It had been a long day for Sollux, and hacking into Eridan's shit was both easy and normally amusing, so long as he didn't click on anything labeled March. That had been both a terrifying experience, and one hell of a lecture from Feferi about other people's privacy. But, having learned that lesson, he felt pretty safe going through the computer now. Today he had consulted KK and as per his suggestion was now digging through Eridan's chat logs to search for any suitable blackmail material.

He had been hoping for some love confession after a blocking, or maybe some embarrassing secrets on anyone (Eridan's talent for gossip could be useful at times), but he had stumbled across something even better. What he had found was a hoard of carefully hidden old chat logs, that the fishdick must have thought he'd deleted. Everything he could possibly wish for was here, not only had he found hundreds of old logs of Eridan doing nothing but talking to himself, but he'd also found a collection where Eridan had actually pretended to be someone else using a secondary computer. It was pathetic, in an entirely platonic way.

Astonished at his finding, Sollux had wasted no time in calling Karkat over to share in this new treasure. It had taken some convincing to get him to come over, but reading the first line of one of his favorites so far had done the trick.

When the other finally got there, the fun really began.

"Look at thith, lother imperthonated FF. Letth thee what he hath to thay to her."

Karkat, who was now in control of the computer clicked on one of the more recent logs.

The file was not what they expected.

caligulasAquarium began trolling cuttlefishCuller at 2:34 am

CA: Hey Fef, listen, I know things haven't been great between us, but I've been really been stress out with feeding your mom.

CA: I know you really miss her, but hey, at least now we don't haft'a worry about everyone dying on us.

CA: Would you like to come over for a feelings jam and ice cream?

CC: I can't come over, guards got set up 'cause mom died, but we can talk on here?

CC: And I understand, I know how much that job sucked for you.

The two nerds glanced over at each other, this had not been what they were expecting. Starting to become cautious, Sollux tried to look unaffected and made a new suggestion.

"Let'th try on of thothe rambling thelf chath inthead. should be thomething in there."

Kakart hesitantly opened up another folder, this time clearly just Eridan talking to himself. The first half was mostly about how dumb doing this was, so they bypassed that to get something they hoped was good.

caligulasAquarium began trolling caligulasAquarium at 3:47 am

CA: I'm just done being alone, and if talking to myself helps makes this awful feeling go away, fine, I'll just act crazy then.

CA: It's just driving me insane, every time I walk away from a kill, knowing that grub will never survive.

CA: Knowing their fate is my fault.

CA: Who knows what they could have grown up to be, if I didn't fuck all of it up.

CA: But I can't not, or everyone dies.

CA: It sucks and there's no way out, I can't leave Fef to do it, she'd never manage and it's not fair to put the job on her, but I'm a monster for doing it, and a monster if I don't and I can't I can't I can't I can't.

CA: In lighter news, I talked ta Kar today

CA: I think he was in a good mood, he actually talked to me a little before blocking me

CA: Most just silly little things, but it's better than nothing

CA: I mean, he made fun of me a little for being desperate

CA: But it's not like I'm not

CA: So I guess he gets to

CA: Honestly, I disgust me most of the time

CA: I'm way too clingy and gross and I can't handle being left alone

CA: But I can't stop myself, I'm awful for it, but I can't even handle a month on my own

CA: Can't just troll up and take care'a myself

CA: No I'm'a desperate loser who can't be take being alone.

CA: Half the time I think I should just off myself so they don't have to deal with me

CA: But If I do then Fef has to take care of her mom by herself an' I know she can't handle that

Right there was where the both of them chose to stop reading. Neither was feeling particularly good about themselves right now, and both were quite engrossed with recalling various conversations they had recently had with Eridan. Almost all of which had involved name calling on some level, name-calling related to many of the things Eridan had said about himself.

Name-calling that when reflected upon with new information, seemed to cross the line into bullying. Or honestly at a few low points something akin to torture.

Names such as Grub-killer, or slut. Attention-whore also sprung to mind.

The two of them glanced at each other, not knowing what to say.

Finally Karkat spoke up.

"Want to pretend we never saw this?"

Which Sollux met with a quick nod before going back to his computer to remove the files. and cover his tracks.

Still, pretending can only go so far, and as the two of them found out later that night, it can't erase a guilty feeling. Nor can you unlearn something when you know what you'd learned was right, and what Sollux and Karkat learned that night was that they were total assholes to Eridan.

It wasn't just them either, once they'd noticed it, they couldn't unnotice it. All they could see whenever someone would interact with Eridan was those stupid logs and how those asshole were probably making it worse. And it wasn't just what others were doing either, it was the way Eridan was reacting to them. Little things they've never noticed before.

Like how when Feferi would tell Eridan her mom was getting hungry so he'd have to go out again soon, sure he puffed up his chest like he always did and made his usual statements about how good of a hunter he was, but now Sollux noticed a little tremble in his hand when he gripped him gun. How he leaned against his Lucus before they went out, looking like he was about to cry, when he thought no one was looking.

To be fair, no one was supposed to be looking, and Sollux was seriously starting to question how much he was invading the others privacy by hacking into various video systems around the hive. Along with diving back into the logs. He hadn't meant to, but the more he read, the less he was able to stop himself and the more worried he became.

It wasn't his fault though, he was starting to seriously worry about Eridan's mental health and there was no other way to check up on him without admitting to having read the logs. Already he had been dodging having any sort of conversation with him because he had no idea how to anymore.

As Eridan departed, Sollux started to roll that statement around in his head. The more he did, the more he realized how horrifyingly awful it was. He didn't know how to interact with Eridan without picking on him for things he had major insecurities about. Which lead him to the conclusion that every time he and quite possibly several of their other friends had talked with Eridan they had made the insecurities worse. For fuck's sake they had probably caused half of them.

Finally it became impossible for him to stay with his own thoughts any longer, and with no one else he could talk to, Sollux pulled up his chat client and clicked on Karkat's handle.