Chapter 16: New job and dealing with idiots

A/N: Hello everyone, I'm back for another chapter, as you can tell… I really should think of a better way to start these A/N. Anyways, I do have most of the second year planned out since my long, long break from before. As usual: time to reply to reviews before the story.

THANK YOU ALL FOR YOUR SUPPORT! There is nothing that warms my heart as much as knowing my stories are liked, especially with the constant fear of my chapters not being good enough (and let's be honest, a writer will nearly always find something to do better in their stories. I am my harshest critic for sure).

Geezorbe: Thanks, I promise that I won't become resentful of my stories, even if I have to take some times away from them.

Nogs28: Thanks for telling me about the formatting issue for the previous chapter. Nearly had a heart attack when I saw the issue ^^

Spark681: Yup, the council didn't make a fuss over Sasuke's death. I honestly didn't know how to place the explanation to that since my story follows Naruto, and there is no really natural way to make him know. But for those that wants to know about that: The council of Konoha, in my story, has a ninja and civilian side, plus the Hokage's advisors. While the civilian would normally complain about the death of the last Uchiha loyal to the village by the hands of the "demon brat", they are not (totally) dumb and realised they couldn't do anything. For one Naruto was given a direct order by the Hokage to either retrieve, if kidnapped, capture or kill him if he turned traitor and it was too dangerous to bring him alive. Naruto operated as ordered. So, while Sasuke is dead and some people don't like it, they have no ground against him. Then take into account that the transfer of his status from a shinobi of Konoha to the first international ninja was nearly finished, which made him protected by all ninja villages. Villages that wouldn't care or even be happy about this turn of event. His new status also gives him a very starting point in the political field, having far more weight as the first member and leader of an international force. In other words: They can't touch him as he is right now, and if Naruto doesn't screw up completely his political power will become stronger in time. No complaints from them was heard, because no complaints could even be considered.

Hope it answered you.

Let's start the story!

"Dialogue"

"thoughts"

'Mental conversations'

"Bijuu (Tailed beast) dialogue"

"Bijuu thoughts"

"Spells and jutsus"

The day he would take the Hogwarts express, Naruto stared intently at a certain letter. A letter he read, re-read a lot, and answered shortly after he got it. He couldn't help it, he still found it weird. It is not everyday that your school's headmaster offers you a job as head of security for the school while you still attend it. It wasn't that he didn't understand were the man came from, as the letter explained his reasons clearly: mainly due to the near disaster with the philosophical stone last year, but also because it will help ease the mind of students and parents alike if the trained soldier attending school worked for its protection. It was a good plan really, one that could stop a lot of fear his profession might bring to the students and their families. One he approved of and accepted gratefully. It didn't stop it from being weird though. An exasperated sigh alerted the blond ninja of his subordinate and, maybe, somewhat of a friend Tayuya. At least it didn't seem like she was planning to kill him anymore, progress.

"Are you going to stop reading this fucking letter for the thousandth time?" She asked irritably, and there again he understood her frustration. Still didn't make the letter any less weird.

"Sorry Tayuya. It's just that_"

"It's really weird, yeah, I got it the first hundredth time, shithead. Now either you stop reading the letter or I'm gonna set it on fire."

"I regret teaching you the great fireball jutsu…" Deadpanned Naruto.

"Too late for regrets shithead, the ride's arrived." She answered, pointing to their new one-time portkey sent by Dumbledore. "Where the hell does this old fart find those things?"

"I… don't want to know, actually. Let's just grab the damn thing and forget it ever existed." And without further ado they grabbed the bright pink with dark purple dots wizard's hat. It would forever remain a mystery where Dumbledore found such tasteless pieces of clothing, even in the weird wizard community. After a short moment they landed in the same spot in London as a few weeks ago, and both landed perfectly on the ground, to Tayuya's relief. This time Tayuya wore a black T-shirt beneath a dark red sweat-shirt with the hood up, along with dark blue jeans and black combat boots. Naruto wore a red sweat-shirt with black flames at the bottom, a black T-shirt beneath that, light blue jeans and black combat boots. Naruto looked at his pocket watch as they walked towards the train station.

"Seems like we have some time before the train goes so there's no need to rush."

"Good, I'm not looking forward to go into a train full of brats." Tayuya answered gravely.

"You do realise that those "brats" or either one year younger, the same age or older than us, right?" Naruto sweat-dropped.

"Age is just a number shithead, I don't expect them to be as mature as us from what you told me. They live in a time of peace and were medicine allows people to live extremely old even without magic. I mean, you did the research yourself, don't you find people living in average more than eighty years crazy?" Naruto sighed.

"I know, technologically speaking we are far bellow the people of the muggle world. And wizards apparently naturally live longer, passing the hundreds of years without any potions to help them. As such I know that in their society their children have more time to be children. As such I know most people in the elemental nations grow mature much earlier, but to call them "brats" is a bit too much. Naïve on some point, maybe, sheltered definitely, but brats? A bit too much." Tayuya stared at him blankly. "What?"

"You do realise that you go into those long speech pretty often, right?"

"I do?" He blushed a bit out of embarrassment.

"Yea, you do. It's weird you know? You act childish yourself sometimes, giggling like a kid at christmas one moment, become a sarcastic ass the next and then become mister polite the moment in between. Pick one already shithead, because it's seriously annoying." Naruto stayed silent and looked ahead, but she knew he thought it over so she simply followed him. After a moment Naruto responded.

"I'll try."

"That's all I can hope for, I guess." She grunted. Meanwhile, Naruto was in a conversation with someone else, two of them.

'Are you going to stop acting too childish sometimes, master?' Amaterasu asked as she landed on his shoulder.

"Dropping your mask, kit? Why now?"

'Well… She's just right. I can't go on like that, plus as a ninja I really should drop the childishness. I just wished that…'

"You had the chance to have a normal childhood?"

'Yea… But I suppose Tayuya would just tell me to suck it up and deal with it. The two beings talking with him chuckled.

'She would indeed, master.'

'Stop calling me that, seriously.' Naruto deadpanned at Amaterasu.

"Give up on that kit, she won't stop calling you that. Ever."

'Not helping Kurama!' Naruto complained before ending the conversation and concentrate on his now frustrated subordinate.

It didn't take the two ninjas much longer to get to the train station, and now they stared at a certain wall between two platforms.

"You want us to run into this wall, seriously?" Tayuya asked, making Naruto roll his eyes and sigh.

"Ok Tayuya, I'll tell you what. The magical side of the world has a lot of stupid and crazy things happening, even from the point of view of ninjas like us. So, do yourself a favour and just accept that nothing is impossible, ok?" At her unenthusiastic nod he smiled and casually walked into the passage, passing without any problem. Shrugging Tayuya followed and found herself looking at a crowd busying itself around a train. She saw Naruto waiting patiently for her and followed him as he led them somewhere to put their stuff in. They soon found an empty compartment and went in it, waiting for the train to depart in companionable silence. Silence that was broken when a blond girl with wide blue eyes already in her Hogwarts robe asked if she could come in. Naruto just gestured for her to do so.

"Thank you. I'm Luna Lovegood, what is your name?" She spoke in a soft tone and almost dreamy way, as if her thoughts were actually far away. After a quick presentation she tilted her head. "Are you the death dealer people talk about?"

"Death dealer?" Naruto raised an eyebrow. "I suppose in a way I am, ninjas are soldiers in my country, so I'm just like any soldier in this way."

"Or you could have answered by yes or no. You know, not developing on everything you say?" Tayuya added, which earned her a playful glare from Naruto.

"Have you killed before?" Luna asked them both, taking them slightly aback with her blunt casualness.

"Luckily only two so far. Didn't like it." Naruto answered sombrely.

"Lost count after twenty." Tayuya answered honestly.

"Did you like it?" The witch once again bluntly asked Tayuya.

"Depends. Sometimes I liked killing one bastard, sometimes I didn't like it, sometimes I used a thing that acted like a drug that made me nearly wet myself from the act. I don't care for the act itself, it's just part of my job." Naruto just stared at her silently, unnerving her. "What, got a problem that I don't give a fuck about who I kill?"

"Not really, I just didn't know the cursed seal could do that, though."

"Ah, that. Surprised about it?"

"Considering the one who made it is a complete asshole, no. Still good to know."

"Who are you talking about?" Luna asked.

"An international criminal named Orochimaru. Looks kind of snake-like and very pale. Someone you shouldn't approach unless backed up by overpowered veteran soldiers." Naruto answered with Tayuya nodding at this description. "But let's talk about something else, are you new at Hogwarts?"

"Yes, I heard many good things about this school but I hope there won't be many nargles."

"A what now?" Tayuya asked Naruto, who just shrugged. They spent their time talking about any subjects coming to their minds as the train made its way towards Hogwarts. Naruto could say he liked Luna, his junior was curious, honest, brutally blunt, polite and kind. She also got along surprisingly well with Tayuya, completely ignoring her crass language and their tendency for being blunt making them become friendly at an outstanding pace. The chunin felt slightly jealous about it in fact, Tayuya might give him a chance and was friendly but she still seemed wary of him and keeps him at arm's length. Yet this girl one year younger than him appears out of nowhere and made as much progress in their first meeting as he made in several weeks.

"It's kind of depressing actually." He thought as a dark cloud seemed to appear above him as he slumped his head.

"The fuck is your problem, shithead?" The redhaired asked curiously at his sudden change of mood.

"It's nothing, I'm just slightly jealous at how close you got to Luna in one meeting." He crossed his arms and pouted as he looked through the window, missing the slight blush that appeared momentarily on Tayuya's face.

"Well it's thanks to you helping me relax, shithead." She mumbled low enough that just Luna, that was seated next to her, heard.

"Are you two close friends?" The innocent question made Tayuya scoff.

"No, I tolerate him as a superior officer."

"She was an enemy ninja until we captured her recently. Her old leader put a cursed seal on her a long time ago and took it away when she was captured, along with any useful pieces of information we could gain from her. She was left with only the useless and bad memories of her time with the snake, so she has issues with authority. I just got her to stop considering killing me." Naruto explained, earning a tilted head from the witch.

"Sounds like a complicated situation."

"Welcome to our world." Deadpanned both ninjas just as their compartment's door opened, revealing Hermione.

"What?" She asked confusedly, making everyone turn to her.

"Oh, hello Hermione. How are you?" Naruto grinned in her direction.

"I'm fine, thank you. But what were you talking about?"

"About complicated ninja shit." Tayuya helpfully replied.

"Just about our work relationship."

"Oh, ok then. Have you seen Ron or Harry anywhere?" Hermione asked.

"The goofy looking red-hair and black-haired four eyes?" She gave Tayuya a nod. "Don't know and don't care." Naruto let out a sigh.

"As she said, without the don't care part." They continued with small talk until the train reached Hogwarts.

"Well, that's where we part ways Luna, just follow the kind big man over there." Naruto said as he pointed at a distant Hagrid, giving the half-giant a wave that was returned. Luna nodded and departed after a quick 'see you later'. The group of one ninja, one witch and one in-between followed the rest of the students towards carriages, only to notice something odd.

"Whoa, those carriages move on their own. Wicked!" Said a fellow second year student, but there was one problem with that statement.

"Dude, you do realise there's a sort of skeletal horse pulling them, right?" Tayuya asked blandly.

"What are you talking about? There's nothing pulling them." The confused student answered, receiving several nods from students around.

"I can see it too." Naruto said, turning to Hermione with a raised eyebrow.

"Me too… Maybe a certain condition must be met to see them?"

"Come on, you guys are just trying to pull our legs!" With that answer, the crowd seemed satisfied and started to get in the vehicle. Naruto just shrugged and went inside, where he found Neville.

"Hey Nev, how's it going?" He asked with a grin.

"Nev?"

"If you don't mind me calling you that?" Neville shook his head.

"It's alright, but I heard you saw the Thestrals. I'm not surprised considering what I heard of your job."

"I can assure you that we are really just soldiers, even if sneaking around is our strong suit. And what's the deal with those horses?"

"Thestrals can only be seen by those that saw death and accepted its reality."

"So, you can see them too?" Hermione asked awkwardly.

"Sorry, no. I, erm, I only know of them and I my Gran told me that Hogwarts carriages are pulled by them."

"Well thanks for the info wizard-boy." Tayuya said as she leaned back in her seat, her arms behind her head.

"Wizard-boy?" The wizard in question was confused.

"Ah, I didn't do the presentations! This ray of sunshine and rainbows is Tayuya Uzumaki, a distant member of my clan and my new subordinate. Tayuya, this is Neville Longbottom: he's a great guy."

"Yeah, yeah, nice to meat you and all that shit…"

"And she has a very classy vocabulary as you can see." Naruto continued, receiving a finger from the kunoichi. The rest of the trip was spent with the three young wizards catching up with each over. Once they arrived at the castle proper however, Tayuya couldn't stop her jaw from hanging low, once again missing Naruto taking a photo of her.

"We will live and work in that castle?" She asked incredulously.

"Yep, now follow me." And followed she did, enjoying the sight of moving paintings, creaking suits of armour and the overall decoration. Soon the students and kunoichi were greeted by the teachers and led to the great hall. Naruto and Tayuya, however, were led by professor McGonagall to a side room near the teacher's table.

"It is good to see you again professor, how have you been?" Naruto said, earning a small smile from the adult.

"I have been fine Mr. Uzumaki, thank you. I hope everything is fine on your side?" Naruto nodded. "Good, now I am glad that you accepted our school's proposal as new security personnel. There are a few things I must tell you about the feasts: Firstly, you will be introduced after the first years are sorted, you can watch it from this mirror if you wish." She pointed to a simple mirror on the side of the room, but instead of reflecting the room it showed an elevated view of the great hall. "Secondly, as you are both a member of the faculty and a student it was decided that you are free to sit both at your house's table and at the teacher's one. However, you will be required to sit at the teacher's table for certain events, like the start of the year feast where first years are sorted, or if we welcome members of another school, for example."

"Got it professor. What about Tayuya?"

"As she is not a student she is invited to sit with the teachers, but she can sit with you at the Gryffindor's table if she wished to as you are her superior officer." The two ninjas nodded. McGonagall then left them, and Naruto answered any questions Tayuya had about Hogwarts as they waited for the sorting to be finished. Shortly after the sorting started, Naruto noticed professor Snape, who wasn't there yet, arrive with a newspaper and go straight to McGonagall. Their whispered conversation wasn't conveyed by the mirror but by the scowl on the witch's face, it wasn't good. She got out of her seat and went towards the room they were in.

"What's the matter, professor?" Naruto asked curiously, only to be given the newspaper. He immediately understood the problem by reading the main article and developed a scowl of his own.

"Who?" He asked icily.

"Mr. Potter and Weasley."

"Those bloody idiots." He growled. "What's going to happen to them?"

"We will present you to the students and then go deal with their punishment. They are currently at professor Snape's office after crashing into the Whomping Willow, damaging this old and rare tree in the process."

"I know they did something really stupid and dangerous, but they are still students: they probably missed the train for one reason or another and panicked. They should be punished severely but you won't expel them, right?"

"No, I will not expel them this time." Naruto nodded, and walked towards the door with Tayuya. It was time for them to be introduced to the students.

"I must require your attention one last time before we enjoy our food, dear students. As many may know, and others don't, recently the wizardind world went into contact with a hidden continent." Hushed conversations broke out, only to be silenced by a returned McGonagall tapping her glass with her spoon. After all, no one messes with professor McGonagall, ever. "As I am sure many rumours circulates, allow me to clarify a few things as I met several of them myself. Yes, they are ninjas, trained assassins. However, they are not only that in their country, compared to their analogue in muggle history. They are soldiers loyal to their country, and just like any soldiers they have to learn to kill, and do the act in times of war to protect their country. What they are not, is bloodthirsty individuals who's only pleasure in life is to kill. They have their own twisted individuals that would enjoy just that, but so do we and the rest of the muggles do. As such, and in light of the security problems of our school had last year, we have asked the help of a newly created international force from their country to come and help secure our school." More conversations broke out at that, not even bothering to be silent. Dumbledore let them talk for five minutes before making them listen again. "One of them you might know as he spent last year here as a new student." All around the great hall, students looked around, attempting to find out who it was. "Allow me to present you our new head of security and his helper: Naruto Uzumaki and Tayuya Uzumaki." Stunned silence installed itself for the students of second year and above, especially at the Gryffindor's table. The two ninjas stood in front of all the young wizards, not bothered by the looks and the silence.

"Hello everyone, allow me to introduce myself for the first years, and re-introduce for the others. I am Naruto Uzumaki, chunin and head of the newly formed International Shinobi Force of the Elemental Nation, or ISFEN for short. I will be the new head of security here, so do not hesitate to come to me, or to my subordinate genin Tayuya here, if anything potentially dangerous happens. While I am now a member of the staff, I am still considered a student so my work is mostly limited to security, so as long as what you do isn't dangerous, I will just be a student so you don't have to be on guard every time you see me." A huge wave of relief crashed into the students, and Fred and George nearly wept in the relief that they didn't lose a fellow prankster before they even started working together. "Now if you would excuse me, I have some urgent paperwork to do so have a nice meal and welcome to Hogwarts first years." He finished with a bright smile that only left his face when he left the room with McGonagall and Snape. He had signalled Tayuya that she could stay and eat, something she did without being prompted twice. The tree staff members stayed silent as the Slytherin's professor led them to his office, where two of Naruto's friends waited in anguish. When they entered Ron and Harry's face paled when they saw their head of house but fell in confused shock when they saw Naruto.

"Naruto, what_" Ron started but Naruto coldly cut him.

"Shut up." They flinched both at his tone and at McGonagall taking out her wand to light the fireplace.

"Sit." She said, and they backed into chairs near the fireplace. "Explain." Her glasses glinted ominously. And explain they did, or Ron did, anyway. Naruto couldn't quite believe how stupid they were this time.

"…So we had no choice, Professor, we couldn't get on the train." Naruto was angry enough to burst his bubble.

"No choice? How about sending an owl? I believe you have one, Harry." Said teen gaped at them.

"I-I didn't think_"

"That." Professor McGonagall interrupted. "Is obvious."

"And even if you didn't have an owl, how about waiting for Ron's parents? I'm sure they could have helped." Silence. "And even if you weren't seen, can you imagine the scare you gave them? Their car, their flying car, stolen. And worse, it could have been a muggle that stole it for all they knew." They refused to look at him in the eyes. "Look at me!" He ordered and they obeyed, too afraid of their angry friend. "Harry, what's your opinion of Mr. Weasley?"

"He's a really nice man."

"Ron, do you like your father?" Ron looked offended.

"Of course I_"

"Then do you two idiots even realise what your actions has done to him?" He shouted at them, making them fall silent once again. "I am not a professional politician, and don't know all the laws, but I do know that what you did was highly illegal. And on top of that you were seen by several muggles. Ron, because of your father's job you should know very well how illegal it is. It doesn't matter if it so happens you didn't know, because people will just say your dad failed at teaching you that. You are the son of a minister, and your actions humiliated him in the eyes of his colleagues. He will lose a good amount of credibility because of this. Not to mention that type of thing could get you expelled." The sheer horror they expressed at his words was proof enough his point was made. Ron eyes even slightly moistened as he realised the repercussions of their mistake.

"But Naruto… Can I ask why you are here? Or why you lecture us? Apart from being right to do so, of course." Harry corrected himself at the end when he saw the cold look Naruto sent him.

"The sorting is finished, your sister is in Gryffindor by the way Ron, and you two missed an interesting announcement: I am the new head of security now, a position created because of what happened last year and offered to me as I am the leader of a new international force. In short Harry, I'm doing my damn job in lecturing you." They paled even further, which was surprising, a shade lighter and they would be as white as Orochimaru. A knock on the door cut the conversation short, and made a giddy Snape open the door for Dumbledore. There was a long silence as the headmaster stared at them in disappointment.

"Please explain why you did this." He asked them, and explain again they did. Dumbledore simply peered at them through his spectacles in silence.

"We'll go and get our stuff." Ron said in a hopeless sort of voice.

"What are you talking about, Weasley?" Barked Professor McGonagall.

"Well you are going to expel us, aren't you?" Said Ron. Harry looked quickly at Dumbledore.

"Not today, Mr. Weasley." The headmaster said. "But I must impress upon the both of you the seriousness of what you have done. I will be writing to both your families tonight. I must also warn you that if you do anything like this again, I will have no choice but to expel you." Snape looked as thought Christmas had been cancelled. He cleared his throat.

"Professor Dumbledore, these boys have flouted the Decree for the Restriction of Underage Wizardry, caused serious damage to an old and valuable tree… Surely acts of this nature…"

"It will be for Professor McGonagall and Mr. Uzumaki to decide on these boys' punishments, Severus." Said Dumbledore calmly. "They are in her house and violated rules concerning security and are therefore their responsibility." He turned to Professor McGonagall. "I must go back to the feast, Minerva, I've got to give out a few notices. Come, Severus, there's a delicious-looking custard tart I want to sample. Snape shot a look of pure venom at Harry and Ron as he allowed himself to be swept out of his office, leaving them with Professor McGonagall, who was eying them like a wrathful eagle, and Naruto, who was glaring at them like a disappointed fox. The irony, when they remembered that he held a gigantic fox inside him, wasn't lost on them. Not that they would ever dare to say that to him while he is still that angry.

"You'd better get along to the hospital wing, Weasley, you're bleeding."

"Not much." Answered Ron, hastily wiping the cut above his eye with his sleeve.

"Actually, Professor McGonagall, it gives me an idea of a punishment they will not forget anytime soon."

"You do realise how ominous it sounds when seeing someone bleeding gives you an idea for a punishment?" Harry and Ron paled again.

"It's not that bad." Naruto shrugged. "Sure, my idea will get them some bruises, but in the long run they could even benefit from it. If they are dedicated, at least."

"I'm listening."

"Let me give them two weeks of detention, and by this I mean every second worth of two weeks, with me. They will follow me on my training in the morning and at night, every moment they rest would not be counted in their detention time, and I will push them really hard. At the end of it they will even know several workout routines they could do to keep fit, and some idea of how to fight, just not pushed as hard as I will during the detention." Interestingly, Harry and Ron managed to beat Orochimaru in the paleness department. After all, they were his friends, and if even half of what he said about his training is true, then they didn't know how they would survive.

"Interesting idea, but why would they need to know how to fight?" McGonagall questioned seriously.

"They are my friends, and sadly they might be targeted because of that. That and Harry is the boy-who-lived so some death-eaters might want revenge for their lord, and Ron and me will be targeted. Most importantly… Ron was there for the chunin exam, and saw the attack. I'm sure he would feel better knowing how to fight back, feeling powerless… Is nether something people like." Ron didn't really look into Naruto's eyes since he entered. Even when he asked for them to look at him, Ron looked just above his eyes. Naruto noticed, and although it pained him, he understood: Ron was scared. The young wizard saw ninja killing both civilian and enemy ninja with his own eyes and understood one truth, he would be powerless to protect himself from a ninja. While he didn't fear Naruto himself, seeing him reminds him of the fear and powerlessness he felt that day. The only reason Naruto didn't notice that in their last meeting was because Ron was surrounded by friends and, more importantly, his family, which helped him relax.

"I see… But is your training really hard enough to be counted as a punishment?"

"You realise I'm part of a type of superpowered soldiers, right? Not only that but I aim to be the best of the best. Soon after the detention starts it is very possible that they would've wished they were expelled." He answered with a slightly predatory grin. McGonagall thought about it for a few agonising seconds, where Ron and Harry prayed to every higher power that could possibly exist for a lighter sentence. Alas, they prayers went unanswered as such higher beings would probably have better to do than listen to their prayers.

"Very well, their punishment is in your hands." The two wizards in trouble wanted to cry in despair. She pointed at Snape's desk and a large plate of sandwiches as well as two silver goblets and a jug of iced pumpkin juice appeared. "You will eat there and then go straight to your dormitory." She said. "We must also return to the feast."

"Training starts tomorrow." Naruto stated as he followed the professor out, smirking at their slight shivers.

"As a member of the staff, you shouldn't enjoy making students afraid of you Mr. Uzumaki." She said when they were out of the room.

"They don't have to fear me if they don't break rules concerning security. And I would prefer to be called Naruto outside the classroom since we are colleagues of sorts now. Or at least when you don't address me as a student. I'm not a fan of formality so I avoid it as much as I can."

"I understand but as I still remain your teacher, I insist on keeping proper etiquette, Mr. Uzumaki." She countered.

"I guess I'll just have to try and find a way to call me Naruto then." He shrugged before they fell into comfortable silence. The feast was soon over and Naruto followed the prefect to his house's dormitory while Tayuya was led to a guest room, heard the password and grew confused. Why were they all standing in the living room?

"They can't be…" And sure enough, when the fat lady's portrait opened to his trio of friends, the storm of clapping and cheering erupted in the room. The head of security's eyebrow twitched once, twice. Sure, he understood that arriving by flying car might have sounded cool to them, but if they got any ideas… A headache was threatening him, and he didn't like it. Time to nip this problem into the bud.

"Now, now everyone, I would like a moment of your attention." He said cheerfully with an all too pleasant and obviously fake smile, which quietened the room surprisingly quickly as he caught the retreating Harry and Ron under his arms. "I know how cool their arrival sounded to you all. And what an entrance it was! Why, even several muggles saw it and was impressed. And since this broke several laws about secrecy and security, guess who gets to deal with their punishment due to his new job?" Deathly silence. "Yep, that's me. Now let me make it very clear: you can joke around, play pranks, throw insults at each other. Hell, even throw a food fight if you want. However, as soon as it becomes threatening for the security of others, I will deal with you. And don't expect any favour treatment because you are of my house, and definitely don't try to be overly friendly with me expecting some mercy, for I will have none. Is that clear?" The aura of seriousness as he said that got everyone to nod rapidly. "Now, they weren't expelled because that is the first time something like that happened and because they took this decision in panic. But if someone gets the idea of doing it again and worse gets seen doing it? I will have the crappy job of writing to your parents about your expulsion. Now go to your rooms." As the students fled to the rooms, Harry and Ron were still stuck under his arms.

"Hum, Naruto?" Harry asked, unsure of what was happening.

"You two will sleep on the couches for the next two weeks."

"Wait, what?" Ron exclaimed. "You can't just_"

"But I can Mr. Weasley. For two weeks, you will get the joys of harsh training. If I tell you to sleep on the couch, you sleep on the couch. Or would you prefer the floor?" Ron shook his head as he realised Naruto was dead serious. "Good, get your sheets and pillows and come back here." As the two went to their room to do just that, Hermione stayed with Naruto.

"Is that not a bit too much, Naruto?" His eyebrow twitched faintly once more.

"Six. Muggles." The twitching grew stronger. "Saw. Their. Flying. Car." He took a deep breath. "Do you know the amount of paperwork I will have to do because of that?" She shook her head. "At least twice as many as what I need to do to start my new position. Besides, as I told them, I have to be merciless since they are the first to break the rules I have to assert and they are my friends... You get what I mean?"

"Yes."

"Good, now please get some rest, we don't want the top of the class to be sleepy in the first day of class now, do we?" He grinned as he playfully pushed her towards her dorm. She rolled her eyes at the comment.

"Goodnight, Mr. Uzumaki." Naruto shivered.

"Nether call me that unless strictly necessary." She shot him a grin as she went to bed, wishing a cheerful goodnight to his two future victi_ priso_ friends in need of discipline? Yes, discipline. "Cheer up!" The ninja said as he saw their sullen expression. "I could've made it a lot worse. And we are going to have so much fun tomorrow too, so just have a good, energy replenishing, night." He waved at them as he reached his shared room, only to see Neville and the others stare at him with big eyes, Harry and Ron's bed being of course empty. "Hey, don't look at me like that! I'm just doing my job by ensuring they won't ever think of doing that stunt again… Or any of you for that matter." And with that, he reached his bed and went to blissful unconsciousness.

Ron and Harry didn't get to laugh a lot last night. The brief reprieve from scolding they had when their house cheered them on for their arrival was crushed just as quickly as it arrived. And now, as they got woke up by a cold and wet flannel on their head, they understood Naruto had no desire to let them relax.

"W-What!" Exclaimed Ron as he was brutally ripped from sweet dreamland, and Harry understood the feeling as he took of the wet flannel.

"I would also like to know that, Naruto." Said the dark-haired wizard as he looked at his positively beaming blond friend. The fact that the first rays of sun light were barely present didn't help their tired selves.

"Well, my friends, it just so happens that I will start training right now. By extension that means you are going to do the same. The untrained wizards paled at that.

"But we are tired?" Ron tried weakly.

"The exercise will wake you right up! Or scar you mentally for the rest of your lives… Oh well." He finished with a shrug, and once again they paled.

"Somehow I doubt paling like that is healthy for them." Kurama said with a grin, that Naruto returned.

'They definitely need the exercise then.'

"I want you to be outside the main gate in fifteen minutes tops, so get to it!" The blond ordered before he disappeared in a body flicker.

When Harry and Ron managed to drag themselves to the meeting point, it was to see a frowning Naruto looking at his pocket watch. The phoenix perched on his shoulder seemed to stare at them in slight disappointment, which they found slightly depressing.

"It took you guys twenty minutes and forty-eight seconds to get here… Trying to rebel already?"

"No." Answered Harry as they lightly panted from running. "It's just impossible for us to go faster."

"Really?" The ninja rose an eyebrow. "Then you have until Amaterasu gives Tayuya this location and they both arrive here to rest." He stated as Amaterasu flew off with a paper in one her talons. At the speed the phoenix was going, they knew they didn't have long. And indeed, only five minutes after they arrived, Tayuya was standing in front of them.

"What are they doing there?" She pointed at the wizards.

"That's their punishment for their arrival yesterday." She just nodded in acceptance.

"What's first in training then?"

"Five laps around the castle for the us ninja, three for the other two."

"You can't be serious?" Ron exclaimed, aghast.

"Do you want it to be four? Then quit moaning and start running. Stop only when you finished or when you collapsed, whichever comes first." And so began the first day of training, or torture, of the two young wizards. However, Naruto soon noticed their different limits and adapted their training exercise as they went. Ron was stronger than the average wizard, which wasn't anything to be amazed at since those born from a magical family tended to do less physical work than muggle civilians. And considering that those civilians did less work than those in the Elemental Nations due to more advanced technologies… Ron was barely noticeable in a ninja's standard. So, Naruto adapted and focused Ron on building endurance and working on his strength in second. Harry thought… He was physically weaker than Ron in all aspects, however it wasn't because of a lack of work, since apparently the Dursley's gave him nearly all the chores, but because he was malnourished. Sure, the last year of Hogwarts started to help with that, but it wasn't enough to fully get him out of it, especially when he spent two months with them again. To compensate, Naruto gave him lighter exercise and told him to eat more, and healthier. Something he kept in mind to talk with the kitchen's house elves as he didn't know a lot about nutrition. Lastly there was Tayuya: as a kunoichi, and a competent one, she was nothing like the other two but her focus as a genjutsu expert made her weaker close ranged, something he intended to rectify. Her training consisted of running laps while wearing weight seals where you could use chakra to adjust the weight manually, or set it to automatically adjust to the ideal maximum weight you could carry while still be able to move. The second method was chosen as, apart from running laps, she also spared with Naruto, who wore similar weights, and tried to learn another jutsu. They trained for several hours before they washed and went to the main hall for breakfast.

"I hate you." Ron said in an emotionless tone as he and Harry looked dead to the world. The hall was steadily filling and more than a few stared fearfully between the two living dead and the one who took them to such state.

"You'll thank me later on." Naruto shrugged with a smile as they glared at him.

"Hi everyone!" Hermione called, receiving different levels of greetings. "Are… you ok?" She asked Harry and Ron, receiving only blank stares that even a dead fish would have troubles to match.

"Never get on Naruto's bad side. Ever." They answered as one, no emotion in their voice whatsoever.

"Naruto what did you do to them?" The witch fearfully whispered at her blond friend.

"Nothing, they're just being big babies right now. They'll be just fine for tomorrow's training, right guys?"

"Tomorrow?" Harry repeated as a lone tear escaped their eyes. "You hear that, Ron? We won't have to suffer more of that today." The two poor wizards nearly hugged each other, their relief so evident that it scared people around more so than if they screamed in terror. Naruto then noticed from the corner of his eyes that Professor Sprout and Lockhart where leaving the teacher's table earlier than the friendly herbology teacher would usually do.

"I have something I want to check, I'll be back for lessons." He made a shadow clone as he made his way to the two teachers. "Tayuya, go with the clone to the office afterwards to talk about our job." As he left, he heard Tayuya mumble about unfair clone jutsu, which made him chuckle. He managed to catch up to the two teachers outside, and the way they were heading proved his suspicions. As he approached them, he heard Lockhart brag about the several times he saw and dealt with Whomping willows, much to Sprout's annoyance. "Hi professors." He announced himself, internally laughing at the relieved look on the squat little witch's face at the lull in bragging.

"Hello Mr. Uzumaki. Is there something you need?" She asked kindly.

"Yes, I was wondering if you were going to tend to the Whomping willow?"

"Yes we are, young Uzumaki. Nothing two great wizards can't do." Lockhart bragged again, but at least this time Sprout was included in it. Surprising since Naruto pegged him as a narcistic bag of hot air since the day he met him. And his… books. How anyone can take those seriously is a mystery to him.

"I was wondering if I could help you." The herbologist was surprised but a frown started to form. "Not in healing the tree, I'm just a student, but from what I heard, the tree isn't really going to cooperate…" He trailed off and Sprout's frown disappeared before it fully formed.

"I appreciate the offer but just as you insinuated, the Whomping willow can be violent so I can't allow a student to help protecting us from it." Naruto sighed.

"Sorry professor but I will have to insist. You just confirmed the tree could harm you as you heal it, and as my new job states, it is my duty to look for the school habitant's security. Be they students or teachers."

"But you are still a student!" She protested, making Naruto give her a kind smile.

"Yes, but when matters concerning security comes up, I am just another colleague. But please don't worry about me: I am tougher than anyone here and I have the ability to regenerate, ability that I don't have to hide anymore. I am confident in my capability to protect you from a single tree."

"If you are sure…" She caved in.

"Yes I am. I mean, just how hard could this be?"

Naruto wanted to curse himself to hell. He just had to said it, didn't he? He just had to jinx himself. The funny thing was that it was going so well at the beginning: The tree was trying to keep them away with a few blows but nothing too hard for Naruto to handle, but then Lockhart just had to use a spell he claimed could calm the tree. And both the herbologist and the ninja were foolish enough to give him the benefit of the doubt. It wasn't as if messing up a calming spell will make a tree berserk, right? Wrong. Not only did the pearly white-toothed idiot mess up and made the tree, a goddamn tree, go berserk. But he also got in Sprout's way, forcing Naruto to take more blows to protect him. And the blond shinobi wasn't amused.

"I will kill him. Then I will carve out his skull and use it as a mug." Naruto thought calmly as the Whomping willow managed to wrap a branch around his left arm and swung him in the air a bit before slamming him on the ground. He felt his bone rattle a bit from the strength of the blow but thankfully the tree let go of him. He rolled to his feet and continued to block and parry the berserk tree's attack. The fact he couldn't attack back as they were here to heal it wasn't making this easier. At least he managed to keep Sprout and Lockhart safe, at the cost of becoming the first anger management toy for a tree. Yes, he felt it important to remind himself of this fact repeatedly.

"Hang on in there, boy, we are nearly finished." The idiot called out.

"You are not doing anything to help, moron!" Naruto curse the fool that now stayed safely out of the tree's reach after Naruto threatened him with bodily harm if he went in Sprout's and his way again.

"Professor, watch out!" He exclaimed as he pushed the short witch out of the way, taking a thick branch to his chest in her place.

'Kurama, was that what it felt to fight against a tree made by the first Hokage?'

"Possibly? I mean the only time I fought him I was under mind control so the memory's a bit fuzzy. Plus, he had to bring the big guns for me so I didn't exactly fight trees."

'Are you sure you don't need help, master?' Amaterasu asked as she watched from the sky.

'Absolutely not, you're not tough enough yet.' He got a mental nod from his phoenix before an idea came to her.

'Master, what about Yui?' Naruto dodged two other branches.

'What about her? Wait, I'm not throwing her at this tree!' He exclaimed in shock at his friend's idea.

"Actually, that might work."

'Kurama!'

"She's a spirit, isn't she? Just summon her with the tree as a base and she should be able to control it."

'And if she can't? Look her get hit?' Naruto retorqued angrily.

"She's a spirit. Remember what she told you? Able to go from a physical body to a spiritual one? The tree won't be able to touch a spiritual being."

'Ok… I don't like it but it's worth a shot.' Naruto blocked another blow meant for Sprout before he took out his wand and aimed it at the Whomping willow.

"Don't harm the tree after all that!" The herbology teacher panicked as she did her best to heal the tree.

"Don't worry, I'm just trying something harmless." Naruto gathered a decent amount of power, hoping it would be enough to give Yui some power over their unruly patient. "Come, Yui!" In a flash of light Yui appeared in front of the tree, but this time she also had a circlet made of branch and leaves on her head.

"Papa!" She exclaimed happily as she saw him, only to be confuse at his pale face. Looking up she understood his problem as the tree prepared all his branches for simultaneous attack from all angle. The sight angered her, but she also knew that her father was helping heal the tree she was summoned from. "No harming papa, bad tree!" She scolded the tree as she raised her right hand, freezing it. "Now calm down and let us heal you." The Whomping willow slowly put his branches in a normal position, only to prepare another strike when Naruto approached. "No harming papa or the nice witch!" She said to the Whomping willow in a voice that brooked no argument. And to the three spectator's astonishment the tree's branches seemed to slump at that.

"Is it… Is it pouting?" Naruto asked in disbelief as he looked at his spirit daughter who smiled as she made her way to him.

"Don't mind it. Look, look! I got a circlet! Do you like it, papa?" Yui asked excitedly, making Naruto give her a warm smile.

"Yes, it goes very well on you, Yui." Her smile became even bigger.

"Papa? A daughter at your age? And where does she come from?" Sprout asked in confusion and shock.

"Long story short: I tried to get to know more about my wand and it created a spirit that is Yui right here. She considers me her dad, and I don't have a problem with that."

"And the tree?" Naruto shrugged.

"I was just hoping that by giving Yui some power when I called her, she would be able to control it. Worked better than expected, thought." Yui nodded happily before spreading her arms, earning herself a hug.

"How interesting, not that I didn't see spirits before in my travels, of course. Why, I had the pleasure to talk to and fight with a few of them myself." Lockhart exclaimed with another rehearsed smile. He was promptly ignored by the hugging pair.

"Then I will go and heal the tree, and thank you for your help Miss. Uzumaki." Professor Sprout said kindly, but tiredly from the recent workout. Yui blinked at her with big wide eyes as she separated from Naruto.

"Papa, she called me Uzumaki?"

"Well you are my daughter are you not? So, you are Yui Uzumaki." He stated, causing tears to gather in her eyes. "Wait, what's wrong Yui? Did I mess up something? Has someone said something bad to you? Are you hurt?" Naruto freaked out.

"I'm so happy!" She exclaimed as she tackled-hugged Naruto. Naruto smiled once more and hugged her once more.

"You thought I was going to change my mind?"

"But I'm not human, so…" She pouted.

"You do realise your grandfather is a giant fox, right?" He whispered to her, his smile growing as she giggled.

"And done." Sprout said as she came back to them. "Now I believe it is time for class. Does your daughter wish to come to the class, Mr. Uzumaki? With the ability she's shown, I doubt she would be in any danger."

"I would love to!" Yui cheered, before continuing in a more subdued tone. "But papa wouldn't be able to keep me here for long with the power he put into me. And we don't know how to change the power output once I'm summoned yet."

"Wait, I could do that?"

"Not yet."

"Damn. Well, I'll call you soon, Yui." Naruto assured her.

"Ok, take care papa." She waved as she disappeared.

"Where does she go to?" Sprout asked.

"No idea." Naruto slumped. "This is still new and I'm pretty sure I know next to nothing about what Yui could do."

"Haha, then keep up the good work and maybe you will discover the spirits' secrets." Lockhart exclaimed.

"Oh, yeah. You said you met and worked with some? So, what do you know?" Naruto asked suspiciously.

"Well, I would love to tell you, but I swore those spirits to never reveal what they could do, so sadly this is a path you will have to travel on your own." It was said with such conviction that many will believe him, but since both herbologist and ninja saw how… useful he was here, heard his constant bragging, and read his poor excuse of books, they didn't believe a word. However, pointing this out will only get the fool to give excuses, empty words, and even more bragging so he was ignored as they made their way to the greenhouses. As they walked, they were subjected to Lockhart's, by now expected, bragging. Naruto wondered if he will ever shut up about his so-called greatness. They walked as quickly as they could as they could to avoid snapping at him, but their irritation grew stronger each seconds they heard him talk. Thankfully they reached the greenhouses, and the other Gryffindor and Hufflepuff students, before they started thinking of ways to kill him and hide his corpse. The students looked surprised to see the three together, especially when both Naruto and Professor Sprout's sported disgruntled expressions and Naruto's dirty clothes. Fighting a tree that liked to send you to the ground, and sometimes throw earth projectiles at you, wasn't a great way to keep clean.

"Oh, hello there!" Lockhart called, beaming at the assembled students. "Just been showing Professor Sprout the right way to doctor a Whomping willow! But I don't want you running away with the idea that I'm better at Herbology than she is! I just happen to have met several of these exotic plants on my travels…" That, was the last straw for Naruto.

"You what?" he growled, surprising everyone. "Listen here you damn idiot: Professor Sprout healed this accursed tree, and I protected both of you from the tree's blows. You have been a nuisance that not only made me take more hits to protect you, but has shown you know nothing about Whomping willows, or about spells that calms plants. Hell, you managed the incredible feat of making the tree go berserk, a tree damnit. And in the end, it isn't you who calmed it, but Yui. So, don't you dare try to get any credit from this, especially when it was my daughter that helped us the most. Are we clear?" He shouted the last part at the surprised popular wizard, who quickly nodded.

"Of course, do not worry, I haven't forgotten the precious help your spirit Yui has given us. But you should not have worried, while this spell had misfired, I had others that would have took care of the situation. Sadly, I couldn't use them in fear of hitting one of you." Lockhart bounced back, avoiding him from losing any credibility in the eyes of his fangirls, and a few fanboys too. Seeing this, Naruto shook his head in disgust.

"Whatever, I have a class right now. And I'm sure you also need to prepare for your own class Professor." Professor Sprout told them to go to the third greenhouse, one that contained some more dangerous plants than the ones they went to last year. Before they left Lockhart held back Harry to have a word with him, much to the boy's confusion and Sprout's displeasure. They stood around tables with two pots, one full with a tufty plant and one empty, colourful fluffy earmuffs, and a container of dark, damp compost. As they waited for the Fool to finish holding back Harry, Naruto noticed several students glancing at him before whispering about the fact he said he had a daughter. The poor students didn't know how good his hearing was, an advantage he won't be telling them anytime soon. Soon, Harry managed to get away from the Fool and the lesson started. Today the subject was re-plotting Mandrakes. When asked what made them special Hermione immediately answered that they were powerful restoratives used to bring transfigured or cursed people to their original state.

"Neat, wonder if it could work on cursed seals?" The shinobi wondered. After all, he had a sister figure in Konoha that still had such a seal on her. The answer also got Gryffindor ten points. The next question was about the danger of the plant. And once again Hermione answered, nearly hitting his head in her haste to raise her hand.

"The cry of the Mandrake is fatal for anyone that hears it."

"Note to self: warn Tayuya to be extremely careful when we go near this place. That's the first time I regret my enhanced senses."

"Precisely, take another ten points." Said Professor Sprout. "Now, the Mandrakes we have here are still very young." She gestured to the pots they had in front of them. "Everyone take a pair of earmuffs." At that Naruto looked at the one in front of him: Orange was its colour, which he didn't mind. As soon as the teacher gave the signal, he put them on, thankful that they appeared to be an enchantment to block sound on them, he didn't fancy dying because of his sharp hearing. Professor Sprout then grabbed the tufty plant by its base and ripped it out of its pot. Naruto was slightly surprised to see that instead of roots it was a small, muddy and extremely ugly baby that popped out of the earth. The teacher then proceeded to put it in the other pot and bury it in compost. A thumbs up to tell the students to take the earmuffs off and she explained that the young Mandrakes will only knock them out for a day, not ideal but better than dead. She explained the exercise and warned them about the Venomous tantacula that was 'teething' while slapping a spiky, dark red plant, making it draw in the feelers that tried to sneak on the Professor. Soon after they started the exercise, groups formed. Harry, Ron, Naruto and Hermione were joined by a curly-haired Hufflepuff that Naruto didn't know.

"Justin Finch-Fletchley." He introduced himself brightly, shaking Harry's hand. "Know who you are, of course, the famous Harry Potter." He then shook Hermione's hand. "And you're Hermione Granger, always top of everything…" She beamed at that, and he shook Naruto's hand. "Along with the other person at the top of the class, Naruto Uzumaki, a ninja, how exciting." Naruto shook his head, amused by the excited boy. "And Ron Weasley. Wasn't that your flying car?" Ron didn't smile when his hand was shook, the memory of a Howler, and the concept of such a letter made Naruto laugh when they told him about it, still fresh in his mind. "That Lockhart's something, isn't he?" He said happily as they filled they pots with dragon-dung compost. Naruto's smile slipped off at the mention of the Fool, even more so when he saw the dreamy look Hermione gained at his mention. Hermione, the smart, top of the class, girl that somehow couldn't see how Lockhart's books are a mess proving he is a fraud by themselves.

"Awfully brave chap, have you read his books? I'd have died in fear if I was cornered in a telephone box by a werewolf, but he stayed cool and _zap_ just fantastic."

"Except his books are a mess." Naruto stated firmly.

"What? No, they aren't." Hermione said, confused about her friend's reaction.

"Really, Hermione?" He shot her a deadpan stare. "You, of all people, don't see a few problems with his books?" She shook her head. "How about the fact that, despite the fact those books are presented as a retelling of events, and I quote: "As they happened", the chronology doesn't make sense. Don't you find it strange how he managed to be at two places at the same time, without a hint about how he made it possible. If he talked about a way to clone himself, I would believe him, but nothing. And that is only one of the things wrong with those books." Naruto ranted, and thankfully a light of understanding passed through Hermione's eyes.

"I see, I suppose he messed up the dates when he wrote. He probably mixes things up with how much happens in his adventures." And Naruto felt the crushing weight of his broken hope.

"No, Hermione. Don't lose yourself in the dark depth of fangirlism. Please come back to us!" Naruto mentally screamed, earning understanding looks from Harry and Ron, it was concerning to see the most logic centred person of the group fall so low. After that they didn't have the luxury to talk as they put their earmuffs on and went to work. And to Naruto's great joy, he had to deal with another type of rebellious plants in the form of the Mandrakes. Those buggers didn't like being de-potted, understandably, but they also didn't want to be re-potted. It wasn't difficult for Naruto to ignore the plants' thrashing with his greater strength, but it was irritating after dealing with the Whomping willow. And that was all they did until the end of class. Next was transfiguration, which Naruto quite liked. After all, it was partly thanks to him trying some advanced transfiguration to test his wand that he created Yui, so he had a lot more respect in it than before.

While the real Naruto had his lessons, his currently only clone was dealing with a hated foe. Paperwork was here. The paperwork for the creation of the ISFEN, the paperwork for establishing his new position in Hogwarts, as well as Tayuya's position, the paperwork needed to send to the wizard's ministry and all of the shinobi villages, with the obvious exception of Orochimaru's sound village…

"Paperwork, paperwork everywhere…" Naruto mumbled swirls in his eyes as he slumped on his office's desk. The office was a simple one, as big as a teacher's office, with a backroom that currently serves as Tayuya's bedroom with a bed and another desk for personal work. The headmaster even provided a weapon rack which currently had a few extra sets of kunai and shuriken on it.

"I just finished exploring." Tayuya announced as she entered the room. She raised an eyebrow at the clone's state. "You alright shitclone?" That made the blond raise his head.

"Shitclone? Why the difference?"

"Cause you're a clone, and it is better for my sanity to not accept there are more shitheads to give me headaches."

"You do realise that as a shadow clone, I think the same way as the original, right? I'm basically another Naruto."

"Details…" She waved him off. "So, want the report?"

"Yes, please."

"Got the basic layout of the castle memorised, it's as defendable as one would expect without taking magic into account. However, it is the secret passages that are going to be a nightmare. I found a several mundane one, but I might've missed a few. That's without counting on the ones probably hidden by magic, and ones impossible to take without using magic."

"Yeah… The castle is full of them. It will be a pain to defend if we have to. If someone that studied in Hogwarts where to try to infiltrate the school, or attack it, we will have to secure and/or seal all the hidden passages. The same if the attacker could have intel on them from a Hogwarts student or alumnus. Thankfully, wizards are at a time of peace right now, so I won't have to ask the Elemental Nations for some help on this job." Tayuya raised an eyebrow.

"Wait, why would they send reinforcement for your job?"

"I'm the best link possible between ninjas and wizards, the ISFEN has only the two of us so our entire force is on this job, and this job serves to better the Elemental Nations' image in the eyes of the wizards, meaning more potential clients for the villages." He answered immediately, making her sweat-drop.

"Ok, I get it. No need to give me all the reasons."

"You're my partner here, of course I'll give you all the reasons." Naruto smiled warmly.

"What?" Tayuya's disbelief was evident. "I'm your subordinate, as you love to remind me. You don't have to explain shit to me in the first place." He tilted his head.

"But I want to be your friend, and I can't do that without trusting you."

"I wanted to end your life not long ago!" The disbelief was still there.

"Bah, water under the bridge by now." He waved her off.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" She exclaimed.

"My condition as a clone gives me a short life. Since I am going to disappear soon, I really don't see the point of hiding what I, and by that I mean the original, feel about some matters. Though I wonder what it would be to have a long life like you guys…" He said with a longing look as he stared past her. Tayuya was dumbfounded, never before has someone asked themselves what shadow clones, which were thinking copies of the user, could feel about their short life expectancy.

"That's… I don't really know how to respond to that?"

"No worries. As I told you, I'll disappear in a short while, so don't worry your pretty head other it." He said absentmindedly as he went back to the nearly finished pile of paperwork.

"Sorry, what did you call me?" Tayuya growled, any feelings of sympathy for the clone momentarily forgotten.

"Hum? Oh, I didn't mean that in a mocking manner. That's just what we think, that you're pretty."

"Wait, what?" Building anger turned to confusion.

"Well, maybe pretty isn't the right word. Beautiful? Yeah, that's more like it."

"What?" A faint blush appeared on her face. Badass kunoichi or not, she was still a girl so being told she was beautiful was nice, especially since it has been a very long time since someone complimented her.

"So, what do you want to do tomorrow?"

"No no no, you don't get to say shit like that out of nowhere and change the subject." She exclaimed.

"What did you say?" Naruto glared at her, making her flinch at the sudden change. "You think what I said is 'shit'? Don't you dare think for a second that I wasn't saying what I thought about you. I find you beautiful, that's the truth. If it's because you lack confidence in yourself then you better stop selling yourself short."

"I wasn't selling myself short, I was just surprised by the sudden compliment, shitclone!" She retorted.

"Oh, sorry then." He calmed down. "But what did you expect? Boss is not blind, of course he will find you beautiful."

"Don't you fucking 'of course' me, it's not like I'm the sexiest girl out there, so what exactly do you like about me?"

"Hey, no fair! I can't tell you that and expect nothing said in return."

"…Fine, but you better choose your question carefully or I'll end your already short life as painful as possible."

"Knowing that I can dispel at will and that you wouldn't get to know what you want?" The clone rolled his eyes, making Tayuya grit her teeth. "Since I told you what we think about your looks in general, what do you think of boss'?"

"Seriously?" She groaned.

"Come on: Handsome? Goofy-looking? Ugly? It isn't complicated to tell."

"Ugh, fine. You're kinda good locking, alright? Can't believe I said that…" She complained at the end. A huge grin appeared on Naruto-clone's face.

"That so? Great! As for your question: Your hair, for one, is definitely a plus. I love their crimson colour. And you?"

"Wait, just my hair? That's it?"

"No, but let's take turns answering." She groaned again.

"Your eyes…" He nodded.

"…To be honest, I can't find anything displeasing in your appearance." Naruto stated seriously, making the kunoichi blush noticeably, before a mischievous glint entered her eyes. She approached the clone slowly, accentuating the sway of her hips, grinning at his sudden gulp and deep blush.

"Oh, so you like everything about my body, captain." She purred in his ear as she leaned into him. "As I told you, you're not bad looking either. Maybe we could… have some fun sometimes?" The sudden aggressive teasing was too much for the clone and he dispelled himself to escape, leaving a laughing Tayuya in the office. "Serves you right for making me blush, shithead!"

At the same time, inside the great hall, Harry and Hermione tried to help Naruto spit out the ramen he was choking. Confusion evident on their face as Naruto was eating calmly before suddenly blushing very bright red and taking some noodles the wrong path.

"Damn clone." He coughed when he could breath again. "And damn Tayuya. If it's a teasing war she wants, a teasing war she'll get." He growled, but it wasn't intimidating with the deep blush he was still sporting.

"Context, please?" Hermione asked. Naruto coughed again as he receded his blush.

"My clones give me all their memories when they dispel, remember?" His friends nodded. "Well, this one dispelled to escape Tayuya's teasing. Don't ask." He added as Ron opened his mouth. They finished their lunch and went outside into the overcast courtyard. Hermione sat down on a stone step, burying her face into 'Voyages with vampires' again. Harry, Ron and Naruto stood and talked about quidditch before they were interrupted by a first year Gryffindor, a mousey-haired boy named Colin Creevey. The boy clutched what looked like a normal muggle camera, and blushed bright red when they caught him staring at Harry.

"Yup, Harry has a fan." Naruto thought drily. Not that he thought badly of the kid when he presented himself, but knowing that Harry didn't want this fame, he couldn't say nothing. As such he cut off the younger student when he explained why he wanted a photo of Harry.

"Excuse me, Colin, right?" The boy nodded excitedly. "Listen to me: I know that you are excited to meet the so-called 'boy-who-lived', I know he is seen as a hero in the wizards' community and I understand your excitation. However, please keep in mind that Harry has no idea about what happened that night. He was a baby, he couldn't protect himself with a spell, or fight back against big bad V because of it. I don't pretend to know how he survived a killing spell, but I do know he lost his parents before he got to really know them. Tell me Colin, if the situation was reversed, would you like to be constantly reminded by everyone about your parent's death?" Colin was shocked at Naruto's words and he shook his head slowly, sadness and guilt clear on his face. "As I said, can't blame you for being excited to meet someone who is a hero in your eyes, but be more tactful next time, ok?" The boy nodded before he turned to Harry again.

"I'm sorry. Hum, would it… Would it be alright that I take a photo, please?" He asked meekly in the end. Before he could get an answer, an annoyingly familiar voice rang.

"Signed photos? You're giving signed photos, Potter?" Loud and scathing, Draco Malfoy's voice echoed around the courtyard. He had stopped right behind Colin, flanked, as always, by his two large and thuggish cronies, Crabbe and Goyle. "Everyone, queue up!" He roared to the crowed. "Harry Potter's giving out signed photos."

"No, I'm not." Said Harry angrily as he clenched his fists. "Shut up Malfoy." Before the usual exchange of insults started between the two groups, Tayuya appeared in the middle of everyone, leaving only Naruto unsurprised.

"So, how did you like our enlightening conversation?" She asked Naruto with a smirk.

"Well…" Naruto pretended to think. "I learned that my clones were far more honest towards people I trust, and that you look even better with a blush." And this time, while she still felt embarrassed inside, Tayuya expected such a comment and didn't blush.

"Excuse me, but aren't you the other savage that was allowed in our school?" Malfoy interrupted condescendingly.

"And what's it to you, brat?"

"I would watch your tongue if I were you, muggle." The Slytherin said darkly. "Or I will teach you who are your betters." Draco threatened, or tried to anyways. What Malfoy didn't know, because most purebloods didn't bother learning anything about lowly muggles, is that he choose the wrong target to try to intimidate.

"Was he seriously trying to be intimidating here?" Tayuya asked Naruto, definitely unimpressed.

"Well… He's just stupid like that."

"What did you say?" Malfoy shouted.

"That you just threatened a member of the school's staff." Naruto answered drily. "You can throw insults at me and get away with it since I'm a student, but that doesn't apply to Tayuya. Not only that but since you threatened someone in front of me, we will see each other in detention Mr. Malfoy."

"What?"

"Don't be surprised, if I remember correctly, your words were: 'I will teach you who are your betters', right? Doesn't that sound like you are planning to harm someone? See me at my office tomorrow for your two hours of detention." Naruto said. "And yes, it is fully in my rights to do so. Our job is to assure the safety of the students, and threats of this type are part of what we can and have to punish. In fact, I'll let Tayuya deal with your punishment." The sinister smirk the kunoichi gave wasn't reassuring for Malfoy.

"What's all this, what's all this?" Asked Gilderoy Lockhart as he made his way through the crowd that had formed around the arguing students. "Who's giving out signed photos?" Naruto sighed.

"No one, the problem has been taken care of already, Professor. But I think it is time to go to class." And just as he said it the bell rung, signalling the beginning of afternoon classes.

The crowd dispersed and soon Naruto, his usual group of friends, plus a curious Tayuya sat in the Defence against the dark art classroom. The room's small talk ended as Lockhart entered. The teacher took a copy of 'Travels with trolls' from Longbottom to show his winking portrait on the front.

"Me." He said, pointing at it and winking as well. "Gilderoy Lockhart, Order of Merlin, Third Class, honorary member of the Dark Force Defence League and five times winner of 'Witch Weekly's' Most Charming-Smile Award_ But I don't talk about that. I didn't get rid of the Brandon Banshee by smiling at her." He waited for them to laugh, and a few smiled weekly while most girls in the class had dreamy look on their face.

"Is this guy serious?" Was the shared thought of two ninjas, a fox and a phoenix looking through a window.

"I see you've all brought a complete collection of my books_ Well done." Lockhart continued. "I thought we'd start today with a little quiz. Nothing to worry about_ Just to check how well you've read them, how much you've taken in…"

"That… Doesn't sound so bad actually. Maybe he will be a decent teacher?" Naruto thought without much conviction. And a good thing he did too, for when he looked at the papers, Naruto became more and more annoyed. "His favourite colour? Secret ambition?" The shinobi quickly looked through the question until he reached the last one.

Question 54: When is Gilderoy Lockhart's birthday, and what would his ideal gift be?

That was Naruto's last straw. He stiffly rose his hand.

"Yes, Mr. Uzumaki?" The Fool was all smile.

"Are you pranking us?" Naruto asked seriously, already knowing the answer.

"What? I don't understand."

"That would be my line, Professor. This quiz of yours has nothing to do with the subject you're supposed to teach. There isn't even the slightest question about even one spell, and it isn't like you don't use spells in your books." Naruto glared at the Fool. "This is a class of Defence Against the Dark Arts, not a meeting of Gilderoy Lockhart's Fanclub."

"Of course it isn't, but the quiz is just to see how well you read the books. If you are able to answer those questions, then I will know you read about the spells I used too." The Fool explained himself, and a few fans of his, mostly girls, glared at the shinobi for doubting him. Not that Naruto cared as he sat down and answered all of the questions by 'I don't give a fuck!', much to Tayuya's amusement, and wrote down all the spells Lockhart wrote about. An hour later, Lockhart took back the papers and rifled through them in front of the class. He was seemingly disappointed that only a few in the class remembered his favourite colour, or that his ideal birthday gift would supposedly be harmony between magic and non-magic people. But when Hermione was mentioned, Naruto paid attention. Time to see how far she fell into her fangir_

"Full marks." The Fool exclaimed. Naruto was shocked. Full marks. When asked, Hermione raised a trembling hand. As the Fool rewarded her perfectly useless knowledge, the young witch made the mistake of looking at Naruto. She flinched at the look of sheer disappointment, that clearly conveyed what he thought.

"I expected better from you."

"Now then, back to business." The Fool said as he bent down behind his desk and lifted a large, covered cage onto it. "Now_ Be warned! As Mr. Uzumaki said, it is my job to arm you against the foulest creatures know to wizardkind! You may find yourselves facing your worst fears in this room. Know only that no harm can befell you whilst I am here. All I ask is that you remain calm." Naruto, despite not having any hope left about the Fool, still perked up a bit. Fool or not, he was surely given the job for a reason. "I must ask you not to scream." The Fool said in a low voice. "It might provoke them." As nearly the whole class held its breath, he whipped off the cover. "Yes. Freshly caught Cornish Pixies." Seamus Finnigan couldn't control himself. He let out a snort of laugher that even the Fool couldn't mistake for a scream of terror. "Yes?" He smiled at Seamus.

"Well, they're not_ They're not very dangerous, are they?" Seamus chocked.

"Don't be so sure." Said Lockhart, waggling a finger annoyingly at Seamus. "Devilish tricky little blighters they can be!"

The pixies were electric blue and about eight inches high, with pointed faces and voices so shrill it was like listening to several budgies arguing. The moment the cover had been removed, they had started jabbering and rocketing around, rattling the bars and pulling bizarre faces at the people nearest them.

"Right then." The Fool said loudly. "Let's see what you make of them!" And he opened the cage. It was pandemonium. The pixies shot in every direction like rockets. Books were thrown around, several pages torn, glass broke, hair pulled, student's running around the room in hopes they wouldn't get attacked… When Neville got caught by two pixies that started to lift him up, Naruto intervened by grabbing them.

"Go back to your cage." He growled, making the pixies nod fearfully and take shelter inside their prison.

"Come on now, round them up, round them up! They're only pixies…" Lockhart shouted. He rolled up his sleeves, brandished his wand and bellowed. "Peskipiksi Pesternomi!" It had absolutely no effect, one of the pixies even seized the Fool's wand and threw it threw a window. He gulped and dove under his own desk. The bell rang and there was a mad rush towards the exit. In the relative calm that followed, Lockhart straightened up, caught sight of Harry, Ron, Hermione, Naruto and Tayuya, who were almost at the door, and said: "Well, I'll ask you five to just nip the rest of them back into their cages." He tried to sweep past them but both Naruto and Tayuya caught his arms in tight grips, both had an eye twitching.

"You trying to drop your problems on us, dumbass?" Tayuya asked in clear irritation.

"You created this mess." Naruto growled. "So you clean it up." And with that they threw the Fool back into the room, made the three others leave the room, slammed the door shut and Naruto even casted the locking charm on the door, fully knowing Lockhart didn't have his want to get out.

"Naruto, that was uncalled for." Hermione lightly scolded, only to receive unamused stares from the two ninjas.

"Like we said Fangirl: His mess, his job to clean it up. Or were you just going to let him dumb his problem on you?" Tayuya asked.

"He just wanted to give us hands on experience." She argued.

"Hands on?" Said Harry in disbelief. "Hermione, he didn't have a clue what he was doing."

"Rubbish." Retorted Hermione. "You've read his books_ Look at all the amazing things he's done…"

"He says he's done." Ron muttered.

"Ron is right. After what I saw both with the Whomping willow this morning and this, I won't believe any of his achievements unless given hard proofs."

"You're unbelievable." Hermione scoffed.

"That's our line!" They all exclaimed at her. If this class showed how DADA classes were going to be this year, Naruto decided to just send a clone and research the spells taught to the second years himself. He just hope the Fool will get better as time pass, because he was already considering begging Dumbledore to replace the teacher for the good of the school.

And that's the end of the chapter. At the beginning I thought I was going to make my chapters follow the book's chapters like I did for the first book, but I felt it was to short. So, not a lot of action in this one, but it is normal since he is back to school. A lot of attempted explanations of the different point of views between wizards and ninjas, while trying to not make you bored through tons of explanation. Hope it worked, wouldn't be surprised if you tell me to re-write them. As usual, all constructive criticism and helpful suggestions will be gladly received. Now to explain some things that might be questioned:

-Tayuya teasing Naruto (via clone) like that: I can hear some "What the hell are you doing!" coming from some of you. That kind of advances, even in teasing, from someone that just recently decided not to kill Naruto? Well… Yeah. Tayuya is clearly not serious about her advances, and is just starting to consider Naruto as a friend. As shown, she isn't very open about what she feels, and isn't used to receive or give honest compliments. However, she was also shown to have a vulgar vocabulary, and don't might dark or vulgar humour. Therefore, she is able to tease him like that for two reasons: Firstly because, while she does find him physically attractive, she isn't seriously considering sleeping with him and doesn't see him romantically. Secondly, he is someone that will joke back with her using her own type of humour. That's something nobody did before and so she can finally stop restraining herself in fear of eventual scolding. In other words, the mischievous glint she gained was when she fully realised that Naruto wasn't going to mind her joking around with him.

-Yui's brief appearance: As stated earlier, Naruto can't use her in battle yet since he would be exhausted too quickly for the moment. He will get better at that so expect Yui to gain more presence as he progresses.

-Naruto's new job: Yeah, another weird position to put him, Head of security. A student and part of the staff. That is going to give him some troubles, especially when he will have other jobs to do in the future. Don't worry, it isn't just a thing I threw in at the last minute because "it will be fun". Facts are that Dumbledore wants relations between wizards and ninjas to become better, plus he knows that because Harry is here his school will need additional protection. And who better to do that than members of an international force representing all ninja villages? The joys of lack of personnel, am I right? So yes, this situation is weird, and unrealistic: that's the whole point!

Also, has nobody thought about how useful Mandrakes would have been in the defence of Hogwarts in the last books? Put a first line of defence to meet the advancing army, equipped with potted Mandrakes and sound cancelling earmuffs. When the time is right: Unleash the sound of DOOM! Seriously, adult Mandrakes' cry kills and younger ones are instant knockout. How useful would that have been for Hogwarts when Voldemort had werewolves know for having great hearing?

It's very funny to have to write this story because it focusses on Naruto's view of the wizarding world, so I have to look for any useful things for his line of work. Like incendio that can set targets on fire, engorgio/reducto where if you mess up you can explode things… I do feel like a psychopath when I spend hours twisting spells that aren't suppose to be dangerous into very efficient weapons, but that's life isn't it: even a stick can be used to kill someone if you do it right.

Hope you enjoyed, and see you next chapter ^^