-S/K/R friendship, kinda-PTSD-

-Set post KHII-spoilers through the final boss-

No matter the day, Sora meets it with a smile.

On the days Riku sits and broods in his corner and doesn't say a word to anyone, Sora's the one who sits next to him, smiling, waiting for as long as it takes until Riku cracks and finally looks at him.

On the days Kairi wakes up crying after another nightmare where Sora disappeared in a flash of light and Riku fell back into darkness, he's the one who notices her red eyes and cheers her up with a corny joke and a goofy grin.

He knows that everything that has happened has changed every one of them.

Riku's become quieter, somewhat less competitive, and has developed an aversion to shadows. He and Sora still tease each other mercilessly, stage mock battles (though Sora knows it's more to stay in practice than anything else), and race each other across the beach for the ten thousandth time, but Riku is different, and no one can deny it.

Kairi will occasionally stare off into the sky, biting her lip as memories replay in her mind. As soon as she snaps out of it, she'll grab Sora and Riku and nearly suffocate the two of them, but Sora knows she's just happy that they're all together again. She's started insisting that the three spend even more time together, and if for some reason Sora sleeps in and doesn't contact her by 10 o'clock, she races over to his house and forcibly drags him to the island while Riku laughs.

Sora tries to act the same, but he's sure Kairi and Riku notice the little differences. His smile is as wide as ever, he still acts like an idiot and receives multiple eye rolls every day, but there's a maturity, a sense of seriousness he feels that hasn't gone away since his return. Occasionally, he'll stare off into the sunset with Riku and Kairi by his side, and Sora feels a heavy weight settle itself on his shoulders as his breath quickens, because the memories won't stop, won't leave him alone, won't let him relax, and sometimes he even has to pinch his arm to make sure that this isn't a dream, that he's not going to wake up to another Heartless attack, back on the chase for Ansem or Xemnas.

And it took Sora a long time to get used to not being constantly on alert. For the first couple months back home, he'd summon his Keyblade and race to confront the slightest rustle in the bushes, only to smile apologetically at the neighbor's cat and shrug off Riku's ribbing.

He's still jumpy, even though it's been months since he and Riku defeated Xemnas.

Sora's become so high strung that all it takes it Riku jumping out from around the corner to make him fly about seven feet in the air. Riku and Wakka take turns doing this all the time, and through the laughs they don't notice that he's a second away from summoning his Keyblade and stabbing his best friends, but They're not Heartless, they're not Heartless, there's no more Heartless. Sora laughs it off and tries to calm his racing heart, though his fingers itch for the familiar weight of the Kingdom Key, but he pushes it down—They're not Heartless.

He thinks Riku and Kairi must not notice how the bags under his eyes are getting larger by the day because Sora doesn't sleep, can't sleep, not any more. When night comes, every sound he hears echoes around his dark room and sounds like a Nobody, and every rustle outside is a new enemy, and everything inside of him screams that if he closes his eyes they'll come, they'll attack, yellow eyes glowing in the dark.

And if Sora does sleep, he dreams, and dreaming is always of falling again, falling further and further into the gaping darkness, the light slowly shrinking away until it's out of reach, and it's of being lost in the dark without his friends as the too-familiar sounds of Heartless chase him further into the shadows, and Sora jerks awake, choking on the screams bottled up in his throat, Keyblade swinging, slashing the enemy that's not there. So he'll get up once he stops shaking and pace the room, on guard for any threat, but he's not going to sleep, because if he sleeps, he's afraid he won't wake up again, just like before, and Sora doesn't want to wake up and realize he's been asleep for a year, not again, not again.

So he paces.

He wonders why they don't notice.

Keep pacing.

Do they even notice anything about him anymore?

Don't close your eyes.

Maybe they don't want to look past his smile.

Keep pacing.

The mantra of 'Keep pacing, don't close your eyes, keep pacing' runs around Sora's head all night until he sees the sun start to grace the sky with its presence and his parents start stirring from sleep.

Sora starts doing everything that he can to keep himself awake. His family runs out of coffee three times faster than usual, because a cup is always in his hand. He forces his window closed shut even when his room becomes sweltering. And on the nights that Sora, Kairi and Riku hang out on the island all day and sleep on the warm sand till sunrise, he has to force himself to sit up after the other two have fallen asleep, sometimes pacing quietly, sometimes just gazing out at the soothing waves, and every time it gets harder to stay awake. Every night is punctuated with more and more periods where he lets his eyes slip shut only to snap into awareness what feels like seconds later, Keyblade swinging, gasping for breath, convinced that he's being attacked.

It all comes to a head when Sora's hanging out with Kairi and Riku on the island one day and he somehow lets the calming sound of waves and the rhythmic swaying of the palm branches over his head lure him to sleep. Next thing Sora knows, something is shaking his shoulder, and his every nerve screams "Enemy!" and he flies up, Keyblade swinging, eyes wide and panic freezing his veins. Sora's weapon is stopped with a clang, and the blurs of red and silver filling his vision eventually smooth out into the faces of Riku and Kairi. Riku has his eyebrows low over his eyes, it's his Keyblade that has blocked Sora's, and Sora hears vaguely that he's telling him to calm down. Sora's gaze switches to Kairi, who was pushed out of the way by Riku and is lying on the sand, confusion in her eyes.

It clicks in his brain then, no enemies, and Sora realizes, horrified, that he nearly decapitated his best friends. The Kingdom Key falls into nothingness, and Sora bursts up, babbling apologies a mile a minute, helping Kairi up from where she'd fallen, trying not to let his panic show. He runs shaky hands through his hair and tries to calm his racing heart, as his mind slowly retreats from the adrenaline-fired nightmare. Sora sees that Riku and Kairi are sharing a concerned look, but is too busy attempting to get his breathing back to normal and stop his hands from trembling to really notice.

"Hey," Kairi begins, eyes locked on Sora's. He tries to grin, but the worry in her eyes doesn't encourage him that he succeeded.

Riku, however, interrupts her before she can finish. "Just take the time to really wake up before you start swinging your Keyblade next time," Riku tells Sora, a note of acceptance in his voice. His friend's eyes are smiling even if his mouth isn't, and Sora grins thankfully back. Getting Kairi's focus off of him for even a second helps to calm the adrenaline still buzzing in his ears, and he's immeasurably more grateful when Riku suggests a quick swim before they all head back to the mainland. Sora's agreement is so swift that it causes Kairi's eyes to narrow in suspicion, but it is forgotten when Riku throws her bodily into the ocean, shrieking, and Sora laughs, only to be pushed in moments later. As they engage in the usual race, Sora feels Riku's eyes on him more than usual, and he thinks it might be concern in his eyes. Kairi seems to have wiped the incident from her mind, and Sora is able to forget about it and keep himself awake in the cold water, laughing with Riku and Kairi till the sun hits the horizon and the three finally sail back to the mainland.

They part cheerfully, but Sora is painfully aware of the suppressed concern in Kairi's eyes and how both her and Riku's gaze linger on his back when he walks away, hands behind his head as the fading sunlight gives way to twilight.

That night is the worst one that Sora has experienced since returning to Destiny Islands.

The nightmares start off the same, just falling, reaching in vain for the distant light while darkness slowly swallows him, only that time it doesn't end there. That time his friends are there, screaming, as the yellow eyes creep closer and the shadow consumes everything Sora's ever known, and his veins fill with icy fear. He can only listen to his friends' screams and dread what waits at the end of his fall, slowly suffocating. It feels like an eternity before Sora snaps awake, and the blanket around him gets tangled in his flailing limbs as he jerks upright, heart freezing and lungs heaving, Keyblade up to challenge the empty shadows.

Needless to say, the Keywielder doesn't get any sleep after that. The hours blend into eternities, the minutes ticking by like physical weight. Sometimes Sora gets transfixed with the little red hand on his clock as it slowly passes the seconds by, and others he gets stuck watching the sky out the window, stars winking and flashing cheerily. But most of the night, he huddles in the corner, Keyblade resting across his knees as the cold metal warms, eyes flicking back and forth, frantic in the search for movement. He almost has a heart attack every time an extra-strong breeze rustles his curtains or clouds obscure the moon for too long.

But the sun rises eventually, slowly banishing the shadows. Once it's up, it seems to speed into the sky incredibly fast, and suddenly, the light is glinting off the blade Sora hasn't released all night into his eyes, and his mom is calling him to breakfast.

Before Sora knows it, he's back at the beach, Riku and Kairi at his side. Nothing feels different. Exhaustion still weighs across his shoulders, heavier than any stone, and Sora has to constantly shake himself to keep the sleep away. The beach is warm and sunny, the waves blue and endless, so far away from the mainland that he feels alone in the wide world, and for a moment, he can remember what it was like all that time ago, lounging around this same beach with Riku and Kairi, scheming of the raft and the unknown places they'd go, those which hung just over the horizon and promised infinite adventures.

Sora has experienced adventure now. It's not a fairy tale anymore. It's not a joyous, exciting race to the finish where the only failure possible was losing to Riku. Adventure is the agonizing wait between battles, the mind-boggling problems which, despite what Sora's teachers told him, don't always have a nice, neat answer. Adventure is the harsh reality that not all his friends are there to joke around with at the end of the day, the truth that heroes don't always win. What Sora wouldn't give for that fantasy to have any meaning to him again.

The dark thoughts stew in his head as the sun traces its course across the perfect sky, but he doesn't think that Kairi and Riku notice anything. They don't act any different than they did yesterday, anyway, and even the weighty glances which his best friend had turned on him have disappeared. Sora's not sure if that hurts or not.

To oppose the way the night before had dragged on endlessly, the day seems to fly by as though anxious to leave, and it seems like a bare hour before the sunset has begun, and Sora's sitting on the paopu tree again, with his friends at his side, faced with the inescapable night which he knows will contain his inevitable slide into sleep, only to be woken by the drifting nightmares of the adventure which was nothing like he'd thought it'd be.

But the sun still sinks, oblivious to his desperate wishes for its dalliance, evidently deaf to the pleas Sora doesn't voice, because it is much easier to stay awake when he can stare into the blinding sun to keep himself from drifting off.

To his surprise, Riku and Kairi make no move to go back to the boats. It appears that this will be another one of those nights when they all stay on the island, dozing and talking about nothing as the night passes, and Sora sighs inwardly. He can't look suspicious or paranoid in front of them. He has to wait until they fall asleep to start pacing or pinching himself to stop his eyes closing, and that could be hours away. Already, even with the last vestiges of the sun barely gone, his eyelids are drooping, whispering lies that maybe he won't have nightmares this time, that maybe he might actually be able to sleep. Sora doesn't believe them.

The moon is high in the sky, stars flashing in endless constellations, but Kairi and Riku are still wide awake. Sora's seen Kairi yawn a couple times, but neither of them have shown any signs of nodding off, yet Sora has almost allowed his head to slide down to sleep more times than he cares to count. Somewhere along the line, the three had moved from the uncomfortable tree to the soft, cooling sand, and the movement did not help his battle to shake off weariness.

It has to be past midnight when Riku finally says something.

"Go to sleep, Sora."

Every inch of his body is begging him to comply, listen to his friend for once, but something deep inside Sora freezes with the notion. He refuses to acknowledge that the feeling is fear. "Huh? I'm good. Though Kairi should probably—"

"Sora." Riku's voice is hard, cutting off Sora's vague attempts to divert his focus. His eyes move to Sora's, their teal depths steady, not accusatory. They're almost understanding, but it's not the fake-understanding that his parents gaze at him with sometimes, the one that says "I don't really get it but I pity you." This gaze is piercing, but the main thing that Sora comprehends is that it feels like Riku's actually seeing him. Not looking through him, or glancing at his fake smile. In that instant, Sora knows that he knows that he hasn't been sleeping. And when Sora glances at Kairi, he sees the same expression in her kind violet eyes. They have noticed him.

The relief strips him of whatever strength was keeping him tense. Sora sags, unable to hold either of their gazes. Although the fact that they have actually been paying attention to him is a stark joy against the exhaustion dragging his limbs down, it's not enough to overwhelm the surging fear which rises within him every time Sora thinks of the dreams which he knows will come. It is a relief to know that they do see him, but really, what does it change? He still can't sleep without being haunted by the nightmares.

The silence stretches, with Sora refusing to meet either of his friends' eyes, keeping his gaze fixed on the ground for as long as he can stand it, until finally he glances up, first at Kairi. She's still looking at him kindly, waiting for an answer to Riku's request.

"I can't."

The words hurt him, somehow. It took a lot of effort to get them out in the air, but now that they are, Sora can't help but look back at the sand, shame welling within his stomach as he unconsciously huddles closer in to himself. For a second, when he blinks, he sees them again, yellow eyes flashing closer and closer with every passing moment. When he opens his eyes, the Heartless are gone, replaced with the white sand of the beach.

"Why not?" Kairi's voice asks, after a long pause. "Sora?" When Sora doesn't respond, she prompts him. "Why can't you sleep?"

The Keywielder is barely able to drag his eyes up to hers, even for a moment. Riku's gaze is just as hard to meet, and finally he just gives up the attempt, letting his head drop back down towards the sand. Still, he can't answer. Now that Sora finally knows that they know, keeping his false front up is impossible, and yet telling them seems impossible too.

They don't push, but somehow that just makes everything worse. How can they stand this silence? This heavy, expectant silence? It grates on his nerves until finally, it becomes worse than his reservations. "Heartless."

Sora doesn't look up, but he feels Riku and Kairi tense at the word. He thinks that they might've replied had he not continued, because now that he's started, the words fumble up with an urgency he hasn't felt in months. "Every night, I fall asleep and they're everywhere, and I forget that we've defeated Xemnas and we're all safe and then…" The words stop just as suddenly. How can he explain the way his heartbeat chokes him, rising up in his throat as memories claw around his head, how Sora's nerves won't calm for hours and hours and shadows morph into black figures when he turns his head only to change back to normalcy when he looks closer?

He flinches when Kairi places a soft hand on his arm, and he is ashamed when he tenses and prepares to summon the Kingdom Key subconsciously. Her gaze isn't so hard to meet now, now that Sora sees that it's full of gentle acceptance, not accusation or pity. "It's okay."

The breath he releases is half relief, half disbelief. How can it be okay when he can't relax, hasn't felt his heart slow to anything close to normal in weeks? How can it be okay when sleep dogs him like a shadow, threatening the nightmares of could-have-beens? How can anything be okay?

She squeezes Sora's arm slightly, and smiles slightly. "You don't have to stay on-guard, okay? Me and Riku aren't going anywhere."

Her words strike him like blows. He understands them, and despite the protests which spring immediately to his lips, almost believes them. A quick glance at Riku shows that he's copying Kairi's grin, though Riku's gaze is a little darker. He understands what Sora is talking about, Sora thinks, more than Kairi does. "Sora, you need to sleep," He says after a minute. "Regardless of the nightmares."

It takes a long second after that before the silence is broken again, Sora's mind slowly tumbling through the words, and their understanding expressions. To sleep is to live through the nightmares, but to not sleep is a nightmare in and of itself. His insides shrink as he blinks, and again, yellow eyes seem to rise up out of the darkness.

Kairi squeezes his arm again. "We're not going anywhere," She gestured at the empty beach, the endless sky, the moon still sitting right in the middle of the stars.

Sora has to think again, for a long moment, exhaustion warring with fear. It's a strange combination, like adrenaline speeding his heart while drowsiness slugs his veins. Finally, something gives inside of him. Slumping further down, Sora sighs, then shakes his head, once.

"You guys planned this all along, didn't you?"

He doesn't look up, but he hears them laugh.

Sora winds up against a still-cooling stone, Kairi close to his left and Riku leaning against a nearby wall. Kairi had evidently only been staying awake so she and Riku could confront Sora, and has fallen asleep before Sora got the courage to relax. Slowly, ever so slowly, Sora lets his eyes drift to the motion of the waves, then slide shut, and sleep comes for him faster than a speeding train.

What feels like seconds later, Sora's heart leaps into his throat, and Kingdom Key appears in a flash, and he's scrambling up, wildly scanning his calm surroundings for slinking white figures. He's met only with Riku, who raises an eyebrow at him once he's stopped stumbling forward.

"Still no Nobodies," he says, and there's no tone of judgement in his voice.

Sora drags a deep breath in, and lets his Keyblade disappear. "Thanks," he says, after a moment, hoping Riku will know it's for more than the unnecessary placation.

Riku smiles slightly back at him. "Still night left," he points out, glancing at the moon which has only moved higher along its course.

In response, Sora nods. He pulls another breath into his lungs, then another, feeling his heart ever so slowly calm and settle back in its rightful place. Riku doesn't make a sound as Sora calms down, doesn't even move from his position. Sora realizes that Riku can see the whole beach from where he sits. Almost like he's on watch for the nonexistent enemies haunting Sora's mind. A rush of gratitude fills him again, but so does suspicion. "You have them too," Sora states, and Riku doesn't even blink. "Nightmares," he clarifies, needlessly.

A long second passes, and Sora thinks he won't respond, but his best friend does. "Yeah."

It's an almost rueful smile that turns Sora's lips, but it's one that feels sincere. There isn't really an appropriate response to that, so the silence remains, as Sora prepares himself to ward of sleep again, automatically, before realizing that that is opposite of the whole point of Riku and Kairi staying out here with him.

"She does too, you know."

Sora starts, but looks at the sleeping Kairi. He nods. "Guess we're all still getting over our 'adventure'."

Riku huffs a laugh, and Sora sees that he shakes his head. "Nothing like what we planned, huh?"

Another real grin rises to Sora's mouth. "Nope."

It took a moment, but more words come, and Sora actually means them. "Wouldn't change it."

He feels Riku's gaze laser onto him, and Sora looks up at him, still grinning.

"It was worth all this?"

Sora does think before answering him. Meeting all his great friends, seeing all the amazing places out there, learning all of those lessons… Worth the nightmares?

"Yeah."

Riku smiles back. "Maybe it was."

Sucking in one last big breath, Sora rubs a hand over his eyes, then heads back to his previous position. The rock is cool now, but the sand is still comfortable, and the sound of the sea is soothing and familiar. He settles down, near Kairi's warm form, and just looks out at the island for a minute. Their island. Where it all began. More familiar to him than his own home.

He's still thinking about it as sleep calls to him again, and softly pulls him, unresisting, under the comfort of rest.

~fin~

...

A/N: I don't know, I've never written fluff before-is that fluff? I don't even know what that ending is. It's horrible, that much I know.
I am totally not satisfied with this, but I am tired of staring at these words, so here, have some SoKaiRi friendship, because I can and I am procrastinating on both my schoolwork and my multi-chapter.
Possibly OOC, so sorry if anything seems off-I honestly can't remember when I started this and it's been months of revisions and changes before I was okay with the beginning and then the rest just kind of fell into place. It might seem a little disconnected too, but...
.

I will probably come back later with an edited version of this, but if you see anything that needs fixing, let me know.

Thanks for reading! :)