AN: Hey, hey, hey! It's Bonesboy15 with a new fic, isn't that wonderful? ...No? Well, seems like I've got some splainin to do, so pop a squat and shut your trap. This story is the first of several one-offs I've thought up that could have the potential to be their own stories if I so decide, like Pilot episodes of television shows.

If they do well, then maybe you'll get to see another season. If not, then this'll be it.

So enough of my chatter, let's get this show on the road!

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or Percy Jackson and the Olympians. If I did, I wouldn't be on this site sadly.

Ramen Addicted Rationalist

"For those just tuning in, it's ten in the morning on June 1st, 2006. And now we turn to our weatherman Sharon Storm. Sharon, please tell me it's going to be a beautiful day today?"

"Sorry, Steve, but we've got thunderstorms not only expected later today, but for the rest of the week!"

Click.

"–You can't just say things like that, Bones."

Click.

" –Wabbit season!"

Click.

" –I don't know, what's a motto with –"

Click.

The television screen went blank and the thumb that had been pressing down on the remote's channel button hovered while the owner watched the black screen. A blue line spread across the television and began to move when an obviously disguised voice came through the speakers along with "Stars and Stripes Forever" playing in the background.

"Citizens of these United States of America." The couch creaked as the television viewer set the remote down next to him and leaned forward. "You have been lied to. Your government – the people you chose to lead and protect you, who you should trust without a shadow of a doubt – has been and continues to this very moment to lie to you."

Fingertips steepled together as glaucous eyes narrowed on the screen. "So...you chose to make a move today? Interesting."

"Black operations continue to occur in several 'friendly' allied countries. Terrorist cells given leeway when bargaining with our intelligence agencies. United States citizens being spied upon, every call monitored, every credit card charge checked. Your president boldly lies to you about what he knows and is even kept out of the loop to ensure he doesn't prevent 'unconfirmed' acts of war."

"No duh." Scoffed the viewer. He sat back and grabbed a small cell phone riddled with scratches, bite marks and even a red stain on the back. As his thumb glided over the phone's keypad, he snorted. "I'm going to enjoy sending you to prison, Mr. Adam Mitchell."

"These are not acts of freedom. They are not acts promoting democracy. These are acts of terrorism, to keep the world under the United States' control. Well, I won't have any more of it. There are four bombs–"

"–In New York City, yadda, yadda, yadda..." The television viewer sat back and held his phone to his ear. "You there? Good. Listen very carefully to what I have to say. There are no bombs. Yes, I'm sure. Send the police to a complex with a store at the base, a Pete's Pawn Shop, third floor, fifth room down the hall on the right. Room 305, the zero is gone; he'll be on the toilet with an Alienware laptop. Alienware. Yes, it's a thing. Just look for the idiot on the toilet."

He hung up his phone and set it down next to him as he looked back at the television. "They better catch this idiot. I practically gift wrapped him for them."

"If the US government does not pay me and reveal the requested retracted documents, then you, the people that are lied to, will suffer for it."

"Okay, that was pretty clever," the television viewer said with a smirk. He sat back and looked at his wrist, where a gray watch was strapped. "And in...Five minutes, I'll get to prove that I'm more clever."

The television screen went black once again and the viewer shook his head as a newscaster tried to recover from the sudden hijacking of his airtime. A hand went up to scratch the back of his short honey blond hair covered head. The television viewer got up at the sound of a beeping and walked over to his stove in his studio apartment. His hand went to the dial and he turned off the stove. He poured the contents of his pot into bowl and grinned as the steam rose up into his face.

"Hello, noodles of Inari."

There was a knock at the door and he turned to it with a grimace on his face. He looked back at his bowl and then to the door. With a frustrated growl, he moved his bowl into his microwave and then walked over to the door to open it.

A man wearing a black suit stood on the other side of the door. His hair ended at his shoulders and was black like a raven's feathers. His face narrow and strong while his blood red eyes had a hardened warlike gaze in them.

"You interrupted my noodle time, Sasuke."

A dark brow on Sasuke's face arched up. "You're practically naked, Naruto."

Naruto looked down past his defined abdominal muscles to his boxers and then looked back up at Sasuke. "...It's my apartment, there's no law against being naked in my own home is there Special Agent Uchiha?"

"You love to take shots at me after I get promoted, don't you?" Sasuke snorted and walked into the apartment, brushing past Naruto as he did. He shoved blankets off of the couch and plopped down on it, his eyes on the news while Naruto went back to his microwave. "So, how'd you know where to find Soundwave? I don't have to book you again for being an accomplice, do I?"

"That was one time...and it wasn't like the charges stuck." Naruto rolled his eyes as he stirred his ramen with orange chopsticks. Naruto captured a few noodles with his utensils and brought them up to his mouth to slurp them down. With a blissful sigh, Naruto walked over and sat down on the other end of the couch. "Alright, I know who he was, because the idiot pulled a similar stunt on his principal when he was in high school. He never changed his 'name' then, nor did he change his password after he graduated. I knew he'd be on the toilet because there are few people in the country who don't feel secure when they're on the john. I knew he'd use his laptop because I had an old acquaintance of mine from the NSA pull some records."

Sasuke blinked and furrowed his brows. "How did you know who he was though?"

"Stumbled across this plan on a private investigation a week ago. Wasn't supposed to happen until the Fourth, give it 'significance'." Naruto rolled his eyes and slurped down more ramen. "As though a bomb threat wouldn't make it memorable."

"Threats are easily forgotten."

"Yeah, I know. Still, the kid wanted to 'inform the people'." Naruto scoffed and put more ramen in his mouth. "The people do have a right to know, but that doesn't mean they want to, let alone are ready to. There are some things that are still too dark for the public to learn."

"...You know, if I wasn't sure you knew the code to my life savings and the checking account for my fiancé's wedding, I'd have a warrant and I'd be looking into your so-called contacts." Sasuke noted as he looked around the small apartment. "Why do you still live here?"

Naruto looked at him with noodles hanging out of his mouth. He slurped them up and shrugged. "It's comfortable, functional and affordable-."

"Your father is a millionaire." Sasuke drawled with a pointed look. "You could be in the penthouse suite of the Baxter Building."

"That's not a real building. Doesn't count." Naruto lifted his bowl up to his mouth and slurped down the broth, which made Sasuke cringe in disgust. He lowered the bowl and sighed happily. "Oh, Olympus that's so good...And just because Dad has money, doesn't mean I want to use it. That's his."

"Still got daddy issues?"

Naruto glared at the smirking boy. "You know, if I killed you right now, I could proclaim and make it look like it was in self defense."

"Yeah, but you won't." Sasuke chuckled and dusted his pants off as the news came to an end. "I let you finish your ramen out of courtesy and our friendship. C'mon, I've got a job for you."

Naruto grimaced and set his bowl on the table beside him. "A job? You make me sound like a mercenary. Call them cases, please."

"You're good, but you're not that good." Sasuke walked over to the door. "Get dressed, you've got five minutes before I call a judge to get a warrant."

"...You'd do it anyway just for the hell of it." Naruto frowned. Sasuke stopped, turned around with a smirk on his face and reached into his jacket. He pulled a folded up piece of paper out and dropped it on the table beside the door. Naruto glared at him. "Don't just drop it there, it'll get lost in the mess! Misplacing a federal warrant is a federal crime, you know!"

"That wouldn't happen if you found someone to be the next Mrs. Namikaze to tidy the place up." Sasuke shut the door behind him as he walked out.

"Sexist bastard." Naruto snorted and kicked the trunk that was repurposed into a coffee table. The lid opened and the papers that were sprawled across it slid to the floor. As Naruto rummaged through his clothes hidden within the trunk, he recalled Sasuke's words and rolled his eyes. "I don't need to find anyone since you, Kushina and Dad keep trying to hook me up with random girls."

"How can you listen to this guy rant and rave about capitalism like it's been sent from the gods?" Naruto asked as he reached for the radio dial, to turn off the raving John O'Malley. Sasuke, without taking his eyes off the road, reached over and slapped his hand. Naruto recoiled with a grimace. "Ow! Ass."

"Driver rights: I control the radio. Unwritten law of courtesy when being a passenger in another's car," Sasuke said. He spared a glance over at his friend and shook his head. "Those are the best clothes you could find?"

"What's wrong with my clothes?" Naruto frowned. He was dressed comfortably in faded and possibly used jeans, brown leather sandals, and an orange shirt with a cooked pie slice pulled back and various math symbols pouring out of it. Over his shirt was a brown leather jacket that fit to his build perfectly.

"You look like a child that just rolled out of bed."

Naruto looked at Sasuke like he'd grown a second head. "I'm twenty-two!"

"I'm barely older than you are and I'm dressed professionally," Sasuke said. "When you're being leased out by the FBI–"

"First of all, I'm not employed by the FBI, I work alongside the FBI, Special Agent Uchiha." Naruto corrected sternly. He drew his hand over his shirt. "Secondly, these are the clothes of a modern college student, which I am–!"

"Online!" Sasuke glared at him. "You could get through any college class with ease, but you don't because you are without a doubt the laziest bastard I've ever met!"

Naruto pursed his lips for a moment and afterwards nodded as he conceded to that fact. He still crossed his arms and slumped down in his seat. "I don't see why you're so mad."

Sasuke turned to him when they stopped at a red light. "You are purposely dragging your feet, Naruto. You know that the second you graduate from college, your name and your doctorate will wind you up as prime material to receive praise from your mother. She'll send you the coin."

"She's not going to send me 'the coin'," Naruto said with a roll of his eyes. "And the reason I've been 'dragging my feet' is because I'm waiting for today's technology to catch up with my father's work, so that my theoretical studies and equations can be made practical and I can actually do some good for the planet."

"Yeah, sure..." Sasuke looked away as the light changed. They drove in silence for a moment before Naruto smirked and looked at Sasuke.

"Kushina put you up to that, didn't she?"

"...She blackmailed me. Threatened to help my fiancé pick a wedding date." Sasuke grumbled. He tapped the phone set on the dash and it turned off. "Speaker was on."

"Ah, you played a CD to hide the background noise on her end. Very clever, Special Agent Uchiha," Naruto said with a chuckle. He relaxed in his seat with a smile on his face and glanced out the window. He blinked when they passed a street sign that he hadn't gone past in several years. "Where exactly is this case?"

Sasuke shifted slightly in his seat. "Just a bit outside the city."

Naruto swiveled back to glare at Sasuke. "Outside the city...where?"

"Look, don't worry about it. Why don't you recline the seat and take a quick nap? Keep that freaky mind of yours nice and rested for the case, Sherlock." Sasuke gave his friend a small grin and turned back to the road. Naruto didn't blink. His glaucous eyes narrowed suspiciously and an intimidating glare was locked on his friend.

"Sasuke."

Sasuke made the mistake of looking at his blond friend. He looked back at the road and had to slam on the breaks to keep from rear-ending the car in front of him. He glanced back at Naruto. "It's just a small job."

"...I've got another case I'm already working on." Naruto sat back and looked at the road as the light turned green. "You can take me home."

"That is bullshit and we both know it." Sasuke's red eyes gained a rare pleading gleam. "Just take a look at it."

"I don't want anything to do with that place. They're outdated, foolish, and hormonal children. Not to mention the notion of heroism is completely irrational," Naruto scoffed. "Look at yourself. You dropped out of high school and enlisted to be a hero. Now you suffer from PTSD, which has caused you to delay your own wedding out of fear that your own wife-to-be would be put in danger or her heart would be crushed by your own demise."

"That's not the point."

"Not to mention their own stupidity when it comes to the words 'good' and 'evil'."

"It's for Chiron, Naruto!" Sasuke cut his friend off with a frustrated yell. Naruto turned to look at him and Sasuke exhaled sharply as he relaxed his grip on the wheel. "He's calling in his one request. Something's happened."

Naruto frowned and narrowed his eyes. "Tell me what you know."

Naruto slammed the passenger door shut and walked up to the archway that hung over the dirt road that led into the strawberry fields. He looked across the hood of the car at Sasuke. "I hate you."

"I'm a Federal agent. You hating me means I'm doing my job." Sasuke nodded towards the dirt road. "Get walkin', Owl-head."

Naruto shook his head. "Cabin Five has the worst insults for people."

It was a shorter walk than he remembered, most likely due to his growth over the years. He remembered the first time his Dad and stepmother dropped him off. He was fourteen at the time and had just fought off his first monster, a Cyclops. It was a stupid thing, easily tricked to ripping out its own eye with its hand to prove that there was a large brain behind it.

Of course, his father had to tell him about his mother and Kushina started to look up various bodyguards, all of whom Naruto dispatched of with ease – though he was a bit short on his inheritance now due to the hospital bills his father made him pay. What? He was a master at short staff and was a much smarter fighter. He didn't need some ex-Jarhead to protect him.

"Oh shit."

Sasuke's hushed exclamation made Naruto glance at him and then back at the object his friend's red eyes were locked on. Thalia's Pine, the source of the protective barrier around the area, stood tall at the top of Halfblood Hill...but it was not proud by a long shot.

"Look at the rot on the bark." Naruto observed as he drew closer. He rushed ahead and began to inspect the pine. He crouched down to the base with an intrigued hum. Naruto pointed at the base and looked to Sasuke. "There, see that?"

"What? The dirt?" Sasuke asked, disinterestedly. "C'mon, we have to meet Chiron."

"Not yet. Open your eyes. Observe. Be the sniper you were trained to be," Naruto said. He pointed insistently at the base. "Do you see it?"

Sasuke rolled his eyes and crouched down next to his friend. Red eyes scanned the grass and bark, but before he was about to dismiss the scene, he noticed something. "The roots aren't visible."

"Exactly," Naruto said. He put his hand on the bark and easily chipped some away. "This pine is rotting, dying as it were, but like all living things, it's trying to prolong its life by sending its roots deeper to get more nutrients. This causes the tree's base to sink into the ground, but the rot is being noticed. Look here, nature's workers are already starting to make a home."

Sasuke watched a few ants scurry out of the hole in the tree and frowned. "What does this mean?"

"That things are a lot worse than what you've told me. Frankly, I'm surprised I wasn't brought in the barrier was brought down. It's offensive, actually." Naruto pursed his lips.

"Well, I didn't want to risk you saying no."

The two young men looked up at the sound of the voice. A creature with the body of a white stallion walked up to them. From where his neck would be was a human torso, dressed smartly like a professor, but with a quiver and bow on his back. By the appearance of the man's face he could easily be mistaken for a middle-aged man. He had dark brown hair and a neatly trimmed beard.

"Chiron," Sasuke said as he stood up.

Chiron gave him a small smile. "Mr. Uchiha."

"He goes by Special Agent Uchiha, actually," Naruto said. He stood and gave the centaur a look from the corner of his eyes before he looked back at the tree. "How long ago did the barrier fall?"

"A week ago," Chiron said. "The year round campers have been holding their own well enough, but the gods are furious."

"Yes, I'd think Zeus would be rather upset at the poisoning of his daughter's pine," Naruto said. He reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone.

"Mr. Namikaze, cell phones are not allowed-"

"I'm well over your limits of authority, Chiron," Naruto said with a small glare. He looked back at his phone and proceeded to take several pictures with it. He pocketed his phone and looked to Sasuke. "You should go talk to some of Demeter's children as well as Mr. D, find out what he's been doing about this."

Sasuke grimaced. "Do I have to?"

"You're the G-Man, Sasuke," Naruto said. He put a hand on his chest and smirked. "I'm just a consultant."

"I was told you were a private investigator," Chiron said, his brows furrowed.

Naruto rolled his eyes. "A gross understatement. That would imply I dig through trash, stalk people, spy, and plant evidence."

Sasuke's eyes twinkled and he smirked. "You do all of those things."

"Don't you have a god to interrogate?"

Sasuke's smirk fell and he glowered at the blond. "I hate you."

"I'm a consultant, you hating me means I'm doing my job," Naruto said with a smirk. The two's eyes met, both locked in a silent battle of will for several minutes. Naruto's smirk widened slightly and Sasuke growled before he shoved past the blond.

Chiron chuckled as Sasuke grumbled under his breath while he walked towards the camp. The centaur turned to Naruto and gave him a small smile. "I cannot express how grateful I am that you came, Naruto. The Camp-"

"I'm not here for the camp, Chiron." Naruto looked the centaur in the eyes, a frown on his face. "You're taking the fall for something that isn't your fault."

"Lord Zeus' anger-"

"Look, I know that'll appease the kiddies in their cabins, but being the noble dying teacher is not going to work. Without you, there is no reason for Camp Half-Blood to exist." Chiron looked ready to protest, but Naruto held his hand up. "Save it. You died once already for Prometheus. We can't afford you dying again."

Chiron blinked and a smile spread across his face. "...That's certainly the most affectionate thing you've ever said to me."

Naruto rolled his eyes and waved the centaur off. "Affection nothing. It's only logical to keep the best trainer around to ensure the survival of any future progenies of the gods. If anyone should recognize that, it's Zeus. Oath on the Styx be damned."

"You should watch what you say," Chiron warned as they started to walk into camp. "The gods are-"

"Fallible. Illogical. More human than they would like to admit." Naruto chuckled lightly as he slipped his hands into his jacket's pockets. "Hera gets jealous? Artemis hates men? Zeus becomes angry when his daughter is killed, implying he loved her? Ares enjoys slaughter and warfare?"

"What are you saying, Naruto?" Chiron asked, intrigued and a bit unnerved. The sky seemed a bit darker than it was before.

"Don't play dumb, Chiron. You suck at it." Naruto snorted. "The gods have become complacent with their status as hidden, they've assimilated into humanity, even if they try to keep themselves high and mighty, distant from us. Personally, I think it all started when Zeus ate Metis, he let paranoia – fear – overrule his judgment, which as King, should be infallible."

"So you believe the gods of Olympus are...human?"

"Why do you insist on having me repeat myself? Yes, the gods today are no better than humanity. In fact, I would daresay their reactivity has made them worse for the planet," Naruto said. The sky rumbled and he rolled his eyes. "From a logical standpoint, I'm not wrong. Zap me if you want, you won't make me change my mind."

"You certainly enjoy tempting him," Chiron said.

Naruto reached into his shirt and pulled out a silver necklace of a multi-armed human. "Do you know what this is? This is a representation of an Asura, an anti-god. The Asuras became proud and vain, believing themselves above ancient law and were called evil for their acts. Their relatives, the Devas, took it upon themselves to keep the Asuras from influencing mankind through endless war."

"Very interesting, but why are you wearing a symbol of evil?" Chiron asked.

"It's not evil." Naruto looked at the necklace before he tucked it back into his shirt. "The idea of 'good' and 'evil' are inventions of mankind, created to define what is helpful to survival and what is not. If the Asuras were never labeled as evil, perhaps humanity wouldn't have made it as long as they did. Or, perhaps the Asuras became too involved with the endless war and we never learned their true reason for seeking out information."

"You still didn't tell me why you wear it," Chiron pointed out.

Naruto shrugged and slipped his hands back into his pockets. "The Asuras weren't afraid to investigate what had been deemed holy and forbidden. Granted it was to increase their own power, but they stood together, seeking out answers whereas closed minded Devas remained within the bounds of the laws, afraid to explore."

"Ah...The Asura had a desire to expand their knowledge without fear of punishment...they were straightforward and honest with their desires. Basically, they were six-armed, immortal versions of you," Chiron deduced.

Naruto smirked at the centaur. "Of course."

Chiron shook his head and nodded towards a cabin off to the side. "Perhaps you should drop in and say hello?"

"Pass." Naruto grimaced and walked briskly past the grey building with an owl above the door. "C'mon, I want to see Sasuke sweat while he tries to interrogate Mr. D."

"You are a horrible person."

"I'm part human, what did you expect? Besides, I need to get back at him somehow."

"And furthermore, Mr. Chi-cha, if I so much as hear you insinuate my sons had anything to do with the sudden increase in – Chiron! Finally, would you tell this blasted brat to get out of my face?" A portly man turned away from the annoyed Sasuke to face the centaur as he entered the big house. His eyes landed on the blond that was looking around the living room. "You?"

Naruto lifted his hand up in greeting with a hapless smile on his face. "Hello, Mr. D. Sasuke, did you get anything from him?"

"I told him I was investigating on behalf of the FBI and he went all psycho-paranoid on me," Sasuke said with a glower. He walked over to Naruto and punched him in the shoulder. "That was for sending me to the wolves–"

"Do I look like Artemis to you, Sanjay?"

"You dick." Sasuke finished despite Mr. D's interruption.

Naruto just continued to smile while he rubbed his arm. "This is why you run cases by me before you put me in your car."

"I had a warrant for you to come with me!"

"Written and authorized by your mother," Naruto said as he reached into his back pocket and unfolded the paper. He hummed as he pretended to look at it closely. "She also wants me to convince you to pick a date for your wedding."

Sasuke's nostrils flared and he snatched the paper out of Naruto's hands. His red eyes scanned the words before his cheeks began to match his eyes. He crumpled the warrant in his hand and stormed out, grumbling under his breath as he did.

Naruto watched him leave before he turned back to the two heads of the camp with a wide smile on his face. "I love doing that."

"Hm, not bad. You seem to have gotten more tolerable," Mr. D said as he made a can of Diet Coke appear out of thin air. "Why are you back?"

Naruto glanced at Chiron and then looked back at Mr. D. "It's a favor."

"Hm...Shrewd, Chiron. Very shrewd," Mr. D said with a smirk. He plopped down in a chair and relaxed. "So, are you going to try and beg me to let Chiron stay? You'd be the...fourth returnee to do so. I had the other three scampering off to the woods after I turned them into sniveling weasels. Had to change them back, though...I wonder how Athena will react to you being a new barn owl."

"Mr. D!" Chiron gave the god a disappointing frown.

Mr. D rolled his eyes and held up two fingers. "You have two minutes."

Naruto looked at Chiron, who shrugged, and then looked back to Mr. D, his hands "Very well, I'll be blunt then. The poisoning wasn't Chiron's fault."

Mr. D arched a brow. "That was quick. And how are you so sure?"

"Chiron was most likely within the Big House or the barrier when it went down," Naruto said. "The barrier source was pierced by celestial metal, a bronze blade to be precise. Easily obtainable here...or at any grown demigod's home. The poisoner never went into the camp, they didn't have to. He or she was familiar with the source of the defensive barrier."

"Monsters are too dumb to sniff around, Mr. D wards them off," Chiron said, his arms crossed. "So how would they know the security?"

"You say that like humans can't be monsters as well," Naruto pointed out.

"Score one for the brain baby," Mr. D said with a smirk. He took a sip of his Diet Coke.

"Thank you." Naruto nodded to the god and then crossed his arms. "I believe our poisoner had an informant."

"A traitor? Hm, perhaps I can persuade their parent to let me punish them," Dionysus said with a smirk.

"What if it was Castor or Pollux?" Naruto asked. He didn't flinch as Mr. D glared at him, but he did shrug. "It's possible. Being with daddy for every day of the year while he spouts hate at demigods, causing confusion when he shows them love."

"I don't like your insinuations, Mr. Name Kanji," Mr. D said with a warning tone.

"I'm just giving a plausible motive, Mr. D, I wasn't stating the facts." Naruto placated. "I'm sure the twins haven't done anything more than simple breaking and entering while on their vacations to visit their maternal grandmother."

"...Are you stalking my sons?" Mr. D's face started to turn purple.

"The point, Mr. D, is that any camper of all cabins is a suspect." Naruto elaborated. That seemed to calm the god as his face returned to normal. "Now, Sasuke told me there was an incident last summer?"

Mr. D huffed and looked at Chiron. "Was there?"

"Yes, Mr. D." Chiron sighed. "Before he left, Percy Jackson –"

"Son of Poseidon, aged twelve, son of Sally Jackson, a woman who works at Sweet on America and attends nightly college classes. Recently, she came into some money when a likeness of her missing husband Gabe Ugliano was sold. She's notably well known and liked by her co-workers and loves her son." Naruto interrupted. The two older men stared at him and Naruto shrugged. "Missing persons case, I was intrigued. I might have lost some very sensitive information on the case though. After all, who cares about what happens to a gambling addict that drinks cheap alcohol and abuses his wife?"

"...Well, despite your rude assumption about my sons, I think I'm starting to like you," Mr. D said with a wry smirk. He sat back and looked at his can of Diet Coke. "I'm sure Poseidon will be very grateful that Ms. Jackson won't be bothered by this Gabe fellow anymore. Aphrodite says he still loves the woman."

Naruto gave Chiron an "I told you so" look.

Chiron ignored the look and continued. "Yes, well, Percy Jackson was attacked and poisoned by one of the former counselors."

"Former counselor? What cabin?" Naruto asked.

"Lincoln Cat Scan," Mr. D said with a nod.

"Luke Castellan." Chiron corrected with a shake of his head.

"That's what I said."

Naruto rubbed his chin and began to pace. "Really? ...Interesting. He's gone, then?"

"Yes, Percy was poisoned by a pit scorpion and decided–"

"No, no, I don't care about him." Naruto waved off the centaur. "Luke Castellan...I knew something was wrong with him after his quest. I knew. I should've jumped on it then. Perhaps then I wouldn't have gotten that letter."

"Letter?" Chiron asked.

Naruto looked up. "You mean, you haven't heard?"

Chiron frowned. "Heard what?"

"Spit it out so I can shoo you away!" Mr. D demanded.

Naruto hummed and went to the wall of the Big House and stared at a picture of a blond boy, a blonde girl, and a satyr seated next to the poisoned tree. "Someone is recruiting demigods for an army." He looked at Chiron and Mr. D before he turned back to the picture, focusing on the smiling boy. "And I think I know who it is."

"This makes no sense at all," Chiron said as he followed Naruto out of the Big House. "I mean, I know Luke Castellan. He was happy! He loved camp!"

"He's a son of Hermes, lying is in the blood," Naruto said as he made his way towards the cabin of the god in question. "Are you telling me you didn't believe Percy Jackson?"

Chiron looked slightly ashamed. "Well...I hoped it to be a practical joke gone wrong. You know how some children of Hermes get."

"Point taken. However, you let your fondness of the 'experienced' demigod cloud your judgment. What is it with Greek judgment being so easily misled?" Naruto asked with a frown, pursing his lips and wondering if he'd made similar mistakes.

"Please, Naruto, watch your words," Chiron said with a sigh. He looked at his watch. "I have to go, I have an archery class to teach."

Naruto stopped and looked at the centaur. "Chiron, I'm not blaming you for this. You shouldn't either. Luke was very charismatic when I knew him, I can only assume that it grew along with him. He talked me into helping him cheat on one of your history tests once."

"...I always wondered why he got that A plus..." Chiron frowned. He sighed and shook his head. "Well, if I wasn't going to be fired before, I certainly am now. Only this time, Poseidon will be backing his brother's decision."

Naruto frowned. "You're afraid of losing this job? Speak up for yourself, Zeus will listen to you if you explain yourself."

"And let his wrath fall on these campers? On a boy that is misguided? No, Naruto...I won't let that happen. Even if I am afraid of the outcome." Chiron said firmly.

"Fear is a necessary evil Pandora released on Man. It is said that the gods released it to curse mankind, to punish them." Naruto turned and resumed his trek towards Hermes' Cabin. "I believe it was done to ensure they survived, by any means necessary."

"...Thank you for your words of support, Mr. Namikaze." Chiron nodded and turned to go to his lesson.

Naruto looked up at the cabin. It hadn't change since his last time at camp, which didn't bode well for the occupants within. He was annoyed by the sounds of chatter that he could hear from outside and sighed. Naruto knocked on the cabin door. "Counselor, I'm here on request from Chiron. Open up."

The chatter got louder, which made Naruto shift slightly in annoyance. He looked up, counted down from ten, and then knocked on the door. "I'm only going to ask one more time, please open the door!"

The noise amazingly got louder and Naruto looked up at the sky. "Hermes, I hope you realize that while I do condone lying, I don't condone poisoning. So..." He kicked the cabin door open and all noise stopped. Kids, a good few mischievously grinning at him, looked from all bunks. Naruto arched a brow. "Oh, it's all fun and games until you're obstructing justice. I'm with the FBI."

"Yeah right," one kid said with a disbelieving snort, turning back to his card game. "Hit me."

"He's not lying!" Naruto looked over at Sasuke as he walked up the cabin steps. Sasuke gave Naruto a frown. "What have I said about kicking down doors?"

"It's fun and to let you do it?" Naruto returned. Sasuke continued to frown and Naruto rolled his eyes before he pointed into the cabin. "Show them the badge."

Sasuke reached into his jacket and pulled out his badge, letting it fall open. That made all the grins fall. Two identical teenage boys' eyes widened considerably and they rushed the door. Naruto and Sasuke stopped them by holding their arms out, making them grunt and fall to the ground. Naruto and Sasuke kept them pinned with their feet on the boys' chests.

"We didn't do it!" One of the boys cried out.

"It was just one radio!" The other exclaimed.

"Maybe some CDs!"

"It was only a few hundred dollars!"

"Conner was the one who came up with the idea!"

"Travis was the one who picked the lock!"

"What the hell are you two talking about?" Sasuke asked.

The two teenagers looked at each other and then back at the older men. The one that first spoke gave Naruto and Sasuke a suspicious look. "You're not here about the apartment break in on Twenty-Fourth Street?"

Naruto looked at Sasuke. "I told you that was a two man job."

"Shut up, Naruto." Sasuke rolled his eyes. He looked at the two. "So, who are you supposed to be?"

The one with a loose mouth was shut up by the other's hand. "We know our rights! We don't have to talk to you if we don't want to or without a lawyer."

"We're not here to arrest anyone," Naruto said. Sasuke frowned at him and he shrugged. "Honor amongst thieves, it's only logical to let them know that we're here for information only."

"Information?" That made the one teen covering the other's mouth asked. "What do we get out of it?"

"How about not getting arrested for admitting to breaking and entering, theft, and assaulting a federal agent?" Sasuke asked.

"We didn't admit to anything!"

"You alluded to breaking into the apartment." Naruto pointed out. He looked at the other kids, who were watching the scene with interest and then back down at the two. "And you admitted to stealing one radio, several CDs, money...who knows what else?"

"What about assaulting a federal agent?" the boy asked with a frown.

Sasuke looked to Naruto as he held his arm and rolled his shoulder. "I don't know, Naruto, do you think it was dislocated?"

"Could've been, but I'm not a osteologist." Naruto shrugged. "Never found it interesting."

Sasuke tilted his head. "I thought you liked Bones."

"The murders are interesting, the science of bone study is not. And besides..." Naruto shrugged again. "Emily Deschanel is hot."

Sasuke nodded. "That's true."

"...Okay, we'll talk...Can we get up now?"

"Not yet. Names. Don't play with me either." Sasuke's red eyes glared into the boys' blue ones. "...Well?"

"I'm Travis Stoll, and this is my brother Conner," Travis said as he pulled his hand off of Conner's mouth.

"For the record, Travis ran into you."

"Dude!"

"What? I'm not taking the fall for you."

"Oh, so glad to see how much I'm loved. My own brother, ladies and gentlemen!"

"Boys?" Sasuke had them looking back up at him. "About that information?"

"What do you want to know?" Conner asked. He looked at the sandal on his foot and looked up at Naruto. "Wow, pedicure much?"

"Good hygiene goes a long way." Naruto lifted his foot off of the boy and Sasuke did the same for his Stoll. "Tell us about Luke Castellan."

"Why?" Travis asked, both boys still intimidated by the FBI agent.

"We think he may have something to do with the barrier being down," Naruto said.

"Hey, whoa, Luke's not blood, but he's still a brother. You've got to up the ante a bit to make us talk," Conner said. He gasped as the foot slammed back down on his chest. Hard. A few kids made to get up, but Sasuke deterred them by opening his jacket and showing the uncapped nine millimeter strapped to his hip.

Conner gasped again when Naruto started to grind his heel into his chest. "Point taken! Please get off!"

"I knew you'd see it my way," Naruto said as he lifted his foot off of Conner's chest once more. "When's the last time you saw Luke?"

"Last summer?" Travis looked at Conner, who nodded in agreement. They looked back up at the older demigods. "Yeah, he's been off the radar since then. We got a letter, but it didn't mean anything. Just invited us to a yacht he...found."

"Found? Right...Where was this yacht?" Sasuke asked as he reached into his pocket and pulled out a notebook and pen.

"Uh, our letter said to go to the coast of South Carolina," Conner said. He and Travis got off the ground. "Anything else?"

"Who was Luke particularly close to?" Naruto asked. "Anyone he spoke with a lot? Girlfriends? Boyfriends?"

Travis and Conner curled their upper lips along with many other boys in the room. Even Sasuke gave Naruto an odd look. Naruto looked around and arched a brow.

"What? The Greeks have been practicing same-gender intercourse well since time began. Apollo and Zephyrus are two well known practitioners from the pantheon, so I don't see why it wouldn't be prudent to ask," Naruto said.

"...O...Kay...I stopped listening after intercourse." Travis admitted. He gave Naruto an odd look before he looked at Sasuke. "I don't know about any girlfriends, but he talked to Annabeth Chase a lot, and I think Silena Beauregard had a crush on him."

"What? Oh, man, not Silena," Conner groaned. "Figures, pretty boys get all the chicks."

Sasuke smirked as he wrote down the names. "Yeah, yeah we do."

"And a lot of guys." Naruto smirked at the glare Sasuke gave him. "What?"

Travis and Conner took a step back from the special agent, who continued to glare at his consultant and friend.

"...I hate you so much."

Naruto shrugged. "Whatever." He looked at the boys. "So, what cabin?"

"Annabeth's–"

Naruto held a hand up. "I know that one. Where's Silena?"

"...How do you know Annabeth but not Silena?" Conner asked as he gave Naruto a look like he had just sprouted another head. "Seriously? When did you come here?"

"Stopped coming to camp when I was sixteen."

"...How old are you?"

"Beauregard. Location. Give it." Sasuke grunted.

"Cabin Ten. She's the counselor, can't miss her," Travis said.

"Thank you." Naruto turned and stuffed his hands in his pockets, prepared to leave. After Sasuke stepped out, Naruto stopped and turned back to the boys. "Oh, and...you might want to get the door hinges fixed."

Naruto grunted as he and Sasuke walked to the pink cabin across the way. "Stop it."

"Stop what?" Sasuke asked.

"Thinking. It's loud and annoying."

"You're not concerned about speaking to her?" Sasuke asked.

Naruto groaned. "I don't want to talk about it."

"I met my cabin's new counselor. Clarisse. Tough girl, worked hard putting watch shifts together. Could be a good Ranger if she ever went into the service," Sasuke said. "It helps to get to know the next generation–"

"My mother's head counselor is nearly half my age and has only obtained that right because of her so-called experience." Naruto interrupted with a grimace on his face. "She's smart, I will admit that, and she either got very lucky or divine intervention to bring her to her group. She's also extremely proud. Her Fatal Flaw is undoubtedly hubris. She refuses to listen to reason, even when she knows it's the smartest thing to do, because of some sense of morality."

"Don't you have morals you live by?" Sasuke asked.

"That's different. She is a child and refuses the advice of someone older, who has seen the world for what it is," Naruto said. He shook his head as they approached the cabin of Aphrodite's children. "Annabeth Chase may be smart when it comes to the world of Greek demigods, but she is an utter fool when it comes to the real world."

"Depends on your definition of the real world," Sasuke said.

Naruto stopped them and turned to face Sasuke, a glare locked on the Federal agent. "It's not humanity that's hiding its existence."

Sasuke nodded in understanding to that. "Yeah, but she's a kid. You can't fault her for taking things at face value."

"No, but I can fault her for letting her get in the way of her own judgment," Naruto said. They resumed walking to the cabin, going up the steps. "If we go to her and tell her that her friend, an older attractive boy that has not really done anything to her, is a suspect in poisoning Thalia's Pine..."

"...I see your point," Sasuke said. He lifted his hand up and knocked gently on the door. "FBI! Open up!"

The door was pulled open and a beautiful teenage girl with curled brown hair stepped into view, dressed in short jeans and a modified camp shirt to be a sleeveless tank-top. "Ugh, Marcus if you say Female Body Inspector, I'm going to kick your-oh!"

Sasuke gave a small charming grin. "Hi there." He held up his badge. "FBI."

"...Oh, wow, that's a real badge." She leaned against the door and smiled at Sasuke. "I'm Amber. Can I do anything to help you, Agent...?"

Sasuke smiled back and lifted his left hand, revealing a gold band. "Engaged. I'm here on business, for Chiron."

"Oh," Amber said with a blink. She sighed. "...Silena's at the stables if you want to talk to her. The others are out doing activities, I'm here because I have some summer homework that Chiron wants done."

"Thanks," Sasuke turned and walked away. He noticed a lack of footsteps and stopped. Sasuke turned around to see Naruto still on the porch. "Are you coming, or what?"

"You go ahead and get some answers. I think I'll stay here and get to know...Amber?" Naruto asked with a small smile. Amber twirled her hair around her finger and smiled back as she gave him a once over. Her smile widened slightly.

Sasuke blinked in shock. "Are you serious? You're flirting now? After all the blind dates your stepmother and I've set up that you turned down?"

Naruto tilted his head and looked up before he looked back at Sasuke. "Yep."

"Unbelievable." Sasuke rubbed his head. "Don't you want to interrogate her?"

"I'm sure you'll do fine. Probably much better without me." Naruto waved his friend off. Sasuke shook his head in disbelief and walked off, which made Naruto chuckle.

Naruto turned back just as Amber adjusted her shirt collar to expose more of her cleavage slightly and her eyes flickered to Naruto's. A smile spread across her face. "Do you have a badge, too?"

"No. I'm just a consultant. Are you the only one in your cabin?" Naruto asked.

Amber's grin grew. "Yeah. Why? Wanna do something illegal?"

"Can I come in?"

"Sure thing, cutie."

"Good, I really didn't want to knock you out." Naruto walked in and brushed past the surprised girl as he entered the cabin. Naruto began to inspect the beds with a critical eye. "Besides, it's statutory rape if I slept with you. I'm twenty-two and you're what? Sixteen?"

"I'm seventeen. What do you mean knock me out?" Amber asked with her hands on her hips.

"Well, if you didn't give me permission to enter I'd have to first give a big apology to Aphrodite and then proceed to strike you in the throat, cutting your air flow and follow with a hard punch to the diaphragm in order to get in." Naruto hummed as he picked up a rather lacy pair of underwear between his fingers. "Seventeen, huh? Why aren't you counselor then?"

Amber stormed over to him and snatched the underwear from his grasp. "First of all, don't touch my underwear!"

"...Okay, that image was admittedly very hot."

"Secondly, Aphrodite chooses her children gifted with charmspeak to lead the cabin." Amber shoved her underwear in his face menacingly. "And finally, what was with all that stuff you said to the hot FBI guy?"

"I didn't want him to get all 'legally ethical' on me while I searched for evidence that could implicate one of the people who reside in this cabin," Naruto said. While Amber continued to glare at him, Naruto blinked for a moment before he had an epiphany. "...Oh, you're wondering why I alluded to wanting to sleep with you and yet chose not to. Well, aside from the desire to not be labeled as a rapist, I'm more of a redhead kind of guy."

Amber blinked. "Oh...That's...reasonable. Wait, you're not attracted to me?"

"Oh, I am. I'm just more into redheads." Naruto shrugged. Amber frowned and stormed past Naruto into the cabin's washroom. Naruto watched the door slam shut and he tilted his head. "What'd I say?"

Naruto shook his head and walked around the cabin, searching bunks without any care for privacy. He pulled pictures of attractive men and women off of the wall. Minutes flew by as he flipped the cabin twice, tearing it down and then putting everything back the way was to see if he missed anything. The only room untouched was the washroom.

"Hey, Amber, can I come in and look around?" Naruto asked as he knocked on the door. He furrowed his brow and knocked again. "Amber?"

The door flew open and Naruto took a step back out of mild surprise. Amber smirked at him and leaned against the doorway. Her brown hair now a slightly wet and dark red.

"So," she began with a coy grin. "Am I attractive now?"

Naruto slowly nodded. "...Very much so."

"Smart answer." Amber grabbed the edges of Naruto's jacket and pulled him into the washroom. The door slammed shut behind him.

Sasuke leaned against his car with his arms crossed over his chest and looked at his watch. It was three-forty, two hours since he had spoken with Silena and other demigods about Luke. He'd been given a letter from one of his brothers, and of course now that he had a precise location, Naruto was skipping out for a booty call.

"Learn anything interesting?"

Speak of the devil. Sasuke turned and glared at his friend. "An underage girl? Really?"

"She's seventeen and two months." Naruto shrugged. "Legal by that age."

"...She was a brunette!" Sasuke gaped at the blond as he walked past and got in the car.

"Yes. Yes she was," Naruto said with a smile. He opened the door. "You texted that you had a lead?"

"...But she wasn't a redhead!"

"You're right, she wasn't. Not naturally."

Sasuke stared at Naruto. "But...But...She's...All those dates Kushina and I set up. The girls Kushina assaulted to dye their hair and I bribed!"

"I wondered how you got that Sandi chick to agree to go out. She was a very smart woman and her studies on biological enhancements were fascinating. I felt so bad that she left her tests to meet me," Naruto said. He got in the car and sat down, looking at the passenger mirror. Naruto frowned and rubbed at the red lipstick on the side of his mouth. "I walked through the camp and no one said anything? Seriously? Not cool."

"...I'm going to kill you." Sasuke decided as he got in the car. "And then cover it up."

"Uh-huh. So where's the boat?"

"They'll never find your body."

"I find that highly unlikely."

"I'll scatter your remains across the country."

"Right."

"Lock the tools I used in federal stores and classify the shit out of it."

"Just drive, Sasuke."

"I hate you so much, Naruto."

Naruto rolled his eyes. "Where is it we're going, anyway?"

"You? After this, your body is going six feet under." Sasuke growled at Naruto's chuckle. He pulled back and turned the car around. "But now? We're going to the docks. Tip from my cabin, and confirmed by some guys back in the city. We're heading to Port Jeff."

"Wake up." A hard punch to the shoulder jostled Naruto from his dreamless, but welcomed sleep. Naruto blearily turned and glared at Sasuke, his hand going to the punched arm and rubbing it soothingly.

"Who taught you how to wake people up?" Naruto asked. He undid his seatbelt and yawned as he got out of the car. Naruto covered his mouth with his fist and shielded his eyes from the setting sun. "Damn...how long was I asleep?"

"Two. Hours." Sasuke grunted as he slammed his door shut. He glared at Naruto. "And you conked out before we even hit traffic."

"Never been able to stay awake in moving transportation. A result of a single father going to drastic measures to make his wailing infant sleep." Naruto droned. He shuddered. "If I'm to keep my sanity, I'm never going to have children."

Sasuke cuffed him upside the head. "Don't even start. If I have to get married, you have to have children."

"You have to get married to your fiancé first." Naruto grinned as he rubbed his head, his eyes squinted from the sunlight.

Sasuke glared at him and pulled out a pair of sunglasses to put on. He pulled out another pair and held them out to Naruto.

"Oh!" Naruto blinked and reached for the glasses. "Thanks."

Sasuke pulled the sunglasses away from Naruto's hand and tossed them out into the water. Sasuke then walked off towards the docked ship like he had not just done that.

Naruto stared after the FBI agent in disbelief. "...That was completely uncalled for!" Naruto looked back at where the sunglasses were thrown before he followed after his irate friend. "So unprofessional."

Naruto caught up to Sasuke, despite having the sunset blinding him, and scowled at him. Sasuke arched a brow, his red eyes concealed by his sunglasses, but Naruto knew that amusement resided in them. The ass.

"Excuse me, sirs, but this is a private dock, I'm going to have to ask you to leave." A security guard put his hand on Sasuke's shoulder as he started to walk past.

Naruto winced. "Oh, you shouldn't have done that. He's in a bad mood. His father's blood shows–"

Sasuke grabbed the hand, twisted the arm and drove the guard to the ground in one fell swoop.

"When he's mad." Naruto shook his head and shrugged. "I tried to warn you."

With some light strain, the shoulder dislocated and the security guard cried out. Other guards rushed forward, but stopped when Sasuke lifted up his badge.

"FBI. Try me." Sasuke lowered his sunglasses and glared at the men with burning red eyes. The security guards backed off and went back to their posts while Sasuke pushed his sunglasses back up. "I thought so."

"Wow, what happened while I was asleep?" Naruto asked. "Did your mom call you?"

Sasuke ignored him and walked onto the cruise ship, flashing his badge at people he passed. Naruto pursed his lips as he followed.

"Did your dad call?" Sasuke stopped and looked at him, bewildered. Naruto shrugged. "It could happen. You were one of the best snipers in the world, in the top ten. Ares would like more deaths to occur in war-like acts. It's only logical-"

"Let me stop you right there," Sasuke said. "First of all, Ares and logic, not a combo. Period. Never going to be a thing. Understand?"

Naruto tilted his head in thought. He then nodded. "That sounds logical."

"And secondly," Sasuke said and poked Naruto roughly in the chest. "I'm still one of the best snipers in the world. Don't say it in past tense."

Sasuke turned and walked away without another word. Naruto arched a brow as he watched his friend walk off. "Stingy bastard."

"I can hear you!" Sasuke called over his shoulder.

Naruto furrowed his brow and followed after the federal agent. He was quiet for a few moments as they walked through the ship and Sasuke asked several people about Luke. The people were distracted, all lost in their own fantasy. Sasuke's temper wasn't helping and it wasn't until they came across a ship hand that they got some good, helpful responses. They were directed to the bridge, and it was only once he cleared the ladder that Naruto snapped his fingers.

"Sakura called, didn't she!"

Sasuke groaned. "I don't want to talk about it."

"Oh, I slept through that? Why didn't you wake me?" Naruto whined as they walked towards the bridge's door. "Her recent findings on the hidden vein system within the human body in Tibet were so amazing! I wanted to know details!"

"We're not doing this now." Sasuke said as he opened the door to three men, all in their late teens early twenties, standing in the bridge. Sasuke lifted his badge at one of the tall young men in the corner that started to move towards them. "Try it, tough guy. I'll put you down faster than you can growl."

"Ah, welcome, Mister...?" A tall young man with blond hair and a scar on his face smiled at them. The tone was far too pleasant and sounded a bit condescending.

"Save the bullshit, Castellan, I was at camp with you." Sasuke growled. One of the two burly boys in the room stepped forward and Sasuke glared at him. "Back off, Fuzzball!"

Naruto put a hand on his shoulder, his eyes locked on the pleasantly smiling teen. "Now, now, Special Agent Uchiha, why don't you go question some of the pretty girls on the deck? I'm sure I can get some solid answers out of Mr. Castellan on my own."

Sasuke scowled and abruptly left; the door slammed so hard on his exit that the wood cracked. Naruto sucked in air through his teeth.

"I'm so going to regret doing that," Naruto said as he turned away from the door and sucked in his lips. "Oh well, eyes on the present, not the past as the saying goes."

"I thought children of Athena loved to look to the past for answers?" Luke asked.

Naruto smirked as he looked back at Luke. "Cute. You think about Annabeth just now? How much your absence is hurting her? How she might hate you now?"

Luke's smile fell and his eyes became hard. "Is there a reason you and your federal friend are here?"

The two burly boys moved to flank the son of Hermes. Their skin shimmered before they changed into bear-like men. Naruto blinked at the change.

"Ah. The Bear Boys, that explains Sasuke's puns." Naruto mumbled. He was a bit upset that the Mist affected him as long as it had. He should look into more demigod-related murders, get back into the swing of things. Naruto titled his head and looked at the two humanoid bears. "Well, let me just say that Sasuke has not eaten yet and has eaten bear before. I'm also curious about the taste of an immortal's flesh."

The bears exchanged a look while Luke arched a brow. "Cannibalism? Really?"

"Not cannibalism, they're not the same species as I am. From a god's loins, they may be, but demigods these two are not. Ain't that right, boys?" Naruto arched a brow at the two. He looked back at Luke when they failed to respond. "Muscle, not brains?"

"More or less." Luke crossed his arms. "Why are you on my ship."

"This isn't your ship," Naruto said. He turned and grabbed a plaque from a wall. "This ship is owned by one Mr. Mycroft Holmes..." Naruto turned the plaque around and looked at it with furrowed brows. "Mycroft Holmes? Huh, go figure."

"It's my ship." Luke restated with a frown. "I appropriated it for the true ruler of the world."

Naruto looked at Luke and then back at the plaque. "...Do you think if there's a Mycroft, that there's a Sherlock? I wonder if he's a brother. That would be disenchanting. God, I really hope he's not a brother of mine."

Luke smacked the plaque out of his hand and held a bronze blade up to his throat. "Why. Are. You. Here?"

"Why is it that every demigod I encounter has a bad attitude? What happened to being civil?" Naruto asked as he looked at the blade disinterestedly. "You should really take better care of this. This was wielded by a Revolutionary."

"Only fitting that it's in my hands then," Luke said. Naruto snorted and Luke narrowed his eyes. "What's so funny?"

"Nothing, nothing...Well, except for the fact that you think you're a Revolutionary," Naruto said. The blade dug into his neck and Naruto tilted his head up. "Struck a nerve didn't I?"

"I'm fighting for our lives," Luke said lowly. "The gods have taken advantage of demigods for too long, it's time we show them that we deserved better treatment!"

"And this has absolutely nothing to do with the feelings of love you had for Zeus' daughter before she was turned into a tree?" Naruto asked.

Luke blinked. "What?"

"It was pathetically obvious, you know. You moped around, always went to visit her on weekends or before bed...Like a kicked puppy. It would be cute if it wasn't so sad," Naruto said nonchalantly. The blade tightened against his throat. "So hasty...denial is not healthy for one's mental health."

"What are you saying?" Luke asked with a growl. "Make some sense."

"Good gods, do I always have to repeat myself?" Naruto groaned. "You were in love, you twit! And you expect me to believe you willingly poisoned the tree that protects the camp, the last part of Zeus' daughter that lives?"

"Thalia was dead long before I poisoned that tree!"

"Aha! So you admit to poisoning it, then?" Naruto inquired. "Still though, it's all that remains of her. You're spitting on her grave, the dead don't forget things like that, you know."

Luke's jaw twitched and Naruto caught it. "Oh-ho...you had a plan. A way to fix the tree...once you emerged victorious from...whatever you call this."

"War." Luke growled as he pulled his blade back. "Choose your side, you either stand with me, or with them."

"You mean with Olympus, I assume." Naruto hummed. He scratched his chin thoughtfully. "I did wonder what type of man it took to poison a tree and endanger all those children."

"They chose their side when they refused to answer my call!"

"Your call? You mean the letters you sent out in the mail? The party invitations?" Naruto asked dryly. "Were you really that mad no one would make reservations?"

Luke lifted his blade and took a swing at Naruto, but another caught his blade. A dagger, easily as long as an arm with two smaller blades protruding from the base, caught Luke's sword before the swing could complete. Naruto held his dagger effortlessly in one hand and pulled out a collapsible baton in the other.

"What's that for?" Luke asked with a grunt as he tried to force his sword to move. "Are you going to try to attack me?"

"No. This is to stop the wonder twins." Naruto flicked a dial and an electric current shot through his baton. He danced around Luke, keeping the son of Hermes at bay with his dagger's unique design, and jabbed both of the humanoid bears in the chest. They flew through the windows of the bridge with yelps and Naruto looked at his baton in wonder. "Hm...I think fifteen amps might be just a tad too much."

"Fifteen amps?" Luke pulled away and took another swing. Naruto backed away from the blade and his thumb rolled over the dial.

"Ten amps can kill a human. I was sure that fifteen would only knock them out." Naruto ducked under another swing and sidestepped a slash. "Do you mind? I'm just trying to talk."

"And I'm trying to kill you, so yeah. I mind." Luke took another swing. Naruto continued to avoid and deflect with his dagger.

"Always the hard way." Naruto sighed. He caught another slice from Luke and twisted his wrist opposite of Luke's own twisting wrist. "Ah, the infamous disarm. A basic, if not overused technique taught at camp. It took a few practice dummies and a few hired hands, but I found a way to avoid being disarmed completely!" Naruto looked up at his dagger that was suddenly imbedded in the ceiling. "...Huh, you slapped the palm of my hand. You truly are a prodigy in the art of swordsmanship. Bravo."

"Ready to die, then?" Luke swung and Naruto stopped it with his baton. Luke stared at the mortal weapon that seemingly stopped his celestial bronze blade. He winced when the baton moved and cracked against his elbow, making the son of Hermes back away and shake out his arm.

"The perfect blend of bronze wiring and mortal metals. You, Mr. Castellan, are certainly unstoppable with a blade." Naruto smirked as he lifted his baton up. "I, however, am a master of the single stick." Electricity danced around the tip of the baton. "Care to test yourself against me?"

"...Point taken," Luke said as he dropped his sword to his side. Luke frowned at him. "You are strong and smart, a true son of Athena. Why don't you join me? Can't you see that the gods don't appreciate you?"

Naruto turned his baton off and collapsed it into a portable form. He tucked it into his pocket. Naruto then jumped up to grab his dagger and pull it out from the ceiling. He sheathed it behind him, a thoughtful look on his face.

"You make a good point. I doubt the gods do appreciate me," Naruto said. He shook his head. "But I don't want their appreciation. I don't want their praise, or their glory, or their position."

"Oh...You do want their love. Abandonment issues?" Luke asked, a knowing look in his eye.

Naruto scoffed. "Hardly. I know what my godly mother is like. I've met Annabeth Chase."

Luke frowned. "What do you mean?"

"The gods, all of them, have become too human." Naruto nodded. "Athena is called the goddess of wisdom, to be immortally wise and unbiased. But how is it wise to burden one of the brightest human minds on the planet who could do so much for the people she lords over with a child? It is not wisdom, it is stupidity. Athena ignored her duty, ignored humanity's need for her own selfish desires for a 'hero' that she could use to stroke her own ego. Make her hubris grow."

"You don't like Athena?" Luke's eyes shone. "Join me-!"

"I'm not finished," Naruto said sternly, giving the infamous glare named after his mother that made Luke's silver tongue turn to lead in his mouth. Naruto relaxed his shoulders. "I do not like Athena. However, Athena is still my mother. Like any child, I love both her and my father immeasurably and I am grateful that she decided to bring me into this world. Just because I love my mother, does not mean I have to like her. I understand her. Frankly, that's enough for me."

"But she's a god." Luke insisted. "Any problems given to us are their fault. They need to be held responsible for ruining our parents' lives!"

"I completely agree," Naruto said. "They want to rule the world, they should grow up and act like it."

"Exactly!" Luke nodded.

"...You're such a fool." Naruto shook his head and made his way for the door. Luke was stunned and did not move to stop him. Naruto stopped and looked at the confused boy. "There's something to be said about a scared little boy hiding in the closet."

"...What are you talking about?"

"A ranting mother, a crazy woman that spouted nonsense."

"Shut up." Luke reached for his sword. Naruto reached into his pocket and pulled out his collapsed baton.

"With that kind of life, it's understandable why he'd be mad. And then the girl he loved died...killed by monsters while she fought to protect him. How's she repaid for her sacrifice? She's turned into a tree."

"I'm going to kill you...I'm going to kill you." Luke trembled, his knuckles white on his sword's grip.

"I hope you don't try, because if you do, you will die here and now." Naruto warned. Luke heeded it, smart enough to know when he was outmatched. Naruto cautiously slid his baton back into his pocket and turned the handle on the door. "What I see before me is not a revolutionist, but an angry child throwing a fit. The result of your actions will not end well for you, Mr. Castellan. The Olympians will be punished for their crimes against their children, universal balance will see to that."

Luke glared at him. "I know. I'll make sure of it."

Naruto shook his head. "I'm afraid that you're wrong. I can guarantee that you won't."

"Is that a threat?" Luke asked.

"You can consider it a promise." Naruto left without another word, leaving the son of Hermes to stew in his own anger.

Naruto and Sasuke returned that night to Camp Half-Blood, but Naruto did not mention Luke's admission to Chiron or Mr. D. He figured there would be no point. Zeus would not listen to hearsay, even if it came from Chiron. It was an unfortunate truth, bittersweet really.

Sasuke had driven Naruto home and then returned to his own house, to be scolded and argue with his fiancé.

Naruto made a bowl of ramen and watched the evening news.

Small cases – missing pets, simple thefts, and dull criminals – occupied Naruto for two weeks before he received a call from Camp Half-Blood. Chiron told Naruto about a recent quest that not only brought the barrier back up, cleared the centaurs named, and convinced Zeus that Luke Castellan had betrayed Olympus, but the impossible (by mortal standards) had been achieved: Thalia Grace returned to life. It went back to Percy Jackson, the young son of Poseidon, and his desire to rescue not the camp, but his friend Grover Underwood.

After hearing the tale, Naruto had agreed to make a visit sometime in the summer and meet the boy, ask Thalia some questions about Limbo, and look into a new guardian for the Golden Fleece.

Naruto had just hung up the phone when he felt as though someone had joined him. He turned and blinked in mild surprise when a woman with long dark hair and eyes that were a brilliant grey looked at him. The woman was beautiful, dressed in a grey business suit that gave her an image of authority.

"Athena." Naruto greeted.

Well, now he sort of wished he had pants on. It was embarrassing to greet your mother in your boxers and socks.

"Naruto Namikaze." Athena nodded back at him. "Dionysus has told Olympus of your investigation that he 'forgot' to mention. Did you discover any information that could've cleared Chiron's name?"

"I might've." Naruto grunted in discomfort when a pair of slacks and a dress shirt appeared on his body. "...Really?"

"You shouldn't speak to a goddess in your underwear."

"I wasn't really expecting company." Naruto returned dryly. He pulled his shirt out of his pants and allowed himself to breathe. "Is that all you came here for?"

"...Naruto, I know what you think of me. I'm pretty sure all of Olympus knows what you think of us," Athena said.

Naruto crossed his arms. "You've become too human. Too comfortable."

"...Perhaps. We are still gods, and while you may not like me, I do care for you," Athena said. She looked around the studio apartment with a frown. "Isn't Dr. Namikaze a millionaire?"

"Why does everyone rag on the simple living style?" Naruto threw his arms up in disbelief. "It's comfortable, affordable, and functional! What more do I need?" He pointed at the goddess with a frown on his face. "If you say a woman's touch I will consider committing matricide."

Athena let a small amused smile spread on her face. "I'm a goddess. It'd be suicide by immortal."

"...Well, I'd give one hell of a try." Naruto crossed his arms again and shifted nervously at the look in Athena's eyes. "But don't get me wrong, I like being alive."

"You don't want to commit suicide, then?"

"Oh no, not at all. I love being alive. There are many things in this life that I'm fond of." Naruto nodded.

"Such as?" Athena asked.

"Ramen, sex, puzzles, ramen, Star Trek, sex, foreign languages, sex, ramen, foreign cultures, astrology, ramen, redheads, and did I mention ramen?" Naruto asked.

Athena arched a brow. "Four times."

"Make it five. I like the number five. It's so...evenly odd." Naruto nodded. He slid his hands into his pockets and frowned when he felt something brush against his left hand. Naruto pulled the object out and unfolded a piece of paper. "...What does Valdez mean?"

Athena smiled slightly and walked up to her son. She put a hand on his shoulder and looked into his eyes. "I can see where one of my children's passion lies. You enjoyed the case of the poisoned tree."

"Oh, that's good...I'm going to use that," Naruto said with a hum as he rubbed his chin. "Start a novella, perhaps. Got to flesh it out though, add in more sex and romance, perhaps a murder or two. Readers love that sort of thing."

"Consider this my test for you, then," Athena said. Naruto looked back at her and she smirked. "You've solved over forty thousand mortal crimes in your life...and only one Olympian case was ever issued to you. You didn't obtain any evidence, the victim hasn't received justice, and you failed to get a reward for your time."

"...I do like puzzles..." Naruto looked back at the paper in his hand. He looked up in time to see the fading figure of his mother before she vanished like she was never truly there. Naruto looked down at the paper in his hand and walked over to a blank spot on the wall next to his futon. He grabbed a piece of chewed gum from the floor and adhered the paper to the wall.

"Valdez, huh?" Naruto crossed his arms and stared at the paper with the name scrawled on it. He looked closer at a small smudge. Naruto sniffed the paper and shook his head "...This is grease? Something to do with Hephaestus."

Naruto dropped his hands to his hips and smirked. "Okay, Athena. Challenge accepted."

AN: And so ends the first of several one-shots. I don't know which Olympian will be next, but I know I'll have one hell of a time writing it.

This one-shot is dedicated to my Mom, who sat through watching hours of episodes of Bones while I clacked away at my computer.

REVIEW!

OH! Another thing: There's a wikia page on PercyJacksonFanfiction Wikia for "Naruto Uzumaki (Fils de l'Amour)"! Check it out, it was really well done!