Unacceptable Behaviour

Tomoki loses his sister in the woods.

He finds her again near the spring through which a stream flows, that if you were to follow it you would find the lake, the canoes and the cabins. This morning, they had woken up to a strange drizzle which, in the presence of the sun, faded as if recalling its promise of a scorching summer.

Hiding behind thick trees is his sister among a crowd of unfamiliar faces. They look like they are having fun, and Tomoki's first thought is that Tomoko must be getting along with them. He is about to turn away when his body freezes—Who is he kidding? This is his sister he is talking about.

He squints at the group and makes out two figures: Nemoto and the older Okada. Beside them, not so surprisingly, is Kiyota. In the back of his mind, he recalls Kirito telling him that this camping site is the hottest holiday spot for high schoolers this summer. That would explain why everyone is here.

A girl on the other side of Nemoto steps forward, and Tomoki knows her from his homeroom. Upon further inspection, he can see that Kiyota and Nemoto look highly uncomfortable. There are three faceless girls and they are surrounding Tomoko. One of them laughs, a high-pitched sort of sound, and shoves Tomoko backwards. Kiyota steps forward, a knee-jerk reaction, but instead of helping his sister out, Kiyota steps back and shoves his fists into his pockets.

"Look," Kiyota raises his voice, turning to the girls that aren't his friends, "I didn't tell you that Tomoko-chan's here so you can push her around."

"But even you want to know the truth, don't you?" the girl snaps.

"No, I don't."

Nemoto steps in. "I don't think we should force Tomoko-chan to tell us anything she doesn't want to—"

"Akira's been crying for weeks!" wails another girl. "This cow stole Tomoki-kun from her! Akira's even refused to come camping because she's too busy being miserable."

All the while, Tomoko is hugging herself with her head bowed. Her back is hunched over and that's all Tomoki can see of her. He can't tell what she's thinking.

"How's that Tomoko's fault?" Kiyota says. "You can't assign blame like that."

"And why not?" The girl turns around to glare at Tomoko. "It's your idea isn't it? To hide the fact that you two are dating, so other girls think they have a chance? You're a cold-hearted cow, you know that?"

Anger flares inside Tomoki. He's just about to step out when Tomoko all but yells, "It's not like that! Tomoki and I aren't—"

"Aren't what? Now you're gonna say you two aren't dating? You're not only a cow but a liar as well!"

"I-I never said that we were dating," Tomoko cries. "Isn't it your fault for assuming that we're dating and then running away to weep about it?" She begins to back away. "How is…how is it even my fault? How was I supposed to know what's going on inside your brains? You and your friends…you've been trying to hurt me and all your plans backfired, didn't it? That's because Tomoki is always going to choose me over you!"

Tomoki freezes. Oh hell, no… She's going to tell them that they're related. That's just going to make things worse. In a haste of panic, Tomoki springs out from behind the tree.

They all turn to stare at him, white with shock.

It only takes one look at Tomoko's teary face to know what she's thinking. She is crying, but not because she's frail or weak. She is angry. She's angry and she has no idea what to do with that anger. She has to let it out one way or another.

"Tomoki," she breathes out. There is relief in her eyes but also fear.

Tomoki grabs her and pulls her towards him before she can do anything stupid. He would have covered her mouth with his hands given the choice. Instead, he hooks his arm around her shoulders and glares at the rest.

"Soccer Kuroki," Kiyota says. "We were just—"

"I know what you were doing," Tomoki snaps. "I trust you around Tomoko and you let these people bully her?"

Kiyota flinches. "It's not like that."

"That's exactly what it looks like to me," he says. "I thought you are her friend? I thought you like her?"

"Tomoki—" Kiyota looks at him pleadingly.

"It's Kuroki-san to you," he spits.

"Tomoki," his sister whispers. She's clinging onto him. He can feel her nails digging into his arm. "They were just asking me some questions. I can handle this on my own."

"Like hell you can, crying like an idiot. C'mon, we're leaving."

"Wait, Kuroki-kun," says the girl on the side with too much lip-gloss. "Your girlfriend's been telling us that you aren't her boyfriend. Is that true?"

Another girl quips, "So are you two going out or what?"

Tomoki opens his mouth and closes it.

"Now that I think about it…neither of you ever said anything about dating," the older Okada suddenly says. "What's the deal with the two of you anyway?"

"Ahyaka…" Nemoto says uncomfortably. "It's not our business…"

"What? I can't be curious?" says Okada. "I don't really care either way. It's true that my little sister's been crying over soccer Kuroki, but it's her own fault for falling for a taken man."

"How can you say that? She's your sister," says the girl with too much lip-gloss. She turns back to Tomoki and says quietly, "Look, all we want is to hear it directly from you. Can't you just tell us? My best friend's a mess because of you. Don't you think you owe us an explanation?"

"They don't owe you anything," Kiyota says.

"Stop sticking your nose where it doesn't belong!"

"Aren't you the one who's been shoving your nose in Kuroki's business all this time?"

Tomoko tugs at his arm, murmuring, "Tomoki, we should just tell them…"

His mind is racing like a derailed train. He can't think properly. What is he going to do? If he tells them the truth, things will never be the same ever again. Everyone will know that they're related, how will that affect him? Not only that, all this time, everybody thought that they are going out, it wouldn't be right to confess now. Goddamn it, everything is such a mess! He scrunches his eyes shut. His head throbs like someone's hammered nails into it.

"Alright then…" he can hear his sister say under her breath. She sounds sad for some reason.

Before he can question what she means, he feels a determined tug on the front of his shirt and her thumb over his mouth. Tomoki snaps open his eyes, shocked, when Tomoko tip-toes and puts her mouth to the back of her thumb.

Their surrounding has gone silent.

Tomoki can't focus on anything else but Tomoko's closed eyes and the concentrated frown between her eyebrows. Her hand on his face is trembling, and when he lifts his own to touch her cheek, he can feel a streak of tear, cool against his fingers.

His head is swimming by the time he shuts his eyes again, bending down to accommodate her height. When Tomoko makes a small noise of surprise, Tomoki loses all the control over his motor skills. His body moves on its own, brushing her thumb away and kisses her square on. He knows he is making a mistake even as he locks his fingers around the nape of her neck and the other arm around her waist.

He feels his lips begin to move. He pulls Tomoko closer, and her arms fall onto his shoulders. When her hands brush against his neck, the contact sends small sparks rushing through his veins.

"Wait, Tomoki—" she breathes his name, pulling away to look at him. There is unspoken confusion in her eyes, and her cheeks are flushed from heat and embarrassment. It's almost endearing, Tomoki thinks and kisses her again.

This time, he makes an encouraging sound to get her to reciprocate, and she does. Tomoko hesitantly moves her lips against his own, and he experiences the rare feeling of having his most desperate wish fulfilled. All sense is lost when their teeth click.

This is the twisted part of him he's forced himself to forget.

With that thought, he jerks away with a gasp, breathless. His eyes snap open and he stares at Tomoko who returns it, her emerald eyes wide with shock and—and something else.

The truth of what he's just done begins to sink in, and he feels shame wash over him. That was absolutely inappropriate, not something of which he would have considered himself capable. He feels like someone dirty and grotesque. But the truth slaps him across the face when Tomoko squirms out of his arms, and he feels that irrational urge to pull her back, pull her close, never let her go.

He wants this.

His sister's face is red, and she doesn't meet his eyes. She looks like she's going to break into tears at any moment.

Tomoki feels disgusting and disconnected from the world.

This is why they can't be family, this is why Tomoki doesn't deserve people's admiration, this is why he's done all he can to be as far away from his sister as possible. He isn't afraid of becoming like Tomoko at all. He is afraid what being near her would do to him.

He swallows painfully, trying to find his voice.

"Are you happy?" he says, his voice comes out hoarse and sounds far away.

He turns to face the crowd, and does all he can to avoid Kiyota's presence, the one person who is aware of the truth, the one with the right to judge. All eyes are on Tomoki, and he feels exposed and the most vulnerable he's ever been in his entire life.

"You've got your answer. Now, go to Hell," Tomoki says. He turns on his heels and stalks off. He doesn't wait for his sister, he cannot face her right now. He just can't.

"Wait, Tomoki," she calls after him, and he can hear her footsteps struggling through the woods. He doesn't look back. "Little brother, wait."

Tomoki feels sick.

"I said wait!"

He stops on the outskirts of the woods, on the edge of a dwindling dirt path that would lead them to the camping site. It's noon and there is no one around.

Tomoko catches up to him, breathless and sweating. "You shouldn't have done that."

"Done what?" he asks numbly.

Tomoki can no longer feel his face, his body, not even his voice. Everything seems so distant, even his sister. He can't bare to look at her.

"Kiss me," she says.

Tomoki's heart jackrabbits. "What?"

"I mean that—" she sucks in a deep breath, "—you shouldn't have kissed me."

"Wasn't it you who kissed me first?" he asks, his voice coming out harsher than he cares to admit, defensive in nature.

"Yes, but—"

"But what?" He can feel unexplainable anger brew within him. "That was disgusting. Did you think I enjoyed it? What were you trying to do? You can't just go around kissing people like that."

Tomoko frowns. She opens her mouth and closes it.

"But you—"

"What's Kiyota going to think? You two were getting along so well, now he's going to think you're gross. Why did you have to land yourself in that mess?" Tomoki says. He's breathing hard. His mouth and his heart ache. He knows he isn't being fair. "Kiyota will stop being your friend now that you went and ruin everything! And those girls, they'll tell everyone that we kissed. Can't you see it'll be a big problem once they find out that we're related?"

"What?" Tomoko says aghast. "I did it because you weren't planning on telling them that we're related! And I was faking it, but you—"

Tomoko barks out a dry laugh. "You think they wouldn't know? With that stupid fake kiss you did—"

"But I did it for you! The look on your face when I suggested that we tell them the truth…" There are tears in her eyes, and her body begins to tremble. "You're the one who's ashamed of having me for a sister. You went out of your way to make people think that we— I only did what you— You'd rather we kiss than admit that we're family!"

"Nobody would want a freak like you as family!"

Even as Tomoki shouted it, he knew he'd gone too far.

Tomoko looks extremely hurt. He hasn't been expecting it when she suddenly punches him hard across the face. Pain explodes around his jaw, and he scrunches his eyes shut, seeing white. As he doubles over, she hits him again. This time, on the shoulder, but it's weak and her hand is shaking.

"What an asshole," she tells him.

When he opens his eyes again, she is already gone.

:::::

Tomoki's a hazard, his heart is a liability.

It's dusk when he finds himself crouching by the river bank, poking at the soil with a twig, where just yesterday he and his sister were getting along fine: his sweaty handprint on the hip of her dress, the separate pulsing of heartbeats against his own, a rare genuine smile he might actually love if he dares to admit.

"I finally found you," says the voice of Yuichi from behind him.

Tomoki does not spare him a glance, does not acknowledge his presence. He is glad, though, that it is Yuichi who finds him, instead of Kirito and instead of that loud mouth Tatsuya.

"Kotomi-chan might send out a search party if you don't come back," Yuichi says, coming to stand by his side. "She made dinner."

Tomoki lets out a noncommittal grunt.

There is silence, broken by the flowing of the river, until Yuichi speaks again.

"I don't know about you, but I think her heart is in the right place," says Yuichi, and Tomoki is suddenly aware that he is no longer talking about Kotomi. "She only wanted to help, Tomoki. It's just unfortunate that good intentions don't always create the best outcome."

"What the hell are you on about?"

"Tomoko told me what happened. She's sorry."

"Couldn't tell me that herself could she?" he grouches.

"She's sorry that she's upset you, that she's been nothing but a burden to you. She's sorry you sacrificed a lot for her and in the end you seem to have come to a conclusion that she isn't worth the effort," Yuichi says. "Also, she made me promise not to talk to you about it."

"Aren't you a trustworthy one?" Tomoki says, dripping with sarcasm.

"Yes," replies Yuichi, unperturbed. "You shouldn't be so hard on your sister. She was only trying to help—"

"Her help always gets me into shitty situations," he says. "What she did was unacceptable. It was inappropriate and—and gross."

"She's your sister."

"That's why it makes me so angry—"

"Then don't be so angry about it, or I'll think you're just projecting," says Yuichi quietly.

"That I'm what?" Tomoki twists around to look up at Yuichi.

He looks down at him, his ever-serene expression now harbours a stern seriousness that is so unlike him.

"You are projecting, Tomoki," Yuichi says firmly. "You aren't really mad at her, are you? You're mad at yourself. You're the one who got yourself into this mess. By hiding the truth from us, you perpetuated those rumours. Your sister got caught in it because she went along with you."

Tomoki stares at the bank on the other side of the river. It's getting very dark now, and the cicadas are coming out. He tosses his twig into the river. It hits the surface silently and disappears around the bend, washed away by the tide of circumstance.

Good intentions don't always create the best outcomes. Yeah, that sounds about right in Tomoki's book. All he's done, all he's ever done is run away. To keep himself safe, keep her safe, keep the truth locked away behind layers and layers of lies, thoughtlessness… Slam the door in his sister's face, shove the responsibility to Kiyota, couple Tomoko off with someone he barely knows, keep her away from him, off his hands, out of his mind, locked away in the darkest, most terrible cavern in his heart.

Do not enter.

Yuichi asks, "How did you think it was going to end?"

"I wasn't thinking."

"Well, that explains it doesn't it?"

"Yeah, I suppose it does."

Tomoki tries to stay serious, but then they look at each other and Yuichi breaks into a fit of giggles. Tomoki's lips twitch and begins to laugh at him, at how girly his friend sounds.

"Come on, dinner is waiting," Yuichi says after they've calmed down. He pulls him onto his feet.

Tomoki dusts off his hands and shorts.

"You know, you're not the only one who's upset," says Yuichi gently. "You should talk to Tomoko about this."

"Yeah, I will."

::::::

When Tomoki returns to the tents, it is to the absence of his sister. Kotomi Komiyama flies to him with his dinner and accepts it with a quiet thanks. He joins Kirito and Tatsuya at their card game but gets distracted by the fact that Kosaka Fukushima is also missing.

"Where's your cousin, Tatsuya?" asks Tomoki.

Tatsuya looks up from his deck. "Hm? He went to the campfire near the lodgings."

"With Tomoko?"

"Yeah, they're getting along well, aren't they?"

At this, Kirito kicks Tatsuya. "No way in hell. I bet Tomoko is just too shy to refuse!"

"Please, you're just salty your four-eyed brother is going to lose to my cousin."

"No, I'm not!"

"Wanna bet?"

"You're on, dumbass."

"Nobody is placing any bets that involves my sister!" Tomoki squawks.

After a good fifteen minutes of quibbling, Tomoki excuses himself to the campfire. Yuichi gives him a silent nod. Tomoki has to apologise to his sister. Unsurprisingly, Kotomi tags along, trying to make conversations with him.

The noise of music and merrymaking grow louder the closer they are to the campfire. Tomoki hears the distinct sound of laughter and summer happiness. It makes his chest ache with a feeling he cannot quite place.

Just as they are about to reach the clearing, Kotomi tugs at his hand, a quiet Tomoki leaves her mouth. He turns around, ready to ask what she wants when Kotomi stands on her toes and pecks him on the cheek.

His hand flies up to his face where the contact lingers. Kotomi pulls away and flushes.

"I like you," she says.

Tomoki opens his mouth and then closes it. He swallows and tries again.

"I know," he says, and it's probably the worst thing to say in this kind of situation. His mind flashes back to Tomoko and the feeling of her lips on his, and the way he's kissed her back without a second thought. His heart thumps painfully and his stomach twists in a knot.

Tomoki looks towards the campfire. "I… I need to—I need to find my sister. Sorry." He ducks out of Kotomi's grasp and runs.

He can't afford to look back.