Hello! So, this, as hopefully the summary appropriately informs, is an AU Robin and Regina fic. It takes place in modern day, no magic (at least not the kind we're used to, lol), etc. The story, as you'll gather, is about Robin being a male, exotic dancer (yes, a stripper) and how Regina comes into contact with him and then go from there. The idea for this fic actually came from the song "Talking Body" by Tove Love.

There will be many, many characters involved in this story, either having a large part or a small mention. Couples that will be featured, aside from OutlawQueen, obviously, include Will/Anastasia, Cruella/Ursula (yes, as a romantic pairing), Rumple/Belle, Charming/Snow, Hook/Emma, as well as a few others sprinkled about. Also, you will see where some characters names have either been altered (to fit with a non-fairy tale universe) or have nicknames (spoiler alert: the strippers!) but I'll let you figure them out as you go, hopefully they are easy/make sense.

Disclaimer: This is something written purely for fun. I do not own "Once Upon A Time", nor "Talking Body", nor any of the other songs, movies, television shows mentioned in this or any future chapter.

Regina Mills doesn't hate men.

In fact, her love of men, well, one man, is the reason why she reached this point in her life, this decision about her life.

No love, no relationships, no men. Ever.

Her friends have told her this was a ridiculous notion. "Regina, you're too young to say you'll never be with someone again," Her friend, Greenlee, has insisted, ad-nauseum.

And it is true, Regina wouldn't deny that. She is only 28-years-old, some would argue that her best years were still ahead of her, plenty of time to find a new, in Green's words, "soulmate", have children, etc.

Regina knows better, though.

She already found a "soulmate", the great love of her life. His name had been Daniel.

They had met the first day of college, literally colliding at the packed orientation on the lawn outside of the university. She had muttered half-hearted apologies (after all, she was standing there, minding her business, waiting for Green to return with her much-needed cup of coffee when someone had fallen onto her, both tumbling to the ground), as she stood to her feet, but was rendered speechless when she looked at the perpetrator.

He had stolen her breath away. He was tall (6'2, to be exact), with a pale face that highlighted his navy-hued eyes. His hair was a similar dark-brown/nearly black color as hers, parted down the middle, spilling onto his forehead from both sides, giving him a boyish appearance, though it was clear Regina had just been knocked over by a man. Welcome to college, indeed, she had thought.

Daniel had looked positively panicked, apologizing earnestly, asking if she were okay, picking up her books and the several maps (something he would later tease her mercilessly about- "Who needs four copies of the same map?" He'd ask, and she'd respond, "Well one ended up being trampled by dozens of dirty sneakers, thanks to you, so it was good planning") she had procurred of the campus.

"It's fine, honestly. No harm done," Regina had managed to say, tripping over her words, too enamored by the beautiful male speciman in front of her.

Then he smiled, a wide, toothy grin, again making him look younger than a college freshman, but endearing all the same.

Regina immediately had known she could look at that smile, every day, for the rest of her life.

Unfortunately, fate had other ideas. The "rest of her life" only being a measley five years. Five years, 60 months, more than 1,500 days, back then, had seemed like a lifetime. She vividly remembers Green berating Daniel, "Almost five years you've been dating my best friend, put a ring on it, dude!" and her college roommate, Malese, bringing home stacks of bridal magazines, "He's going to ask you soon! You should start planning now!"

She had found herself dropping hints to Daniel, as well. She'd point out the duration of their relationship, the fact that they were already living together (Nothing fancy, a simple, one bedroom that they had rented shortly after their graduation), and both had steady jobs, he as a veterinary technician, she as a paralegal at a law firm, as she continued to go to school for her law degree.

Regina had been impatient, anxious. She loved him, he loved her- why wait?

If only she could have those days of waiting back, she thinks, bitterly, as she twirls the simple band she wears on her ring finger.

He didn't propose to her. He never got the chance.

It was late December, a particularly bad winter for Illinois and certainly for Chicago, and the adjoining, smaller municipal that Daniel and Regina lived in, when she received the phone call. Daniel's mother, Julianne, barely able to choke out the words. Accident. Heart. Gone.

He had skidded, his tires, the ones of his beloved Chevy Silverado 1500 that Regina had told him needed replacing, admitting defeat immediately, causing Daniel to lose even more control and the truck, ultimately, rolling down the small revene off the highway- the one he was driving on to get to Regina. For the "special" dinner she had insisted he come home for, early and quickly. Just a stupid lasagna. One that ended up crashing against the wall in a fit of anger and grief and guilt.

He had died before the paramedics had arrived. The crash, along with several other traumas to his body, had sent him into cardiac arrest and, without the proper help in the window of time that was necessary, it proved to be fatal.

Daniel had died, on the side of the expressway, with snow falling and the wind chill dwindling and Regina and her damn lasagna at home. And a ring box in his pants pocket.

They had turned over his belongings, the one that were both found on the scene that were salvagable and the personal effects he carried with him, to Julianne. She, in turn, a sweet, soft-spoken woman whom only stood at 5'2, that had accepted Regina without a thought when Daniel had taken her to his home for Thanksgiving, freshman year, who insisted Regina call her "Ma", just as Daniel did, gave the ring to Regina.

Apparently, it wasn't a secret. Daniel had purchased the ring (a simple, gold band, with small diamonds encrusted around it- looking more like a wedding band than an engagement ring, but still impressive for Daniel's meager salary) two weeks beforehand, with the help of Green and Mal and, for a fellow man's opinion, his best friend, David. He had planned to take her to the quad of Northwestern University, where they had first met.

Yes, she would have said. In a heartbeat. But she never had the option, the universe didn't even give her the choice of what her answer would have been.

"He knows what you would've said, Regina," Green had consoled her friend, Regina's head in her lap, stroking her hair as Regina sobbed for days after the accident.

It was at the funeral when Regina had made her decision. When she conceded to Julianne who, barely able to make it through her eulogy, asked for her to come say a few words about the man she loved.

It was remarkable that she had been able to do it. Even to this day, Regina can't quite recall what she said. Except at the end of her soliloquy, when she shakily pulled her ring- Daniel's ring - from where it hung on a chain, around her neck, next to her heart, and slipped it onto her finger (how Daniel should've slipped it on, after asking, "Will you marry me?" and she answering with a tearful, over-joyed "Yes!"), announcing that she would love Daniel forever, that not even death could sever that.

And since then, Regina has never given another man a glance or thought.

Sure, she'd admire an actor on a TV show, here and there, or become infatuated with a literary hero, on the off chance she had the time to pick up a book for pleasurable reading, but that was it.

She has refused the concept of dating, has scoffed at any of her male co-workers at the office, where she held the position of Assistant District Attorney, that had the gall to admire her frame when she bent over to retrieve a fallen file, and hadhas always politely turned away any man that tried to make conversation on the "Girl's Nights" that Green and Mal, along with David's wife, Mary Margaret, insisted upon each month, usually at an upscale bar or a mediocre resturant.

Her elder sister, Lena, who had married a furniture store mogul, Walsh, earlier in the year, had made the mistake of using her wedding to pimp Regina out to Walsh's former frat house buddies, resulting in the sisters still not being on speaking terms.

So when Green, as a suggestion for the next Girl's Night, said a male strip club, Regina couldn't help but howl with laughter.

"You can't be serious," Regina had said, shaking her head at her friend over their FaceTime conversation, "A strip club?"

"A male strip club," Green emphasized, though Regina's expression must have contorted to one of similar disgust because she followed it up with, "Don't look at me like that, Regina! It'll be fun!"

"For who?" Regina had scoffed, not quite believing the discussion she was involved in. Green was in, no way, a pure, angelic fairy, though her appearance could fool anyone. Creamy ivory skin, golden, blonde curls that she regularly wore away from her face, and full, round, emerald eyes, a contrast to her thin, pale lips that had, in the process of this conversation, curved into a smirk.

"Regina, this is perfect for you," The blonde insisted, "You just look! It's like when you watch Jon Snow on 'Games of Thrones'."

Well, that was a low blow. Regina made another concrete life decision- never tell Green any innermost desire or thought she had, ever again.

"Except Jon Snow doesn't grind on me."

"I bet you wish he would." This comment was followed by light, slim-shaped eyebrows wagging dramatically.

Regina groaned, exhausted from just the thought of the outting, let alone the actual event, "How did you even come up with this?"

"Ruby, you remember her, right?" Oh, yes, Regina remembered Ruby, quite well. She was the friend Green had made when the two worked at a small diner, off-campus, during college. Ruby, who shortened every skirt she bought to a length that barely reached her mid-thigh and who had large, bright red streaks throughout her waist-long, brunette locks. She was a nice girl, a I-can-drink-you-under-the-table-then-dance-on-it type of girl, but a tad extreme for Regina's tastes. "She waitresses there on the weekends, she said she could get us in free!"

As if admittance to watch grown men (Oh, God, how she hoped they were grown, she had winced at the thought) thrust their pelvises and hear tightly-wound women screech, would be something Regina would even consider spending her money on.

"Regina, this could be fun. Stupid, mindless fun. Please?"

Regina wasn't unaware, she knew that in the four years that had passed since Daniel's death, she wasn't always the best company. She'd make excuses to not partake in silly, light activities, like karoke night with her co-workers or trying the newest and trendiest spa treatment with Mal. Even a typical Girl's Night had become an effort, usually resulting in near-cancellations and her friends, once or twice, appearing at her door and dragging her out of her high-rise, two-bedroom apartment.

She had become overly critical of how her time was spent, disturbingly like her mother, Cora.

Daniel and Regina had always mocked her mother, the stuffy, over-bearing woman who often domineered Regina's father, Henry, and always had a piece of "advice" for Regina, from "Darling, I thought the freshman fifteen was only for freshmen", or, "You know, your father's business associate, Leopold Blanchard, very respected, very wealthy, just finalized his divorce."

Cora Mills had never approved of Daniel, saying a man going into "nursing critters" has no place calling himself a doctor. "Regina, my dear, you could do so much better. Perhaps if you wore your hair out of your face more..."

She never outright told Regina she was happy Daniel died, but two months afterward, she was back to dropping names of men, twice her age, that were colleagues of Henry's.

"Queen of Hearts" was what Daniel had typically called her. Not because of the character in 'Alice in Wonderland', but because of the irony- her mother most certainly did not have a heart.

And while Regina knew she was her mother's opposite in every way, the thought of sharing any similarity to her, including being a prude and bore, was jarring enough for her to spit out an unfiltered "Okay!" to Green's strip club suggestion.

Which was how Regina Mills, dressed in a red, simple frock with thick straps and a- for Regina, anyway- short hemline, that Mary Margaret had selected for her, commenting the color against her olive skin, and standing easily on her favorite black pumps, ended up here, standing outside in the warm, yet breezy May night, in a line with Green, Mary Margaret, Mal, her friend, from the office, Ella, and Ella's girlfriend, Ursula, in front of an establishment called "Gold's Body Shoppe."

"This is so exciting!" Mary Margaret, a woman with a round face, porcelain complexion, and her jet black hair cut in a flattering pixie cut, exclaims, clapping her hands together like a small child.

Mal, a lengthy woman (standing at, roughly, 6'4 in her five inch, Loubiton heels that her match her purple, off-the-shoulder, knee-length dress) with thin, stateusque legs, her skin, a faux bronze from the tanning beds that the girls constantly warned her of, glowing in light of street lamps, brushes a piece of her pin-straight, blonde hair, out of her face and grins, wickedly, "And how does that charming husband of yours feel about this excursion?"

The group of women all share a chuckle, Mary Margaret trying her darndest to look positively indignant, "David doesn't control me. I am perfectly free to enjoy a night out and appreciate a live show."

"So," Regina begins, crossing her arms across her chest, one hand still grasping the small, black satin clutch she carried, "If David wanted to go and appreciate the, what are we calling this?"

"'A live show'", Green mocks Mary Margaret, her fingers lifted into air quotes around the phrase.

"Ah, yes, a live show, at the Hooter's, a few miles from here, that wouldn't bother you?"

Mary Margaret gasps, "He would never!"

"My point, exactly," Mal reminds, a smirk teasing her plump, nude-painted lips.

Greenlee, donning a matching crop top and skirt, both a deep shade of jade, that accentuated her svelt, yet toned figure (owning a gymnastic studio, Wings, named after her high school nickname, would help a girl with that), turned to Ella, light-skinned, with sharp facial features highlighted by the sleek bob her dirty blonde hair was styled in, and Ursula, who had silky caramel skin, that enhanced her deep, chocolate brown eyes, and contrasted her honey-hued locks, that she had pulled back into a tight ponytail, while her bangs hung effortlessly in front, "I'm so happy you decided to join in!"

"When I heard Regina, of all people, was going to a strip club, I had to see it. Especially her reaction," Ella gently bites at her colleague.

"Well, the entertainment certainly isn't your preferred type, is it?" Regina jests in return, winking at the woman in a black-and-white blocked designed dress. No doubt imported from a high end boutique, Regina thought, nothing but the best for tristate area's premiere prosecutor.

Ursula holds up her hand, on the verge of giggling, "Girl, please. Admiring the human figure transcends all sexualities and genders."

"Is this about Usher again? I swear, you'd leave me for him quicker than he could say 'Yeah'," Ella quips, pursing her lips in mock irritation.

"Nonsense, honey," Ursula denies, her arm reeling her girlfriend of three years closer to her, "If I were to leave you for anyone, it'd be Angelina Jolie."

Everyone laughs, as Ella receives a quick kiss from her significant other, and Mal adding that Jolie in Disney's 'Maleficent' is "pretty damn sexy."

"I hope these guys are sexy," Green drawls, practically purring as they move up in the line.

"A little desperate for some inspiration, darling?" Ella snickers, causing Green to narrow her eyes.

"It hasn't been that long since Archie and I broke up, I'm just... curious, that's all."

"For a man who doesn't wear a t-shirt in the ocean? Yes, I would be, too," Mal adds underneath her breath.

Green glowers, pouting petulantly, "Archie was a nice guy."

"And by 'nice', you mean boring."

"Looks aren't everything, Mal!"

Mary Margaret places a hand on Green's shoulder, "Sweetie, I don't think that's what Mal was referring to. After all, you yourself said you broke up because he wouldn't doing anything spontenous."

"Archie was adorable on the outside, Greenie, but he was the human equivalent of Nyquil," Mal, never one to mince words, which was what makes her one of the best defense attorneys in Chicago, aptly nicknamed 'The Dragon', says.

Green throws her hands up, letting them hit her thighs with a short clap, "Fine. Okay, yes, he wasn't the most exciting guy, but it's better than the 'thrilling' assholes you date, Mal."

"Honey, I don't date," Mal grins, wide and suggestive. Green snorts.

"Oh yeah? Stefan."

Malese's face drops instantouesly and she turns her back to the group, facing the line ahead, "When the hell are we going to be let into this damn joint?"

Green harrumphs victoriously, then gently knocks Regina's hip with her own, "How about you? Excited?"

Now it's Regina's turn to snort, walking another few inches. Getting closer to the entrance, she thinks with a shiver of uncharacteristic nervousness.

"Come on, Regina," Comes the groan beside her, "It's just watching some guys dancing, it's not like you're getting married." Regina's head snaps in her friend's direction to find Green already wincing, "I'm sorry."

Quit being so senstive, Mills, a voice whispers inside of her and glancing at her fellow companions expressions, she can see they are all thinking it as well.

Sighing, she grabs Green's hand, trying not to notice the shiny gold band that hugs her left ring finger, "No, I'm sorry. I promised that I would try tonight and I will."

"Good!" Green grins, obviously ecstatic by this turn about, "Who knows, maybe it'll get your engines roaring again."

Regina releases a huff of laughter, rolling her eyes, "Let's not push it."

Soon, they are at the door, a man of large girth, with a pony tail and a name tag displaying "John" on it in bold type, allows the gang to pass and Regina's anxiety amps up.

Nice.

That's the first thing Regina, surprisingly, shocking herself, thinks based on a cursory glance.

After entering, they find themselves in a large room, containing a bar the length of the room at one end, shelves upon shelves of bottles adorning the wall behind the bar. On the other end of the space appears to be a coat-check, an unexpected feature, if not unnecessary for the blistering Illinois summer approaching, Regina muses.

In the center are two billards table, one occupied by two women, one with flaming red hair (Not unlike my sister's, Regina can't help but bitterly note) and another, this one with blonde curls, much like Green's.

In fact, the place is thriving with energy. Several people, men and women, sit at the bar, while a woman, one with a high-pitched giggle, from what Regina can hear, talks animatedly with the coat check clerk.

It's dark, only the illuminated bar, one that appears to be carved from cherry hardwood (Oh my god!), adding light to the room, but it works. It works with the darkly painted walls, and the shiney gold accents strewn about the room, and the cherry hardwood surfaces. How does a strip club have money for such exspenses, Regina wonders.

Speaking of...

"So, where are the men?" She asks Green in a hushed tone, a good idea considering Green turns to her with her teeth chewing her bottom lip, failing to camoflauge a knowing smirk.

"Not dreading this evening anymore?"

Regina groans, she should have kept her comments to herself.

"Green!" An enthusastic voice calls and Regina glances around the room, spotting Ruby, no longer wearing bold, red stripes in her hair, but wearing a short, black dress that she can't possibly bend over in, who is waving with gusto. "I'm so glad you came!"

Regina follows the pack, walking closer to the waitress. Mal, Mary Margaret, and Green hug Ruby, then she looks expectantly at Regina. "It's been so long!"

Regina finds herself pulled into a bone-crushing embrace. Alcohol tolerance must not be her only strength, a part of her snickers.

"It's good to see you, Ruby," Regina croaks, finally wiggling out of the hug, patting down the front of her dress for any wrinkles. She then glances behind her, arms vaguely gesturing, "Ruby, these are our friends, Ella and Ursula."

"More the merrier," Ruby chirps, offering the women a warm smile, "Come on, I'll take you guys to where the real magic happens." Her smile turns to a smirk, eyebrows raising and lowering conspiritorially.

Regina exchanges confused looks with the other women, then Ruby opens a door that Regina had yet to notice. They follow her in and...

"Wow," She breathes, eyes drawn everywhere, all at once.

It's a larger room- the word 'humungous' pops into mind- from what, Regina concludes, must've just been the waiting area, that they were previously in.

This area has a large stage (cherry hardwood, again!) that looks like it was meant to put on Broadway musicals, not men in bananahammocks. And, at least, a dozen, round tables, with black tableclothes covering each and every one, in front of said stage.

Gold, as in the waiting area, drips from unexpected accents, like the rim of the stage and studs in the arms of the black (Is that leather?) chairs that surround the tables.

Though, the most impressive sight, has to be the ceiling. It's curved, like you would see in a dome, and comprised of what appears to be a gold, metalic material.

Regina can see her reflection, clearly, from, what she can only assume, is the 25 foot distance between her and ceiling. It truly is magnificient.

"Isn't it great?" Ruby looks over her shoulder at the gang she leads, "If you think this is spectacular, wait until you see the merchandise."

Ah, the forgotten fact that this is a strip club.

Well, at least it looks clean, Regina thinks with a shrug.

Ruby sits them at a table ("Right up front, you're welcome!"), handing them each a small menu, displaying special cocktails and the club's assortment of appetizers ("The bar is also fully stocked, you can literally order anything.")

Everyone orders, a white wine spritzer for Mary Margaret, a peach Daquari for Green, vodka on the rocks for Mal, a dirty, gin Martini for Ella, one of the house specials, a Bloody Mary with the addition of seaweed and sea salt, with some ridiculous name, for Ursula, and a glass of Cabernet for Regina, earning her disapproving shakes of the heads.

"What?" Regina asks, snaps, the edge of her voice even coming as a surprise to her.

"Red wine? Way to let loose, Reg," Mal jokes with a roll of her eyes once Ruby has left to fulfill their orders.

Regina ignores her, ignores all five of their critical glances, because she is not some college girl looking to get wasted and rowdy, wasn't even that girl when she was actually in college, and instead busies herself, her stare shifting about the room.

It's packed. Nearly every table filled by an assortment of women, a few men sprinkled throughout, filling the space with chatter and the slurping of alcoholic beverages.

"You'll be fine," She hears, suddenly, in her ear, turning to her right where mary Margaret sits with a gentle smile etched on her face, one Regina assumes she uses when speaking to her young students, at the local elementary school- one that Regina does not need.

"I am fine," Regina hisses, drumming her fingers against the tablecloth. Silk, unbelievable.

Mary Margaret scoots her chair a hair closer to Regina and, thankfully, the other four at the table are too engulfed in conversation to notice, "Regina, it's okay to look at other men, to be attracted to other men. That's not a dishonor to Daniel's memory."

Regina keeps her head turned to the right, eyes locked on the stage, pretending like Mary Margaret and her comforting, but unsolicited words are noneexistent, in hopes she will stop.

It doesn't work. "It's been four years, Regina, almost five. And Green was right earlier. No, you are not committing to any of the men you'll see tonight, but you also don't have to ignore or deny any attraction you may feel. You can't dissuading your feelings simply because-"

"You think that's what I am doing? 'Dissuading' feelings?" Regina demands, her voice barely audible, yet the quivering of a shaky Mary Margaret's bottom lip tells Regina she hear her perfectly. "I haven't felt anything for anyone since Daniel. If I had, then, yes, I would push it down because I had love and he's gone and I have suffered. But do not think that any living, breathing male has inticed me and I have simply turned it down."

The anger she feels coursing through her veins starts to dissolve and she blinks several times, reigning back the moisture she feels stinging below the surface, "My body is wired to want one man, and he is in the ground. So, yes, I am just fine, Mary Margaret."

And with that, she returns her stare, one a bit wetter than before, to the stage.

Ruby brings their drinks, another waitress, Ashley, as Ruby introduces her, helping her so no cocktails were split between the bar and the table.

Nursing her wine brings Regina some relief. The smooth, but biting flavor invading her senses and warming her belly, spreading a feeling of contentment within her.

"Ruby, can we also get six shots of tequila over here?"

"Green!" Mary Margaret scolds, stealing a peek at Regina, obviously still bruised from her previous, verbal hiding.

Ursula, raising her Bloody Mary, "I think that is a terrific idea!", to which Mal and Ella concur.

"Coming right up," Ruby winks, sashaying back to the location of the bar.

"The show starts in a few minutes, you guys made it just in time," Ashley, a young woman that barely looks old enough to enter the club, let alone wait on tables, smiles, flipping the shoulder-length blonde hair cascading down her right side to her opposite. "Enjoy."

Ruby carrying a tray of filled shot glasses, as well as a bowl of limes, comes back to the table, doling out the shots, "Have fun, gals. Salt shaker on the table!"

Green, Ella, Ursula, and Mal take turns with the salt dispenser and then look at Regina and Mary Margaret expectantly.

"Don't make us hold your jaws open, darlings," Ella warns.

Regina lolls her head in Mary Margaret's direction, receiving a sheepish shrug. If the "old, married" one of the group is doing the shot, surely you can, a voice inside Regina urges.

"Fine," She groans, reaching for the tequila shot, then pouring a generous amount of salt of her hand.

"To a night of pliancy, pleasure-"

"And penises!" Mal crudely interrupts Green's toast, earning her several incredulous laughs and hushed reprimands, "What? Were we not going for alliteration? I felt it appropriate."

"To the P's!" Regina manages to say with a generous amount of enthusiasm.

All of the women lick the salt off their hands, throw back the tequila in the glasses, then reaching to the center of the table, scrambling for a wedge of line that they can suck.

Mary Margaret coughs, removing the piece of fruit from her mouth, "Wow. It's, urmph, been a long time since I have done that."

Green giggles from her place across the table, "Your wedding, actually."

"I suppose you're right," Mary Margaret agrees with a nod, a slight frown twisting at her lips as Regina can see her trying to remember the precise time she had last done a shot.

"You would've had a ball," Mal tells Ella and Ursula, one finger pointing at Mary Margaret, "For such an uppity couple, the Nolans threw one helluva party."

"Well, that was after Regina crashed the actual ceremony," Mary Margaret teases, then pouts, "And we are not 'uppity'!"

Regina smiles fondly at the memory, casting her eyes downward, at her barely touched Cabernet. "I didn't crash, I was just late, which I apologized for!"

David and Mary Margaret, sweethearts since middle school or high school, Regina could never remember, married during sophomore year of college. Very young, yes, but it wasn't a marriage that anyone objected to. David's father, George Nolan, and Mary Margaret's father Leopold Blanchard (Yes, Cora Mills wanted her daughter to pursue a man who fathered one of her peers, Regina remembers with a shiver of disgust) paid for a lavish ceremony, that Regina swore the majority of campus attended. Daniel was David's best man and, as such, had to be at the church early. Regina, on the other hand, was merely a guest and arrived separately, but had gotten lost. Resulting in a flustered Regina, busting through the doors of the church... in the middle of the vows.

Luckily, it had been something everyone had laughed off, Daniel had even asked, "Are you going to be late to our wedding someday?"

And just like that, the smile slips from Regina's lips.

Luckily for Regina, the girls session of reminiscing is interrupted by the the entire room falling into a state of pitch black.

"Ooh, it must be starting!" Regina hears Green gasp, excitement flooding her breathless voice.

Suddenly a spotlight emerges in the center of the stage. A man, around the age of 50, if Regina had to venture a guess, walks into the light, the cane he is holding onto, in his left hand hitting, the wood with a sharp "tap" with each step.

He has long hair, shoulder-length, but it doesn't take away from his intimidating presence, one Regina can feel from a few feet away. He wears a dark suit (Charcoal? Navy? It's hard to decipher from just the spotlight) atop a dark shirt, both perfectly matching his small, dark eyes that scan the room.

"Ladies and gentlemen, good evening," He begins to speak- Regina swears she feels Mary Margaret flinch- his voice, heavily accented, clear and booming throughout the area, "And welcome to Gold's Body Shoppe."

"Thank you for attending tonight, dearies. I am Mr. Gold, owner of this establishment, and our goal here is to provide you with fun, entertainment, and, just maybe, a little bit of magic."

Regina rolls her eyes unabashedly. Magic? It's half-naked men on a stage, not wizards at Hogwarts. There will be absolutely no "magic" to be found in any of this.

He holds his free hand up, pointer finger raised, and, unexplicably, his gaze finds Regina's, "But, remember, all magic comes with a price."

She shivers involuntarily and averts her eyes quickly, uncomfortable under the man, Mr. Gold's, intense stare. He couldn't have found another section of the audience to look at when saying that?

She returns her eyes to the stage in time for him to smile, spreading his look to the whole of the audience again. "So, please, tip our terrific dancers, if you can."

"And now, onto our show!"

The room darkens, then the stage illuminates again, but Mr. Gold is gone. In his place, is a motorcycle.

"I already like where this is going," Mal leans over and whispers to Regina, then finishes her tumblr of vodka.

An unseen voice erupts throughout the room, roaring, "Speeding into your hearts first, give it up for The Biker!"

A man, to the chorus of screams and whistles, a few originating at Regina's table, struts onto stage, wearing a leather jacket and tight dark-wash jeans, both of which he proceeds to slowly strip himself of to the tune of Bon Jovi's "Wanted Dead or Alive."

It's going to be a long night, Regina sighs.

Next up is a man named "The Fire", one that Green, in particular, seems to be fond of judging by her whooping and hollering. He, aptly, blazes through the audience, unlike "The Biker", who stayed on stage, and ends his tease in a flame-painted speedo, on the table top of one of the neighboring groups of women.

"The Sherriff"- complete with handcuffs, "The Gentleman"- complete with a top hat (the only thing that stays on, Regina notes after she watches the man finish his strip near the exit stage, his bare rear the last thing shown), "The Miner"- complete with a faux, smokey dirt etched onto his skin, and "The Fisherman"- complete with an actual fishing pole that he puts to use by going into the audience, "reeling" a blushing a young woman up on stage, and giving her a lap dance, all follow.

It's not as if Regina can't see their appeal. They aren't bad looking men. But it's nothing "magical" as Gold boasted about prior to the show beginning.

Clearly she is alone in this opinion as the audience goes wild with every piece of clothing shed, even her friends. "Show us the goods!" Mal shouted at "The Gentleman", Green kept repreating "Did you see him?!" with half-hooded eyes and the slightest hint of drool after "The Fire's" act concluded, Ella and Ursula kissed after they both shoved a few dollar bills in the g-string of "The Sherriff", and even Mary Margaret was flushed and fanning herself with her hand when another dancer, "The Warrior", licked his prop sword.

Regina opens her clutch as that particular section ends, glaring at the time her phone shows her. 10:50 p.m.

It has been nearly two hours of this ruckus and boredom, a finale not looking to be in sight. Unfortunately, she couldn't leave, like she wished she could. She had gotten a ride from Mal, one that she was now regretting as her former roommate sits on the edge of her seat, awaiting the next stripper.

The telling sound of the announcer's microphone clicking on is heard and Regina mumbles a sarcastic "Great!", pinching the bridge of her nose.

"Don't let his good looks fool you all, this man may very well steal your heart. Let's hear it for The Outlaw!"

George Thorogood's "Bad to The Bone" thrums to life over the stereo and Regina reluctantly glances at the stage, sheer curiousity and a lack of Wi-Fi as the cause.

Her breath hitches. Her mouth goes dry. Her cheeks inflame. Her pulse races.

Her stomach drops.

"The Outlaw", a man dressed in the costume of an olden-period bandit, had dropped the hood of his outfit and he was gorgeous. Even more so than Jon Snow.

And she was attracted to him.

Then he looks up and as if an act of magic, his eyes, a piercing blue that reminds Regina of looking into a cloudless sky or a prestine ocean, lock onto hers.

He stills and Regina feels her world follow suit, like they are the only two people left in the room.

Something about his eyes, his gaze on her, has her body contradicting itself, feeling both relaxed, yet with every hair standing on end.

This man, for God's sakes, this stripper, has Regina's heart rapidly pounding on the confines of the structure that surrounds it. It hadn't even done that when she had met Daniel.

She is attracted to this "Outlaw" and, not just that, she feels a connection to him.

Her tongue slid out, wetting her lips with any moisture that it has managed to retain after her mouth had been hanging slightly open. Her hands fidgeting in her lap as she squirms in her seat. Yet her eyes never leave his, nor do his leave hers.

Another screech from the crowd seems to startle him back into the present moment as Regina observes him giving his head a quick shake, his brow furrowing, then he is...

Oh my god.

If Regina had thought his head, his strong jawline, his thick stubble coating the lower portion of his face, his lightly tanned, smooth skin, his eyes, his pale brown, short and tussled hair, were enough to stop her beating heart,

The Outlaw's body was the catalyst for a flatline.

He slowly removes the top portion, tossing it effortlessly to the side in beat with the stuttering "B-b-b-b-b-bad" playing in the backround, revealing a toned abdomen, the slightlest patch of hair kissing his chest, and his bulging arms that flex underneath the bright lights above the stage.

The cheers grow and, a very uncharistically loud, Mary Margaret raises her pinkies to her lips, a sharp whistle assulting Regina's ears.

Then he begins to descebd the stairs of the stage, coming onto the floor.

Oh no, something whispers inside Regina, her palms dampening with sweat.

Then she finds his eyes again, or, rather, he seeks out hers, a bewildered smile, as if he is overjoyed, yet confused to, what? See her?

And he has dimples. Dimples the size of craters trapping his pearly white teeth between them. Oh, what is this man doing to her?

He is stalking towards her, she can feel it in his gaze, even without seeing his legs, still, absurdly, covered, slowing walking her direction.

Then he is in front of her, looking down at her from her place in her chair. She can vaguely hear Green yelling "Get it, Regina!" and sees out of the corner of her eye the flash of a camera phone, probably Ella's, but other than that, it's back to two.

Just Regina Mills and the one dubbed "The Outlaw."

Suddenly his open hand is in front of her, drawing her attention towards it, then back to his face. Regina is flummoxed. What does this mean?

Then he offers her a smile. It's different this time. The dimples are still there- oh, those dimples- but it's warmer, inviting. His eyes are questioning, like toeing into a body of water to figure out the temperature.

He's welcoming her to touch him. Or asking if he can touch her. Either way, he's asking for her permission first.

Who knew an "Outlaw" had honor?

She lifts her hand timidly, but confidently, without thinking, slips it into his own. He squeezes it softly, sending a bolt of electricity throughout her body. Then he takes it and places it on his stomach. She can feel every rippling muscle below her palm.

Stealing a glance upwards, Regina watches while her hand travels downward. She notices him swallowing hard at her movement and he bends to a small gasp as she grips the waistband of his trousers.

His own hands slide to the sides of his pants, and he effectively rips them off, dropping them carelessly on the floor, and now he is naked except for black boxer briefs that Regina's hand had snuck to, yanking on them to bring him even closer.

He bites his lip and she can help but envy his teeth at that very moment.

She drinks him in, head to toe, a magnetic force making her feel her body humming to life with every shared breath between them.

But then the world, this one where it was just her and this alluring Outlaw, crashes down.

And her heart plummets from the place he had raised it to.

The hand holding the seam of his underwear is her left hand and she can now, explicitly see her ring.

Daniel's ring.

She just betrayed Daniel. Her one, true love.

It's as if a tight vice is around her throat, constricting her airways and her stomach churns with the sickening realization of dishonoring her almost-fiancee turning to bile, for that she is sure.

Using the same hand, she roughly pushes "The Outlaw" back, trying to push down the spike of panic she feels when he stumbles backwards, and she is on her feet and running, as fast her her heeled feet will take her, out of the room.

"Bad to the bone," She hears in the distance, as she permits the first tear to finally drop onto her cheek. Bad, indeed.