over with nervous anticipation but so very sure. Sure of herself, sure of him. Sure of them and what they can have together. The anger, the pain, the work - it was all worth it if they turn out to be even half of what she thinks they can.

Unable to wait any longer, Kate takes two deep breaths and raises her fisted hand to the door. She gives four quick raps, matching the accelerated thump of her heart. The sting has barely left her knuckles before the door swings open and her breath catches somewhere between her lungs and throat.

Castle fills the doorway to his home, his broad shoulders almost blocking out the welcoming glow of the lights burning within. He looks good, dressed in jeans and cotton t-shirt that looks so soft she wants to rub her cheek against it. But it's his smile that arrests her, makes her heart skip every third beat and heat prickle at the back of her neck. Uninhibited, it spreads across his face, crinkling the corners of his eyes and making him look ten years younger. Carefree.

Kate hasn't seen that smile in a long time. She's not actually sure she's ever seen it. All she knows for certain is that she will do whatever it takes to keep that smile, to have him look at her like she's everything he's ever dreamed of wanting. Her skin flushes as his eyes travel over her, taking in her form fitting, long-sleeved shirt and thigh hugging jeans, the ones she knows he likes based solely on the number of times she's caught him eyeing her ass.

"You're short," Castle blurts, his eyes going comically wide at the outburst.

Kate laughs, loud and clear, the lightness inside her chest spilling out of her mouth. She lifts her right foot, pointing the toe of her black ballet flat at him, and Castle bobs his head.

"Ah," he says. His eyes meet hers, some question there that she can't quite make out but hopes she has the right answer to anyway. "No heels."

She shrugs, one shoulder lifting toward her ear. "Didn't need 'em."

And she doesn't. Not tonight. Not with him. Her heels are part of her armor, the last piece she slips on every day, turning herself from a scared, hurting, lonely woman into a fierce warrior. An Amazon. They're a prop, a confidence boost. She puts them on and feels as close to invincible as she's ever going to get.

But tonight, standing on her flat feet in the doorway to his home and basking in the warmth of his smile, Kate knows she made the right choice. Tonight isn't about being invincible. It's exactly the opposite. She stands before him unguarded, with an open and hopeful heart. She doesn't need heels. Doesn't need armor.

All she needs is him.

"Thought I could help you drown your sorrows," Kate says, holding up the wine bottle and waving it like a hypnotist's watch in front of his face.

Stepping to the side, Castle waves her in with one arm, grin still splitting his scruffy cheeks. He takes the wine from her, a shock of electricity passing between them when their fingers brush. Castle heads toward the kitchen and Kate follows along in his wake, drawn to him like a magnet.

She props her elbows on the kitchen island and watches him putter around, pulling out a corkscrew and two wine glasses. He hums a little under his breath as he moves and Kate has to smother her smile in the palm of her hand. Castle works the cork from the neck of the bottle, the ropey muscles of his forearms flexing, and she has to avert her eyes, distract herself.

"How was graduation?"

He gives her a theatrical sigh, lips falling into a pout. "My little girl is all grown up."

"She's been all grown up for awhile, Castle," Kate reminds him, reaching out to take the glass he offers.

"I know but - you should have heard her speech, Kate."

"Amazing?"

"Doesn't even begin to cover it," he says, moving around to her side of the island.

Castle pauses next to her, his free hand suspended in the air halfway between his body and hers. Without hesitation, Kate slips her hand into the warm haven of his, lacing their fingers. For a moment, he simply stares at their joined hands, throat working as he swallows audibly. Kate gives him a light squeeze and brushes the pad of her thumb along the base of his. Slowly, his eyes lift to hers, the blue bright and clear. With a gentle tug, Castle pulls her toward the living room and she all too willingly follows.

"I wish I could have seen it," Kate says, her bicep brushing against his as they skirt around the arm of the couch.

She does. He texted her pictures from the ceremony- Alexis in her cap and gown, about to give her speech; a close up of his face, streaked with tears but beaming with pride; the graduate flanked by her father and grandmother, all three red-faced and smiling - but being there, witnessing the joy of his family, Kate can't think of any other way she'd have preferred to spend her afternoon.

"I ordered a couple of copies of the official video the school sells. Maybe we can watch it whenever it comes in?"

"I'd like that."

Castle nods, coming to a stop at the middle of the couch. Their hands fall apart as they sit and she misses the warmth of his touch immediately. Castle puts his glass on the coffee table, trading it for a thin remote. The TV glows blue across the room and Kate brings her glass to her lips as Castle navigates the DVD menu. The wine makes her already dry mouth a desert but she sips at it anyway, lets the sweetness coat her tongue and throat as she tries to focus on anything other than the heat rolling off his body.

"You ready?" He asks, thumb hovering over the PLAY button.

Kate nods, shoulder brushing his and her wine glass cradled against her chest. She slips off her shoes and pulls one leg up underneath her on the couch, her bent knee resting against his thigh.

"More than."

The roar of thunder startles her head off his shoulder as the credits start to roll on the first movie. Castle looks at her, a slow, easy smile spreading across his lips. Almost against her will, Kate's chin dips toward her chest, her hair falling in a protective curtain around her face.

Her lungs seize when the writing calloused pads of two fingers skim across her cheek, pushing her hair back behind her ear. His thumb hangs at the hinge of her jaw for a moment and then falls away, his hand landing on his thigh with a light smack. Castle stands and gathers the empty wine glasses. He heads for the kitchen and Kate twists at the waist to watch him go.

"Looks like it's getting pretty bad out there," he observes, nodding toward the large bay window.

Kate pushes herself up from the couch and pads toward the window on bare feet, her ballet flats abandoned underneath the coffee table. A chill seeps through the glass and she shivers, pulling the ends of her sleeves down over her hands. She wraps her arms around her middle, staring out at the rain washed streets below. Lighting flashes hot and fast across the sky, a forked tongue of pure electricity that makes the hair on the back of her neck come to attention.

The faucet shuts off in the kitchen and Castle comes to stand next to her at the window, hands shoved deep into the pockets of his jeans. Kate stares at his reflection in the glass, lingers on the tense line of his shoulders, the almost hard set of his jaw. Two feet separate them but suddenly it feels like a mile.

Unwrapping her arms, she reaches out for him, hooking her hand around the crook of his elbow. Castle doesn't move so she does, scooting over until the distance between them can be measured in inches. Her fingers trace circles on the soft skin inside his elbow and she lets her head fall to the side, her temple coming to rest against his bicep.

"I love the rain," Kate murmurs, reaching out with her free hand to touch the water-speckled glass. She races a raindrop down the window with the tip of her index finger, smiling at the rush of nostalgia that fills her chest. "We had a window seat in the living room when I was a kid. It was my favorite spot in the house. I'd spend hours curled up there, reading or doing my homework or napping. I especially loved it when it rained. I'd drag my pillow and blanket out of my bedroom and camp out, watching the rain pound against the glass."

"I do that," Castle says, his voice low. "In the Hamptons. There's a big bay window in my bedroom that faces out toward the ocean and sometimes I'll sit there when I can't sleep, watch the waves battle the shore."

The image comes to her unbidden. The two of them tangled up together on the window seat of his beach home bedroom, her wearing nothing but his shirt and him in boxers, his bare chest rumbling against her back as he reads to her. Oh god, how she wants it. Him.

"That sounds amazing," she says, tightening her grip on his arm.

Castle hums then falls quiet. They stand there, staring out the window, the driving rain the soundtrack to their silence. Kate holds her bottom lip captive with her incisors, uncertainty washing over her for the first time tonight. She came here thinking that this was the start of something but -

Was she wrong?

"Ready for the second half of our double feature?" She asks, plowing forward with their plan. Date or not - dear god, please let it be a date - she's enjoying spending time with him. Isn't ready for it to end yet.

"We can do it another night," Castle shrugs, dislodging her head from its home against his arm.

Kate moves back to look at him, her hand still grasping his elbow. A flash of lightning highlights his face, throws him into sharp relief for a moment. With a furrowed brow and his mouth drooping at the corners, he looks almost sad.

"Castle -"

"I should call you a car," he cuts in, shifting one hand from front pocket to back to retrieve his phone. "You'll never get a cab in this."

Swiftly, Kate grabs at his phone, disconnecting the call just as a tinny voice flows out of the speaker, announcing the name of the car company. No. She's not going to let him do this. Not now. Not again. Not after they almost lost everything before they ever even had it.

"Beckett -"

The sharp consonants of her surname slice at her, reopening the freshly healed wounds on her heart. Phone still clutched in her hand, Kate uses her grip on his arm to wheel herself around in front of him. Pushing up onto her toes, she presses her lips against his, hard and insistent. Castle starts, hands flying to her waist as he takes a step forward. His mouth goes soft underneath hers and Kate mewls, her body arching as his fingers fist in the fabric of her shirt.

Distantly, she hears the clatter of his phone as it hits the hardwood floor with a sickening crack. Her hands skim up his chest until she's clutching at his shoulders, pulling herself closer. A damp patch on the front of his shirt, a souvenir from washing the wine glasses, presses against her stomach where her shirt has ridden up and she shudders, her nervous system overwhelmed.

Castle releases her waist with one hand, reaching up to cup the back of her head, fingers sifting through her hair. He groans when she sucks on his bottom lip, hips jerking. Castle breaks away from her with a wet pop, his nose pressed to her cheek and chest heaving.

"Kate," he rumbles, his breath spilling like coffee down the side of her neck, warm and rich. "What are we doing? What is this?"

What is this? It's what it's always been. It's -

"Everything," she whispers, her thumb stroking into the hollow at the base of his throat. "This is everything."

The window feels like ice against her shoulder blades when he backs her into it, his mouth hovering above hers, taunting her with its nearness. Kate cranes her neck, her lips open and seeking, but he pulls back, hands gripping her biceps to hold her away from him.

"You need to be sure," he husks, staring down at her with fathomless blue eyes. "One hundred percent certain. Because I'm not-" He pauses and her heart lurches. He's not sure? "I'm not going to wake up tomorrow morning and pretend this didn't happen, Kate."

The tips of her hair rustle against her shoulders as she shakes her head, fast and hard. His eyelids flutter when she reaches up to cup his cheek and Kate feels her heart break for him, this wonderful, giving, patient man.

"No more pretending," she assures him, her voice as strong as her pulse. She's not going to give him any reason - any more reason - to doubt her. "No more waiting. Just this." She slides her hand from his cheek down to his chest, coming to rest over the steady thump of his heart. "Us."

His hand protects the back of her head from cracking against the window when he swoops down to take her mouth, hungry and demanding. His tongue swirls against her lips and heat flares inside her chest, her heart on fire with what he makes her feel. Kate pushes up onto her toes again, desperate for more. More of his mouth and his hands and the wide expanse of his chest. More of his heat and his passion and his love. More of him. That's all she needs.

Just him.

Kate pushes herself off the window and steps forward, backing him up into the living room. They stumble through the maze of his furniture, mouths and hands never at rest. He breathes her name into the side of her neck, sucking hard on her pulse as they cross over the threshold from his office to his bedroom.

"Are you-"

"Don't ask me again," Kate rasps, her fingers slipping under the hem of his t-shirt and tracing over his quivering abdomen.

They stumble to a stop when the backs of her knees hit the edge of the bed. Lightning flashes outside the window when she breaks away from him, her hands slipping out from under his shirt and moving to her own. Castle watches her with an expression of pure awe as she grips the already rucked up hem and tugs, pulling the fabric up and over her head. She lets the shirt fall to the floor and climbs onto the bed, eyes never leaving his.

Holding out a hand, she beckons him. He comes to her easily, dropping a series of tiny, wet kisses to her mouth as he lowers her down onto the mattress. A hand skates down her naked side and Kate gasps, back bowing.

They need to talk. She knows they need to talk. About so many things. But right now, all she wants is to feel. The splay of his hand across her ribs, the impossible softness of his lips on her collarbone, the erotic yet comforting weight of his body, pressing her down into his sinfully soft bed.

The storm rages, driving rain and whipping wind and rolling thunder. They ride it out the way they know works best, the only way they'll face anything from now on. Together.

She wakes alone.

Brushing the tangle of her hair away from her face, Kate sits up in the bed, sheet clutched to her naked chest. She closes her eyes and reminds herself to breathe. She's in his bed, at his home. He didn't leave her.

The flush of a toilet followed by the squeak of a faucet and a rush of running water comes out of the darkness somewhere to her left. Kate releases a shaky sigh and turns her head toward the sound. The water cuts off and she relaxes back down onto the bed, spreading her hair out over the pillow.

He didn't leave her.

Kate hears a thump and a whispered curse and then the shadows start to move. She watches, fingers pressed to her smile, as the vague outline of her partner becomes solid, until he emerges from the darkness, limping a little and gloriously nude.

"Do you want me to kiss your owie and make it better?" Kate asks, laughing when Castle jumps, a high pitched yelp escaping from his gaping mouth.

"Yeah, yeah," he huffs, pulling back the sheet and sliding into the bed. He rolls onto his side to face her, head pillowed on his bicep. "Laugh at my pain."

Kate turns toward him, pressing the full length of her naked body against his. "I'd be happy to distract you from it," she mewls and Castle groans low in his throat, one massive hand reaching down to grab her ass.

"You've been distracting me all night," he hums, his nose brushing along the side of hers. "I barely paid attention to the movie. All I could think about was you and how you felt pressed against me on the couch."

Kate brushes a kiss against the corner of his mouth, her heart fluttering like a wild bird inside the cage of her ribs. She traces her fingers over the scruffy line of his jaw, feels the way his adam's apple bobs against her thumb when he swallows. "Yeah?"

Castle nods. "It's a good thing I've seen that movie at least half a dozen times before."

"Me too," she says, shifting her leg up over his thigh. "I was trying to remember dating etiquette on how long you're supposed to wait before you go in for the kiss."

Castle pulls back, eye wide and lips curling into a smug grin. "We were on a date?"

Kate rolls her eyes. "You knew that."

He shrugs. "I guess I always thought you'd be wearing something a little more in the way of a little black dress on our first date. Or at least your sexiest pair of heels. Those red ones with the -"

She swallows his words with her kiss, pressing him over onto his back. Castle's hands skate up and down her bare back as she drapes herself across him. Her hips rock and he moans into her mouth, fingers curling into the rounded curve of her ass. Her name is a benediction on his tongue, awed and reverent.

"I told you," she whispers, her lips at his ear and chest pressed to his, bare and unprotected. "I didn't need them."

Your thoughts and comments are always appreciated.

Gigantic thanks to Kate for the cheerleading and proof reading and brain storming. Wouldn't have gotten this done without you.