Chapter Two

The Ex Factor

"So, you like being a nurse here?" the Green Lantern asked, flirting with a young nurse in the medical ward of the Tower.

"Lantern, your test results came back positive for Chlamydia." Sylvia said as she approached the nurses' station, making the young nurse Hal had been flirting with to suddenly turn and walk away.

"No, I don't have…" he said only to fail in explaining the false lie before sighing and turning towards the bane of his existence. "Why?"

Sylvia had a bemused smirk on her face. "Anyone with even a shred of self-respect wouldn't give you the time of day."

"Do you make it a personal mission to cock-block me at every twist and turn?" Hal asked.

"Aww, is someone feeling pent up frustration down there?" Sylvia asked in a mock tone of sympathy. "Lucky for you the Watch Tower has free wifi, so why don't you lock yourself in an empty closet, prepare a bottle of astro glide, maybe light a few scented candles to set the mood, and fire up your laptop before you just go to town by whatever dirty movie gets ya going!"

"Heard the League recruited your old mentor to split the work-load with you." Hal said, and Slyvia's cocky grin was instantly replaced with a frown. "What's that? You got nothing to say?"

Sylvia straightened her back, squared her shoulders and walked past Hal.

"And the Lantern scores against the Wicked Bitch!" Hal said, basking in the glory of which everyone seemed to be ignoring.

"How the hell could you go behind my back and bring my old mentor into this?!" Sylvia asked, clearly outraged at the Founders. Standing in the Earth-based hospital, waiting for the newest doctor to arrive.

"He's a brilliant doctor who has managed three separate hospitals and was the Chief of Medicine at the teaching hospital where you did your residency at. Plus, it's been clear to everyone that you've been under a great deal of stress operating both the hospital down here and the medical ward up in the Tower." said Batman.

"On top of that, we all thought it'd be hilarious to see you squirm for once." said the Flash.

"I'm gonna go ahead and say this just as carefully as possible so I don't overstate it: Dr. Moore is the most evil human being on the planet. And may, in fact, be Satan, himself."

"Good to hear you still have your sense of humor, Syl." said a gruff voice that Sylvia remembered all too painfully well as she turned around to face her old mentor. Her skin instantly crawling at the sight of the old geezer who gave her hell for four years and somehow managed to keep her composure.

"I was just now wondering if there's anything that could actually push my headache into a full-blown migraine, and…there you are." she said.

"Didn't you get the memo that I was coming, Syl?" Dr. Moore asked.

"You know I did get the memo Bob, and at first I just threw it away." Sylvia said as she placed her hands on her hips. "But then I decided that wasn't a grand enough gesture. So I made a replica of you out of straw and then I put my lab coat on it with your memo in the pocket and then I invited all the kids in the neighborhood to come over and light it on fire and whack it with sticks."

The Flash and Captain Marvel both tried to contain their giggles.

Dr. Moore gave her a toothy chuckle. "You know whose got two thumbs and doesn't give a crap?" he pointed at himself with his thumbs. "Dr. Bob Moore."

Lantern leaned over to Flash and said, "Are you seeing what I'm seeing?"

"I am and it's almost hard to believe…"

"It's kinda like seeing an alternate, nastier version of Dr. Hansen." said Marvel to Cyborg.

"Yeah, it's kinda spooky…and nauseating." Cyborg said.

"You know, Bob, I've been thinking of all the times you manipulated me and toyed with me and I can't help but recall that children's fable about that race between the tortoise and the pain-in-the-ass-chief-of-residents-that-everybody-hated. You see, Bob, the pain-in-the-ass-chief-of-residents-that-everybody-hated kept running out in front of the tortoise and taunting him, but right at the end... oh, gosh I'm sure you remember what happened, Bob, the tortoise bit clean through the Chief of Resident's calf muscle, dragged him to the ground, where he and all the other turtles devoured him alive right there on the racetrack. It's a disturbing children's book, Bob, I know, but it's one that stuck with me nonetheless."
"Buzzy, buzz, buzz..."
"I... beg your pardon?"
"Oh, that's the sound of all the bees in your bonnet. And, Syl, even though I could give a rat's ass, I still think it's a pretty sound!"

"Oh my God…!" Superman muttered to Wonder Woman, "Hansen is the nice doctor!"

"It's so good to finally meet the heroes of this country!" Dr. Moore said as he went over to the Founders and shook each of their hands in greeting. "I'm looking forward to working alongside you folks."

Sylvia groaned, thinking just how badly she needed a glass of vodka.

(3 months later)

"Look, Newbie, if you go ahead and leave this hospital knowing only one thing — and God save me, it looks like there's a real chance that might happen — please let this be that one thing: I'm in charge, and I don't care about your opinion. Now go get me a cup of coffee." Sylvia said, sending her intern off to the cafeteria for her morning coffee before turning back to her patient's charts.

It was just unfortunate that her intern was Wally West (aka Kid Flash), who had decided to go into medicine. Wally had begged his uncle to put in a good word to Sylvia, who was "in charge" of placing interns at the hospital. And though his uncle Barry was good on his promise and even managed to get Sylvia to accept Wally, the young hero didn't realize that the main reason for accepting him as her intern (and personal lap dog) was to simply get back at the Flash.

"Whoa, what is it this time?" asked Super Girl as she walked up to Sylvia in her secret identity: Kara.

"Oh, nothing, I just figured that a good daily exercise for the boy was a perfect excuse to jumpstart his adrenaline for absolutely no reason." Sylvia said, "What brings you here, Barbie?"

"As of today I will be your new intern here at the hospital." Kara said.

"Come again?" Sylvia asked, looking up from her charts.

Kara had a slight pout on her face. "I did just graduate from med school. Clark told me that I needed to study for a good profession so I chose medicine because I figured I'd be more helpful in battle. Plus, Clark said he'd talk to you about letting me shadow you."

"WHAT?!" screamed Wally, "Dr. Hansen, you're not seriously going to let this blonde…" he gave Kara a good look. "Hi, I'm Wally."

Sylvia flicked Wally's ear with her fingers, getting his attention as she took the coffee from him. "Barbie, you're in."

"What?! But, Dr. Hansen—for the past year I've been nothing but patient with you and took all the crap you've thrown at me just so you would praise me just once! And then this beautiful woman shows up and you practically take her under your wing without batting an eye!" Wally said.

"You done with your hissy-fit, Janet?" Sylvia asked.

Wally took a moment to compose himself and said as calmly as possible, "For now."

"So what do I start with?" Kara asked enthusiastically.

"Listen, Barbie: I'm not gonna go easy on you or give you special treatment because your cousin just so happens to have super hearing and can see through walls like a perverted stalker and even break down that same wall with a flick of his wrist. No. I'm gonna break you down into so many little pieces that my grandmother, who can do a thousand-piece puzzle of clear-blue sky in less than an hour, will never be able to finish putting you back together again. Even if she does go back in time to when her vision was perfect." Sylvia said.

"Giving the interns a pep-talk, I see." said Dr. Moore who entered the medical ward of the Tower.

"Bob, if you're up here, who's down in the main hospital poking at the staff with your pitch fork?" Sylvia asked.

"Sylvia, are you familiar with Justice Hospital's community service program?" Dr. Moore asked.
Sylvia folded her arms and widened her stance a bit. "Bobbo, lately I've noticed you don't listen to a single word people say, so my reply to your question is: I think you're the world's biggest jackass and I look forward to your death."

"Well, you must not be familiar with it because you're the only staff member not to have completed their 24-hour mandatory community service. Consider yourself suspended until you do. Oh...and I'm never dying..." he said as he continued walking, "Now where the hell is that Amazon babe with the big bazookas?"

"Oh, God..." Sylvia groaned, "That man is out to make my days here even more hellish than it already is. Oooh, it's medical school all over again!"

"Tell me again why we're meeting here?" inquired Dinah (Black Canary), as she sat across Sylvia in the commons room where mostly League members relaxed in.

"I just can't believe how comfortable I've gotten talking to you over these last few decades. I mean, look, I'd still be with my old shrink if I hadn't cut across the park the day of the renaissance faire and realized that the man I tell my innermost secrets to likes to put on a big giant beard and make pretend that he is a blacksmith." Sylvia said.

"You're deflecting," Dinah said, being one of the few people in the League who knew Sylvia before joining. "Let me guess, it's about Dr. Moore."

"If it were would I be here with you spilling out my feelings?"

"Point taken, so then what is it really?"

Slyvia sighed as she slowly turned the cup of coffee in her hands. "It's finally happened, one of you Leaguers has finally gone over my head and assumes I'll do them a favor just because they assume we're friends."

"Ah," Dinah said, nodding her head in understanding. "This has to do with Superman's niece shadowing you as an intern."

"I think it's finally happened…he no longer tiptoes around me. I blame Barry for opening the floodgates by annoying me endlessly until I agreed to take in his equally annoying nephew."

Dinah rolled her eyes. "You're still as intimidating to everyone as always, just not so much since Dr. Moore is here. I almost forgot what a total pig the man is."

"That blob of a hellion demands that I do community service."

"Isn't working at both hospitals not enough?" Dinah asked, raising a perfectly shaped brow.

"Moore is and always will be a selfish, evil, shell of a human being." Sylvia sighed before standing up. "Well, the one good thing that came from Bob being here is that my workload is cut in half, and good ol' Bobbo has been appointed the unofficial go-to for all intern and hospital personnel issues."

"Really? I figured he'd want to avoid doing something like that?"

Sylvia gave an innocent shrug. "I made West hand out fliers suggesting it."

Wally was leaning against a wall by the nurse's station, flirting with the passing nurses who giggled girlishly. He wasn't one to brag, but he knew that he was one of the better looking interns in the hospital.

"Darlah!" came an all too familiar voice, making Wally look back to see Dr. Hansen walking towards him. Despite her being a normal human and a real hottie, she was totally scarier than any super villain he's faced as she stopped in front of him with that all too familiar glint in her eyes that told Wally he was in for another humiliating verbal beat-down.

"The only way you could be less productive right now is if you were, in fact, the wall on which you're leaning against. Of course, then you'd be providing some jackass with a wall on which to lean against and reflect on what a jackass he truly is. I know, here, it's a real conundrum. But don't you worry about it — I'll tackle that one upstairs. In the meantime, you could at least pretend to be doing some work. And right about now, even though you don't have your basket it's just a terrific time for you to skip away, Shirley. Skip away. Skip away. Go on. Skip away."

Not knowing what else to do, Wally began his awkward exit by skipping away down the hall. Just as Sylvia grabbed a patient file from the nurse's station Dr. Moore approached her.

"Damn it! It took me an hour just to walk from that end of the ward to here. It's like everybody here thinks they can come up to me with their problems and expect me to do something about it."

It took everything Sylvia had to not even snort a laugh as she tucked the file under her arm and turned to her colleague. "Well, Bob, it's probably because you just have one of those faces. See ya!" she said, making a quick escape down the hall, through the double doors, and into the internal medicine ward.

Opening the patient folder she had grabbed she went to the bed where her patient was waiting to be evaluated but was interrupted by Batman who came out of nowhere, in Sylvia's opinion.

"You're late for the meeting." he said.

Sylvia opened her patient file, reading over the contents again as she continued on her way to her waiting patient. "You don't need me for something as asinine as going through files of potential members. Besides, I think your club has enough spandex-wearing adrenaline seeking, crime fighting junkies who keep their tourniquets on a little too long before getting their fix."

"You're comparing what we do to drug addictions?"

"Rich and clever, you got yourself another mark on the pros." Sylvia said, pulling the curtain aside to reveal one of the league members, unmasked and in a hospital gown. Sylvia whistled loudly in a manner of which a dog owner would whistle to their four-legged companions and instantly Wally was standing beside her, unaware that she was conditioning him like a trained dog. "Go ahead, Big Red, tell the rich bachelor what I think about his stupid clubhouse."

In a panic, Wally said the first thing that came to mind. "Banana hammock."

"Slap yourself very hard in the face, then leave." Sylvia said. Wally paused and then did as she said, slapping himself in the face and walked away.

"Does Barry know you're terrorizing his nephew?" Bruce asked.

"You of all people should know that the real world is a harsh and cruel lesson." Sylvia said, checking the amount in the IV bag of her patient. "Also I just do it because it's fun."

"By the way, you'll be needed while the League welcomes its newest members."

"Why? Just have Bob go. I'd rather be here where I'm actually needed. I don't need to waste my time on such frivolous things such as greeting new members because eventually they'll all end up in here. And then I'll meet them."

"Your ex-husband is one of them."

Sylvia dropped the patient chart.

AN: Thanks to all the readers for reading the first chapter. I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Sorry for the delay of updating but I was very busy. I hope to read some encouraging reviews to help me write another chapter.