Chapter 4 - Repression

"Adara, have you seen Abell? I've been running around the palace trying to find him."

I bend over, covering my face with my hands.

"Adara?"

"Sol," I whisper the words I have been dreading to say aloud, "Abell is dead."

I hear the beeps of a heart rate monitor as I wake up. I guess I'm in the hospital wing, but I can't remember why.

Maybe it was the lack of drugs in my system?

"Addy!"

Someone sees that I'm up. My eyes are still adjusting, and I can't make out who this stranger is. The voice sounds familiar and the thought of who it could be scares me.

No. Not him. Not bloody him.

Sol's face enters into my line of sight and I curse.

"Sol." I try to smile but memories begin to flood into my mind and it takes everything inside of myself to stay calm.

He smiles back. The mole on the edge of his chin is still hiding in a place no one would think of looking. His smile is still brighter than life. Nose still pronounced but perfect for his facial structure. Hair still tousled and light brown. But his crystal clear blue eyes hold a look of worry I have seldom seen before.

"Addy, you scared the shit out of me back there." he breaths out a sigh and runs a hand through his hair.

I take note of his tense stance, the way is hands clench and unclench, causing a ripple effect to happen up his arms through his muscles. I am surprised he became fit enough to be able to see his muscles through his dress shirt.

"Damn, Sol. Been at the gym every day for the past two years?" I grin devilishly.

He seems taken aback at first but then begins to visibly loosen up.

"Same ol' Addy. As vivacious and eloquent as ever." he chuckles.

I missed that laugh.

I sigh, staring at him as his shoulders move up and down, back arching as he lets music pour from his lips.

He catches my gaze and stops his laughter.

"I really missed you, Adara." He says softly, stepping closer to my hospital bed. "I have so much I want to tell you. So many things I should've said when I was here last, or even before then. I hope you'll find time to hear what I have to say."

He left. He left me, crying in front of a gravestone. My brother's gravestone. I have to remember that.

"You hurt me, Sol." I whisper.

He rests his hands on mine and bends down to look me in the eyes. I can smell his scent. The one I always loved. Like pine and an ocean breeze.

"I have no excuse for my behavior that day, except that I lost my best friend and couldn't handle the hurt I was feeling. I didn't want to be near you or let you see me in such a state while you were also grieving. I felt like my staying at the palace would be detrimental to your well-being. A constant reminder of the brother you lost." He uses his thumbs to massage my hands and it calms me the way it always used to. "Addy, I was young and lost and didn't know how to handle myself or take care of the girl I loved in that situation. Maybe it was cowardly, maybe I was too emotional to make a good decision for myself and for you. I honestly can't explain to you what came over me. Only that in the moment, I felt like I would only serve as a reminder of Abell. I know now that it was a naïve and detrimental thing to do to leave you on your own and leave little Hannela as well, and I can't begin to express how truly sorry I am."

Tears fall down my face. Sol leans in and kisses my cheek as they cascade down.

"I am so sorry Dara." He says in a shaky voice. "I'm so sorry."

And we stay like that. Crying as memories of the friendship and love we shared came back from the depths of our minds. Letting the past two years of sorrow and separation add more tears to the puddles on my hospital gown and his white shirt.

"I don't know how or if you could ever forgive me, but please let me stay in this competition, Dara. Let me show you how much you have always meant to me and what I am willing to do to get you back." He murmurs, kissing my temple. "Let me show you how hard it was to leave."

I missed you so much Sol...

"Okay."

I know I have been MIA for a really long time. Sorry about that. I'm going to uni this autumn so I have been trying to get everything set up for that. I hope you liked this chapter. The reason I wrote it was because of a recent review, which reminded me that I had stories on here. LOL. So thank you, reviewers. You honestly make me want to write more. :) I hope you all continue to read and review my stories, and I promise you that the more reviews and PM's I get, the more I feel the need to write. It honestly motivates me. So thank you!