Making fun of Cats Mary Sues (= the infamous mushy love stories starring a
random tom and a perfect made-up character and blah blah blah) Yes! Crappy
character representations, over-used plot, extreme shallowness, sickening
romance and a made-up you wish to choke!
The things you write when you're bored...*eww*
Disclaimer: I don't own Cats but I unfortunately own the Mary Sue but I really don't care if you poke her in the eye or something. Hate her.
THE CATS MARY SUE PARODY
It was midnight. The full moon was brighter than ever and stars twinkled on the sky like millions of diamonds. Yes, it was time for the Jellicle Ball. Again.
Tumblebrutus and Pouncival were playing hide-and-seek. Victoria was dancing. Etcetera was screaming when she saw Rum Tum Tugger. Jennyanydots and Jellylorum were taking care of the kittens. And all the other characters just hung around doing other stereotypical things that they usually do in fics. (But we'll don't mind them and get right onto the point since they don't really matter.)
Mistoffelees sat alone in the darkest corner of the junkyard. The black and white tom was staring at the moon feeling very strange. He knew that something was happening (he was a magical cat, I tell you)
"Hi Mistoffelees! What are you doing", said Victoria, who had just joined him.
"Nothing special", he replied.
"Is something wrong?" Vicci (Don't you just loooove that nickname?) asked.
"Not really. Well, there is something, but I can't explain it. But thanks for asking, anyway. Not that you really care but this is one of those meaningless conversations, which point out only that I'm a really nice guy though I won't end up with you. Plus, the author wants to be just like you (Not really, but this is a parody)," the incredibly handsome tuxedo tom replied and smiled.
"Ok, then. Bye" she replied and left.
Mistoffelees looked at the moon. Suddenly, he heard something. Someone was walking towards him from shadows!
"Who's there?!?!?!?!?!?!" He asked and prepared himself for a battle.
The shape came into the light. Mistoffelees gasped. He was looking at the most beautiful queen he had ever seen.
(Take a comfortable position, please! This description is gonna be long!) (Yes, these author's notes within the story are a part of the deal)
She was small sized, just like Mistoffelees himself, only a little bit smaller. Her silky, shining coat had the finest shade of moonlight silver mixing perfectly her snow white chest and face with a few, golden spots on it. The tip of her beautiful tail was also white like the full moon as well as her soft paws. She looked like an angel standing in the silvery moonlight that made the grey of her coat look even more wonderful. Her big eyes were sparkling blue like two sapphires or springs. Only a short glance were those two bright stars was enough to hypnotize Mistoffelees. Her other face features were also perfect and stunningly beautiful; the lovely, black nose with the faultless shape and pink lips. Her smile was like a peaceful spring morning or the song of a thousand birds. Her ears were also wonderful with small tips of black on the tip of them. The other ear was silvery like most of her amazing body; the other one was white like a wild lily or fresh milk. The ears made the mysterious queen look special but even more gorgeous.
(INTERVAL! Free coffee and muffins! And onward we go! Come on come on! Don't you die on me now! We're already halfway there! Says someone who is about to drown in her own vomit right now)
She was wearing a pink silk ribbon on her neck. It might have been only a ribbon but when worn by that goddess it looked like a diamond necklace or a wreath of blooming lilies and roses. It was as if the goddess of beauty had taken form of a female cat. There was something fascinating about her; at the same time she looked virtuous and innocent and wise as well as strong like a tiger and fragile like a snowflake. Actually, she looked just like Jemima but where Jemima's coat was black and red, hers was silver with the few, wonderful golden spots as if the rising sun had seen her beauty and cried a few golden tears than fell on her smooth, shiny fur and finished the great work of art mother nature had given her when she was born. Yes, this was indeed the most beautiful thing Mistoffelees had ever seen in his whole life. (Phew!) (Yes, I know it's lacking terribly in detail but I hope you got the basic picture of the character)
She walked to Mistoffelees with the most perfect movements and he felt his whole body tingling as she moved closer. He couldn't take his eyes off this wonderful creature, he couldn't!!! He didn't even dare to blink although he thought he was going blind of all the beauty in front of him.
"Hello", she said and Mistoffelees caught a sight of her perfectly white and flawless teeth. They were like pearls or sparkling jewels. Her tongue was salmon red and soft. (Getting sick of this yet?) And that voice! It was music! Every word she said (in this case, THE word) sounded like poetry. Her voice was gentle and he could only imagine how she sang!
"My name is Mistostrapnightdancerrmoonlightstaremimasymphony. But you can call me Misto-Symphony (Don't you just love that name?) (Have you ever noticed that all the Mary Sue names sound like strip clubs, racehorses, boats or drinks?) I'm looking for the Jellicles. And yes, this is how I talk to every single strange tom a meet", she said and once again her silvery coat with the pretty fair spots shone on the darkness and her sapphire eyes glittered.
"I-I-I..." Misto said. He was still stunned by Misto-Symphony's charming beauty.
"I'm Mistoffelees", he finally said gulping, "And I'm a Jellicle"
"Oh! You have o help me!" she cried, "Macavity, the mystery cat is after me! He wants to be my mate 'cause I'm a magical cat!"
"What?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!" Mistoffelees said, "I'm a magical cat too! And I will help you!"
"Really? I thought I was the only magician!" she said and smiled her wonderful smile that could make the sun shine when it rained. Mistoffelees knew it: he was in love.
"Come on! Let's go to the junkyard!" Mistoffelees said and they left.
---
What will happen? Will Mistofflees confess his love to Mistostrapnightdancermoonlightstaremimasymphony? Will they become mates? (Boy, that's a toughie!) Will Macavity have another evil yet pointless and extremely stupid plan to enslave the Jellicles or do something else as meaningless and will he succeed? And most of all: is the author bored enough to write more of this crap? Stay tuned for the possible second chapter of THE CATS MARY SUE PARODY!
The things you write when you're bored...*eww*
Disclaimer: I don't own Cats but I unfortunately own the Mary Sue but I really don't care if you poke her in the eye or something. Hate her.
THE CATS MARY SUE PARODY
It was midnight. The full moon was brighter than ever and stars twinkled on the sky like millions of diamonds. Yes, it was time for the Jellicle Ball. Again.
Tumblebrutus and Pouncival were playing hide-and-seek. Victoria was dancing. Etcetera was screaming when she saw Rum Tum Tugger. Jennyanydots and Jellylorum were taking care of the kittens. And all the other characters just hung around doing other stereotypical things that they usually do in fics. (But we'll don't mind them and get right onto the point since they don't really matter.)
Mistoffelees sat alone in the darkest corner of the junkyard. The black and white tom was staring at the moon feeling very strange. He knew that something was happening (he was a magical cat, I tell you)
"Hi Mistoffelees! What are you doing", said Victoria, who had just joined him.
"Nothing special", he replied.
"Is something wrong?" Vicci (Don't you just loooove that nickname?) asked.
"Not really. Well, there is something, but I can't explain it. But thanks for asking, anyway. Not that you really care but this is one of those meaningless conversations, which point out only that I'm a really nice guy though I won't end up with you. Plus, the author wants to be just like you (Not really, but this is a parody)," the incredibly handsome tuxedo tom replied and smiled.
"Ok, then. Bye" she replied and left.
Mistoffelees looked at the moon. Suddenly, he heard something. Someone was walking towards him from shadows!
"Who's there?!?!?!?!?!?!" He asked and prepared himself for a battle.
The shape came into the light. Mistoffelees gasped. He was looking at the most beautiful queen he had ever seen.
(Take a comfortable position, please! This description is gonna be long!) (Yes, these author's notes within the story are a part of the deal)
She was small sized, just like Mistoffelees himself, only a little bit smaller. Her silky, shining coat had the finest shade of moonlight silver mixing perfectly her snow white chest and face with a few, golden spots on it. The tip of her beautiful tail was also white like the full moon as well as her soft paws. She looked like an angel standing in the silvery moonlight that made the grey of her coat look even more wonderful. Her big eyes were sparkling blue like two sapphires or springs. Only a short glance were those two bright stars was enough to hypnotize Mistoffelees. Her other face features were also perfect and stunningly beautiful; the lovely, black nose with the faultless shape and pink lips. Her smile was like a peaceful spring morning or the song of a thousand birds. Her ears were also wonderful with small tips of black on the tip of them. The other ear was silvery like most of her amazing body; the other one was white like a wild lily or fresh milk. The ears made the mysterious queen look special but even more gorgeous.
(INTERVAL! Free coffee and muffins! And onward we go! Come on come on! Don't you die on me now! We're already halfway there! Says someone who is about to drown in her own vomit right now)
She was wearing a pink silk ribbon on her neck. It might have been only a ribbon but when worn by that goddess it looked like a diamond necklace or a wreath of blooming lilies and roses. It was as if the goddess of beauty had taken form of a female cat. There was something fascinating about her; at the same time she looked virtuous and innocent and wise as well as strong like a tiger and fragile like a snowflake. Actually, she looked just like Jemima but where Jemima's coat was black and red, hers was silver with the few, wonderful golden spots as if the rising sun had seen her beauty and cried a few golden tears than fell on her smooth, shiny fur and finished the great work of art mother nature had given her when she was born. Yes, this was indeed the most beautiful thing Mistoffelees had ever seen in his whole life. (Phew!) (Yes, I know it's lacking terribly in detail but I hope you got the basic picture of the character)
She walked to Mistoffelees with the most perfect movements and he felt his whole body tingling as she moved closer. He couldn't take his eyes off this wonderful creature, he couldn't!!! He didn't even dare to blink although he thought he was going blind of all the beauty in front of him.
"Hello", she said and Mistoffelees caught a sight of her perfectly white and flawless teeth. They were like pearls or sparkling jewels. Her tongue was salmon red and soft. (Getting sick of this yet?) And that voice! It was music! Every word she said (in this case, THE word) sounded like poetry. Her voice was gentle and he could only imagine how she sang!
"My name is Mistostrapnightdancerrmoonlightstaremimasymphony. But you can call me Misto-Symphony (Don't you just love that name?) (Have you ever noticed that all the Mary Sue names sound like strip clubs, racehorses, boats or drinks?) I'm looking for the Jellicles. And yes, this is how I talk to every single strange tom a meet", she said and once again her silvery coat with the pretty fair spots shone on the darkness and her sapphire eyes glittered.
"I-I-I..." Misto said. He was still stunned by Misto-Symphony's charming beauty.
"I'm Mistoffelees", he finally said gulping, "And I'm a Jellicle"
"Oh! You have o help me!" she cried, "Macavity, the mystery cat is after me! He wants to be my mate 'cause I'm a magical cat!"
"What?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!" Mistoffelees said, "I'm a magical cat too! And I will help you!"
"Really? I thought I was the only magician!" she said and smiled her wonderful smile that could make the sun shine when it rained. Mistoffelees knew it: he was in love.
"Come on! Let's go to the junkyard!" Mistoffelees said and they left.
---
What will happen? Will Mistofflees confess his love to Mistostrapnightdancermoonlightstaremimasymphony? Will they become mates? (Boy, that's a toughie!) Will Macavity have another evil yet pointless and extremely stupid plan to enslave the Jellicles or do something else as meaningless and will he succeed? And most of all: is the author bored enough to write more of this crap? Stay tuned for the possible second chapter of THE CATS MARY SUE PARODY!