Hi everyone, this is my first fanfiction. My first language is French so I will apologize if there are any grammar mistakes: I am doing the best I can. Thanks and enjoy reading.

After Clarke said goodbye to her friends, she decided to live alone. It was what she needed back then, her mind wandering from Lexa's decision to make a deal with Mount Weather and her own decision… to pull the lever that killed children and innocent people. She killed everyone in Mount Weather. After rescuing her mother, the young leader knew she wouldn't be able to stay with her people. She had too many remorse to be able to look at them like nothing happened. She needed to fight her inner demons in order to become who she really was.

A few months have passed since she left, at least two or three. Clarke was living in the bunker she found with Finn when they were escaping the acid fog of Mount Weather. It was smelling awful and she had to remove the dead grounder's body, the one shot by Finn, but she had her own shelter. She knew nobody would come there, not even Bellamy. There, in this bunker, she was safe from the many dangers of the forest. Even though she was feeling incredibly alone, she knew things would only get better. Eventually, she'd stopped crying herself to sleep. She stopped blaming Lexa for her deal with their common enemy. She did what she had to do to safe her people, that's all. Clarke did the same thing when she shot Dante, in order to save her mom. They were all painful decisions to make, but it was a necessity. The things that happened were not her fault – not entirely.

One day, she went for a walk in the forest for distraction. She always admired the beauty of the earth, everything about it: the smells the trees, the flowers, the rivers, the clouds… she never saw clouds when she was in space, not like this. She was happy to feel the wind in her long blonde hair. A smile appeared on her lips as she continues walking. For a moment, she forgot about all the things she'd done while they were at war.

Suddenly, she hears a noise, a branch cracking like someone stepped on it. She knew it wasn't an animal for some reasons. She took her knife out and looked around her, trying to find someone. She was not afraid, only a bit mad that someone followed her and interrupted her. Maybe it was a spy, but from the Trikru or the Ark?

"Show yourself" Said Clarke with autority, still looking around.

She knows she'd already be dead by now if that someone wanted to kill her. The girl jumped of a tree, landing right in front of the Skaikru leader, taking her by surprise. Clarke almost cut her. She was taller than her, but looked younger. She had long dark hair with braids.

"What do you want from me?" She asks.

The young grounder mumbled something in Trigedasleng. This girl wasn't a warrior, she was a messenger. Clarke knew because she wouldn't talk to her in English, like warriors do when they are around Sky people. Clarke raised an eyebrow and sight. She knew only a few words from this language and the girl must have figured it out.

"Heda." She replied.

Clarke knew she was talking about her Commander, Lexa. The Trikru leader wanted to see her and the blonde girl knew nobody could refuse that. It was an order, not a request. Clarke nodded and followed the girl, even though she wasn't happy to meet Lexa. All she wanted was to be alone, have some time to think of herself.

Clarke thought that this could have been a trap, because many grounders wasn't agreeing with their leader's decision to make a truce with the Sky People, especially when Finn killed 18 innocent grounders. Finn paid with his life, but this didn't mean everything was forgotten. Things were more complicated than that. Sky people invaded their territory twice, first with the 100's dropship and second when they brought the Ark to the ground.

Clarke started to hear voices and she saw the walls of a grounder village. This one was way bigger than Tondc. "This must be Polis" she said. She remembered Lexa asking her to come with her to this village, after the war against Mount Weather. Things didn't ended as planned, but here she was, about to meet the Commander again. She was feeling a bit nervous. The grounder nodded when she heard Clarke, confirming it was the right city.

Looking at the ground, Clarke was avoiding every grounder's look. She didn't paid attention to the city while she followed the girl, but it took a while to get to the destination. She stopped near a tent guarded by two warriors and made a little movement with her hand, giving Clarke the right to come inside. She entered the tent looking like all the others tents, there was really nothing special about it. Maybe she expected more from Lexa because she is the Commander?

"I've been looking for you, Clarke of the Sky People" A voice said.

Of course, it could only be her. Clarke's heart stopped for a second and she finally saw the Commander. No war paint and dressed like… everyone else. In a dress. She was looking really good, but Clarke was trying to not get distracted from the way she looked. She crossed her arms on her chest.

"What can I do for you?" Clarke asks without trying not to be offensive.

She approaches and looks at her. She seemed a little disappointed by Clarke's reaction, perhaps was expecting something else, more from their reunion. She must have heard all of the horrible things she did in Mount Weather – all the grounders must have too.

"Well, I once invited you to Polis" She replied with a serious face.

"Before making a deal with the Mountain Men and leaving me and my people to death, yes. I thought it would be clear that I wouldn't come" She argued.

"But here you are."

Clarke can see the shadow of a smile on Lexa's lips and she sigh. The only reason she was there was because the Commander ordered to see the leader of the Sky people, not for any other reason.

"Lexa, please." She looks away, knowing that the Commander was getting closer to her, gazing at her face. Clarke had trouble to swallow, this situation was making her nervous. "I do understand that you did the deal to save your people. But what I've done back there…"

"I heard about it, of course." Clarke looked up to see her expression, but she wasn't showing any, like always. "You made painful decision, but you had to. Because you are the leader of your people, Clarke."

"I was." Clarke hands started shaking and she turned her back on Lexa, looking up. She felt the tears coming down her cheeks and couldn't control them.

"I killed innocent people – children, the one that helped us from inside. I have their blood on my hands and this is driving me crazy. I saw them…" She stopped, trying to describe what she saw. She couldn't.

She remembered them lying on the floor, struggling desperately to find clean air. Their face were burning because of the radiations. Clarke thought of Jasper, holding the dead body of Maya. She knew he would never forgive her for pulling that lever. Maya was dead. Everyone was dead.

"You can deal with the pain. You are strong, Clarke" She said soflty.

"You weren't there Lexa, when I needed you..." She replied.

She shivers when she feels Lexa's hand on her shoulder. She turns around, looking her. She didn't know what to feel: sadness or anger? She couldn't decide. Clarke broke into tears and pushed Lexa's arm away. She tried to stop crying, wiping her tears from her cheeks. In some ways, she didn't wanted Lexa to see her like that.

"I am here now" The Commander replied. "What do you want me to do?"

"Nothing, just… shut… up." She snapped. Lexa wasn't sure how to react. Clarke was impolite and she wasn't supposed to let anybody talk to her this way, but she couldn't think of herself punishing Clarke. She sighed.

Clarke stepped closer, looking Lexa right in her eyes. The Sky girl took her by surprise, pushing her on the ground. Lexa grabbed her, taking her down with her. She turned the situation to her advantage, maybe only because of her strength and reflexes. She rolled and finished to be on top of Clarke, holding her arms near her face thorn with anger and sadness. The girl was still trying to push her back, but Lexa was way better in combat than her. The situation got complicated when she realised she was in a dress. It wasn't like her warrior outfit, she couldn't move like she was used to.

She quickly forced Clarke in a position where she couldn't move. "Stop this right now, Clarke." She begged. "I don't want to hurt you." The girl looked at the Commander and stopped crying.

"You already did."