Guess who turned 27 today...

That's right folks, me! Today's my birthday and so far it's starting to make up for the crappy week I've had. And to show my appreciation to the fans, I'm updating two stories! This one and the HP drabbles. Enjoy!

Gilgamesh was a bit baffled as to why she had another Archer class Servant with her.

"What do you want?"

"A contest. Winner get a special prize at the end."

Archer evidently had an inkling as to what the prize was, but wasn't talking.

"What sort of contest?"

"I'm sure you're aware of the worm that lives in the mansion? The one I tricked?" she said calmly.

Of course he knew. He found it hilarious she had duped the pitiful Magi so easily.

"I've gotten good intel that he's going to try and summon an extra, and considering the last extra has pretty much ruined the Grail now, we have no interest in an interloper in the game. Which is why we're going to have a contest to see who can kill the worm permanently first."

"Interesting. What are the rules?"

"No Noble Phantasm that can destroy the mansion in one blow, or spells. We want to make the worm sweat until he finally ends up dead. Another thing is that when you kill the fat red head, we want to see him dead, or at the very least blown up. Any looting you do is fine, and you don't need to care about any extras like the teenaged moron that also lives there. We're going to lace the place with several wards that will avert any...mundane...attention, at least until the place is firmly up in flames and it's already over. Official cover story is gas explosion with bomb materials. In other words Shinji was planning something," said Phoebe with a straight face.

Gilgamesh looked intrigued.

"And what exactly is this mysterious prize?"

"That would be telling, now wouldn't it," said Phoebe smiling mysteriously.

Gilgamesh spared at glance behind him. He either humored her and killed an irritating insect, or he stayed at the church to wait for the worm to come up with yet another pest.

Screw it, the priest never let him do anything fun and he was curious as to what the prize was.

"Count me in."

"Just so you know, there will be a few watchers with popcorn and snacks to watch the place burn," said Phoebe cheerfully. Rin and Sakura were eager to see the end of the Matou family, and Shiro would be supplying the snacks.

"You're going to be recording it for later right?" said Archer.

"Zelretch will be. He's also the one going to announce the winner," said Phoebe.

Archer grimaced.

The first indication he had that something bad was about to happen was his ward scheme exploding. Zouken had been around since the first Grail war, and as such he was well aware of Gilgamesh's Gate of Babylon.

This was not his Gate.

This was something much more dangerous.

"I knew there was a reason I hated you," said Gilgamesh glaring at the other Archer spirit.

"If it makes you feel any better, I still think you're an asshole," said Archer flatly.

Gilgamesh's glare redoubled.

"So what the hell is this special prize about anyway?"

"Are you aware the red head in the house has a magical contract tying him to the girl? She needs someone not affiliated with her in any way, shape, or form to deal with him before she breaks the contract, otherwise the ones who made it will try to rob her blind and force her to marry a second time thinking she can't do anything about it."

Gilgamesh blinked. He was not an idiot.

"The red head is her husband isn't he?"

"She neutered him before he had a chance to enjoy married life, and kept him drugged after."

When Gilgamesh got a good look at the red head, he could understand why. He was repulsive, and who knew what he looked like before she was through with him.

Either way he wasn't allowing such an obstacle to remain. He could barely stand the presence of the Archer servant next to him spending so much time with the girl who caught his interest.

Especially since this Servant had the most annoying ability to copy HIS treasures!

"So why were they so amused to see us together?"

"Because this made the betting pool explode," deadpanned Archer.

"Betting pool? There's a betting pool?"

"Ask them once we're done. Odds are you'll end up as amused as she was once she found out what it was for," said Archer dryly.

Phoebe was reading a collection of poems to Jack while they waited for the explosions to start. It was a bit like fireworks in a way.

They were taking turns on alerting the others when the show was about to start.

"Do not go gentle into that good night,

Old age should burn and rave at close of day;

Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Though wise men at their end know dark is right,

Because their words had forked no lightning they

Do not go gentle into that good night.

Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright

Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,

Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,

And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,

Do not go gentle into that good night.

Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight

Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,

Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

And you, my father, there on the sad height,

Curse, bless, me now with your fierce tears, I pray.

Do not go gentle into that good night."

Saber, who had been listening to Phoebe read the book aloud for Jack's benefit turned to face her.

"That's quite good. Who wrote that?"

"A man named Dylan Thomas. It's called 'Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night.' I was really into poetry before I ended up in that magic school and I even wrote a few that were given awards under a pseudonym,"said Phoebe.

"Really? Can you name a few?"

"I can do you one better. I made another one recently to send into the English Literature society under my old name. Want to hear it?"

There wasn't going to be much action for another five minutes, so they nodded.

"Come hither oh children of the world

As I sing to you the songs of old

Of knights and kings and faerie wing

Hear this angel's voice sing

Of victory, joy, betrayal and woe

Beware the pitfalls of pride my love

Or you shall fall as softly as a dove

Though the song ended in sadness

It was sung forever more

The greatest of kings and

The bravest of knights

Took refuge in the hearts of all

A sword given by the Courts of the Fae

Promised Victory is what the bards all say

A sheathe granted youth eternal

Guarded against all things infernal

A maiden's heart bound by fate

She never found love till near too late.

A loyal knight, bound by honor

Fell to love, to his great sorrow."

Saber was wide eyed, as it was clear she was talking about her legend. Well her and Lancelot.

"You do realize that popular opinion is that King Arthur was a man right?"

"Not like I'm supposed to care. I would just have to tweak it a bit and no one would tell the difference."

"I like it," said Saber finally, once she got over her shock.

"Someone pass the popcorn," said Caster.

Phoebe had offered to let Medea watch after she told her why she had set the King of Heroes on Ron and Zouken. All she had to hear was the words 'forced marriage', 'illegal contract', and 'end of a pest' and she was all for it.

It sounded far too much like what happened to her a long time ago, hence why she was all for it.

Besides, she still got the giggles when she heard how Phoebe had kept her 'husband' from touching her, let alone get in her way. She wished she had the same presence of mind to do the same to that damn Jason when she was alive.

"So Phoebe, what are you going to do once this 'war' is over?" asked Rin, pouring some tea. Archer and Gilgamesh were working on the wards, mostly because Phoebe had banned anything that would do massive damage. She wanted to make sure that Zouken (and by extension whatever was left of Ron) was dead beyond any chance of help. That meant taking their time and making sure it was done right, not blasting the mansion to kingdom come.

"Well I have a few options, or I will once I bankrupt the English wizards and tie off a few loose ends. I could move here and become a full time veterinarian. I could study more magic. I could live up to my ancestor's legend..."

"What ancestor? Godric Gryffindor?" joked Rin.

"Iskander," said Phoebe. Rin spewed her tea halfway past the blanket.

"You're related to the King of Conquerors?!"

"I always thought my mother must be Irish or something to have hair this red. Turns out my grandmother had a one-night stand with the last descendant of Alexander the Great, which is why my mother and 'aunt' look almost nothing alike or have anything close to a similar personality. Should have seen my face when I found out," said Phoebe.

"Explains the personality quirks. Iskander had a bigger-than-life attitude as well," said Saber dryly.

Now that she was looking for it, she could see Iskander in Phoebe. The charismatic attitude, the way she planned on getting her payback on the English wizards, the fact she was so good at those video games she kept beating Zelretch at.

Well...that and the fact the red streaks in her hair was almost the exact same shade Iskander had.

"Well here's a better question. What are you going to be doing once we dismantle the damn thing?" countered Phoebe.

"What do you mean?" asked Shiro.

"I mean what are Epic Heroes going to do once the Grail is dismantled and they get to live in the modern era? Become mercenaries?" Phoebe clarified.

Jack promptly hugged her Master/mother.

"I still with momma," said the Assassin-class firmly.

"Obviously, but what about the others? I mean I seriously can't see Lancer working a nine-to-five job. Caster and Rider I could see settling down, but Lancer, Herakles, Saber and Archer...not so much."

That got them to pause. What would they do with their life if they weren't going to fight for the Grail?

"Lancer can come back to Ireland with me. Root only knows my family would be thrilled to meet him, if only because he's a Runesmaster," said Bazett finally.

"We already know Archer is planning to break his contract with me to be your 'Knight', and Saber doesn't look like she would be too thrilled to settle down and live the life of a boring housewife," said Rin.

"No way am I giving up my Herakles," said Illya, having come to watch the show. Phoebe had said she would ignore any looting, and Sakura certainly didn't care for the Matou clan's magecraft after what they had done to her.

So the complete destruction of a rather pathetic clan was something she definitely wanted to watch...especially since the only thing worth stealing from the place in their opinion was the notes Zouken left on the Grail system he helped to put into place centuries ago.

"You could always sick him on the Einzberns for lying to you," suggested Phoebe innocently.

Illyasviel shook her head.

"As much as I hate him for tricking me, they're still family. Besides, odds are I won't even last to see the end of the Grail Wars."

"And if I happened to be in contact with a Master Alchemist who currently runs Atlas who would be delighted at the chance to royally piss off your 'grandfather'?"

At that, ever Magus and Servant aware of who ran Atlas turned to look at her.

"You know Nicholas Flamel?"

"Long story short my former headmaster did something monumentally stupid and used a fake philosopher's stone as bait for a leech. He didn't know it was a fake, and he definitely had no idea I stole the thing. I contacted Flamel asking him if he could help me either hide it or get rid of the thing so no one else could have it. Imagine my surprise when he told me it was a fake and that I could keep it anyway. Apparently he wasn't happy with how my headmaster handled me from the start. I'm sure he'd be happy to fix whatever modifications your family did if I asked him properly."

"I don't get it. You've got pretty much everything you could want, or you could get it easily. Why did the Grail pick you? What wish could possibly be too difficult for someone like you?" asked Rin baffled.

It was something that had bothered her upon realized Phoebe could literally do whatever she wanted, and yet she was still missing something.

"If I had one regret, one wish...it would be to change the past."

Saber gave her an odd look.

"You bit my head off for wanting to change the way things happened. And yet here you are saying you would wish to change things."

"Let's get one thing clear Saber. You wished to change the selection of the king, changing the future drastically. What if the one who drew Caliburn were a tyrant and not a noble knight? What I want to do is similar at first, but my motivation is completely different. You saved lives when you became king. If I were to change the past I would save those who should never have died in the first place."

Rin's eyes widened in realization.

"Dumbledore. You want to go back in the past and warn yourself not to trust Dumbledore or take out Voldemort before he regained full strength."

Phoebe looked sad, her eyes distant.

"So much pain. So much death. All because an extreme hypocritical pacifist believed heartless murders, rapists and pedophiles could be 'redeemed' if given the chance. And at the same time he kept throwing those who followed his every word to the wolves in an attempt to 'save' those who were better off being killed. He wouldn't even let them fight force with equal force, only stunners and nonlethal tactics. It was ridiculous. He should have been the first one killed, if only so the countless people he knowingly sent to their deaths could have been saved."

Phoebe's snort was absent of any amusement.

"The worst part? He willingly condemned an innocent child to a living hell just because he was afraid that the 'savior' would grow up with an ego to match their father, despite witness testimony that repeatedly told him the aunt hated magic. He even made sure that the child grew up abused, neglected and treated worse than a house elf, all because he wanted a weapon to mold. Even when his own watcher told him about the abuse he never intervened except to insure the mundane authorities didn't remove them."

Phoebe looked Saber in the eye, her expression haunted.

"You want to know the difference in our wish, Alturia Pendragon? You want to change things so that you don't feel guilt about the way you handled Lancelot and the others. I want to change things so that I don't have to lose everything I could have had if not for the machinations of a senile old bastard who was too afraid to get his hands dirty a second time."

And with that declaration, the first explosion finally occurred.